The best way to write this? Watch the original MST3K.


AN: stop flassing ok!

Yuri: Well, this is like a mad scientist's project.

Shania: Crap. We teleported back here.

if u do den u r a prep!

Alice: I hate reruns.

Everyone in the class stared at me

Johnny: Wondering, 'what the hell?'

and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked

Shania: He was expelled shortly afterwards.

and started begging me to take him back.

Yuri (Draco): Take me back!

Alice (Purple): No!

Johnny: Obvious drama line landing…

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

Alice: The line has landed.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith

Johnny: Oh please be an original character.

smiled at me understatedly.

Shania: This happened to her every single day.

She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood

Yuri: Again, proving that every character looks the same.

that she was wearing contact lenses on.

Alice: She couldn't bring herself to stab herself in the eyes.

She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

Johnny: A poser, then.

Alice: Or a ghost.

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

Shania: ARGH! WHY? WHO COULD EVEN COME UP WITH THIS?

Johnny: Calm down. We just started.

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch

Yuri: Proof! Tara only saw the movie!

but Voldemort killed her mother

Alice: She dared called him bald!

and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

Johnny: Isn't suicide a depressing thing to begin with?

Yuri: Well, according to this story, cutting your wrists is a hobby.

She still has nightmares about it

Shania: Despite not being present.

Yuri: Despite being too young to remember.

Alice: I guess Voldemort showed her a videotape.

and she is very haunted and depressed.

Yuri: She's emo! She needs to be depressed!

Shania: The ghost of the original character haunts her to this very day!

It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger.

Alice: Makes sense. She's not original at all!

(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

Johnny: The Sorting Hat was beaten by the veto.

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily

Shania (Snape): You have three wishes! Hurry up, my carpet is being cleaned.

Yuri: Didn't the Irate Gamer make that joke?

Johnny: No, his rug was doubled-parked. We wouldn't make the same jokes he would.

in his cold voice but I ignored him.

Yuri: Snape stabbed her in the sides to get her attention.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Alice (Purple): How dare you…wait. By the words, she had a relationship with Vampire, who she talked with for a minute when they first met….god, I'm trying to find logic.

Everyone gasped.

Johnny: Look at the mole on Draco!

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.

Shania: Hey! You can't change POV like that so nilly willy!

Johnny: Now only if Rowling would take over this story.

I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)

Yuri: For the heterosexual male audience members, sorry, but there no lesbians in this story.

for a while but then he broke my heart.

Alice (Draco): That's why I kept my tattoo.

He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker.

Johnny: Leave the off-screen character alone!

We were just good friends now.

Shania (Draco): VERY good friends!

He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic.

Yuri: Like everyone else!

(Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

Alice: Huh? Are we switching back? Or is this the author trying to sound cool?

Shania: Well, the grammar and spelling checks out. So…Draco's thoughts?

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

Johnny (Mud): We just share a bed!

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed.

Shania: Nice to see the ever-serious Snape taking this in stride.

I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest

Yuri: And was never seen again! The end!

where I had lost my virility to Draco

Alice: I would heal you, but I think it's better with you at 1 HP.

and then I started to bust into tears.

Johnny: Which turned into rainbows, and then the rainbows made pizza trees grow, and then…you get the picture.

AN: stop flaming ok!

Everyone: NO!

I dntn red all da boox!

Shania: If you did, this would be fine….no, it wouldn't.

dis is frum da movie ok

Yuri: The abridged edition of the book.

so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!

Alice:…you wrote it! It is your fault!

besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE!

Johnny: AND WE STILL DON'T CARE!

and da reson snap dosent lik harry

Shania: Harry's father annoyed Snape when they're kids?

now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist!

Yuri: This story is like Hobgoblins. It hates everyone!

MCR ROX!

Alice: Well, if we threw rocks…

I was so mad and sad.

Johnny: Sounds like…

Yuri: DULL SURPRISE!

I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me.

Shania (Purple): We had a one night stand, you bastard!

I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Yuri: Eww! It's still wet!

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes

Alice: He stared at the sun for too long.

and no nose

Johnny: Insert smell pun here…

and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick!

Shania: And I do mean everything!

Yuri: Newspapers, trash cans, trees…

Alice: The earth, Hogwarts, sand…

Johnny: Hogsmeade, stautes, keys…

Shania: Hot Topic hit her twice!

He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie)

Yuri: But his new name is now Red Hell!

and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.

Alice: Thank god! A normal person wearing black!

It was... Voldemort!

Johnny: Wha…hey, you gave that away!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice

Shania: This story doesn't deserve the 'not butter' joke!

but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

Yuri: Hey! That actually did what the curse does in the book!

Shania: Red Hell! Red Hell!

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.

Alice: Eat pussy!

Shania: HEY!

Alice: It deserved it! I have no regrets!

Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.

Johnny (Red Hell): I'm allergic to cats!

I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

Shania: But Red Hell, being the main villain, got up and killed her!

Alice: That's what we want!

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

Yuri (Red Hell): To past me, thou must get a roll of sixteen!

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes

Alice: But remembered that her boyfriend cheated with him, so she agreed.

and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.

