My first Naruto fanfic, please don't kill me because I suck. Because I'm just awesome that way

Overused plot… shut up, will contain yaoi (in MUCH later chapters), but then again-what doesn't? It's a joke, laugh.

Disclaimer: No shit Sherlock, I didn't create Naruto. Otherwise… well, there'll be SasuNaru for sure!

Konoha's number one hyper active knucklehead leapt from his balcony onto the busy streets and ran at full speed towards the bridge where team 7 normally met. Truth of the matter was simply that he was late. Again

"I'm not late, I'm not late…" he shouted as he arrived. Sakura met his tardiness with a hard smack over his head, "You're late! Again!"

"Ow, why are you always hitting me? Is this some kind of thing to impress emo-boy?"

He was responded with an even harder kick as he grinned at her madly blushing face, "We're going to get married one day, isn't that right Sasuke?" Said emo boy barely glanced to the side where Sakura beamed. He had no time for this, especially her. Shuddering, he turned back to the water below. All he wanted was for Kakashi sensei to get his nose out of his porn so Sasuke would finally have an excuse for pounding Naruto's ass into the ground. That image itself triggered an inconvenient nosebleed. 'Just great' he thought.

Onyx eyes widened as he realised his regrettable choice of words but was interrupted by a haughty laugh, "Pound my ass into the ground?" Sasuke spun around and treated Naruto to his famous Uchiha death glares (he didn't realise that he was, in fact, musing aloud), "Yeah yeah," Naruto winked, "I'll like to play rough with you too."

The raven haired couldn't help but blush at the choice of the blonde's words. 'Only Naruto' he thought.

His thoughts and mutterings of plans for Naruto's slow and painful death were abruptly interrupted by the arrival of the silver haired man, "Yo!"

"Kakashi sensei! You're late!" Sakura and Naruto shouted, Sasuke didn't even bother to open his mouth; instead, he shot pinpointed missiles through his eyes.

"I'm sorry for being late children, but I got lost on the road of glorious sex with Iruka- I-I mean I got lost on the road of life."

"LIAR!" Naruto shouted, Sakura was too frozen to say anything. "Just for that Naruto," Kakashi sensei grinned (or whatever he did behind that mask), "I'm going to withhold today's surprise."

"Oh Naruto!" Sakura growled, and smacked him, "You suck!"

"Hey!" he yelled, and then smirked, "Actually, you're quite right. I say I'm pretty good at sucking from the reactions I get, right Sasuke?" Just to add fuel to the fire he winked and blew a kiss. The onyx eyed boy wasn't sure whether he wanted to kill the blood, or just pound him to the next hard surface. 'Why, why me?'

"Today I will be performing a special jutsu," Kakashi sensei announced, his nose still buried in the (what Naruto called it) 'dirty book', "It's supposed to reveal your deepest desires. Any volunteers? How about you, Sasuke?"

The Uchiha glared menacingly at the lazy man, 'he better not pick me, I'm sure no one wants to see a decapitated Itachi Uchiha laying on the hard floor anyway, or a dead blonde shinobi.' But possessing the rotten luck that he does, the image that comes into mind is not, in fact a dead Naruto, but a moaning, sweaty, naked one, "Oh fuck me." He mutters

"Is that an offer?" a seductive voice whispered. He turned around to see Naruto with that 'cute' shit face grin that he hated (adored) 'Oh shut up brain!' so much. Why Naruto acted like that, Sasuke would never know. He'd been watching from the corner of his eye, ever since he was a child, the abuse that the blonde went through.

"I'll do it!" Sakura announced boldly, "Then I can finally picture my marriage with Sasuke-kun!"

"Naruto…" Sasuke pleaded

"Alright, but you owe me one at Ichiraku's later"

"Fine, anything you want."

"Anything?" he purred

"Naruto…" the raven haired growled.

"Fine fine, only for you Sasuke" he turned to Kakashi and yelled, "Yo! Pervy sensei! I wanna try!" Sakura sent an annoyed glance at him and said, "Sasuke-kun, I'm so sorry, I'll get rid of-"

"Naruto!"

