Author's Note: I don't pretend to own any of the characters/anything else in these stories. Except for Flappy, the rose haired girl and any of my other original characters. I believe that's about it...
The night was young and the closed in awards stadium was almost full with more people still arriving. When at last everyone was comfortably seated a spotlight appeared onstage. The crowd fell silent in anticipation as a teenage brunette stepped into the light. Like quite a few people she was wearing her normal casual clothes. She fiddled with a microphone for a moment and then beckoned to some unseen people. A behind-the-scenes crewman dashed on stage handed her another microphone and headed off with the old one.
"Hello everyone!" she waved, "Welcome to the two thousand and ten awards. I'm your host Flappy!" About half the stadium clapped and cheered while the other half booed. The brunette merely smiled. "For all you booing I'd like to remind you that I am in fact a fan fiction author" she threatened while maintaining a happy voice.
"We know that!" one person yelled at her.
"Yeah! That's why we hate you!" another shouted.
"Ok, ok. I get the point, you don't like authorisations" Flappy said waving her hand up and down in an attempt to calm the crowd down.
"They're called self-inserts you idiot!" a third person in the crowd bellowed.
"Well whatever you call them you don't like them, I get the point" Flappy said. After quieting any more chatter in the crowd she finally continued. "Well today we have lots of awards to hand out to an entire host of um..." she stared at the crowd blankly, "everyone's favourite..." she broke off looking confused, "fictional characters" she finally said.
Immediately several people booed and others yelled at her but they quickly quietened down at the threat of being thrown out. "Anyway our first award for the night is... Author's Favourite!" Flappy cried.
A rose haired teenager around Flappy's age dashed on stage and handed her an envelope. She tore it open and unfolded the sheet of paper inside. However she proceeded to hand both back to the rose haired girl. "Not that I need the envelope anyway!" she smiled, "Our winner of course is the fabulous Yoshi!"
Yoshi jumped up onto the stage from his seat in the front row and accepted his award, a silver trophy depicting a quill, as the crowd cheered, clapped and whistled pleased for his achievement. Several people awed as Yoshi hugged Flappy thanking the fan fiction writer for the trophy and hopped back into his seat. Even after he sat down comfortably the crowd continued to cheer, clap and whistle. Then just as everyone quietened down one person cried, "Who'd want to win an award from that monster!?"
"That's it! Throw them out!" Flappy yelled angrily. Security people moved in on the offender and proceeded to shove, push and pull them out of the stadium. As they were being pushed up the isle the offender yelled various insults at Flappy. When they were finally outside everyone snapped their attention back to their host.
"Well, now that that's over let's move onto our next award. This one is for the most dramatic person! Our nominees are Light Yagami..." most people clapped but some shifted uncomfortably in their seats, "Eriol Hiiragizawa..." once again most people clapped but some silently pondered how he was nominated, "And finally Christine Vole, Helm whatever her last name is" everyone clapped.
The rose haired girl rushed onto the stage again and handed Flappy another envelope. The crowd held their breath as she opened it and silently read the letter inside. "An honourable mention to Mrs Christine Vole or Helm and her 'Damn you!' line but the award goes to Light Yagami!"
Light strolled to the stage looking quite smart in a suit as most people clapped. However some people shuddered and a few of the braver people booed. "I'll take a potato chip and... EAT IT!" Flappy cried as Light stepped onto the stage. Those few in the audience who got the joke laughed. Light shook Flappy's hand as he accepted his plain silver trophy. "Thank you, arigato" he thanked sincerely as he walked back to his seat.
"Isn't Light just so uber?" Flappy asked. The majority of the audience cheered in agreement while some booed and others remained silent. "Well I guess we all can't agree" Flappy sighed.
There was a pause as she the last few sounds of chatter died down. "Our next award is quite a crack one" Flappy ascertained slipping into fan fiction slang. She paused for a moment to allow everyone to ponder what it might be. "This award is for the male who most looks like a female" she announced as she smiled wanly.
Several people in the crowd looked horrified while others broke into roaring laughter. "Our nominees are the gym leader Roark..." everyone laughed while Roark folded his arms angrily, "Prince Marth..." everyone laughed as Marth blushed red, "Lucius..." he blushed even redder than Marth as everyone laughed, "and finally Yue" everyone laughed as Yue simply stared at his host unaffected.
"I didn't know Yue was a boy" Aang whispered to his friends.
"It isn't the Yue we know Aang. She didn't say princess. Besides she pronounced it differently!" Sokka declared.
Flappy tapped her foot anxiously on the stage as she waited for her rose haired assistant to run on stage and hand her the envelope. She gazed at the off-stage area for some time before turning back to the audience. "Well," she began with a shrug, "they've managed to lose the envelope for this award. Fortunately I know who wins it anyway. So without further ado can the fantastic Lucius please come up here and accept his award!"
Lucius thoroughly embarrassed walked to the stage as normally as he could while people clapped, cheered and whistled loudly. "Congrats" she murmured as she shook his hand. The rose haired girl dashed on stage carrying a plain silver trophy and shook his hand jubilantly. "Congratulations!" she cried and handed him his trophy.
"Thank you" Lucius said in his normal calm voice. He walked back to his seat and sat down glad that it was finally over. "Lucius" a voice beside the priest whispered.
"Y-yes Lord Raymond?" Lucius asked.
"You do realise I'm never going to let you forget this" Raven replied.
"Oh Lord Brother! Stop picking on poor Lucius!" Priscilla scolded.
There was a pause as Flappy talked to a behind-the-scenes crewman. She turned to the crowd with a disappointed look on her face. "Good news is they fixed the original microphone. Bad news is we no longer need it" she sighed.
There was deathly silence as the audience tried to comprehend exactly why she was telling them this. "I'm your host you idiots! I'm expected to say such things!" she cried in frustration. Suddenly it came back to the audience that this fan fiction writer was in fact their host and that there was in fact a problem with the microphone at the start.
"Well let's move on to the next award then. This award is for the best detective!" Flappy announced quickly in an attempt to save the ceremony.
"This is award is such a joke. Do they even have to hand it out?" someone muttered in the audience.
"Our nominees are Detective Sherlock Holmes..." everyone clapped, cheered and whistled as though he had already won the award, "L..." his fans went wild cheering him on, "And finally Detective Dick Gumshoe!" the crowd was completely silent.
The rose haired girl rushed on stage and handed Flappy the obligatory envelope. The fan fiction author smiled smugly as she unfolded it and read the letter as though she knew something nobody else did...