In the not-too-distant past -
Last Sunday A.D. -
There was a guy named Yuri,
Way too different from you or me.
He fought to save world many times,
Alongside with his girlfriend Alice.
He did a good job fixing up the place,
But his enemies didn't like him
So they shot him into space.
Gilbert: We'll send him cheesy fanfiction,
Nicolai: The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his sanity (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Yuri can't control
Where the stories begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To mess with Nicolai.
Roll Call: (All right, let's go!)
Shania! (I'm not a stripper!)
Alice! (My dad picked my dress out.)
Johnny! (How can we escape?)
Yuuuri! (I'm the guy.)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a story,
I should really just relax (Really)
For Mystery Science Theater 1000!"
"Welcome to the Hunk of Junk…" Yuri announced, monotone. "…where today's story is….well…"
"IS THE WORST THING THAT EVER EXISITED." Johnny finished up, his voice filled with both pain and shock. "THE WORST FANFICTION EVER. MY IMMORTAL BY TARA GILLESPIE. ARGH." Johnny walked away, holding his head in pain, as if saying those words was enough to hurt him physically. Yuri cleared his throat, and continued with the same draw.
"Yes, today is the today where we go up against My Immortal, the Harry Potter fanfic that launched a thousand sinking ships. It…" Yuri scratched his head, trying to get his thoughts together. "…and may or may not be a troll story. Honestly, no one can tell, as far as I know, this could be the early work of Stephaine Meyer, author of the Twilight Saga. And as about critized." Again, scratched his head to figure out what he was trying to say. But that got lost when Alice, wearing a white toga and carrying a picket sign, came out from another part of the ship. Yuri stared at her for a good single minute.
"Oh…hey…Yuri." She showed the sign. It read in big black letters, 'THE END IS NIGH'. "I always thought that Forest Passion or a Presley story would finish us, but I think this is really the end. Our sanity wouldn't last." She spoke in a trembling, monotone voice. "Sure, it can be funny…b-b-ut…we have to read it all at once. Y-y-y-y-up…we're doomed." Yuri grabbed Alice by his shoulders and shook her hard.
"Woah, woah girl!" Yuri grabbed her and held her tight. "We went through worse! We fought flipping GOD together! We can handle one loony teenager's girl mad work!" Shania walked in, completely normal and composed. She sat down in a beanbag, and opened her book. "Well, aren't you cool?" Yuri asked.
"I…really don't care." Shania said in a voice that sounded like she found a scratch card that would award her a dollar. "Sure, the story it self will probably hurt me, but for now? I'm going to ignore it."
"Okay." Alice said, her voice returning to normal.
"Fine, then." Yuri then asked, "Could you at least help Johnny? I think he's destroying a bedroom." Shania groaned, threw her book somewhere else, and walked away to the sound of something beating against a wall.
"Oh, don't worry." Nicolai said, his monitor having silently lowered during the conservation. "No matter the preparation, no matter the mental block, no matter how you try, your sanity is finished." He laughed. "So, yes. My Immortal. By Tara Gillespie. The Manos of the Internet. Harry Potter and the Hobgoblins. Hogwarts Mutiny. And the most surprising, this thing continued for over forty chapters. "
"And each chapter goes downhill from there." Gilbert added, appearing in monitor. "Continuity from the Harry Potter books are null, as well as the story's own continuity. The characters from the book are given new names…oh, hell…it has nothing to do with the books, just borrows names and locations. So…" He turned to Nicolai. "Shall we?"
"For once, I agree with you." Nicolai pressed a red button.
Lights went crazy, haywire. Unlike the other signs, this one was out of control.
"WE GOT STORY SIGN!" Yuri shouted, as everyone (Shania dragging a crying Johnny) ran into the theater…for My Immortal.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)
Yuri: Out of the gate, and I'm already scared.
Johnny: Keep it steady…
Yuri: Coming from you.
2 my gf (ew not in that way)
Alice: Don't deny it then!
raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.
Johnny: She was laughing her ass off.
U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2
Shania: God! Not even a minute in, I already have a headache!
Johnny: Calm down…or we won't make it.
Shania: Coming from you.
! MCR ROX!
Yuri: Not any more!
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Alice: Whatever. We're calling her Mud.
and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)
Johnny: That was one hairy baby.
with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back
Shania (Mud); On Tuesday, I color it rainbow.
and icy blue eyes like limpid tears
Yuri: So…white eyes. TEARS ARE COLORLESS.
and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
Alice: I don't care who she is, and I would like to leave.
Yuri: Even Amy Lee left.
I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.
Johnny: She likes incest? Oh god!
Alice: You watch your language young lady!
I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.
Shania: Gah! A Cullen relative! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
I have pale white skin.
Yuri: Yay! She may die of vitamin D deficiency!
