Hey guys. First time writing a story for sly cooper. This was the first video game I had an obsession with. I thought it was only fitting that I wrote a fan fic for it. These chapters are basically Titus episodes with all the characters, replaced with those in the sly cooper universe. It sounds cheesy, but I like the idea enough to write a fan fic like this. Please review. These stories contain excerpts from cooper's diary. So it changes POV quite a lot. Also, some of the characters are oc. I doubt that Carmelita is one to cry. And that Sly is this snarky.
Note: I do not own any of the rights for sly cooper, or Titus.
Titus episode: The Breakup.
Chapter one: Have your cake and eat it too.
Cooper's diary. May 1, 2010. (1 month into Carmelita's relationship.)
Thieves cannot live with Happiness. We can't have our cake and eat it too. Say if one day, I were caught. I know that's impossible, but let's just say that happens. The cops would not only go after me, but my love ones as well. That's why criminals have to destroy any happiness that we get. I'm thankful that I decided to fake amnesia on Kaine Island. But then, I fell in love with her.
Carmelita Fox. Adverb. Meaning Hot, sexy, sassy, and the love of my life.
I remember the first night we made love. It was about two weeks into faking my amnesia, and I finally grew the courage to ask her out. When we did, we brought food for a picnic and we dined at the park. Unfortunately, I forgot it was sprinkler night. While I ran away, being skittish, Carmelita, never once, broke her stride. She just walked through the sprinklers like it was no big deal. I ran back to her. For at that moment, I fell in love. She was strong, caring, compassionate, brave, forceful, her composure…
And, if you looked hard enough, you could see her nipples.
So I moved in with her, so I could visit those nipples every day.
They're my friends.
About another week later, and a month into our relationship, I realized that this was no act. She was not faking any of the emotions that she was conveying. I loved her.
I'm having my cake.
But I can't eat it too.
I don't deserve this kind of happiness. What if an enemy of mine found out about us? He'd probably kill her. I don't want her dead. I Love her.
So If I don't deserve this happiness. How can I destroy it?
Wait, I forgot. I'm faking amnesia.
Carmelita was pissed. All this time, he'd been faking it. He lied to her. He told her that he didn't remember a thing. And she believed him. How gullible was she? She just let him use her like that. Dirty rotten little thief. He stole her heart, and broke it. She was currently throwing a tantrum, smashing precious items that were hers with a baseball bat. Sly had a strange look on his face as she did this. Part of him looked shocked, like every other man would if his ex was going psycho and smashing things in her path. But there was another side of him that looked as if he'd expected this, and in fact, was enjoying this.
She turned her face towards him. Her face flushed red with anger. If she had her shock pistol, she would have shot him five times already; enough to make him have a seizure.
"Why the hell did you lie to me Cooper?" she screamed.
Wow, and I thought ending this relationship was going to be a lot harder.
"Honey," he replied, voice laced with comfort and fear. "Please put the bat down."
"Why cooper?" she yelled once more. "All this time, you've lied. I knew that you were untrustworthy, but this is even colder than Clockwerk's standards. Why?"
"If you put the bat down," he said as he stepped closer to her. "I'll explain."
The furry palms of her paws gripped that bat tightly. She wanted to beat him into submission. She wanted him to bleed until he really lost his memory. She wanted to scare him for life.
But, she couldn't. No matter how hard she'd try, she just couldn't force that idea into action. She loved him. Damn her emotions. She had to admit, a soft cooling Sly, was turning her on.
She dropped the bat, as tears welded her face. When Sly grabbed her into a tight hug, her fist beat him on his chest. She was crying, loudly, and nothing could comfort her.
"How could you do this to me Sly? Why would you do this to me?"
"I love you Carm," he replied. "Ever since that moment in Africa, I cared for you. I wanted you to love me back, but you wouldn't accept me in my thieve state. So, I faked Amnesia, just to be closer to you."
"But why are you breaking up with me?" She asked.