"Pervy sensei! Pick me! Pick me!"

Kakashi buried his head in his hands and sighed, "Alright Naruto, come over here." The silver haired man muttered a few words and did some of those weird hand signals that conduct the chakra before placing it on Naruto's forehead. Blue light burst from his hands, but unfortunately it was also the same time that the fox demon seal weakened under the jutsu. Blue and red collided and exploded.

Their sensei was blown back to the edge of the bridge, opening his eyes weakly to the billowing smoke, "Naruto? Naruto!"

Sakura stood back in shock, what the hell was that red chakra coming from Naruto's abdomen? It was… powerful, very powerful. Sasuke, on the other hand, had a blond shinobi moment and ran towards the smoke, "Sasuke, no!" Sakura cried.

Activating the Sharingan, he realised that the smoke was actually clearing away, "Naruto!" He came across an orange lump, "Naruto?" he whispered. Slowly and carefully, a small blonde head poked from the inside of the orange. The jacket covered the majority of his body as his azure eyes shook fearfully, "Is that you?" the Uchiha asked, "Naruto Uzumaki?"

The blue eyes widened before glaring, "I don't know what I did, but please stop hurting me! Just leave me alone!" he took off and ran. "Sakura, Kakashi!" Sasuke roared.

"What is it?" Kakashi asked frantically, "I just saw some kid running into the forests."

The Uchiha gave him a dead panned look, "That kid is Naruto! And I'm going after him." He spoke slowly, as if talking to a child. Without a second glace, he took off into the forest.

What felt like hours later, the Uchiha was still wandering around the forests. Damn dobe, he thought, Where the hell did he run off to? "Naruto! It's me, Sasuke! Come on, where are you?" 'And why did he look like a 5 year old?' he asked himself.

"No!" a voice cried out, "Leave me alone!"

"I'm not gonna hurt you, dobe. Come on, Kakashi sensei is getting worried."

"Do you promise you won't hurt me?"

"Promise" the Uchiha muttered

"I can't hear you!"

"I promise I won't hurt you!" he yelled

"…ok,"

Poking his head slowly from a nearby bush, a young blonde child emerged fully, looking abashed. His blue eyes were wide open and put the skies to shame, 'Huh,' Sasuke thought, 'I wonder why I never noticed this before…' a small pink mouth quivered before asking, "Why aren't you hitting me?"

"Dobe," the boy flinched at the insult, "Why would I want to hit you now?"

The blond blushed and looked down to his feet. Sasuke sighed, "Let's just get you to Tsunade ok?"

Naruto shook his head furiously, "No! She'll hurt me!" The raven gave a confused look

"How old are you Naruto?"

"5?"

He sighed, it was impossible to get an answer out of the kid. He didn't even have a clue what happened, the suddenly he felt a familiar chakra, "Kakashi!" The white haired man appeared, "Yo!" Naruto looked mortified and ran over to Sasuke, "You promised not to hurt me… right?"

"Right, but you don't have to be scared of Kakashi!" The child still hid behind Sasuke's legs and peered around them. The raven sighed, the dobe really trusted too easily, even as a child.

"I'll ignore that comment for now." Kakashi said whilst reading his orange book, "I-Is that… Naruto?" he dropped the book and walked slowly towards the boy, who quickly tightened his grip on Sasuke's hand that he didn't realise that he was holding, "We should get him to Tsunade."

"…"

"What was that Sasuke?"

"He's scared of her," the Uchiha whispered

"Yeah, who isn't?"

The Genin groaned, surrendering, "Fine. Alright Fox-Face, let's get going." Sighing at the questioning look on the tanned face, he lowered himself to his knees and gently stroked the 6 fox-like scars on Naruto's cheeks. His face lit up instantly, as if Sasuke was the only one he could trust. Grinning, he pulled on the pale hand, holding his arms up. "Uhh," the genin mumbled, but seeing the ashamed look on Naruto's face he rolled his eyes, "Up you get!"

A joyful laugh erupted as the blond was hoisted onto strong shoulders. Kakashi couldn't help but smile behind his mask; it was his doing, after all.