You're a Donkey Twice:

Chapter 1 - Another New World

This is a new fan fic continuing the story of Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket, Lampwick and Gepetto in the Wishing Star / Wormhole saga. This story finds our heroes in the early modern world of 1971 shortly after the death of that world's arch criminal Ernst Stavro Blofeld. SPECTRE now has a new leader, those who have read my previous simple story The Junior Woodchucks and the Coachman will probably know who this leader is already is but for any new readers we will be keeping it quiet until the end of his introduction.

Needless to say this man is so dangerous it will take the combined forces of our heroes plus MI-6 and their most well known agent dealing in unusual cases James Bond Agent 007 to put a stop to the new SPECTRE leader.

Don't ask me where this fits in either the legitimate Pinocchio or James Bond continuity. it's a Fan fic. ;c)

Imagine Pinocchio, Gepppetto, Jiminy Cricket, Lampwick as a donkey and Sean Connery In "the gun barrel scene".

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da,

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da,

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da,

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da,

Ta, Da, Ta, Da, Daa

Ta, Da, Ta, Da, Da

SPECTRE Island, off the Coast of Tuscany, Italy, 1971:

There was no better place for the main SPECTRE headquarters than the old island, rumored to be the site of a cursed amusement park in the late 1870s and early 1880s. In this time the only part of the old park that was restored was the management office building which took that roll again for the more "legitimate" front businesses SPECTRE hid behind. It was said that at one time this building was open for vandalization in order to make the amusement park's curse work faster on its vandal victims. The rest of the island was dedicated to the various SPECTRE training and brainwashing facilities. At the center of the island's surface was a simple round dome shaped building once believed to be the site of a grand saloon in the cursed amusement park. Now the building contained an elevator into the main SPECTRE meeting room in at grand cavern in the island's interior. The meeting hall was on a platform surrounded by water from the sea making a vast pool of most of the cavern. Its structure consisted of a horseshoe arrangement of chairs around a throne like chair.

On the throne like chair was the supreme leader over SPECTRE with the white Persian cat that was the living symbol of the organization. In many ways the man was like their old "Number 1" as the leader of SPECTRE was called, Ernst Stavro Blofeld in spending his time both lavishing pet to owner affection on the white Persian cat while at the same time handing out harsh discipline.

"Number 6." the leader on the throne with the cat said in a distinct cockney accent, "I told you to take that blue object out of the sky?" Number 1 asked

"I put our best scientist, Number 4 on that assignment." Number 6 said.

"and," Number 1 continued.

"He failed, Number 1" Number 6 answered. "After all what you want taken down is a star in the sky. It might even be light years away."

"You know the penalty for failure." Number 1 said quietly pressing a button on arm of his throne chair.

With that his one of the new Number 1's associates came up behind Number 6 with a hypodermic syringe. He appeared to be about to thrust it into Number 6 but at the last minute thrust it into the neighboring Number 4 instead.

The effect was sudden. There was a sudden fright upon the syringe's alien substance entering number 4's body, Number 1 sat calmly watching the substance's handiwork while petting and stroking the cat. First Number 4's human voice was gone replaced by the HE HAW!!! Braying of a donkey. Then his ears grew long and furry an did his nose and mouth till they resembled a donkey face and muzzle his hands and feet were fused into black hooves. Finally he grew a donkey tail and was forced on all fours with his cloths ripping off him as he changed fully into a adult donkey. The man that gave the shot to Number 4 was one of the two newer associates that that showed up with the new Number 1, the one that wore that very realistic fox mask. At least it was "officially" called a mask because the only other alternative to the mask theory of the man's face in this day and age was that the rest of the SPECTRE executive committee with human faces was going crazy. The other new immediate associate of the new Number 1 "officially" wore a cat mask and was apparently mute. However after what they just saw maybe the SPECTRE could except the idea of fox human and cat human beings without going crazy.

