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so. back in march i was asked to participate in this st patty's day/april fools countdown. i agreed, then was told there were all kinds of perimeters which frankly... i'm not usually a fan of but whatever. anyway, this is it. i dragged it over from its original place in the countdown/compilation so you all could read it and have a laugh at my expense.
rated M for... mushrooms
Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!
Pen name: Rochelle Allison
Thanks to my beta, Nic, for reading and polishing this for me, as usual.
"Bella, you need to get over here. Right now," Edward's voice grumbled over the phone.
Stifling a laugh at Edward's melodramatic plea, I flopped backward onto my bed. His car was in the shop, making him dependant on his parents and I for rides, which he hated.
It didn't matter though, because it was Friday and I hung out at his house every Friday night.
"Hello to you too. I'll be by in a bit; I still need to take a shower."
"You don't understand. Em's home and he's wreaking havoc," he sighed.
Frowning, I sat up. "Wait, Emmett's back? When did that happen?"
"Early this morning, apparently, when we were at school. Let's see if you can guess why he came back…"
Realization dawned as my eyes flickered to the calendar hung over my desk.
March 17th; St. Patrick's Day – otherwise known as the day Emmett Cullen's favorite holiday coincided with his love of debauchery and wild parties.
The Cullens were fiercely proud of their Celtic roots. I mean, everyone had a little bit of Irish in them but Edward's family could actually trace their lineage back to the Irish towns their ancestors had hailed from. Esme and Carlisle took yearly trips to the Emerald Isle to visit with family and friends they'd made over the years and as children Edward and Em had always gone with them. As the boys got older though, they began complaining and by the time Emmett was a sophomore in high school their parents decided to just go by themselves.
Frankly, I wasn't sure what Esme was thinking. Her home was practically palatial, a visible testament to her taste and skill as an interior designer. Her firm was located in downtown Forks, but she was known across the country for her work. The fact that she entrusted the house to Emmett and Edward for four days a year while she vacationed with Carlisle was bewildering.
I suppose it helped that he always had the place spotless by the time they returned.
Edward, on the other hand, had a much subtler appreciation for his roots. He found St. Patrick's Day tacky, complaining that the American celebration of it had little to do with anything actually Irish. He wore his love in the form of a Celtic cross on his back and a Claddagh ring on his finger, and when I'd turned seventeen, he'd given me a ring that matched his.
Blinking, I realized Edward was still prattling on about the disaster that was Emmett, and how pissed he was that our quiet night of movies and fooling around had now effectively been shut down.
"Okay, okay, chill," I sighed, twisting my ring around my finger. "It'll be fine – we've had fun at Em's parties before."
"Maybe, but this time he brought a bunch of his frat brothers. I told you he pledged right? In the beginning of the year?" Edward began whining again.
"I'm hanging up now. I'll be there in a half hour," I said loudly.
"Okay," he said, sounding relieved.
Ending the call, I jumped off of the bed and stripped on my way to the bathroom, mentally reviewing what I'd be wearing. Truth be told, I was about as excited as Edward was about this party – not at all – but I still wanted to look decent.
Exactly twenty eight minutes later I pulled up to the Cullen's, where a few cars were already lining the street. Edward had left the garage door open for me, promising there would be an open spot due to his car being in the shop and Carlisle's being in airport parking.
I rang the doorbell several times. Not surprisingly, no one came to the door, and why would they? I doubted anyone would hear a doorbell over the dogs barking, the frat-friendly Top 40 "rap", and the cheers emanating from deep within the house. I'd just begun to dial Edward's cell when the door swung open and Emmett, dressed as an overgrown leprechaun, swept me into a hug.
"Bella baby!" he cried, actually lifting me off the floor. Exuberance and obnoxiousness aside, Emmett really was one of my favorite people. I hugged him back, planting a quick kiss on his stubble before he set me down.
"Hey, Em, long time no see," I giggled, caught off guard at how ridiculous he looked.
"Ya like the fit, huh? Huh?" He grinned knowingly, twisting a strand of his orange faux-beard.
"Daaaamn, Em, you didn't tell me the honeys were already here," some blonde guy said, swaggering into the room. He winked cheekily at me. "Hey girl, 'sup."
"Naw, dude, that's my little brother's girl," Emmett laughed, swinging his arm around me.