"I'm still a thief. I've been pulling jobs with the gang while we were dating. I can't be with you, and still be a thief. I can either be a lover, or a stealer. And in the showdown, as much as I love you, I can't just leave behind my destiny. I can't live with this happiness."
She grabbed the bat that was on the floor and through it at the window, shattering the glass into a thousand pieces. While this happened, she caught Sly with a wicked left hook. When he fell to the ground, Carmelita spoke.
"Well, you don't have to live with this happiness." She yelled. "Sly, me and you are through!"
I have successfully broken up with my girlfriend.
You see, this now gives me a goal; something to fix. Let the record show that she broke up with me, and I left her. I was riding on a wave of "I know what the hell is going to happen." I'll come back in three days, talk to her, she'll forgive me, and then after a good 14 days, I'll dump her ass, leaving me better than she. I no longer will have my cake. And, I can go back to my life of crime without sneaking around her back.
But here's the problem.
Girls have a post break up "I'm going to eat cookies and cry period."
I had a " hey, you didn't hurt me, so I'm going to find a girl that looks just like you and do her to prove how much you didn't hurt ME!!"……..period.
I met her at a bar, she was asking me why I was crying, and I told her that my girlfriend broke up with me.
Her name was Tiffany; noun. Meaning doggy waitress that I had a one night stand with.
Hey, Carmelita broke up with me.
I should have never returned back to her apartment.
I just couldn't get her out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, Carmelita was still the love of my life.
I decided to visit her one last time, after that night with Tiffany.
It was such a stupid thing to do.
Sly felt like complete shit. First chance he gets he sleeps with a waitress. He just wanted to talk to Carmelita one last time, before he left her for good, and continued his life of crime with the gang. He made sure that he didn't make a sound when he entered the apartment. He looked at the empty room. It had been a day since Carmelita broke up with him. His heart raced. What the heck was he doing here? If Carmelita was still mad at him, he could get arrested, or worse.
He was just about to head out of the apartment, for a second time, when he heard those recognizable footsteps coming from the left side of the room.
Emerging from the darkness was none other than his ex-lover, Carmelita. She had the same exact look in her eyes just like Sly. It was sadness. It was such a stupid thing to do, to break up with him.
Because he lied.
But everyone lies, including your boss. Why did you let one little lie ruin your relationship?
Little, he faked Amnesia for an entire month.
He did it just to get closer to you.
Well it doesn't matter now does it? I broke up with him. So it's over. No matter how much I want him back, I can never have him again.
Maybe you can.
The couple just sat there in silence, looking into each other's eyes. It was one of those long awkward pauses that you only saw on the Television. But this was real. Sly was the first to break the silence.
"Well," he stated stuttering. "I'm going to g-g-go pack my s-s-stuff."
"You can't." Carmelita said immediately. She had a tone in her voice that sounded disappointed. Curse these Feelings. She thought.
Sly thought of the worse.
"Awe man," he said annoyed. "Did you burn my clothes?"
Carmelita chuckled at this statement.
"No." she said. When she gathered the courage, she slowly walked up to Sly.
"I just realized something today." She told him as she cupped his cheek.
"W-w-what?" he said nervously.
"I love you." And with that statement, she planted a soft kiss on his lips.
"I never want to let you go." She declared. "Sure, it was a stupid thing for you to do lying about amnesia for an entire month. But, you only did it just to get closer to me. And I think that's very sweet." She planted another kiss on his lips, this one longer than the last. Sly's arms started to travel down Carmelita's waist, as her arms gripped Sly's neck tightly.
She broke the kiss.
"I have something to show you." She stated softly.
Sly started to undo his belt.
"No." she said as she gripped his hands. "It's not sexual. It's just something I have to show you."
She disappeared into the kitchen, and when she returned, in her arms was a basket.
Sweet! I'm having my cake, and I'm eating it too. I have no problem with this.
So in her arms was this gift basket. Filled with cookies, and letters, and poems, and roses. All of this was homemade. There was not one generic thing about it.