"Yes, Mr. Fowlfellow". announced Number 1 to the fox faced man, "This new scientific way of turning people into donkeys by radical DNA modification is very effective. The old way only worked on boys but this new method works on adult men as well. But it's still impractical in this day and age except for punishment of failing operatives. You may sell this one to the embassy of some third world country that still uses animal labor if you wish."

Everybody's eyes were on Number 1. As opposed to the Late Ernst Stavro Blofeld, a well built man who either wore modern business suits or Mauist style uniforms this new Number 1 was obese and wore a red 19th century coat that nearly went down to his ankles, his grandfatherly face was topped with a short crowned top hat. While they accepted this man and his oddball half animal appearing associates as their new leaders the SPECTRE executive committee did not know that this man who now held the white Persian cat, the living symbol of their organization was the original owner of SPECTRE Island when it was a cursed amusement park, the Coachman. His new immediate associates in the SPECTRE organization were John Worthington Fowlfellow and Gideon.

Now it is the time to imagine the silhouette women dancing around a donkey representing Lampwick during the musical interlude before the main part of this Pinocchio / James Bond thriller.

The song parody here is sung to You only Live Twice.

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da. Da, Da

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da. Da, Da

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da. Da, Da

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da. Da, Da


You're a donkey twice, was not your dreams.

The Coachman's cursed park, was not what it seems.

You spent your time there, on beer and pool.

All of this to avoid, your problems and school.

For that fox like stranger, he beckoned you on.

You didn't see danger, your humanity's gone.

For coming back here, you'll pay the price.

Until you can conquer the curse, you're a donkey twice.

For that fox like stranger, he beckoned you on.

You didn't see danger, your humanity's gone.

For coming back here, you'll pay the price.

Until you can conquer the curse, you're a donkey twice.

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da, Da

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da, Da

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da, Da

Ta, Da, Da, Da, Ta, Da, Da, Da


Before the lawn sign of "Universal Exports", London, England 1971.

This was not the type of world for a fairy to stick around in too long in. Many of the people in 1971 were so "logical" and "reasonable" in their beliefs that even GOD got the short shift let alone something like a fairy.

While she would show up if Pinocchio made no headway with MI-6 for exposing the new leader of SPECTRE for now discression was considered the better part of valor in this materialistically driven "reasonable" time period. Pinocchio and Geppetto would get along in this world as Pinochio was now a real boy and Gepetto was a real man. Lampwick would also be acceptable in this world as a donkey, Jiminy however would have to continue his regular perch under Pinocchio's hat well hidden. However some magic was still around if it had to be used. Lampwick still retained his power of speech where some MI-6 personel were concerned and they were soon to be shocked out of their "reasonable" and "logical" cacoons.

A world these "reasonable" people would consider to be the world of fairy tales had already invaded their "reasonable" world in an evil way when the Coachman took the late Ernst Stavro Blofeld's place at the head of SPECTRE and now it would have to invade in a good way to clean up the mess.

About a half hour after their arrival in the London of the year 1971 a woman came up the sidewalk by the lawn sign in their direction. She was in early middle age and looked to be about 38 to 40 years of age. She had dark grown hair with some early gray mixed in with it and wore a blue business like dress.

"And just what are you doing here?" She directed her question at Gepetto who was obviously the more mature member of the group hanging around the lawn sign. If your purpose here is for your young Scout to present this donkey as a Husbandsman proficiency badge project then he should be seeing his Scoutmaster, Mr. Sutterland. A couple of blocks due south from here.

"Lady" Pinocchio interrupted. "We need to see the owner of Universal Exports, we have important information concerning the new leader of his rival company so to speak."

"Young man," the woman returned sternly in a school teacher like manner. "You may call me Miss. Moneypenny if you wish to address me again in the future. Now take your donkey and go to Mr. Sutterland's office with him. While we do sponsor your Scout troop we do not run any scouting activities here.

"Lampwick decided it was time to reveal that he could talk to certain members of MI-6. He remembered that this Miss Moneypenny was one of those members."

"But the kid does have important information about SPECTRE's new leader." Lampwick said.

"And do not try ventriloquism on me either," Moneypenny returned. I'm up to all the tricks boys who are MI-6 orphans like to pull other people to convince them that they are spy material at a young age.

