What's Left of Me


Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts! Or Sora and Riku would have been an item long ago… And Moogles would rule the worlds. All of them.

So this is my first fanfiction in around four years, so I'm really hoping I haven't lost all of my skill! If you like it, please do let me know. Hopefully the Sora/Riku points of view will be self-explanatory, though again, if it's unclear, feel free to nag me! The first chapter is mostly introductory, so the real excitement should begin in the next chapter, and chapter three is where I really start to get into it. Oh, and it does get happier! Much happier. And more amusing.

Anyways, I have rambled enough,

Love and stuff,


Chapter One

It was over. As Sora stared into the sunset, he felt nothing. Not the warmth of the sun's glow on his face or the soft sand beneath his feet. He was empty. The love of his life had left him. And nothing remained but darkness.

Or so he thought…

Theirs had been a tumultuous love affair. They spent a long time apart, and the time they spent together was either perfect or atrocious. There was no in-between. The arguments could last for weeks, and the simplest of things could set her off. Kairi: the name that burned a seal upon his heart. Of course, the perfection that they shared, whilst rare, was enough to convince Sora that she was 'the one'. Never mind the fact that whilst he was off fighting the heartless in order to save her, she had been chasing after the other Island boys. No, this didn't matter to Sora. He would have let her do anything so long as she still loved him. But now, he was unsure whether she ever did.

The beautiful views, from Destiny Island, that he had once lived for, had become a constant reminder, bringing him nothing but pain. She was in every sunrise and sunset; in every cloud and every grain of sand. She was everywhere. And she was destroying him. He had to leave. And now he knew of so many new worlds – surely he could have his pick? But Sora didn't care where. So long as he could forget. Forget the feeling of her touch, her embrace and her breath upon his cheek – those simple feelings that could transport him to the gates of heaven. Feelings that he truly believed he could never experience again.

"There is no functional advantage to heartbreak," Sora insisted to himself. "None whatsoever." He was pacing the shoreline, cursing at the sky as he did so, remembering her face as she led him along – remembering the warning signs but fully knowing that had he realised then, that she was only using him, he still would have followed her to the end of all worlds. His friends had warned him. She had treated him badly from the beginning. But when he returned from one of his more dangerous adventures; she had changed – he thought – for the better. She didn't run off with the other boys anymore. She didn't hurt him. But she did test him – making him do all sorts of things in order to be deemed 'good enough' – a title that she never bestowed upon him, and Sora now believed that she never intended to. He was her amusement for a while. Nothing more. "Whore," he whispered. "But she was my whore. And I loved her."

Kicking the sand up with his shoes, he wiped the now familiar tears from his eyes. He wouldn't – no – he couldn't think about them. He didn't know the guy, and he didn't want to. It was enough that she had been seeing him whilst Sora had still been under the impression that they were – at least in some respects – together. Kairi had always held her need for freedom over his head; as though it was his fault for making her feel trapped or caged in. But all Sora wanted was her love. He should have known when she refused to share the paopu fruit with him. He tore her charm from his neck and hurled it into the ocean.

Riku awoke to the familiar sound of machinery. He had been working as part of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee for over a year, and he had grown used to sleeping through all manner of mechanical noises. Of course, that didn't change his dreams. They were always the same.

The same spiky haired boy with the same cheesy grin.

Everyone else said he looked like a fool and behaved like a child, but Riku knew better. There is no greater beauty than innocence, and everyone else was simply jealous of it. But Sora had been changed; both by his fight against the heartless and – maybe even more so – by Kairi's betrayal. Riku had never liked her. He tolerated her, with her sickeningly sweet demeanour and less-than-subtle advances. But as soon as she stole Sora, Riku tolerated her no longer. It was about the time she stopped cheating on Sora that he left. They were clearly trying to make it work and he didn't want to get in the way. As far as he knew, they were still together; maybe even married by now. Sora was nineteen after all. He wasn't a child anymore.