So has I read the beautiful words, and ate those delicious cookies, and stared into her beautiful hazel eyes, I realized something.
I owned her ass.
He read those beautiful words that Carmelita had written about him. She was acting so different. And so he. It was never like himself to judge, but this was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. He owned her ass. He had her by an invisible leash of trust and need. And while he usually gave her some slack, once and a while, like now, he'd tug on the leash.
"You know that you missed spelled worship." He stated while pointing at the paper.
She smiled. However, on the inside, she was raging. I know that I missed spelled it you cocky son of a b****
"Yeah, but I was thinking about you most of the time." She lied.
Sly chuckled. He was a pimp.
He kissed her once on the lips. He wanted to test how far she'll let him use his power.
"It's okay." He said like a smart ass.
And wouldn't you know. No shock pistol, no slap in the face, no rebuttal; this was a dream come true. He had all the power, and Carmelita was his girlfriend. Hell yeah!
Still he had to apologize for what he said to Carmelita earlier. It was a total doucebag move on his part. But still, at the same time, he didn't want her to know his weakness.
He kissed her softly on her lips.
"You know that make me very happy, right?"
Then Carmelita did the unthinkable. She crawled up from the floor where she was sitting while watching Sly read her letters, moved up to the couch, and straddled his waist. As she spoke, her fingers made small circles in his fur, while she slowly unbuttoned his shirt.
When she spoke, her voice was laced with humor, sultry, and lust.
"You know that I can make you even happier."
He replied with a soft moan, while her hands roamed his body even more.
All of the Happiness was freaking me out, man!
I mean don't get me wrong. I'm a man. And all men love sex. But the problem was, Carmelita was reminding me of something.
If I stayed with her, all of my dreams would come true.
WELL THEN WHAT?!
His breathing was going strong as he rose from the sheets where he and his girlfriend laid. It was a night of wild passion, and lust. Jesus, and he had only been in her apartment for three hours. His girlfriend was giggling at how amazed he looked.
"I told you I'd make you happy, right?" she stated. "So, are you happy?"
"Very-much-so." He stated between his hyperventilation. She laughed and crawled back on top of him. She planted a soft kiss on his chest, and ruffled the fur in his hair even more.
"So lover," she asked very seductively. "Are you ready for round 3?"
"As much as I'd like that," Sly began. "I need to use the restroom."
"Okay dear." She stated as she planted one more kiss on his lips.
Sly rose from the bed sheets, his tail finally lost all of its strength, and was just being dragged along the floor. He was limping.
Dear god, Carmelita thought sarcastically. I hope that I didn't hurt him.
Then the phone rang.
She rolled over to the night stand where the phone rang. She checked the caller ID, and didn't recognize the number. It's probably the police calling me. They usual don't use the regular number when dealing with Sly. But Sly is right here in my bed. So who the hell is calling?
Unsure of who was on the other end, she slowly picked up the phone, and placed it next to her tipped ear.
Have you ever hear that saying "Blessings can be curses in disguise, and vice versa." No? Well here's what it means. Everything that looks good may in fact be very bad for you. An example of this is cigarettes. It also means that everything that seems bad at the moment could very well be a blessing.
An example of this happened at that very night with Carmelita.
I was using the restroom, after a long hard shag with my lovely senorita.
I was riding a high and glorious wave. Carmelita had accepted me back into her bed and she was doing everything I told her.
Part of me was freaked out by all of this happiness.
But another part of me didn't give a damn. I had Carm in my arms, and I was in charge. I thought "I might as well stay for at least more than 14 days."
Then I exited the Restroom.
If I recall, the phone landed just above my head.
I saw Carmelita, with her hand on both of her hips, and her foot tapping furiously. She held a piece of paper in her hand, and had an angered look on her face. I feared the worse. She probably found out about the job that me and the rest of the gang did a couple of weeks ago. I swear, I didn't mean for the guard's leg to get broken.
She didn't learn about the job.
Instead, she found out about something worse.
She held the piece of paper up so my eyes could read what it said. She then said two words that to this day, still give me nightmares.