I'm also a witch,
Alice: Stop tempting us to burn you.
and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).
Johnny: Yes, I knew that. I'm not an idiot.
Alice: In reality, she's thirty-three, and lives in a trailer with her druggie stepmom.
I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)
Shania: Every sentence so far confirms that.
and I wear mostly black.
Yuri (Mud): And I wear lots of yellow.
I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.
Alice: As well as your personality.
For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.
Johnny: Oh boy. I have a feeling this is going to be a recurring thing. The grammar and spelling work here!
I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.
Shania: Just in case you cared.
I was walking outside Hogwarts.
Yuri (Mud): People were throwing things at me.
It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.
Alice (Mud): I wanted more vitamin D deficiency.
A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Johnny: And the preps beat her up.
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…Draco Malfoy!
Shania: Gee, that was…stupid!
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
Yuri: Thrilling, ain't it?
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
Alice: All right. It wasn't!
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!
Johnny: Is she trying to be gansta?
BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!
Shania: I can't help it if the story is flammable.
The next day I woke up in my bedroom.
Yuri: As opposed to the back alleyway.
It was snowing and raining again.
Alice: God was really sick.
I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.
Johnny: The bottle was marked, 'John F. Kennedy.'
My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.
Shania: Because the coffin is a character too.
I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.
Yuri: This would be fanservice, but she said 'of'.
Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.
Alice: Again, if you cared.
I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
Johnny: Seems like every chapter is going to have this. This is going to take a long time.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)
Shania: Everyday, Raven cries, remembering this.
woke up then and grinned at me.
Yuri: And then frowned, disgusted at the outfit that Mud wore.
She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.
Alice: Dear god! She's doing it for every character!
Yuri: There's going to be a chapter solely describing what each character is wearing! Just wait for it!
She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots.
Johnny: Folks, do your own jokes.
We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
Shania: So, they're wearing double makeup? Because the story didn't tell us Mud ever removed her previous makeup.
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
Yuri (Willow): You managed to say one word!
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
Alice: Well, she is a Mary Sue. So, yes.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.
Everyone: LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily.
Johnny (Mud): I don't like him, but I like to flirt with him!
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
Shania (Draco): I'm pregnant!
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
Yuri: A Muggle band is coming to Hogsmeade!
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed.
Alice: She's getting squishy…
Shania: She already was.
I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
Johnny (Mud): That and GD, THT…
"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.
Shania: Will she go out with Draco tonight? Will Good Charlotte actually play? Tune in next time!
Alice: If only that lucky…
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!
Yuri: I don't think anyone has the heart to tell her that the flamers are Goths.
odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!
Alice: All four of them.
FANGS AGEN RAVEN!
Johnny: She winces every time that someone thanks her.
oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.
Shania: You can't even spell their name right. So much for being a fan!
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels.
Yuri: Round Four, ladies and gentlemen.
Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.
Alice: She thinks it's sexy. Ain't that cute?
I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.
Johnny: Make up your own mind! Is it straight or spiky?
I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.
Shania: Hey! I don't want to ask anyone to commit suicide, but I think for once I'll make a exception.
I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.
Yuri: So, she's dead right? Right?
I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.
Alice: So…she's still bleeding. And she's fine.
Shania: Damn. Oh right, she's a Mary Sue. Ten nukes on her head wouldn't kill her.
Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.
Johnny: But you put foundation on in the last few chapters! Geeze!
I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.
Shania: In a bottle marked 'Lincoln.'
I went outside.
Yuri (Mud): I walked into a door. And then I opened the door.
Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too),
Alice: Because the author decided it.
baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).
Johnny: The outcast boys, anyway.
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.
Shania: She's gothic. Depression comes with the job.
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz
Yuri: What's a Pureblood snot doing with a Muggle car?
(the license plate said 666)
Alice: Of course it did.
and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson.
Johnny: Thus ruining the concert for them.
We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.
Shania: And they crashed. That's reality, anyway.
When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.
Yuri: Wait! You're still thirty feet in the air…ah!
We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
Alice: Being the only ones in the audience, they quickly embarrassed themselves.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
Johnny: You make a mess on the rug!
They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord,
Shania: Congratulations, your baby is born!
hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).
Yuri: Yes, you told us that.
Johnny: But the audience reading this wouldn't know that.
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco,
Alice: Draco then got jealous, and went on a killing spree.
pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Johnny: That's an opinion. An opinion, which we don't care for.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
Shania: He was compared to Joel Madden.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music.
Yuri: MOSH! MOSH! MOSH!
Then I caught on.
Alice (Mud): I'm a idiot!
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.
Johnny: Then Joel went on a killing spree.
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
Shania: Ain't that pwecious?
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff.
Yuri: Ah. So she changed her name to Hilary F. Duff.
