A/N: Ok, so I just got through with "Disordered" and already have plot bunnies driving me mad. This will have 5 or 6 chapters, I think... Please review, you know I'll squee!
Spencer Reid rolled over and switched off his alarm clock. Immobilized by the effort, he lay on his stomach with his face burrowed deeply into his pillow. Why he'd set his alarm for 7:00 am on a Saturday morning, he couldn't imagine.
It occurred to him that it might have had something to do with a vague determination to "get things done." To tackle a series of homey tasks--none of which he could recall at the moment--and, in the bigger picture, to wrestle back control of his life and put his feet back on the path from which they had been so foolishly diverted.
Groggily, his mind delved into his guilt-list: first and foremost, there was laundry. At least one overdue bill. His car needed something done to it, he wasn't sure what. He owed his mom a letter. He knew he needed to give his apartment a good cleaning--he'd been out of town so often over the last few months that the place had degenerated into a steaming pit of single-guy hell.
Not surprising, considering that, for the last six months, what little free time he'dhad when he was in town had been spent almost entirely at Derek Morgan's house.
Until they broke up.
Between his increasingly pressing sense of duty and the unpleasant Morgan-memories, any hope of dozing off again had become impossible, so Reid dragged himself into an upright position, found his ratty old plaid bathrobe and pulled it on over his t-shirt and underwear ensemble. He padded into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. A gentle outside pattering noise told him that it was raining again. He glanced out the window at the gray morning and sighed.
A miserable day to match his miserable mood. At least there was coffee to look forward to.
The pot had almost finished brewing when a knock came at his door. Frowning, he checked the peephole and, for just a flash, was elated to see Morgan standing there. Then, he remembered how angry he was with him, and he almost walked off without responding. But Derek called, "Spencer! Open the door! Come on, man, I know you're in there. Give me a break, will you?" Reid pursed his lips, waited three beats, then opened the door with a sour expression on his face.
"What do you want?"
Morgan's running clothes were soaking wet, and little beads of water were still trickling down over his shaved head and onto his face. He wiped a hand over his eyes and cheerily said, "Hey, Spencer! How's it going, kid?"
"I asked, what do you want?"
"Oh--well, see, I went for a little run this morning, and the weather turned ugly on me. I... thought you might let me come in and warm up for a few minutes." Morgan had a hopeful grin on his face and he made a show of clasping his arms around himself and shivering. Reid continued to stare balefully at him, but finally stepped away from the door and let him in. Morgan entered and glanced around the familiar room. It looked exactly the same as it had the last time he'd been there, back when they were lovers. Which was... only two weeks ago. It seemed more like a million years since he'd held the boy in his arms.
"Don't call me that."
"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. So... do you have a towel, or something?" Morgan was dripping on the carpet, so Reid went and found a large bath towel. He also grabbed a neatly folded t-shirt from the top of his dresser.
He returned to the living room and handed Morgan first the towel, then the t-shirt.
"That's yours. I've been meaning to bring it to work with me so I could give it back. Guess it's a good thing that I didn't." Reid stood by as Morgan peeled off his soaked muscle shirt and held it tentatively as he looked around for a place to deposit it. Reid took it and threw it into the sink, trying not to look at Morgan's glistening chest muscles as he swabbed away the residual moisture before putting on the dry shirt.
Morgan sniffed the air. "Say--is that fresh coffee? Damn, I could stand a cup--"
"Just tell me why you're here."
"I told you, I just happened to be out this way--"
"Don't give me that. This is nowhere near your usual route. You came all this way, so why not get to the point." Reid leaned against the kitchen counter and folded his arms. Morgan took a deep breath and came up to him. He positioned himself in a way that allowed him to look straight into Reid's eyes, and he put the most earnest expression possible on his own face.
"Spencer, I just want to talk. I know you're still upset with me, but--"
"I'm not upset. I'm done." Reid's mouth was a grim line and his jaw was set. "I don't have anything to add to what I've already said to you, so I don't really see what's left to discuss. But, if you have some new information to offer--such as, you've been diagnosed with an advanced case of brain-rot which led to you behaving like an idiot, feel free to bring it up. I'll give it due consideration."
Morgan looked completely deflated, then shook his head. "No. I don't have any new information. I was just thinking... well, hoping, that maybe you were feeling a little differently by now."
He stared into the stormy brown eyes and nodded. "Ok. I'm sorry. I just... I just thought I'd take a chance." He smiled sadly. "It was good to see you, though, away from work. I've missed that robe." He tugged gently at the flannel on Spencer's arm, then reluctantly turned to leave.
Reid rolled his eyes. "I thought you wanted coffee."
Morgan brightened and turned back. "Well, yeah! That would sure hit the spot."
Reid shook his head, marveling at the depths of his own pathetic-ness, and poured them both a cup. They sat down at his kitchen table and sipped the hot liquid in silence. Then Morgan spoke.
"I'm just so deeply sorry, Spencer. I wish--"
"I know. I know it doesn't help to keep saying it, I just... I don't know what else to do. I love you. I love you so much. And, I'd do anything--"
"I'd do anything in the world to take it all back, but I can't. If there was anything, anything, I could do to make you stop hating me--I'd do it, you know that."
"I don't hate you. But, I don't like you anymore, and I don't trust you. That's just the way it is, now." Reid idly stirred another spoonful of sugar into his coffee. "I wish it didn't matter to me. I wish I was some... sophisticated man-about-town who didn't care about fidelity. But, I'm not. And, it does matter to me." To Reid's disgust, his eyes were filling with tears. He angrily swiped at them with the sleeve of his robe.
"When I saw you... with her... my heart broke. It's just going to take a long time for it to heal, and even when it does--there's no way I can forget that sight. The two of you... in bed together... what you were doing... " Reid dropped his eyes and shook his head, and Morgan saw a tear splash onto the table. Reid looked up, and his voice was strained, but firm. "I wish I didn't care, but I do. So, please--just finish your coffee and leave."
Morgan nodded sadly. His own heart had been broken repeatedly and on a regular basis, ever since Reid found him in bed with Jordan Todd. It had just split wide open once again.
"Ok, kid. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I just... I'm sorry." Morgan stood up and placed his half-empty cup on the counter, then came and pressed a kiss onto the top of Reid's head. "I know what I did was wrong. But, I swear to God, Spence--I don't remember any of it." With that, he turned and headed out the door.
Reid pursed his lips as he felt anger once again replace the hurt. There was a part of him that thought that maybe, just maybe, if Morgan would at least admit the truth--that he'd invited Jordan into his bed--maybe Reid could forgive him. He understood about the pressures of the job, and what could happen when that pressure built up, only to be abruptly released at the end of a successful case with a celebration and lots of booze.
But, to deny that he'd even done it, when he was caught red-handed, so to speak--that was unforgivable.
Reid put the dirty dishes in the washer and went to take a shower. On his way to the bathroom, he threw Morgan's wet running shirt into the trash.