The Difference

This WAS going to be a one-shot... but apparently I've changed my mind. Damn. It. All. I can't believe I'm doing this AGAIN. I'm already going to hell, now I'm just burying myself deeper. Well enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own and I apologize to whoever does for doing this to his characters. *sob sob sob* I'M SORRY!

Sam POV:

I know, okay? I know that there is a difference between what I feel in my head and what I feel in my body. It's like, the difference between Love and Lust. I get it, trust me, I get it.

Also, I get that there's a difference between annoyance and jealousy. I'm annoyed when Dean wastes all our time chasing tail and getting wasted. But am I jealous? No. Hell no!

Sure, I mean, sometimes I feel like Dean gets way too excited about screwing loose women and having one night stands, but it's not my place to tell him to keep it in his pants for once. Not to mention his un-heathy eating habits and foul language. I'm only worried about him. That's not weird, right? I'm his brother! I'm allowed to be worried a little.

There's a difference in what I'm feeling, is what I'm trying to say.

Here's the thing... I love my brother. No, really, I love him. No matter his frustrating quirks and bad behavior, he's still my brother. I really don't know what I'd do without him. I love him. Love. Not lust. Love. Get it? I know the difference.

Lately... I'm starting to wonder if Dean knows the difference.

He's been... saying things and... doing things that have frankly been creeping me the hell out! It started when he got out of hell. Well, he was... weird... when he got out anyway. Twitchy and cautious and mostly... scared. Of everything. I hoped he would grow out of it and I guess he did, but that's when he just started acting even... weirder.

He wants to spend time with me and keep watch on me whenever he can, like he's afraid I'll run off somewhere. Again. I think he's afraid of being alone. Not that I can blame him, I mean, I'm kinda scared of that too. I really don't know what I'd do without Dean...

Still! It's not like I'm following him around or telling him not to go see people or do something dangerous, just like he's been telling me to do lately. Oh, and did I mention he hated, really fucking hated, Ruby? Yeah, he thought she was the anti-christ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending her or anything, obviously she was a huge bitch, considering how it all ended and such. But damn, did he have to hate her from the start?

I know I was going on at the beginning about the difference between annoyance and jealousy, but really, I think he was just plain jealous of Ruby. She did take up a lot of my time back then. Not to mention the time she took up wasn't really filled with us doing 'good' things. I know Dean hated the demon blood and I know he's still mad at me and he still doesn't trust me, but I wish he would try a little bit harder to trust me!

He's so contradictory lately! He mean to me(more than normal) but when it comes down to a serious situation he gets really emotional. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think he's trying to be protective.

I know there's nothing wrong with that... but does he really need to watch me sleep, like he's doing now?

He's been sitting there for an hour already, and this isn't even the first night he's done it. He's always got a beer in his right hand and uses his left hand to hold his head up when he starts to drift off. I think Cas comes in sometime around morning and moves him to his bed after he falls asleep.

I haven't had the nerve to ask either of them about it yet.

To tell the truth... I'm scared of what the answer will be. If he tries to deny it, it could end up being a number of horrible things. Maybe I have some night-walking/murdering thing they never told me about? What if they're afraid Lucifer's going to try and get me in my dreams? And the one I'm most afraid of; what if it's not about me? What if it's just got something... to do with Dean?

T-trust me, I wouldn't even be having these kinds of thoughts if it weren't for the way Dean acts around me in the daytime! I really, really, really wish I didn't have to say this but... he flirts with me. I don't mean cheesy, "hey baby wanna go for a ride?" kind of flirting. I mean the subtle kind; offhand winks, trying to make me laugh at his jokes, random moments where he'll touch my shoulder when he doesn't have to. Usually I would just write this off as nothing, but it's so un-Dean-like I can't just pretend it's not happening!

The thing is... I think Dean really is in love with me. I think he has been for a while. I'd just never noticed it before...

"Sammy!" My eyes jerked open, annoyed yet not surprised to hear my name called like that. He's always woken up earlier than me, it makes no sense. As I sat up and gave him a bleary, tired glare, he just smiled, acting quite refreshed. Glad he got some sleep, at least one of us should have. My body and brain were both so exhausted it felt like I had slept for four minutes at the most. That wouldn't be too much of a stretch, considering I was thinking about some pretty unfortunate stuff last night.