And Riku felt older everyday. Away from home, with no friends or family, save for the committee, he felt increasingly lonely. He had a casual relationship with Leon, but nothing that gave him what he needed. They'd come back to the house after work and if there was nobody else there, they'd make use of the master bedroom. But there was no emotion. No feeling. Riku's heart was with Sora and Leon's… Well, nobody really knew where Leon's was. He was always so closed off. Every night Riku would look up at the sky and remember. Remember a time before the darkness, when he and Sora would race along the beach, disguising lust as friendly competitiveness. At least, that was what Riku was doing… He used to think that Sora felt the same, but now…

Pulling on his work clothes, Riku tried to ignore the heavy feeling in his heart, and the untameable fantasies circling his mind.

"They serve no purpose," he muttered.

"What was that?" Came a voice from the doorway. Riku started,

"Christ, Leon, you scared me!"

"Sorry. I just like watching you get dressed in the mornings… that's all." Riku looked away. Leon was becoming more and more affectionate everyday and it made him uncomfortable. Their relationship worked because there was a mutual lack of feeling. But if that changed… "Come on, you've got work to do," muttered Leon, trying to brush off Riku's silent rejection.

"I'm coming," he replied, waiting until Leon had left the room to take the aging photograph from under his pillow and put it into his pocket.

Sora was restless. The Island that was once his paradise had become his hell. He needed to leave. He couldn't stand another chance meeting with Kairi and her new boyfriend. So as soon as he had finished watching the sunset as usual, he returned to his house and unpacked the maps from his old adventures. Pouring over them in earnest, he felt the beginnings of excitement. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. As he leafed through the familiar worlds, a scrap of paper fell to the floor. Curious, he reached for it.

Dear Sora,

I know this letter may never reach you, but thinking of you is all that keeps me going in this world. When despair threatens to take my heart, I think of you. Your soft hair, your crystal blue eyes and your timeless smile and the darkness fades away. I am blind here, but I can still see your face – every minute of everyday.



Sora stared at the letter for a few minutes, pondering where it had come from, and who had written it. Sora, it has to be said, was not the brightest of youths.

A knock on the door startled him. He hastily hid the letter and maps under his bed – he didn't want anyone to know that he was planning to leave. He didn't want a fuss. And besides, he would undoubtedly return someday.

"Yes?" Sora called, pulling his duvet over the papers.

"It's… It's me…" stammered a familiar voice. Sora's heart froze. "Can I come in?" Sora remained silent, but slowly moved towards the door. As he slid the bolt lock back, his heart was in his mouth. He opened the door to see Kairi bathed in moonlight. His heart ached. "I just… I just wanted to see how you were doing. No-one's seen you for a while…" Sora shrugged off her concern with a nonchalant shrug. He didn't want her to know how much he was hurting. "I brought you some food… It's just… You've lost a lot of weight." Sora took the basket from her outstretched hands. Her pity was suffocating and he couldn't stand it. He needed her to leave.

"I've got things to do," he said. "I'm still working on trying to find out where Riku went. You know… He left without saying anything and nobody else seems to care whether or not he's alive…"

"I care!" Kairi exclaimed. "Of course I care. Riku was our friend."

"Really? Our friend? No. He was my friend. And you were my friend. But he was not your friend." Kairi looked offended and made to leave. Sora didn't stop her.

"You've changed," she stated coolly.

"So have you." And with that, she walked out the door, leaving Sora alone with his thoughts once more.

After a moment's reprieve, Sora returned to the letter. No-one had ever said such beautiful things about him before, and he felt moved by the words. He considered asking Kairi whether she had written it, but he knew that it couldn't be her. She never paid him such compliments. After a while, Sora went back to inspecting his maps, and decided that he would journey to Hollow Bastion. He had friends there, and he would appreciate the new scenery – especially now that it was heartless-free. Of course he would miss his friends here, but they had been distant with him lately, preferring to spend time with Kairi and her new… Yes, Sora needed to leave. He tried to think about the last time he was truly happy. He thought about Riku. About the days they would spend racing along the beach. Such unrestrained joy – he had never felt anything like it since. Even with Kairi.

And somewhere in a distant world; Riku was waiting…