"Who's Tiffany?" she asked.
Sly's eyes grew wide. Never before in his life had he been this scared. When he tried to speak, his voice came out in only squeaks and stutters. Carmelita just stood there, with her foot tapping viciously and her hand on her hip.
"Well," she asked in an evil tone.
Sly was finally able to speak through his fear.
"Y-y-y-y-you broke up with m-me." He finally crooked out.
Carmelita's eyes started to grow wide, as she feared that Sly had done the impossible. Sly had to clarify his actions, but as he did, he only made the problem between him and her worse.
"I was all alone." He spoke fast. "And I love you so much, and I was just drinking coffee, and then she started to talk to me, and……I love you." He squeaked.
Her eyes welded with tears. He did it. That son of a bitch, low life scum did the unthinkable. He had cheated on her. She wanted to beat the holy living shit out of him, but at the moment, all she could do was cry.
"You slept with her?" she cried.
"She said 'do you want some pie' I had no clue it was a metaphor."
Then the water falls fell from her face. How could he do it? Why would he do it? Was there any point in cheating on her?
Sly started to reach out his hands to hug her.
"Don't touch me you bastard!" she screamed.
That made Sly step back a good 5 feet.
"I had EVERYTHING, in my life betted on you Cooper." She cried. "You were my knight in shining armor. You were the one. That was the reason I lied to you when you fake amnesia. I wanted to spend my entire life with you. And now, you did this? Why?"
We fought for the next twelve hours. It was that long hard fighting where the woman was screaming and you feared for your life. But, after those twelve hours of hell were over with, we finally came to an agreement.
She owned my ass.
"Honey please," Sly begged. It was now he who was on the ground, begging as Carmelita sat upon the couch. "I love you. I only want to make it up to you."
"How can you make it up to me?" Carmelita replied viciously. "You were knee deep in poodle waitress."
"I'll do anything." Sly replied.
Poor choice of words, Carmelita thought.
"Anything?" she answered. "Ok." Then she stood before him, and pointed at him with a direct order. "Punch yourself in the temple as hard as you can, and then you can make it up to me."
Carmelita thought Sly would just answer her back with something like 'but I'm your little ringtail.' Instead, Sly held up both of his fist to his face.
"Left or right side babe." He replied. "Cause I love you!"
Carmelita just rolled her eyes. Typical, a man would do anything for sex, even punching himself. What Carmelita didn't know, was Sly wasn't going to punch himself for sex, but he was going to punch himself out of pure love.
She walked slowly to the kitchen. Sly got up from his knee's, and followed her, pleading.
"There's got to be something I can do to make this right again." He stated.
"Ok!" she replied snarky. "Tell me, what did Tiffany look like?"
Sly gawked at her. How the hell was he suppose to respond to that? Maybe if he just didn't tell her, it would all be better.
"I can't remember." He said in utter fear.
"Well!" she screamed. "She must have been real special huh?"
She was about to leave the kitchen, when Sly thought he came up with utter gold. In reality however, it was utter shit.
"No, no no. Wait. I remember. She looked just like you."
The ceramic pot missed his head by about three inches.
"Oh! She looked just like me!" She screamed in anger and frustration.
"Only younger?" he replied with a squeaky voice.
Her eyes grew wide in disbelief. Did he really just say that out loud?
Sly could sense misjudgment in the air.
"No!" he screamed, trying to get Carm to understand. "What I mean by that is, she's young, and you look just like her. So in reality, as old as you are, you look really young."
She just stood there with wide eyes, a gapped mouth, and the look of that brewing darkness called anger. Man, Sly may be a good flirt; he's retarded when it comes to relationships.
"Well now I feel pretty." She sarcastically replied.
Sly just shook his head in defeat.
"Please, just tell me what you want-"
"You know what I want to know is," she interrupted while poking his chest stiffly. "When you were doing her, did you ever think of me, or did you never think of me at all?"
