We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Fiona sips her champagne from her glass and takes the time to observe her surroundings. It's your average gathering of the rich and dull, boring really.
She hates this sort of thing. Loathes it, even. Everyone was just so fake, something that bothered her. She sort of understands why they all put on this show. If you don't act like yourself, no one will reject the real you. Just the mask.
It really doesn't do much else, though maybe it helps with business. She can't for the life of her tell you how though.
She puts on a facade too, just like the rest of them. It protects her, keeps her safe. Keeps everyone out.
And she doesn't even want that. She wants to be open, be honest, with others. She doesn't want to hide from them.
But, she does anyways.
Her cousin, Victoria, was sitting on the couch, a boy that Fiona didn't recognize on her right and a girl that she knew as Mindy on her left. She can see Victoria slip them both a little plastic bag.
Something she hadn't noticed until now; Victoria had never once offered her drugs. This seems almost implausible, since she spends a lot of time with the blonde.
If Victoria had offered her 'an escape' she surely wouldn't take it. She would decline without a second thought. The two on the couch didn't, though.
Mindy stands up, heading in the direction of the bathroom, while the other two stay on the couch.
"Victoria handing out more party favors?" A voice asks and she doesn't even need to turn around to know who it is.
"Of course, this would be boring without them."
"And you didn't…"
She turns to face him, "Of course not."
"Just checking. I wanted make sure we didn't need to have an intervention."
"Who's this 'we' that you're talking about? It would just be you."
"And you. You'd have to be there, or it would be pointless. Nothing would get accomplished." He points out.
"True, but there's no need for an intervention, really."
"Okay then." He replies and then they are quiet, but it's comfortable. A companionable silence.
"I though you were inviting Holly J this time, you know, to break the monotony."
Declan sighs, "She had to work. She'll come to the next one."
"I have never met anyone who loves to work as much as she does." Fiona smirks, "Don't you find it at least a little odd at The Dot. With Spinner."
"What do you - " He stops. "No, I know what your game is."
"What game?" She asks, innocently. "I'm simply making an observation."
"No, you're being catty."
"I am not!" She protests.
"Yes, you are." He shrugs his shoulders, "It's alright, though. I suppose it makes sense for you to be jealous."
"Jealous?" She scoffs, "I have no reason to be."
"Of course you do, you miss me."
She can't deny it because it's true, so she stays silent.
"Am I right?"
"Yes, fine, you're right! I miss you. Happy now?"
She crosses her arms over her chest. Damn him, he always knew what she was thinking. She downs the rest of her drink and sets it on the nearest table.
"I'll be upstairs. Tell mom and dad I'm not feeling well." She waves at him as she passes. She's halfway up the stairs before she realizes he's still watching her. She ignores him, though, and continues to her room.
No more than a few seconds after she flops down on her bed, Declan appears in her doorway.
"What is it now?" She asks.
"You said you missed me, so we're going to spend time together."
She groans, but moves over, giving him enough room to lie down next to her. She rolls over, so she's facing him. His arm wraps around her waist in a gesture that she supposes should be friendly, but instead stirs an all too familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She takes note of how close they are, their foreheads nearly touching, his breath ghosting over her face, it would be so easy for her to just give in. But, she wouldn't. Not now, not ever.
She doesn't know where these emotions are coming from. Why she feels the way she does. All she knows is that she doesn't want to feel like this.
The air in the room seems thicker than it was before. She feels almost as if she's suffocating. She doesn't like it.
"Fiona…" He starts, but doesn't have anything to say. So he does what must come naturally, he kisses her.
His lips are soft against hers and it's almost enough to make her forget how wrong this is. She should push him away, should tell him that they shouldn't do this, she should resist. But, she doesn't because she's scared. She doesn't want to reject him because she's afraid that she'll never get this chance again.
So, she kisses him back, tangling her hands in his hair, and sighing softly into his mouth. She can feel him smirk.
Declan rolls them over, so he's above her. His lips trail down her neck and she arches into his touch.
No, she can't let this happen. She needs to stop.
But, Declan's hands have wandered up her dress and his fingers are stroking her thighs and everything just feels so good that she never wants it to end.
Their clothing is shed quickly and then he's inside of her. She wraps her legs around his waist and tries to pull him as close as she can. The entire situation feels so surreal, almost as if she's in a daze, everything's hazy.
But, in that moment, when one thing ends and another begins, she feels as if everything is clearer. Her mask begins to come off in pieces and all of those walls she's built up come crumbling down with three simple words.
"I love you."
A/N: So, I think this story got a bit off track somewhere along the line, but hopefully it still makes sense. I've decided I need to get a beta, so if anyone wants to, just let me know. It would mostly be for gramatical errors, as I can usually tell if the plot is working.
On a different note, new Degrassi on TeenNick this Friday! I'm gonna miss it, though, because I've recently gotten a life, so I have plans.
I hope you enjoyed reading this!
XOXO - Caroline