Author's Note: It's no secret that I'm in love with the St. Berry pairing. That might be why I just can't help writing about them. I blame it on my love for Lea and Groff. They're just so adorable together.
Plus Jesse is just so…I can't even describe him.
Anyways, please leave me a review! Let me know what you think.
Started 4/22/10. Finished 4/23/10.
Disclaimer:I don't own Glee!
It was after he collapsed next to her, out of breath that he really felt like an asshole.
There was a smile on her face, her hair, just a little bit tangled, spread across a pillow. Her eyes were lit with excitement, with pleasure, with pure, absolute happiness and ecstasy. He swelled at the knowledge that he had been the one to cause such a look. There were little gasps of breath slipping past her lips and her chest would rise and fall rapidly as she fought giggles. He didn't need a mirror to know that his actions matched hers. He was out of breath as well, fighting back the smallest of laughter at knowing his triumph. But he also didn't need a mirror to know that the uncertainty in her eyes matched his as she curled up next to him. Because she was uncertain. Maybe, no yes he was sure, he was too. It was just for different reasons.
His came from the knowledge that when all of this was finally over he would have to hurt her. He would kiss her, sleep with her, win her trust, win her love, and everything else. When he was finally done with using her, until she was absolutely crazy in love with him, he would screw her over. That was just how it was, how it worked. That was how it had to be. He, of course, had a choice in the matter. It was just that, frankly, he cared more about his team than he did about this girl. She was, after all, just a girl. A girl that would not stand in the way of his winning Regionals. Because as much as he hated, hated, to admit it, she was talented. Possibly more than some of the female leads in Vocal Adrenaline. She was a threat, this girl. She was the only reason why her little glee club stood a chance at Regionals. And that just did not sit well with Shelby Corcoran. Therefore he had been recruited to destroy the little joke from within. But Rachel Berry had not been what he had expected.
She was something more. He felt like a total cheese ball when he said she was something special. Because he really did not believe that. Or maybe, he didn't want to believe that. Who really knew? Either way she came in second to his first. She just was not aware of it. That was a little troublesome. She was so willing to let someone in. She was so blinded by it that she would even risk her team. That was such a foolish, naïve act in his mind that he could not even grasp the idea. How could someone risk that? His team meant everything.
It was only when a sigh drifted from the space next to him that he even remembered she was there. That uncertainty was still present in her gaze. Her brown eyes flickered to his own light ones, questioning. She was afraid of being hurt. As she very well should be. It was a realistic fear. It was one she could see come true very soon. But it was something more than fear. He knew since the moment he met her that she was not the girl everyone made her out to be.
She was not this overly confident person. She was not him, despite previous suspicions. Did she have talent? Undeniable. Was she was a diva? Irritatingly so. In a way she was a mirror image of himself. But she lacked one thing. One very vital thing. Confidence. While she was confident in her voice she was not confident with herself. She was completely unsure of herself, at war with doubts that plagued her when she shut the door. But she was starting to let him in.
That was going to break her.
"Jesse?" Her voice was soft and timid. She looked so fragile when he turned his eyes to her face. "Was I…was it good?"
She was so afraid. Her voice trembled with her fear. He realized then he could easily insult her. He could feed her the lies she dreaded to hear. That her inexperience made her clumsy. It made it un-enjoyable. But he could not bring himself to say it. He did not want to say it. It was at this moment that he realized he could care for her if he tried. It would be so easy, so simple. But it was forbidden. And she…well, he needed UCLA. She stood in the way of that.
"You were perfect," He breathed before kissing her lips softly. He pulled her close, let her rest her head on his chest. He smiled when her fingers tapped the skin in time with his heartbeat.
He was scum, filth, an asshole, a hideous creature. He was every bad thing in this world. He was so willing to hurt this girl. He was willing to destroy her to get what he wanted. How could he even consider himself a human being after that? But that wasn't even the worst part, which was obvious.
He had a choice. He could choose to quit, sparing her any heartbreak. But his final choice was, and would be, to hurt her.