Johnny: Of course he looks like Joel Madden. Why look anything like he did back in the books? Or, the movie!

I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought,

Shania: What a minute! She's thinking?

Alice: Dividing by zero is much safer!

what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

Yuri: Oh good, she figured out something that we figured out at the very beginning!

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Alice (Purple): I don't work for free!

Voldemort gave me a gun.

Johnny: Wow now!

Shania (Red Hell): Here. I got plenty more. It's like candy!

Johnny: I guess wands are so last century.

"No! Please!" I begged.

Shania (Purple): I want a Desert Eagle!

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

Yuri: Listen, Frog, if you want something done, do it yourself!

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Alice (Red Hell): You just told me.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.

Johnny: Just like Purple.

Shania: Just like the author.

Yuri: DERP.

"I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly.

Shania (Red Hell): I can lift things. With my mmiiinnnndddddd.

"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted.

Yuri: Apparently Red Hell here is very lazy.

Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

Alice (Red Hell): I'll get you next time, Purple, next time…

Yuri: Rrwwoorr…

I was so scared and mad

Johnny: DULL SURPRISE!

Yuri: Ha…

I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

Shania: Still naked.

Alice: Considering the weather, he froze to death.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

Yuri (Purple): I just met the devil, and I'm fine!

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad.

Alice: Like a clown.

He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)

Johnny: …I guess.

Yuri: He does this to attract mates.

between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

Shania: It's like this story is actually three different stories with parts cut and pasted randomly!

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

Yuri (Draco): You yelled at me, wah…

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

Alice: Bull.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

Johnny: All depressed together. Aint' that special?

AN: stup it u gay fags

Shania: You can only be gay in fiction! And by gay, we mean gay men!

if u donot lik ma story den fukk off!

Yuri: But this is a train wreck.

ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle

Alice: I'm sorry, who is she?

afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

Johnny: As if I care. Who would read this?

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day.

Shania (Purple): He started to live in my closet.

I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.

Yuri: Of course. The Mary Sue can't be complete without a band!

I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar.

Alice: Like Joel Madden, I presume?

People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.

Johnny: But those people aren't real. What does that tell you?

The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire,

Shania: Despite the two just meeting a few chapters ago.

Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now.

Yuri: Forget it. We're calling him Butterfly.

Alice: This is his only appearance.

Johnny: Oh.

He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)

Alice: EVERYONE IN THIS STORY HAS BLACK HAIR. NOTHING CHANGED.

and Hargrid.

Johnny: What's this? A character without a new name? A slight misspelling?

Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead.

Shania: But if everyone 'good' in this story is depressed, then why are any of you here?

I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too

Yuri: He was bitten by an off-screen vampire.

and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that)

Alice: Ah. But you just did.

or a steak)

Johnny: So vampires are vegetarians?

Shania: The Cullen kind anyway.

Yuri: There is no way I'm wasting that much money to kill you.

and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.

Shania: Now, wouldn't that be much better than this?

I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt.

Yuri: Oh boo! Boo!

Johnny: That's where the band places their steel-toed boots!

You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

Alice: NNNNNOOOOOO, RREEEAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYY?

We were singing a cover of 'Helena'

Johnny: Wow. Self-resistant there. She didn't make up her own song.

Yuri: Err…Simple Plan miniskirt, but she's playing MCR?

Johnny: That's Purple.

and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

Shania: For she finally realized that she was doing. She was a horrible Mary Sue in a horrible story based off a wonderful series of books. Realizing the pain she caused…

Johnny: No. Redemption is too good for her.

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

Yuri: She wasn't concerned at all. Nope.

Johnny: She's the audience.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily.

Alice (Violet): Keep your stupid pity to yourself!

Shania: Actually, it said 'concerted'. Mary saw it coming.

And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry!

Johnny (Violet): But he gave me this cool gun! Here, let me show you…

Yuri: Yes…

But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice,

Shania (Violet): Then I remembered that he sleepy with my boyfriend. See? Gun!

even if he did go out with Draco.

Yuri: But he did. Now, show everyone your gun.

But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

Alice: Voldemort just wants to avoid the murder charge on Harry. Draco he can afford.

Yuri: That makes no sense. His name changes every scene, that should be enough cover!

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

Johnny: Psycho theme! EHE EHE EHE EHE EHE…

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted.

Shania: She wanted it to be a surprise.

"How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

Yuri: No. That's perfect. Keep doing that.

I started to cry and cry.

Alice: She tried to drown the whole world…

Yuri: But only drowned herself.

Draco started to cry too all sensitive.

Johnny: Violet kicked him in his privates.

Shania: While Mary cut onions in front of him.

Yuri: While Butterfly tickled his ears with a feather.

Alice: While Vampire came out of nowhere and started to dance.

Then he ran out crying.

Shania: For those four things were too much for him.

We practiced for one more hour.

Yuri: Completely forgetting what just happened.

Shania: Exactly.

Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily!

Alice (Dumbeldore): IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING! AND YOU SUCK!

His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

Johnny: Your music gave him pink eye.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.

