The trek out of the hospital waiting room seemed endless and exhausting. My mind was a blank other than the same thought repeating itself over and over again.

I've failed again.

I've failed again.

I've failed again.

This vicious, never ending cycle of failure and loss would never leave me. I was always bound to death and losing the ones I loved.

The walk back was easily forgotten – I was completely numb. The usual hospital smell that I'd grown so accustomed to throughout the years was now causing unwelcome bile to arise. The stares of my colleagues thought nothing of, hushed whispers easily forgotten. Instead, I was stunned into a searing silence other than the pounding of my heart.

Mine shouldn't have been the one still beating.

I didn't deserve it.

I should've done better.

I've failed again.

My mind was so blank that when I was somewhat in tune with my surroundings, I'd realized that I'd passed my office and was instead several doors down. Shaking my head slightly seemed to do nothing with the strong numb as I turned back towards my destination.

The moment my office door was closed behind me, a sharp gasp erupted from my chest my knees buckled and my hands flew to my desk to save me from my fall. My skin, from my toes to the tips of my very fingers, tingling as the fight against my consciousness grew stronger every moment. But I was weak – I brought no challenge at all.

I could hear someone calling my name from behind me, the sound of my office door closing again resonating in my ears and much louder than I had remembered. Gathering whatever strength I could, I blindly turned towards the familiar voice and struggled to remain standing, but to no avail.

My mind had already shut itself off as I uttered my last words before surrendering to the engulfing darkness.

"I've failed again. He's gone."