Title: Fear and Freedom
Synopsis: Ambiguities filled Celty's life, but two things remained constant: fear and freedom. But the one thing that she doesn't realize is that it is the people closest to her that gives her both of those things.
A/N: Of course my first Durarara fic is in a really weird writing style. XD Anyways, I love Durarara and I hope this will be the first of many fics for it! This one is sort of weird, but it's here, so enjoy it please. Review it if you're a kind soul.
Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara, because if I did, there would be more Kida. 3
"If I lose everything in the fire, I'm sending all my love to you."
-'Last Night on Earth' by Green Day
I am frightened of many things.
"Good morning, Celty!" He says as he wakes up, a broad smile on his face, happiness exuding from each and every one of his pores. Sometimes I wish that I could just kill him and end all of this ridiculousness.
I type into the palm pilot that he had gotten me a while ago. "Good morning, Shinra."
"How are you feeling, Celty?"
Alone, scared, full of nightmares. I want to tell him that I am sick of waiting and I want to know everything so that nothing is left up to other people. I want to be able to wake-up in the morning and be sure that nothing bad was going to happen and who I am. "Fine."
He smiles and puts his arms around me. I begin to relax, just a little. When he is there, the nightmares begin to fade, just a bit. "Don't lie to me, Celty."
If I could laugh, I would. When did this man begin to know me so well? When did he begin to care? He said that he had always known, since he was a child, but sometimes I still wonder if what he feels is sincere.
I push him away from me, gently, to let him know that I am not angry. I just need to type. Of course, he understands me completely. He always understands. "I'm going out for a bit." I tell him, because I am. There are things that I need to do; people that I need to see.
He smiles. "Tell Shizuo that I say hi."
He knows that I'm going to see Shizuo. He also knows that I won't tell Shizuo that he says hi.
I run off.
I am afraid of being alone.
I ride my motorcycle, my horse, through the streets of Tokyo. We have been together for so long that I wonder what would happen if we were ever parted. Even without my memories of my past, I think that things are better because I have something that reminds me of the days when I was a Dullahan.
Except I still am one; I just don't know how to be one.
I ride and ride and ride and avoid the incoming cars and make turns at the appropriate times and obey most of the traffic laws. The police are frightening, they are treacherous. I do not wish to be caught in a situation with them once again.
With my horse I am free to go wherever I wish and do whatever I pleased. If I was not enjoying my time with Shinra, I would be free to leave.
Not that I wanted to leave, not at all.
I pull through the streets and I am almost at my destination. Even this early in the morning, the Russian sushi man is out on the street, trying to attract customers.
I am afraid to be with people.
Shizuo is waiting for me, smoking a cigarette in his usual attire. "You're late." He says as I approach, throwing his cigarette to the ground and crunching it beneath his foot.
I take out the palm pilot that Shinra gave me some time ago for the second time that day. "I'm sorry."
Shizuo sort of laughs through his nose in a kind of snort. "Don't apologize; my time isn't that important." He puts his hands in his pockets. "How are you, Celty?"
I shrug. "Fine, I guess."
He smiles, it is wide and charming and I sometimes wonder why he doesn't have some girl to adore him like I adore Shinra. "Fine is boring." I shrug again and he sighs heavily, though still smiling. "I'm glad that you came here, though."
"Why is that?" I ask and I marvel at how quickly my fingers can tap the keys of the palm pilot; it was almost like a real part of my body, now.
"Because I have the day off of work and I didn't want to be lonely."
So honest, so frank, it was amazing, to me. This man, unlike Shinra, kept so few secrets. Everything that he was he aired out to the open, public and free. All but his situation with his brother, but even then, if you get to know him well enough he will tell you. Shizuo was a person who gave but asked for nothing in return.
"What do you want to do then?"
Now he shrugged. "Anything; do whatever you want. I'm just along for the ride."
With Shizuo she was very free.
But I want to stay together forever.
"How was it, Celty? You're back sooner than I expected." It was nine o'clock at night. This was not soon; it was not close to soon and he knew that and I knew that and we both knew that but neither of us wanted to mention it. "What did you two do?"
I shrugged. "Nothing of much importance." We had ridden around. And he had gotten some sushi. And I had searched for my head. And we had done what we wanted to because we were young… Or at least seemed to be, and we both had nothing holding us down or back. The only thing that I worried about was… "How was your day?"
He shrugged. "The usual." For him that meant changing the faces of notorious men and removing bullets from the sides of those who had broken the law. A usual day for Shinra was unusual to so many.
I loved him.
"I love you." I want to say, but I can't, so I type it on the palm pilot that Shinra had given to me.
His face lights up and he embraces me. I had not realized how tense I was until I was able to relax in his arms; with Shinra those ambiguities felt like so much less. I was not whole, but I was safe with him. "I'm so glad, Celty. I'm so glad."
And he was a moron, but he was my moron.
Because I am only safe with them.