Alice's Answer

These were the last accounts of what happened to "Alice", according to what I believe. *Obviously, this entry takes place years later, while Joel is in the war, because he makes it through military school and joins in it.* - This is how I imagine it.

Dear Diary, I want you to know I love you. Together we carried my troubles and sins. You were my only friend through the worst. I know I said I believed that I wouldn't need to write in you any longer. But the worst has happened and there is no one I can talk to. Everyone is gone, Mom and Dad, Alex and Tim, but I refused to go out. How could I? How could they? I guess I can't blame them if they don't know. Today I recieved the news that Joel died in combat out in the war. I mean, I'm glad he probably died a respectable man and fighting for his country, but I can't help it. There's this empty void where my heart should be, and all I can do is cry, cry, cry. I hate Joel, but I love him. He should've never went into the war and left me. He never would have died. I know I'm being selfish Diary, but it's awful. I miss him more than I ever have. I keep imagining him like Gramps, with maggots eating his flesh to the core. And poor Joel probably won't even have a funeral, we'll be lucky if they find a piece of him left over from the war. Even worse- Richie is back. He's set out to pay me back for letting the police in on him. I can't do this. Everytime I set foot out the door the dopers are trying to push me. I bet Richie is the reason behind it. I'll admit, it's been tempting lately since Joel has been gone in the war. But I tell myself never again will I go back to that life. It's too risky. But it's also been so long since I've seen those brilliant colors, since I've been a part of the world when I do them. I'm sorry Diary. I need a fix so bad. I saw Lane at the drugstore and he must've slipped some exclusive drugs into my purse. I should've thrown them out, but I didn't. I had decided to keep them because at the time I was contemplating doing them. Now I know I need them. Please forgive me Diary. You must remember that I love you and I love Tim and Alex, Mom and Dad. I love Joel too, I really do. He's the reason I'm doing this. Maybe that's what they mean when they say "love can make you do crazy things". I guess I should at least have the decency to leave my family a good-bye note and tell them I love them, but this is something I have to do. I get the feeling this will be my last trip. If I freak out like I did last time, then this will surely be the end. I just want to stop the maggots eating Joel, the pushers trying me, everything. I'm tired of life. I feel it's the time to just give up. Good-bye Diary. You were my best friend. I love you so. Dear God, please forgive me. I don't want to die, I just want a fix. But if I do... please send me with you and Joel and Gran and Gramps. Please...

* So it's kind of depressing, but hey, the story says she died of drugs, and this I think it happened.