He just stood there like a lost puppy; eyes round, tears in his eyes, and that feeling of 'What the F*** am I suppose to say.' This would go down in the history books, as one of the most uncomfortable moments in his life.
"Alright that has to be a trick question." He replied angry. Just what was he suppose to do to win the affection of his lover back? That's all he wanted. He just wanted a way to end this fight before it escalated into Carmelita shooting him. Please god, he thought. If you're up there, please help me. I need a way out of this. Please?
As if on cue, the telephone rang. He reached out to answer it.
"Don't move!" she screamed.
Cooper's body shivered in fear.
"Let's just see what the pie making HOE has to say."
He just stood there, and waited. He knew that as soon as Tiffany's voice accompanied the voice mail box, hell would break lose, and he'd be on the run from Carmelita once more, this time just for dear life. He waited. He waited until the phone rang three times, and neither he nor Carmelita answered. He waited until that cheesy answering the machine came on. He waited until Carmelita said, "So leave a message after the beep." Then he waited.
And did you know what happened next? A miracle.
"Hi, Carmelita. This is Randy, from last night."
Her eyes widen in terror. Sly noticed this. Carmelita's body shook with fear. Oh god! I told him not to call in three days. He saw Carmelita, who was shaking in fear, and put two and two together. That hypocritical whore! She hated how I cheated when she broke up with me, and now on the answering machine, is "Randy!"
Carmelita reached out to grab the phone. Sly stopped her.
"Don't move!" Cooper screamed in perfect unison with Carmelita's earlier scream. They both listen to the performance that Randy was giving.
"You left your sweater at my place." Randy continued. "I was wondering if you could head back to my place tonight and "Pick it up." *chuckles* Call me." And slowly, Randy hung up the phone.
Carmelita, who was standing with her finger close to the delete button, meet Cooper's eye's for a few seconds. Sly's foot was tapping viciously, as he did a spot on impression of Carmelita. She gave off a nervous laughter, sweat starting to emit from her brow. When Cooper asked her….
"Now, who's Randy?"
Carmelita had never been so stone cold busted in her life.
All of my past girlfriends had the post break up, "Eat cookies and cry period." Carmelita had the same exact reaction, except that she didn't eat her cookies alone.
She ate them with a guy.
In a bed.
It had only been 9 hours since Cooper left the apartment, yet somehow, Carmelita had manage to eat through 4 boxes of thin mints and a box of Chips-a-hoy. She needed some more food, STAT. So she went down to the old convenience store, just a few blocks away from her apartment. She didn't drive. It gave her more time to think, more time to cry, more time to realize that it was such a stupid decision to break up with Sly. She walked into the store, and was greeted by a familiar face. Randy and she were old high school lovers. They did a couple of late night romps, but that was all it was, Lust not love. Neither of them spoke to each other when she first entered. She went to the back, grabbed as many boxes of the cookies as she could, and headed back to the counter. Randy could tell that she was experiencing a post break up.
"What did he do?" he asked her.
"I have no clue what you're talking about." She replied.
"Oh come on Carm. I can read you like an open book. The cookies; the bloodshot eyes, just tell me. What did he do to you?"
Carmelita complied. There was no use in arguing with him. All she wanted to do was get her cookies and get out.
"The bastard faked amnesia."
Randy understood. Faking an illness to get tail was like faking a British accent; sooner or later, bits and pieces of you are going to unfold. Randy looked towards Carmelita's eyes, and noticed that she was crying. She needed someone to comfort her. Maybe that someone was Randy. It would only be for one night; he already knew the consequences of starting a relationship with her.
"You know that I get off in 20 minutes."
"Really?" she sniffled.
Randy let out a smug laugh.
"You know that you can't eat all of those cookies, now can you?"
And that's how Carmelita found herself in a bed with Randy. Again.
She was kissing Sly as fast as she could. She knew that if Sly got her to confess what she did, he'd hang it over her head for about five weeks. He had the ability. Once he found out about something embarrassing, he'd gloat about it until he got tired of saying the same story over and over again. A perfect example of this was Morocco. Oh how she hated Morocco.