I fucking hate that little bitch."
Alice: Hey! My words to you exactly!
I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.
Johnny: But all she thought of was her face.
The night went on really well, and I had a great time.
Shania: Insert description here….
So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.
Yuri: They refused.
We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz,
Alice: Wounded from the war that took place between GC and Simple Plan, when the latter wasn't allowed to play.
but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest!
Johnny: Yes, that three dots are…everywhere!
AN: I sed stup flaming ok
Shania: Learn to spell you moron!
ebony's name is ENOBY
Yuri: …THE FIRST SPELLING IS THE RIGHT ONE!
Johnny: Spelling check is her worst enemy!
nut mary su OK!
Alice (Tara): It's her middle name!
DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her
Johnny: Only in your sick little fangirl mind.
dat he is acting defrent!
Shania: That, and he's high!
dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
Yuri: Say it real slow to even understand!
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"
Alice (Mud): I wanted vanilla, and you got me chocolate!
Draco didn't answer
Johnny: He tried to understand her. It didn't work.
but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it.
Shania: Thus falling to his death.
I walked out of it too, curiously.
Yuri: And she died too! Yay!
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.
Alice (Draco): I can see! I can see! OH GOD! A MONSTER!
Yuri: Oh look, she used the 'wrong' spelling of Ebony.
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)
Johnny: Since when does a school allow something like that?
Yuri: When Mud arrived.
which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness
Shania: His contacts started to hurt his eyes.
and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
Yuri: She popped an aspirin. Twenty of them, to be safe.
And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.
Alice: What…learn some grammar fangirl!
Draco climbed on top of me
Johnny: This flattening her ten pound body.
and we started to make out keenly against a tree.
Shania: Please let it be the Whomping Willow. Please make emo pancakes!
He took of my top and I took of his clothes.
Yuri: OH NO! WE'RE GOING BACK TO FOREST PASSION!
Alice: I THOUGHT WE GOT PAST THAT! NNNOOOO!
Johnny: THIS IS A BUG HUNT, MAN! A BUG HUNT!
Shania: GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!
I even took of my bra.
Alice: Of course you did! This scene isn't horrendous enough!
Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what
Johnny: She means sex.
and we did it for the first time.
Shania: And…! We reached the maximum level of horror!
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed.
Yuri (Mud): Stop stabbing me!
I was beginning to get an orgasm.
Alice: If you feel like throwing up, good. It means that you're human.
We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.
Johnny: So…sex cures vitamin D deficiency?
Alice: According to her.
Shania: A shot rang out!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
Yuri: Oh…my…god. Can it be? A cool character?
Shania: In this? Please?
AN: STOP flaming!
if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!
Johnny: No, it makes you a person.
Da only reson Dumbledeor swor
Shania: Is no reason!
is coz he had a hedache ok
Alice: He's a wizard. Headaches shouldn't give him bipolarity!
Shania: (Tara): Umm…yeah. Headache. That's what happened.
an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!
Alice: In his car, no less!
PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!
Johnny: Here comes the trolls!
Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him.
Shania: Raven, you need to learn grammar!
He kept shouting at us angrily.
Yuri: Good. Good. Keep it coming.
Johnny: Insult them some more.
"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.
Alice (Dumbledore): You wrote the worst story ever!
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.
Johnny: Where's a Belmont when you need one?
Alice: Thanks! I got that song stuck in my head! Thank you! I mean it!
Draco comforted me.
When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall
Shania: Despite McGonagall having nothing to do with anyone here.
who were both looking very angry.
Yuri: For they were losing sleep over this. This.
"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.
Alice (Dumbledore): They were trying to recreate Forest Passion!
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.
Johnny: Oddly enough, that insult makes sense.
"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.
Shania (Snape): Draco is mine!
And then Draco shrieked.
Yuri: Like a little girl.
"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
Alice (Draco): I do, I do, I do, I do!
Everyone was quiet.
Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad
Shania: For they wanted a cookie.
but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."
Yuri: For Snape had plans.
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
Alice (McGonagall): Hey! You're going the wrong way! Your dorm is downstairs, you mediocre dunces!
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.
Johnny: Don't bother. She's a Mary Sue, she'll be fine.
"Yeah I guess." I lied.
Shania: For she wasn't carrying Draco's baby.
I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair
Yuri: Yes, yes, give us the details. We must know!
and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.
Alice: Ah. Normal is back.
When I came out...
Johnny: …a shot rang out?
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom,
Alice: GET OUT OF THE GIRL'S DORM!
and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte.
Yuri: Badly. Very badly.
I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.
Alice: Kick him out! He's stalking you!
We hugged and kissed.
Johnny: What? No sex this time?
After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.
Shania: For the other girls started to attack him.
AN: shjt up prepz ok!