Blonde Guy smirked, eyeing me up and down. "Oh it's all good, we can still-"
"No, we really can't," Edward snapped, walking into the room with a faint scowl on his face.
"Hey," I said, releasing Em.
"Hey yourself," he responded, ducking his head to kiss me as we headed back up to his room.
Vaguely, I heard Emmett's horny little friend saying something but his voice faded away as we climbed the steps. Edward scowled; he hated having to stake his claim on me that way when it was so obvious we were a sure thing. I'd been with him since the ninth grade, and in love with him for almost as long. Our relationship never got old, and I was still so physically affected by him it was crazy.
"You see what I've been dealing with?" he asked, pushing the door to his room open.
I dropped my bag onto the floor and kicked off my shoes before crawling into his bed. "Oh come on, you mean you aren't impressed with Emmett's outfit?" I snickered.
He rolled his eyes, locking the door. "So what do you want to do tonight, now that the big screen in the den is no longer an option?"
"Edward, you have a TV, why can't we just watch something in here?"
He shrugged. "I guess…"
"Did you want to go out?"
"I'm not leaving my brother and his idiot friends here by themselves," he said.
"Oh, like you can really stop them from doing anything!" I said. "They're about to be so wasted. And they're, like, probably all huge buff types like Emmett and his cheesedick friend."
"What, you don't think I can handle myself?" Edward smirked, crossing the room so he could join me in bed.
"I'd rather you handled yourself with me," I grinned, wrapping my legs around him and pulling him down so our bodies were flush.
He kissed me, deeply this time, sliding his tongue into my mouth right away, and I responded, licking at him with mine. He pushed his hips into me and I tightened my legs around his waist, feeling his insta-erection.
"Don't tease," he murmured against my lips.
"I'm not," I breathed.
He kissed his way down to my neck, licking and sucking until I was almost writhing in pleasure.
"Let's do it," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair.
"Okay," he whispered back, twisting his hand between our bodies so he could undo a button or touch me, I couldn't really tell.
He'd gotten my pants halfway down my legs when there was a loud thump at his bedroom door. I jumped, banging my head against the headboard.
Pouting, I rubbed my head while Edward threw a sheet on top of me. "What?" he yelled, charging toward the door.
"I need you to hold down the fort so I can make a beer run," Emmett called from the other side.
"Has he been drinking?" I asked, wondering if he really was as stupid and reckless as he'd been in high school. Hurriedly, I yanked up my pants right as Edward flung his door open.
"You can't be serious," he said.
"Dude, get your ass downstairs and I'll be back in ten," Emmett replied calmly, adjusting his little green vest.
"You're going like that?" I cried hysterically, unable to hold in the laughter.
He smiled proudly, nodding. "Yup."
"No one else can go" Edward insisted, trying to subtly adjust his pants.
"They're not from here, Edward, jeez. Stop whining and get downstairs," Emmett said, his amusement finally falling away. He and Edward stood to toe, glaring at each other.
"Have you been drinking, Emmett?" I asked hesitantly.
"Nope," he shook his head, cocking an eyebrow at Edward.
Finally, I got off the bed. "Come on," I linked my arm though Edward's. "Don't take long. We have plans," I said, looking meaningfully at Em.
"Yeah, apparently," he snorted, looking at Edward's crotch pointedly before turning to leave.
Downstairs, the party was in full swing. Emmett had roped off – yes, roped off – the second floor in a moment of inspired brilliance, so at the very least that part of the house was safe. Loads of people, many of whom I recognized from school, were milling around. I spotted Cheesy Blonde Guy over by the couch, hitting on a redhead perched on the armrest.
So far, there hadn't been any damage done, but the night was still young. Things could look vastly different by morning.
"I still can't believe he came home just to do this. Don't they have parties in the city?" Edward lamented, tossing several empty, used cups in to the trash can in the kitchen.
"Maybe he just missed home," I shrugged, opening the fridge and peering inside. "Ooh, pudding…"
Edward watched as I dug greedily into my treat. "As soon as Em gets back we're going back up there to finish what we started."
Nodding, I gave my spoon an extra long lick for good measure, amused when Edward adjusted his pants once again. He shook his head at my antics, folding his arms as he leaned against the counter.
"Is there any soda?" I asked, tossing my spoon in the sink once I was done with the pudding.
"No," Edward shook his head, glancing around the kitchen. "There's punch though."