Shania: Very true.

(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y)

Yuri: Nah. You get a good review after that correct characterization.

"Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

Alice: Wow. Hey! We wanted that to happen to Violet!

Yuri: Nah. Wait for it.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz!

Johnny: Ah. I had a feeling we would be seeing this again.

c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111

Shania: I'm going to go ahead and say…yes.

it delz wit rly sris issus!

Yuri: Like…care to explain? I must have missed that.

sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid

Alice: I can already tell.

brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

Johnny: HATE HATE HATE THANKS.

"NO!" I screamed.

Shania (Violet): WHO I AM GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH?

I was horrorfied!

Yuri: At what this leads to.

B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off

Alice: LIKE A BOSS.

and I ran to my room crying myself.

Johnny: LIKE A BOSS

Dumbledore chased after me shouting

Shania (Dumbledore): You forgot your gun!

but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Yuri: He preferred a telescope.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood

Alice: Again, reminding us that Castlevania is much better than this.

and then I slit both of my wrists.

Johnny: LIKE A BOSS…okay, done.

They got all over my clothes so I took them off

Shania: And placed in the hamper filled with other bloody clothes.

and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.

Yuri: WE GET IT. SHE'S DEPRESSED. WE DON'T CARE!

I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.

Alice (Violet): But then I got hungry…

I was so fucking depressed!

Johnny: All she needs is a box of chocolates. Preferably the ones that long exceeded the expiration date.

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly.

Shania: She's made of sand?

I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends

Yuri: She's got a knife!

and six pairs of skull earrings.

Alice: She really wants to hammer in the point that she is gothic.

I couldn't fucking believe it.

Johnny: I can't either. She's still alive after cutting her wrists twice!

Then I looked out the window and screamed...

Shania (Purple): !

Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me!

Yuri: He wants to submit this to, 'Wizards Gone Wild.'

And Loopin was masticating to it!

Alice: Not Lupin from the story. Loopin!

Yuri: Loopin the Pedophile.

Shania: She's 17…

They were sitting on their broomsticks.

Johnny (Snap): I'M ON A BROOMSTICK!

Shania (Loopin): I'M ON A BROOMSTICK!

Yuri: So? I got a boomstick!

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED!

Shania (Purple): You have to pay $19.95 first!

ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it.

Yuri: Upon seeing that, they left, screaming.

Shania: She's 17.

Suddenly Vampire ran in.

Alice: Wow! They're using the plot holes to get around.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.

Johnny: He's a seahorse now?

Alice: Don't bother. This has no effect on the story.

I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times

Shania: And missed every shot.

Alice: She's firing at different person! Where's Snap?

and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

Yuri: She maybe a Mary Sue, but does have a lousy aim.

Shania: The closest thing to having a human trait.

Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "

Alice: Plothole Express 9 ¾ runs 24/7 through 'My Immortal.'

Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has –

Johnny: Replaced the coffee with Folger's crystals.

Yuri: Written something worse than this?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Shania: Now Darth Vader makes a sudden appearance?

he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Yuri: Well, at this point, Tara just threw her arms up and said, "I just don't care."

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

Alice (Hargrid): We all need counseling.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

Johnny: Hargrid. Little.

Alice: She watched the movies? Ha! Some crack dealer just told her what happened!

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

Shania (Hargrid): BUT ALSO…I AM A MAN!

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him.

Yuri: When did SNAP get hit by DUMBLYDORE?

Johnny (Snap): THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

"There must be other factors."

Alice: Everyone thinking of Spock face-palming?

Yuri: Yeah.

Johnny: Yeah.

Shania: Yeah.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Johnny: Any what? Did Raven remove parts to confuse people?

Yuri (Purple): FRUIT! YOU HAVE NO FRUIT TO DECLARE!

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

Shania: Hey. I like this chapter. Purple is losing! Ha!

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

Yuri: Quick! Get her some Robert F. Kennedy!

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

Alice: I'm glad she can't spell.

Yuri: I thank Raven. She removed several pages of this.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him.

Johnny: …could someone…

Yuri: NO.

I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

Shania: Just kill them all.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly,

Yuri (Hargid): I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!

waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

Alice: 50 Cent was given a parade for shooting them.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice

Johnny: Mentally considering the other 'goffics' in the school.

cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

Shania: Not really. Satan ignores them.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

Yuri: Mary-Sue Rule 1. Must have all males be attracted to her, regardless of established canon and personality.

AN: stop f,aing ok

Alice: How can I do that if I don't know what that is?

hargrid is a pedo 2

Johnny: So, the implication is that all adult males at Hogwarts are pedophiles?

a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat

Hardman5509: British, my ass! She's American!

Shania: Author…

Hardman5509: Yeah, yeah…I'm gone.

I wunted 2 adres da ishu!

Yuri: Issue? What issue? That all American school teachers are pedophiles?

Shania: Only in her world.

how du u no snap iant kristian

Alice: That was his name before the sex-change.

plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!

Johnny: She must have a big ass. She keeps pulling stuff out of it!

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him.

Shania: The villain from Rocky 4 gave her knife?