Her kissing was trying to distract Sly from remembering the voice mail. And she was doing a good job at this, but however, Sly never forgot things. So, when she stopped her kisses, Sly asked, again….
"So who's Randy?"
She let out a small groan in defeat.
"Look," she began. "We both made mistakes, let's just leave it at that. Ok?"
Sly could hide that smug grin across his face. He now had that leash tight around her neck.
"You're absolutely right." He stated, trying to cover the over confidence in his voice. "I forgive you."
"And I forgive you too." She replied.
They both got up from the couch they sat on. They started to clean up the room, filled with pieces of trash and broken items. Carmelita was just happy that the fight was over. Sly however, had other Ideas.
When you're already ass deep into the fight, you can either go two ways.
This relationship is over, I'll end it civilly. I will no longer ask questions, and I'll leave it at that.
This relationship is over. I might as well crank in a couple of quick shots.
"So did you sleep with him?" Sly asked.
Carmelita let out a nervous laughter.
"I really feel uncomfortable about this." She replied.
"I understand that it's just that I would really like to now."
"You slept with a waitress, and I hung out with an old boy friend. Let's just leave it at that."
Sly had an Idea pop into his head. "Hung out." That could imply many things. If he wanted to get in his couple of crank shots, He'd have to know more.
"We have to be perfectly honest to each other." He stated.
"I know." She replied.
"So why is it so hard for you to answer the question?" he chuckled.
Carmelita laughed back.
"Do you want me to be fully honest?" She asked.
"Nothing more, nothing less." He told her.
She let out a small chuckle, as Sly picked up two plates of food. God, how was she supposed to say it without Sly overreacting.
"Yes. I did sleep with him."
Sly dropped both of the plates he was picking up. They shattered on impact with the floor.
"Now I know!" he sang.
That's when it hit her. Sly was defiantly not letting this one go. Oh god, what Have I done?
"You Hoe!" he sang in satisfaction.
And now he calls me a hoe, she thought. She started throwing pieces of trash that she was currently picking up. Then she headed towards the kitchen.
"Yeah, well how much did you have to pay for a slice of Tiffany pie?" She then disappeared behind the kitchen door.
"You broke up with me." Sly yelled as he headed towards the kitchen. "I had a 'get to sleep with a waitress free' card."
When he opened the door, Sly was surprised at what he saw. Carmelita had a look of shock on her face. She was not the only presence in the room though. There he stood, in all his pink glory, eating fried chicken that came from the fridge. He acted like it was no big deal, just for him to waltz into the house and eat food from their fridge. He was a big man. He was also a friend of Sly's.
And, he's a hippo.
"Hey bro." Murray talked to Sly as he chewed through the cold slices of refrigerated fried chicken.
Sly was angered at Murray's 'not a care in the world' expression.
"Hey bro." Sly replied viciously. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Eating chicken." He replied calmly.
"Well we can see that." Sly answered dryly. "But why the hell are you in my house?"
"You gave me a key for emergencies." He stated smoothly, as without any care of his presences in the home.
"So you had….a…Chicken emergency!" he stated very irate at Murray's presence.
"Exactly." He said. "But don't get in a fuss with me. At least I'm not the one who slept with 'Randy.'"
As he said this, he made his head twitch towards Carmelita. Sly hung his head in embarrassment. Apparently Murray had been here longer than just a few minutes ago.
"How long were you here?" He asked confound.
"I've been here since 'she looks like you only younger.'"
Carmelita flashed Sly a look, as if to say, yeah, it does sound stupid.
Murray realized that his presence was getting on the nerves of everyone around him.
"I'm not the only one here." Murray proclaimed. "Bentley is here as well."
Sly looked up towards the heavens. Really God. It's not enough for Murray to be here at one of my most embarrassing moments, but for Bentley to be here as well.