I followed him over to a pair of punch bowls on the counter, both bright green in color.
"I'm not trying to get fall-down drunk," I said, regarding the punch dubiously as Edward leaned down to smell the contents of the bowl nearest him.
"Ugh, not that one. It smells like there's about ten bottles of vodka in it," he said, making a face. I sniffed the second bowl, which was labeled "Magically Delicious".
"This one doesn't smell too bad actually," I said. "Smell it."
He sniffed it before ladling a tiny bit into a cup and tasting. "Nope, you're right." He quickly poured us each a cup.
"Mm, it's good," I said, relieved and admittedly surprised Em would provide a non-alcoholic punch too.
"All right, let's walk around." Edward held his hand and I took it. We checked every room, including the second floor to make sure no one had sneaked up, finally ending up in the kitchen again. It was getting louder by the millisecond, but nothing was broken and no one was vomiting or fighting.
So far, so good.
I felt great, almost euphoric. Turning to Edward, I was pleasantly surprised to see that he too, looked happy. He beamed down at me, enveloping me in a warm, cozy hug that practically sent tingles to my feet.
"Let's go outside," he suggested, his eyes sparkling.
"Okay!" I said. "Let's!"
I couldn't have imagined a better idea. Edward's backyard was vast and spread out, perfect for taking walks. While the Cullens had next-door neighbors on either side, no one lived directly behind them and the yard stretched back so far that it eventually spilled into the woods.
Because of the uncharacteristically chilly March weather Forks was having, there was hardly anyone outside. A couple of girls sat smoking at patio table on the back porch, not seeming to notice us as we walked by.
"Let's go back there," Edward whispered, nodding toward the more unkempt part of the backyard, close to the tree line. There was a decrepit tree fort nestled in the trees, back from when he and Emmett were small boys, as well as a rusted out swing set.
"Why do you guys still have this stuff?" I asked in wonder, wishing desperately it was still functional. I'd have done anything to swing for awhile…
"I don't know, honestly," Edward said. "My mom's usually such a stickler for keeping things tidy."
"She's probably forgotten all about this," I said, noticing that the grass beneath my shoes suddenly felt very springy. Dropping to my knees, I touched the ground, running my hands over the cool, and thankfully dry, leaves.
Fishing my phone from my pocket, I pressed a button to illuminate the face so I could use it as a flashlight. What I'd initially thought was grass was actually a plant or herb of some sort.
"Bella?" Edward sounded so far away, and I waved him over even as I knelt with my face nearly to the ground.
Plucking one of the leaves, I held it up so I could see it better.
"Edward," I breathed. "Why didn't you tell me you had four leaf clovers growing back here?"
He picked one and looked at it carefully, his beatific smile widening impossibly further. Now he looked like the Cheshire cat, his teeth gleaming white in the weak moonlight. "They're shamrocks," he said, his voice a reverent whisper. "And I didn't even know we had them back here."
"Oh, like three leaves instead of four?" I asked, giddy with our discovery.
Edward nodded, running his hand over the thick patches of shamrocks beneath us. "Maybe my dad planted them or something, after a trip to Ireland."
I imagined Carlisle hiding shamrock seeds in his pockets and started giggling so hard that Edward joined in. I laughed so hard my belly hurt and my face ached.
"Hey, you know what would be nice?" I asked abruptly, zipping my hoodie up all the way.
"A blanket," I said, aching to lay beneath the stars with Edward.
"Yeah, that sounds good," he sighed, not making a move to get up.
"Can we get one?" I asked, standing up.
"Uh, okay," he said, rising to his feet.
Once we reached the patio, though, and were faced with the daunting prospect of interacting with so many people… we paused.
"I can't go in there," I said to Edward, clinging to his arm. It occurred to me that I was feeling sort of strange. Delightful, but strange.
"Yeah…neither can I," Edward agreed, looking anxiously at the windows facing into the living room. The number of guests seemed to have multiplied.
After a moment, I remembered the football blanket in my truck. We tiptoed around the side of the house to get it, jumping every time someone said something too loud from inside.
"Bella," Edward said as I fumbled around inside the cab of my truck. "I think Emmett put something in that punch."
"Like what?" I asked, locating the blanket. I eased back out and shut the door.
"Like, something. But I feel something. Aren't you like… irrationally happy right now?"