Johnny (Drago): If I Die, Break Yourself With This Silver Knife.

He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy

Yuri: Or against herself.

but I knew that we must both go together.

Alice: A little late for that. He died two chapters ago.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire.

Johnny: Gah! Space and time are falling apart! Reality is cracking!

He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"

Shania: See? The scar on his forehead is still there!

and then... his eyes rolled up!

Yuri: PAZUZU!

You could only see his red whites.

Alice: Make…up…your…mind! GAH!

I stopped. "How did u know?"

Johnny (Purple): About the secret stash of bodies?

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

Shania: Now they can go back in time!

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

Yuri: Again, he lost the scar on his forhead. He still has the scar on his forehead!

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me

Alice: Ah. Ron has learned how to make tattoos in his free time.

Yuri: But he charges a arm and a leg.

and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back.

Johnny: Despite being pale already.

"Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me!

Shania: Knowing this story, we cut to Purple dressing up to go on a date with Vampire.

then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

Yuri: HOLD IT! DRACO'S ALIVE?

Alice: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Johnny: THEY SPEND TWO CHAPTERS TALKING ABOUT HIS DEATH, AND NOW…

Shania: HE'S ALIVE! WHOOPIE-DOO!

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists.

Alice: So much for that! Screw this story! No. This isn't a story! IT'S A GARBAGE TRAIN WRECK!

Yuri: Alice. Do you need a hug?

Alice: …yes.

Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too.

Johnny: HAHRID. I don't care who he is, but I want an entire novel about him. A movie. A videogame. A theme park.

They were going to St. Mango's

Shania: The wacky hospital in the Harry Potter universe.!

after they recovered cause they were pedofiles

Yuri: Ah. Pedophilia is a curable disease. If only the real world had it.

and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.

Alice: Coming from an ugly girl perv.

Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera

Johnny: EEEWWWW! He ate the camera and shat it out?

they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Shania: Hagrid then snapped the finger in half.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

Yuri: Hey. Normal human interaction. Giving flowers to a sick person. That's sweet.

Johnny: Remember? He's a pedophile.

Shania: She's 17!

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

Alice (Hagrid): I loathe you.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you."

Johnny (Purple): I hate you! I don't need your stinking sympathy!

I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

Shania: People tend to be rude to you when you give them the middle finger.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

Yuri: Are they bombs?

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?"

Alice: Ha! You're not gothic! Gothic roses would be black! Fail!

I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

Johnny: As previously stated before.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily.

Shania: And you should feel bad about that.

"No you didn't I replied."

Yuri: Actually…SHE'S RIGHT.

"You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin."

Alice: Meanwhile, in story 4…

Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

Johnny: Well, spelling check says it's correct…but you failed. AGAIN.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

Shania (Purple): I only want to talk to characters I want to have sex with.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses."

Yuri (Hagrid): This is a bomb!

He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye

Alice: Hey! Hagrid works part time at the hospital as a magician!

Yuri (Hagrid): For my next trick, I'm going to make you disappear!

and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

Johnny: I think we need a decoder ring to read this.

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

Shania: Wisely? That's word you're going use?

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes."

Yuri: Oh no, he's going to sing!

Then he screamed.

Alice: AAAAGGGGHHHH!

Yuri: Honey? Another hug?

Alice: …yes.

"Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio

Johnny: It's a message left by aliens long ago!

(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute!

Shania: More like a insult.

specially for raven I love you girl!)

Yuri: I love her too…for making this as short as possible.

imo noto okayo!"

Alice: Mr. Roboto?

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air.

Johnny: Impressive. But she's still there.

And it was black.

Shania: The black was black.

Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

Yuri: So if I wear a pink vest with a single black button, she'll like me?

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Alice: Yeah! Who is he?

Hairgrid rolled his eyes.

Johnny (Hagrid): Not this again…

I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

Shania: For there was nothing to c.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said,

Yuri: They're going l33t on us?

watching the two of us watching the flame.

Alice: You know, the flame is more enjoyable than this.

"2 c wht iz n da flmes

Johnny (Dumbledore): You must first woo it!

(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT)

Shania: …was that a joke.

Johnny: …I think…yes.

Alice: …I really…REALLY…hate this.

u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

Yuri (Dumbledore): Jump into it. Go ahead.

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled.

Alice: I found myself. Crying. In an restroom.

dUMBLydore lookd shockd.

Johnny: WE DA SHOCK!

I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Shania: Or he didn't get what Hagrid said.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Yuri (Hagrid): Whatever, old man. I'm going back to my hospital bed.

Anyway when I got better

Alice: Good, we don't need any more hospital adventures.

I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it.

Johnny: Whew! Another dressing scene! We're grounded now.

There was some corset stuff on the front.

Shania (Purple): And there was some stuff in my head, so I removed it.

Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them.

Yuri: Tacked on. Literally.

I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring

Alice: Isn't true that reading this thing all the way in one sitting will kill you in seven days?

Shania: …maybe.

(if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!)

Johnny: I know who she is…so yay! I'm a goth!

Alice: That's not a good thing.

and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

Shania: Why does she dress up? Just dunk a can of black paint all over her!