"But there is no ventriloquism involved here." Lampwick returned. "I do actually have the power of speech even though it can only be heard as such by certain people."

"Once Moneypenny realized that the donkey's mouth was actually moving in sinc with the words and no other source of the words being spoken could be determined she started saying, "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!! That thing can really talk can't it!?"

"Yes," Pinocchio returned, "and he has the same information about SPECTRE's new leader that I do."

"And just how do you have this information."

"That one's kind of hard to explain but since my nose will probably grow if I don't, I'll just give you the truth, Miss. Moneypenny." Pinocchio returned. "You see, in the year 1881 what is called SPECTRE island today was called Pleasure Island and it was a cursed amusement park that turned boys into donkeys and encouraged bad behavior on their part in order to speed. It was run by a man named the Coachman who sold the resulting donkeys to various industries needing animal labor. It is this same Coachman who now runs SPECTRE in your world and time. He came to this world and time through something called a "wormhole" as did we.

"I do remember an Italian fairy tale and a Walt Disney movie based on it with that premise in it." Moneypenny returned. "It was called Pinocchio as I remember." It was then that she realized who this familiar looking Boy Scout, grandfatherly man and donkey really were. All of their Disney like features were now painfully obvious."

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!" Moneypenny repeated. "You ARE Pinocchio as a real boy aren't you?"

"Yes, and this is Lampwick, one of my best friends," Pinocchio pointed to the donkey, "And this is Geppetto, my father," then Pinocchio doffed his hat revealing what was hidden underneath, "And this is Jiminy Cricket, my other best friend."

"And hello to you Miss Moneypenny." Jiminy said.

Moneypenny was still in a complete state of shock. What seemed to be simple intruders on the front lawn of "Universal Exports" were literally fairy tale characters come to real life. Indeed this highly unusual and even supposedly impossible occurrence would have to be reported to M. But how, and the problem of impossible people in a "reasonable" and "logical" world was only beginning to manifest itself. What if the Coachman from Pinocchio really was the new leader of the international criminal organization SPECTRE?

If that was true and he still had some method of changing people into donkeys than a threat to all mankind had arisen greater than Auric Goldfinger, Dr. NO, Emelio Largo or even Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

SPECTRE Island, off the Coast of Tuscany, Italy, 1971:

After the changing of SPECTRE operative Number 4 into a donkey the Coachman remained on the throne like chair stroking the white Persian cat gently.

"And now on to new business." the Coachman said. "My associate, Number 2, Mr. Fowlfellow. Claims to have a practical use for my radical DNA revision serum. Would you like to present it Mr. Fowlfellow."

"Well, you see Number 1" Fowlfellow retuned. "I've been looking at the past history of the SPECTRE organization and it isn't direct criminal actions as much as it is threats of criminal actions on a grandiose scale that has made it so successful. It is currently non profitable to turn people into donkeys on a mass scale for sale, your original purpose for doing so except in third world countries that still use large amounts of animal power. However the THREAT of turning people into donkeys on a mass scale, particularly your original target, children would bring big money to us in order to PREVENT its happening."

"Interesting." the Coachman returned while continuing to lavish his attentions on the white Persian cat, the living symbol of the organization he had taken over in his lap as well. "Just how do you expect to get the children and the serum together if we have to actually turn some kids into donkeys to bring the point that we can do it across."

"I've been thinking on that too." Fowlfellow continued. "The Pleasure Island bit and "stupid little boys" is beating a dead horse by now. It failed on this island in 1881 and it failed again in Duckburg in that other world in 1951. Rather than changing "stupid little boys" who play hookey from school and vandalize property that no one cares about into donkeys I'm proposing that we go after the SMART little boys THROUGH their schools and Scout troops. In other words I'm proposing that we threaten to put your DNA donkey juice in the food and drink that goes to every school and Boy Scout Association in meeting place in Europe unless the unless the European governments cough up a payment equivalent to twenty billion Pounds Sterling. This is the sort of thing that SPECTRE has done on several occasions under Blofeld and can do again with your donkey DNA juice.