"Happiness is never rational," I sighed happily. Okay, maybe he has a point. And we are speaking really slowly right now…
"What should we do?" I asked, worry flashing through me. This could get bad.
"I don't know, but I can't go back in there. Not with all those people. I think I saw Angela and Ben in there," he said. He was on student council with them, and it might not look good if they ran into us while we were on whatever we were on.
"Oh, crap," I said, grabbing his hand in the darkness.
"I'm gonna kill Emmett. Seriously. Kill him."
"Let's go back to the shamrocks," I sighed. Why can't I stop sighing?
And where are the shamrocks?
We wandered back toward where we'd been before, stopping when we felt the softness beneath our feet. I quickly spread the blanket and lay back, removing my shoes so I could wiggle my toes in the shamrocks. Edward settled next to me and we wrapped the edges of the blanket around us.
"Like a burrito," I whispered, snuggling closer to him as I raised my eyes to the sky.
Straight above there was a circle of night sky, framed by the feathery fingers of the trees around us. The stars were lovely; pristine things winking at us from an inky black beyond. I gasped when a shooting star blazed across, nudging my leg further between Edward's. Everything was so vivid, so alive.
"Did you see that?" I asked, overcome by sight, sound and sensation. It was almost too intense; my heart fluttering warmly in my chest, my stomach tingling with anticipation.
"Mhm," he said, pulling me closer. He kissed my neck and that was nearly too much, as well. I scooted down so our faces were level, and touched my lips to his.
He rolled me on to my back, kissing me roughly, and I wrapped my legs around him as I had done hours…lifetimes…ago, his hair cool silk against my overheated fingers.
I rolled my hips against his and he shifted in response, pushing harder until the denim between us was hot and abrasive.
He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, rolling off of me to remove them, and I did the same, wanting nothing more than to feel more of his skin.
I could still hear the sounds of the party, but they were mellow and jumbled and melded with the nighttime sounds, the crisp crinkle of breeze-tossed leaves and singed flicker of falling stars.
And then Edward was on top of me again, his face blocking the heavens but surely just as fine, and I laughed and kissed him gladly, welcoming his tongue. We kissed until I didn't know where I was and when he moved my panties aside and guided himself inside of me I couldn't tell where he ended and I began.
We pushed and pulled and sometimes fast and sometimes slow. I never wanted him to stop; he felt so good and so right even if we were screwing like bunnies in the back yard while Emmett-the-Leprechaun's party raged just yards away.
Edward lay flatter, almost crushing me, so that his body brushed against my clit and I grasped and grappled at his shirt, warning him without words: stay just like that…
He left my mouth to suck brutally at my neck and I came, just like that, shaking and shuddering beneath him. Releasing me from his mouth he pushed up and away from me, just enough so he could hit it the way he liked to, hard and fast, and then he came too, his eyes squeezed shut.
The stars spun wildly and he fell to my side, panting.
For hours we kissed and shivered beneath the blankets, aglow and in awe as the night grew quiet and sky glowed lighter.
So not a welcome voice to wake up to.
Wincing, I rolled onto my back and squinted up at Emmett, who had lost the vest – but not the green leggings – and was staring down at us in confusion.
"What? What?" I croaked, struggling to sit up as I realized that beneath the old, musty football blanket, I was still pants-less.
And Emmett has my pants. Awesome.
He shook his head, his eyes flickering between Edward and me.
"Dude," he folded his arms. "Mom's gonna kill you."
"What?" I cried, shifting uncomfortably. Half of my butt was on the ground. "Why?"
Edward sat up slowly beside me, rubbing at his face as he yawned.
"Because," Emmett said, scratching his head, "you're rolling around in Mom's flower beds."
I looked down in horror. Esme's late winter blooms of snowdrops and irises were scattered all around us, a soft white testament to our late night shamrock-shenanigans.
"Edward," I hissed.
"I know, I know," he groaned, tugging at his hair. "Dammit, Emmett, what was in that punch?"
Emmett's eyes widened and took a step back before doubling over in hysterics.
"Punch?! You dumbass!" he gasped between deep belly laughs. "You drank the Magically Delicious, didn't you?"
Edward stood up, looking rather rumpled in his boxers and sweatshirt. "Emmett."
"Mushroom tea, dude," Em said finally, getting a grip. "I bet you two were tripping balls all night long."