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly.

Yuri: Spelled wrong, and got the meaning wrong.

Shania: She looks like a piano?

"Fangs (geddit)

Alice: UGH!

Shania: You already used that joke!

you do too." I said sadly too,

Johnny (Purple): For I was lying…

but I was still upset.

Shania (Purple): Over…something.

I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed

Yuri: My god! She does so often, the hospital named a ward after her!

and I sucked all the blood.

Alice: It's a cycle of blood transfusion.

I cried again in my bathroom

Johnny: Moaning Myrtle kicked her out.

and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time.

Shania: Ah. So she does learn.

I went to some classes.

Yuri: I surprised she went at all. Considering that she didn't attend class in any other chapters.

Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.

Alice (Mud): Help me! I'm stuck in the hair of a magical magic creature!

Johnny: It's magically magical delicious!

Shania: It's magical magic, we don't have to explain anything!

He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared

Johnny: And came back to life.

and he had used to be in love with Draco.

Shania: Despite breaking up.

Johnny: Ah. But the tattoo is still there.

He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

Yuri: Not a good idea. Hufflepuff's students are often halfway developed.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way.

Alice: Like always.

"Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

Johnny: Gah! A alien word!

Yuri: What is the horrifying meaning behind….WQUALLY?

We both looked at each other for some time.

Shania: Acknowledging the awkward script.

Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos.

Yuri: Oh boy. Here we go.

Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

Alice: Wow there! When did they became rabbits?

Johnny: Nah. They both have loose bolts, so they did each other a favor by fixing that problem.

Shania: Soon, all the class were screwing each other.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

Johnny: McGooggle is so far the best character in all of this.

Yuri: Girls Gone Wild refused to post the video.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him.

Shania (Purple): Damn you for being too sexy!

"Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!"

Yuri (Purple): That's why I jumped on you, took your clothes off…

I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Alice (McGoogle): Class isn't over yet, you horny nincompoop!

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"

Johnny: Who poured acid on Mud's face?

Alice: Dent!

and then... his eyes rolled up!

Shania: Nice trick. Now wiggle your years.

You could only see his red whites.

Yuri: Those won't make good eggs.

"NO!" I ran up closer.

Alice (Purple): No, guy-I-just-had-random-sex-with-and-hate-you-for!

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

Johnny: How many times do we have to tell you? His scar on the forhead is gone, the scar on his forehead is still there!

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me

Shania: We knew that!

Johnny: Err…Shania? I don't think this is déjà vu….

and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

Yuri: Oh…dear…god…SHE COPIED AND PASTED IT!

Johnny: IS THIS GROUNDHOG'S DAY?

Shania: SHOULD WE CARE?

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

Alice: She thanks and insults her friend in the same sentence. Nice.

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I

Johnny: Yes, just use your fanfiction like a fridge.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Shania: I…don't…even…what?

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore.

Yuri: Meanwhile, Dumbledore continued to run away from the two.

We were so scared.

Alice: That'll probably change soon.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled.

Johnny: Let Dumbledore come over!

Dumbledore came there.

Shania: Annoyed.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

Yuri: All the teachers in this story (Save for Snape and Lupin) are just so fun!

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

Alice: What, they both have a chipped tooth?

He laughed in an evil voice.

Johnny (Dumbledore): I really couldn't care less.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

Shania: Do they?

Alice: Draco came back to life randomly. I think if they wait, he'll be fine.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco.

Yuri: Like us.

Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me.

Alice: Hey-hey! Finally, a character that we can identify with!

"Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away.

Johnny: Ladies and gentlemen, our hero! Yay!

Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned.

Shania: My Sharona!

(AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

Yuri: In our experience?

Johnny: No…

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him.

Alice: Hey, Purple? You remember the gun, right?

He started to cry tears of blood.

Johnny: More Castlevania references.

Yuri: Just think of playing that.

Then he had a brainstorm.

Shania: And then his brain exploded.

"I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

Yuri (Mud): Let's get the Best Buy Geek Squad!

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said.

Alice: And he runs away, never to bother with this again.

He took out his wand and did a spell.

Johnny: Hocus-pocus!

Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

Shania: Yay! We're at the final boss!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra"

Yuri: …no. I refuse to make a joke about that. I'm beyond that.

It was... Voldemort!

Alice: NO! Voldemort is in Voldemort's lair! What-a-twist!

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok!

Johnny: But we're not Prepz! So we're staying!

Yuri: JOHNNY!

Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.

Shania: Yes, Tara. Slitting your wrists will kill you.

PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

Yuri: God doesn't answer to you!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY.

Alice: How is that different from other chapters?

VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

Johnny: Oh, trust me. Excretion indeed.

We ran to where Volcemort was.

Shania: And ran past him completely.

It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there.

Yuri: BUH…WHAT.

Alice: OH GEE, WAS VOLDEMORT THERE?

Johnny: I'm going to say…YES! THE LAST CHAPTER CONFIRMED THAT!

Shania: My god, does she think we're all idiots?

Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was.

Alice: Wormtail. For crying out loud, does Tara know anything about Harry Potter?...sorry, I answered my own question.