Yuri: Make me!
PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!
Alice: I got one. 'Learn…to…spell noob.'
The next day I woke up in my coffin.
Johnny: Again, not in the drunkard's alley.
I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black.
Shania: But what would she wear tomorrow?
Johnny: So the uniform of Hogwarts is just forgotten.
I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.
I spray-painted my hair with purple.
Alice: She used house-paint, thus turning her hair permanently purple.
Yuri: Thus, her new name is Purple.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal
Shania: Really? Seriously?
Alice: Why, it's the official cereal of the Cullen family!
with blood instead of milk,
Shania: The blood came from a bottle of Archduke Ferdinand.
and a glass of red blood.
Yuri: Got Sophie?
Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
Alice: A feeding frenzy soon started.
Yuri: The sharks will come in five minutes.
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily.
Johnny (Purple): I went through a lot to get that!
I regretted saying it when I looked up
Shania: Oh boy. Here comes another train-wreck.
cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy
Yuri: Since when was gothic not pale white?
with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.
Alice: Oh, he's a punk clown!
He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face
Johnny: She holds the sledding record at Mt. Goth.
and he was wearing black lipstick.
Shania: Like Joel Madden.
He didn't have glasses anymore
Yuri: Oh no. Oh no.
Johnny: They got him.
and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's
Alice: So…every male character looks the same?
and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.
Johnny: But the scar on his forehead was still there.
He had a manly stubble on his chin.
Shania: Since when was stubble not manly? I mean, besides here.
He had a sexy English accent.
Yuri: But of course. HE'S ENGLISH, YOU SQUISHY FANGIRL!
He looked exactly like Joel Madden.
Alice: On a bad hair day, after getting thrown out from his home into rain, beat up by a high school band…
He was so sexy that my body went all hot
Johnny: And she was set ablaze!
Yuri: So much for no more flames, eh?
when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.
"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.
Yuri: He was scared of the girl in front of him.
"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.
Alice (Obviously Harry): Guybrush Threepwood.
"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
Johnny: Well, seeing of course that Mud is longer being used…
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
Shania (Mud): I can't stop biting my arm!
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
Yuri: He has been exposed as a poser!
"Yeah." I roared.
Alice: Indoor voice! Indoor voice!
We sat down to talk for a while.
Johnny: Thankfully, skipping the dumb dialogue.
Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me
Shania: A guillotine.
so I went away with him.
Yuri: Leaving Mud to steal her food.
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.
Alice: WHAT? God reviewed this story? Not once, but five times?
Yuri: Nah, just the god of bad fanfiction.
n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!
Johnny: Do I need a translator?
STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U!
Shania: I can be charged for arson, but not for making sense!
Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok
Yuri: She's not even in this story! Ebony is!
she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!
Alice: Not perfect, besides romancing and sexing two main characters.
n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!
Johnny: Well, Cloud had several good reasons to be depressed.
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs.
Shania: If it wasn't for the boobs, no one would tell them apart.
I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).
I waved to Vampire.
Yuri: He teleported!
Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.
Alice: For he realized what was going on.
I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.
Johnny: Mary-Sue thoughts.
Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco.
Shania: To have a sex. Like a Mary Sue.
We went into his room and locked the door. Then...
Yuri: …I woke up. It was a dream.
Shania: Not that lucky.
We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.
Alice: Jazz music refused to play.
He felt me up before I took of my top.
Johnny (Draco): This is a bust. I'm gonna check for weapons….
Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants.
Shania: The missing scene from Legolas by Laura.
We went on the bed and started making out naked
Yuri: How are they naked? Her pants are still on, and he is still wearing his shirt!
and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)
Alice: Oh, gee, when you put it like that…
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm
Johnny: ARGH! No…need…for…that!
when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm.
Shania (Purple): Who's Astoria?
It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words...
Yuri: Hello, sweetie!
I was so angry.
Alice: You just met the guy. And his new name is a just description, therefore it could be a generic tattoo. How can you be jealous?
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
Johnny (Purple): How dare you get a temporary tattoo without my permission! The heart should have been red!
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded.
Shania (Draco): It involves a chicken, a tractor, a pitchfork, a skyscraper, a UFO, three hundred dollars…
But I knew too much.
Yuri: But still nothing at all.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"
Alice: Coming from a fangirl.
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out.
Johnny: Going through the floor.
Draco ran out even though he was naked.
Shania: He thought it would be funny.
He had a really big you-know-what
Yuri: A mole the size of a water bottle.
but I was too mad to care.
Alice: It just wouldn't bounce the way it used to.
I stomped out
Johnny: Again, falling through the floor.
and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom
Shania: She followed the trail of urine.
where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
Yuri: Characters I care more for.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.
Alice: And…scene! Good!
Johnny: Clear the way!
Part One End.