"I will go ahead and authorize this plan then. Mr. Fowlfellow." The Coachman said, The white Persian cat in his lap was fully contented by his continued stroking and petting. "However remember, you fail, you change from anthropomorphic fox to genuine DONKEY. Now what do you need to carry this plan out."

"I will need another shot of that donkey DNA juice, a video camera and an expendable low level SPECTRE operative."

"You shall have them, meeting adjourned." was the Coachmans final order. "He got himself up from the throne chair and lifted the white Persian cat high above his head for all present to see. Then he brought it down so that its head hung over his shoulder and walked toward the elevator leading back to the surface of SPECTRE Island.

The main office of "Universal Exports, London England, 1971:

M, the middle aged chubby balding man who actually ran "Universal Exports (aka MI-6) actually took the news much better than expected. Hw was onto things like UFOs and other worlds so it turned out that he actually welcomed his guests from the "fairy tale world". He also was amused by how they were able to set themselves up in the "real" world. A call to Mr. Sutterland who ran the Boy Scout Association troop for Orphans of MI-5 and MI-6 agents killed in action showed that a Pinocchio Gepetto was registered with them and on a registration form made of a silky paper that exceeded banknote quality with the most golden gold ink Mr. Sutterland had ever seen. The stuff liked like it could have been made at the depositories in the Bank of England. However the form was perfectly official in its design. Mr. Sutterland was also enthused of this idea of "fairy tales" come to life too once it was confirmed by Pinocchio's Scout registreation form. He two was in the meeting with M, Moneypenny and Geppetto, Pinocchio, Lampwick and Juminy. He actually felt gratitude that Lampwick could talk to him in human speech and therefore he too was in the loop of whatever case or assignment brought these "fairy tale" people into the "real" world. Mr. Sutterland was the type of Scoutmaster any boy would have wanted in that position. He was a tall slender athletic man about thirty years of age who pretty much followed Robert Baden Powell's original plan and let the troop's patrols pretty much run themselves with only the absolute amount of interference needed to assure their safety in most activities.

"I see Pinocchio, has not been assigned a patrol as yet." Mr. Sutterland announced. "I would like him to come to our next meeting and get that matter settled."

"Not yet," M returned. "All of these people have important information about the SPECTRE leader that replaced Ernst Stavro Blofeld after his death. It seems that he is one of these "fairy tale" people too, the Coachman of Pleasure Island. I believe that we have to assign our best agent in dealing with weird and unusual assignments to this one. Moneypenny, have James Bond stop whatever he is doing and come to the office at once."

"With pleasure." Moneypenny returned very pleased with the idea that James would have to handle all his potential co workers in the coming assignment in a strictly G rated way for once.

James Bond's flat, London England, 1971:

The day so far was a typical one for James Bond, agent 007 when he was not on assignment. Even though he was approaching early middle age he still had the tall athletic body, rugged but still handsome facial features and the reputation of an agent "licensed to kill" that attracted women to him. His usual "date" for non assignment time was a low MI-6 operative and James was waiting for her when the phone rang.

"This is Miss Moneypenny." the voice on the phone said. "You have an assignment and you must come to the office right away. It concerns the new SPECTRE leader, we have eyewitnesses as to his identity and it makes for a most unusual assignment, right up your ally, James."

James was never one to turn down an assignment that involved SPECTRE. He was still angered by the organization who's leader had murdered his wife of one day even though that leader was now dead. He practically dashed out of his flat and into the elevator and once the elevator reached the basement garage level dashed out of it to the silver Aston Martin that was still his assigned car for MI-6 service.

Next - James Bond gets the shock of his life when he sees that his co workers are going to be a Boy Scout who claims he used to be a puppet, a talking donkey, an old man and a talking cricket rather than a beautiful "Bond Girl", Geppetto meets Q and the two find they have a lot in common, especially pride in their work. The Prime Minister sends MI-6 a disturbing extortion video that was sent to him from SPECTRE.