Draco was there crying tears of blood.

Johnny: Even more references to Castlevania.

Snaketail was torturing him.

Shania: Snaketail? Who's he?

Alice: The skinny guy next to the fat guy who killed Cedric.

Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

Yuri: Who then stabbed them.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun

Alice: Three sentences in, and I already like him.

Johnny: Oh look. The gun is back. Convenient.

Shania: And…at this point…it goes downhill from here.

he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.

Johnny: Ugh…this is turning into a romantic comedy.

Alice: A real bad one.

"." he said.

Shania: Ah. He's shy.

(in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

Yuri: And you thought that Mud was the low point.

"Huh?" I asked.

Alice: 'My Immortal'. In 5 seconds.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail.

Johnny: It's a good question. She throws herself at anyone.

I started laughing crudely.

Shania: Are we sure we can call her a Mary-Sue? She fails at laughing!

"What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you?

Yuri: Coming from the woman who had sex with her bf's ex-bf on a whim.

God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily.

Alice: My exact words to the author.

Then I stabbed him in the heart.

Johnny: With what? Her gun? Her wand?

Yuri: The knife what Drago gave her, remember? See? The story makes sense.

Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

Shania: And the knife shot out, hitting Purple in the eye.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed.

Yuri: Famous last words.

He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died.

Alice: And now…a moment of silence for Snaketail.

Shania: Hey, where did the fat guy that killed Cedric go?

I brust into tears sadly.

Johnny: Over the enemy that tortured her bf, and wanted to sleep with her.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort.

Shania (Voldemort): You're not dead are you?

Then... he started coming!

Yuri: Ah. He was on break.

We could hear his high heels clacking to us.

Alice: High heels? Oh no, it's turning into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation!

So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts.

Johnny: Voldemort shakes his fist in anger!

We went to my room.

Shania: The girls protested the men being there, but Purple killed them all.

Vampire went away.

Yuri: Bored.

There I started crying.

Alice: Were the tears bloody?

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw.

Johnny (Draco):I was killed, bought back to life, and tortured, but I want sex, dammit!

Yuri: We shall call him, Jesus!

He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)

Shania: That would have been funny…BUT YOU EXPLAINED IT!

and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

Yuri: A tumor and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded.

Alice: Oh god, she's going to rant!

"Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

Johnny: Lady, in everyone's minds, you're ugly!

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.

Shania: HA! Coming from you, you horny nitwits!

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me!

Yuri: Not Voldemort, not Dumbledore, not the females…just the characters with names, and at least under fifty years old.

Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked.

Alice: But cured.

Hargrid says he's in love with me.

Johnny: But I think this is no longer important.

Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me!

Shania: But the last one is dead.

I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily.

Yuri: Well, Satan would make this.

(an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty)

Alice: Just take the author's word for it!

"Im good at too many things!

Johnny: Care to explain what those things are?

WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!"

Shania: ANNDDD…we have reached full circle. She achieved Black-Hole style Mary-Sue.

I shouted and then I ran away.

Yuri: Oh, will we have another naked running Draco scene?

AN: stup flaming ok!

Alice: She's…not going to get it, is she?

Yuri: Honey, this is chapter 15.

btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz!

Johnny: Oh god! She's blackmailing us!

Yuri: Again, only chapter 15 out of 44.

fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

Shania: This Raven person…is she a troll?

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

Yuri: Cue the violin! Let's just continue with the romantic drama!

But I was too mad.

Alice: Wow. Too mad for sex. Self-resistant there.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted.

Johnny (Jesus): Thank you! Woo-hoo!

I stormed into my room

Shania: Hold it! She went back to her room! I guess she wants sex after all!

and closed my black door with my blood-red key.

Yuri: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it would be black!

It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it.

Alice: Because it's important to have that on your room key. It makes it easy to identify. And be stolen.

He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire.

Johnny: She's falling in love with a picture! Of course!

I started to cry and weep.

Shania: And bawl and blubber and groan and howl and whine…

I took a razor and started to slit my wrists.

Yuri: I got it now. She likes to dress up, have sex with sexy men, drink blood, listen to music, and slit her wrists.

I drank the blood all depressed.

Alice: She needs a transfusion of funny blood.

Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

Johnny: So I guess extreme blood loss helps her to relieve stress.

Alice: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt.

Shania: ANARCHY RULES! Woo! Hey, I feel better!

Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters.

Yuri: Mr. Robinson is not pleased.

Shania: She means Madden.

Yuri: Fine. Mr. Madden is not pleased.

I put my ebony black hair out.

Alice: Ah. But we're still calling her Purple.

Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual.

Johnny: Again, Slytherin is in the basement. Where can she go?

Alice: To hell, of course.

I did sum advanced Biology work.

Shania: Failing.

I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.

Yuri: McGongal continued to insult her.

Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!

Alice: THE HELL?

Yuri: Actually, this is more appropriate. 'The guitar was….Draco!'

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly.

Johnny: He's going to sing, ain't he?

"I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink.

Shania (Jesus): I fink that we could work like peanut butter and cough syrup.

Ur da most beautiful girl in the world.