As I finished tying my shoes I lifted my head just in time to see Cas look around the room nervously, meaning he just arrived. As usual, he headed straight for Dean. Not that I was jealous! It's just something I noticed, that's all.

Dean gave him a big cheesy grin which Cas politely ignored as he began ranting about some trouble going down in a nearby city,

"There have been far too many demon deals going on inside a rather populated area called Rain City lately. I believe they are gathering souls in preparation for something- perhaps a summoning."

"Summoning what?"

Dean grabbed one of our bags as he headed out the door. Cas followed, leaving me as the last one to exit the room. I barely caught the room key Dean tossed at me right after I shut our room door. He smirked and I rolled my eyes back at him as I turned around and headed for the checkout desk to return the key, listening to Dean and Cas's fading voices as they discussed different summoning possibilities while loading the car.

The checkout desk was not air conditioned and it was blazing hot the second I walked through the door that was obviously being held open to try and tempt a stray breeze into flowing inside. There was a scrawny boy with a pale face sweating up a storm in a two-sizes-too-big T-shirt at the counter. Only when he looked up from his book did I notice what he was reading.

I swear, I could have shot something.

"Has anyone ever told you..." he began in a breathy, nervous voice, "that you look like Sam, from the Supernatural book series?"

I'm a bit ashamed to say I just gave him a half smile as I walked out the door. No comment, that's the best way to go. Man, I really hate those books. When we were at that ridiculous "Supernatural Convention" those two dweebs dressed as me and Dean were making out for some girls to take pictures of. It was maybe the most horrifying thing I'd ever seen, and I've seen some pretty bad stuff, including that gross male siren who tried seducing the both of us a little while back. Don't get me wrong! I've got nothing against homosexuality! I just don't want to think about it if it involves me... or Dean... or both of us together. So, I didn't tell Dean about the make out session between the fake "us," it just would have been awkward. It was already weird enough just hearing about the "slash-fans" online.

Yeah, I really hate those books.

I walked a little bit faster than normal back to the car and hopped in the drivers seat. I noticed that Cas seemed to have disappeared for a little while, so it was just Dean and I on the road like always.

"Sam-" I must have been off in my own world because I jumped a little when he said my name. He gave me a weird look then turned his eyes back on the road and continued, "Maybe you should look into this town, Rain City, see what it's all about."

"Sure, yeah." I nodded and opened my laptop quickly. After only a quick google search I got the information I needed.

"It's not so much a town as a metropolis, Dean. It's got tons of people, suburbs around the perimeter, an active downtown area, and a lot of pretty high class hotels, restaurants, and clubs."

"So it's not our usual hangout." He said, shifting across the highway as more roads began emerging. "There probably won't be a decent diner once we get inside the city limits. We should get breakfast soon so we can eat some decent food."

We drove for a good 20 miles and didn't see anything but exits with gas stations and fast food. After the fourth time his stomach growled, Dean growled back, and pulled off on the nearest exit. He was not at all happy when we sat down in the booth at Waffle House and the waitress came to take our order.

"What can I get you two cuties?"

I elbowed Dean, trying to cheer him up,

"See, she called us cuties! That's nearly the same as a diner waitress would call us."

He gave me an annoyed look, which turned to a pout, and muttered,

"Diner waitress woulda called us sweetie-pies..."

He kept that pout on his face for a good 5 minutes until the food came. I swear, he is more moody than a girl sometimes. He wasn't even happy once we'd finished, complaining about the coke being flat or something else stupid. I was just glad he wasn't hungry anymore so we could move on.

I had a bad feeling about this town we were heading towards. Maybe it was because of the ay the other customers looked in the Waffle House, really cheerful and kind of loud. There was a couple behind us that were going at it like animals over their eggs. I don't think Dean noticed it since he was too busy pouting, but I really didn't like the feel of this place... there's something sketchy here. I can tell.

To Be Continued...

I don't even know what this is. It's a formula for hell, thats all. But... anyway. it seems like a pretty good start to a formula for hell, dontcha' think?