Yuri: Somewhere between Rank 7, 000, 000, 000 and Rank 6, 900, 900, 900.

Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time.

Alice: All it took for him to stay alive was one random person to walk up and say one thing.

Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!."

Johnny: Should we continue to call him Jesus?

Yuri: Might as well. Calling him that is more funnier than the jokes in this.

Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death"

Shania: Is this going to be a pattern? Misadventure, contrived break-up, Draco sings?

(we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it)

Yuri: Ah, it ties back to the concert. So there is some continuity.

right in front of the entire class!

Alice: I would say they booed him…but they just ignored him.

His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson

Johnny: So he sucked.

(AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

Shania: I wish we could leave.

"OMFG." I said after he was finished.

Yuri (Purple): That was really, really bad!

Some fucking preps stared at us

Alice: The right response.

but I just stuck up my middle fingers

Johnny: Another right response to the song.

(that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them.

Shania: Details! We need details! What color are her toenails?

"I love you!"

Yuri: Cut! Did you read the script?

I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch)

Alice (Purple): But, she's a fine kisser!

and CMM in a Cinderella Story.

Johnny: Man, this thing has aged.

Then we went away holding hands.

Shania: Well, Jesus' hands around Purple's neck.

Loopin shouted at us

Yuri (Loopin): Stop walking in my flowerbed!

but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether.

Alice: Wait, wait. Sorry, they're clapping at how sexy Harry and Ginny are.

Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then.

Johnny: Ah! The plot points are shooting at us!

Yuri: Take cover!

We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

Shania: Great. So the whole thing is a repeat of itself!

Alice: And after the concert, more sex!

AN: u no wut!

Yuri (Tara): I think wrestling is faked!

sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz!

Alice: Okay! This story is written by a fangirl!

raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis!

Johnny: Here it comes, folks. The part where Tara writes this.

Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis!

Shania: In short, she ran away.

BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!

Yuri: WEEABOO ALERT.

Johnny: Ah. We meet again, Britney.

We ran happily to Hogsmede.

Alice: Knocking over several display stands, and getting sued.

There we saw the stage where GC had played.

Johnny: It was still wet!

Alice: JOHNNY!

We ran in happly.

Shania: Yay.

MCR were there playing 'Helena'.

Yuri: MUCH better than Purple's playing.

I was so fucking happy!

Alice: She's the only one.

Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures.

Johnny: A rare occurrence.

Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection

Shania: Crotch cam.

but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.

Yuri: Well, she's at least loyal.

Johnny: For how long?

I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets.

Alice: Hey! No changing in the middle of the concert!

Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants.

Johnny: But no underwear, for some reason.

Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena.

Shania: Then Helena stopped playing.

We frenched.

Yuri: Mon dieu!

We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive.

Alice: But no one wanted to touch them.

Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask.

Johnny: Well, like the real Gerard would play here.

So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,... Volsemort and da Death Dealers!

Shania: Don't you just hate when the bands just switch in the middle of a concert?

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily.

Yuri: Wha…BUT YOU JUST WENT WITH HIM!

Johnny: (Volsemort): Hey! Don't ignore me!

"Not after what happened to me last time?

Alice: You had sex with him, enjoyed it, and got away with it?

Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

Johnny: Man, you could give her MCR, and she would still insult you.

"What cause we...you know..." he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.

Shania: Did we switch stories?

Johnny: The evidence compels me to say yes.

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

Yuri: I guess this would confuse a cat.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

Alice: Yes, a ESCORT.

Yuri: It's another word for 'cock-block.'

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked.

Johnny: I think this is a author's note.

"So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"

Shania: Well, he is seeing a Christina…

"NO." he muttered loudly.

Yuri (Jesus): I want to keep my main character status!

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

Alice: She's got a gun!

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!"

Johnny (Jesus): If you want to live.

He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

Shania: Hogwarts The Musical.

Johnny: Like Sunday School The Musical, only insane.

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

Yuri: The easiest way to win her heart? Sing a song!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

Alice: So Voldemort appearing at Hogsmeade doesn't create any attention at all?

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily

Johnny (Mary): Have we meet before?

(she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese).

Shania: How do u do, stranger.

"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math."

Yuri: Kinda like Purple. Double standards!

Shania: Wait, who's Willow?

(an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

Alice: Raven, Shania.

Shania: Farewell. You made the story some-what readable.

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Johnny (Purple): For leaving me after I insulted her.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed.

Shania: 'Cause they're gothic.

We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.

Yuri: And then they watched a horror movie. "Attack of the Spelling Check!"

"Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

Alice: Maybe all of you can die!

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly.

Johnny: So…someone dying is what we could define as cute?

"Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."

Shania: Likeable characters. You don't need them!

"Kawai." I commnted happily .

Yuri: Again, something that defines cute.

We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

Alice: Talked to each other in silence?

Shania: They mouthed it.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed.

Johnny: Wait. Did…the story go back in time?

Alice: Did Tara misuse Cut and Paste?

Yuri: Questions that shall never be answered.

" I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

Shania: She wants to fight Angels?

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

Yuri: GAH! It turned into a Barbie story!

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

Alice: You know, this whole story could be a giant advert for Hot Topic.

"No." My head snaped up.

Johnny: B'loody Mary is now a likeable character!

"WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

Shania: No, just a likeable character.

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

Yuri: Still a likeable character.

"Hu told u abut them"

Alice: Hu is he?

Yuri: Alice! Boo!

I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!).

Johnny: Ah. But you just did.

Or me.

Shania: OR MEEEEE…

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

Yuri: Welcome to The 'What-Ever-The-Hell-First-Springs-To-The-Author's-Mind Hour!

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

Alice: We need more Dumblydore!

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me.

Johnny: She wanted to save a Sickle, so she stole the Headmaster's map.

"Come on let's go."

Shania: Yes!

Johnny: Not yet.

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade.

Yuri: In case you forgot the plot so far.

The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses.

Alice: The hell? Is she talking about her last shopping trip?

"We only have these for da real goffs."

Johnny: Yes. They're real goffs. They didn't go to Hot Topic.

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

Shania: But wait! They're fictional!

Johnny (Salesperson): Oh sorry. Got to take this back.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man!

Yuri: And there's two right in front of him.

Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch."

Alice: To hide their preppy camera. You know that's coming up.

He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

Johnny: Where were you then?

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!"

Shania: No, they're going to spy on someone else!

I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

Yuri: Purple was then caught shoplifting. And now, the results of that trial.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

Alice: Even Mary-Sues have to pay for their clothes. Good.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

Johnny (Mary): So steal it! Go!

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

Shania: Mary-Sues can change minds with their beauty.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"

Yuri: Purple for short.

"Tom Rid."

Alice: Boo! Boo! Boo!

He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair.

Johnny: Removing his hair.

"maybe I'll see you there tonight."

Shania: Oh, you will. We time traveled back.

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily,

Yuri: Mood swings? More like Mood extreme turbulence!

but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"

Alice: We need to get back to the Junk!


"All right, guys…" Yuri said. "Let us see your Mary-Sue selves."

"I'm Alice Goddess Holy Elliot." Alice wore a white nun's outfit, with slits at the arms and legs, a golden cross, and white sandals. "I obey the lord 100%. I kill all the heathens that don't obey the Bible."

"Well, it sounds like Christian propaganda. But your outfit says otherwise." Said Yuri, pointing to Alice's exposed calves.

"Oh. I have sex all the time." Said Alice in a normal voice. "As a 100% loyal servant of the lord, I can very easily get away with some sins every now and then as I long as I repent and pray to the lord. But you should know that."

"Okay." Yuri wrote something down on a notepad. "Johnny?"

"I'm Johnny Ryder Rowsdower Garland." Johnny wore a black bomber's jacket, with the white fur. Goggles laid on top of his head, but kept his cowlick up. His also wore black fingerless gloves, a green and yellow tie-die shirt, ripped ankle blue jeans, and black combat boots. "I fly all things that can fly. I can shoot anything that can shoot. I can KILL anything that can or can't be KILLED."

"That's good, that's good. But I don't see the Mary-Sue in you." Again said Yuri.

"I can't die." Simply replied Johnny.

"How?" Asked Yuri.

"My clothes are bullet-proof, and my goggles…" He said while tapping said goggles. "…create a shield that protects me from most form of damage, and heals me when I do…DO take some damage."

"Ah…ha…" Yuri said, again writing something down. "All right, Shania…"

"I'm Shania Garvoy." She said, wearing her regular clothes. "I'm a Princess, I'm able to transform into famous deities, and I kick major ass with twin tomahawks. "

"Come on, Shania." Yuri asked. "We agreed to this. We all got to do this."

"Nah." Shania left, leaving Yuri to groan.

"There's nothing I can do, really." He said. "But, hey, next time we'll get her."

"Well, that makes you next and last, Yuri." Alice said, trying to keep her outfit from slipping off.

"I'm…"

KKRRSSTT

"Hey!" Gilbert smacked the monitor, as static filled it.

"What's wrong?" Asked Nicolai, not very interested.

"I lost the reception! We can't see, we can't hear anything!" Gilbert continued to hit his computer, causing some steam to billow out of a crack. With a grunt, he grabbed his toolbox and went under, hoping to fix the problem. Nicolai, never caring, returned to his book.

HHHEEEELLLLOOOO

Both Nicolai and Gilbert shot up, with Gilbert banging his head against his computer. After rubbing his head, he got and followed Nicolai, looking for the noise.

"Any clue?" Asked Gilbert.

"No." Replied Nicolai in a rare, worried voice.

IIIMMMBBBACCCKKKK

"Is it safe to say I'm scared?"

"Go ahead."

HAHAHAHAHA

The voice vanished. The computer worked again. Yuri laid on the floor, with the other three holding him down. The three sounded very angry. Gilbert ran over to his computer and checked everything. It seemed like nothing happened.

"Well…I'm freaked." Said Nicolai.

"I agree." Replied Gilbert, shutting down his computer.

And some how, the lights.

HAHAHAHHOHOHOHHEHEHEHE...

Then silence.