Sly heard the clinking and tinkling of the mechanical, fake, metallic legs moving down the hall. Bentley made himself prostatic legs about a week after the Kaine Island incident. At first, He only used them when he was out in public. But later on, he started remembering the joys of walking. He remembered what it was like to actually be able to move around. Plus, it made sex with Penelope much better. The only down side to the legs was that since they were metal, when he walked, the legs would clink against the floor. People could hear him walking from a mile away.
So Sly could hear Bentley trying to escape the apartment.
"Just come out Bentley," sly yelled in defeat. Great God. It's real nice that the whole gang is here to witness the breakup of me and Carmelita.
When Bentley entered the room, a strange awkward silence was all that was heard.
"Hey, I didn't get here till 'pie making hoe.'"
That just made the presence there much more worst.
"Listen Sly," Bentley began. "We can help."
Sly didn't need help in destroying his relationship. He started to shove his friends out the door. Bentley really wanted to help. So he started listing off reasons why Sly would need Bentley on his side.
"I have a master's degree in psychology."
"Get out." Sly mumbled bitterly.
"I worked as a part time consultant for divorced couples." Bentley replied.
They'd reached the door.
"Get out." Sly said, trying to keep calm.
When Murray and Bentley strode out the door, Sly thought it was over. However, Bentley had more to say.
"I have a loving relationship with Penelope!"
"Get out!" he screamed. With this, he shoved Bentley down onto the floor in the hallway. He didn't care if Bentley was his friend, or if he was a cripple. All that Sly wanted was peace and quiet, while he contemplated different things that he wanted to Say to Carmelita. The fight was not over. Oh no. it was only begging. Time to put in those couple of cheap shots.
They had been fighting for over three hours. It was just a nonstop argument. Sly would be picking out Carmelita's faults while Carmelita did the same thing to Sly. He wondered how the hell all of this started. But it didn't matter. All that mattered now was who could retaliate the most.
"You know how you tell me that you're afraid that you're not funny." Sly stated. Carmelita turned her head towards Sly; with a frown on her face, and irate thoughts traveling through her head. "Well guess what, I was just kidding. Listen to this." He did a fake laugh that seemed very real. "You see. That was my fake laugh."
She let out an angered sigh.
"Yeah, well guess what?" she yelled. "You know how you confessed to me that you think that you're not that smart. Well guess what, it wasn't a confession. It was an insight. Hey wait a minute, insight; that's another word you can't spell."
Sly let out a small: Pffff.
"Yeah, well at least I can read at a ninth grade level. I'd like to see the I.Q test on your little 'pump and go.'" He was referring to Randy.
"I wasn't really paying attention to his smarts. I was paying attention to him towering over me." She gave a small smug grin when she saw the defeated open mouth on Sly's face. "He's a body builder."
Sly went back to cooking his dinner, when a brilliant thought came to mind.
"So he's a body builder?" Sly rhetorically asked. Then he let out a small chuckle. "Well I hope he showed you some moves. Because lately, you've gained seven pounds."
She lost it. The plates that she was holding, she threw and smashed on to the hard wood floor. Her eye's glared red with anger, and her hand reached out and grabbed Sly on the throat.
"Say that again." Carmelita ordered viciously.
Sly was no wussy. He could take anything. He just sat there, with Carmelita's hand over his throat, and smiled.
"You've gained seven pounds." He replied.
She jerked him and threw him onto the floor. He sat there, rubbing the bump on his head, and looked up at Carmelita.
"YEAH, WELL RANDY MADE LOVE TO ME ON HIS KITCHEN TABLE AND I NEVER ORGASMED LIKE THAT WITH YOU!!!"
Okay. That one hurt. That was a good one. Yeah. That one got me right in the testacles. Oh, boy. That one hurt.
And that was that switch moment. That was the moment where I had to end the fight. So I told her what I had to say.
Carmelita was laughing. Did he say what I think he said? She couldn't believe it.
"Get the hell out what?" she asked. Did Sly really mean what he said?
He just stood there and sighed. He repeated what he said earlier.
"I said 'Get the hell out Bitch.'"
She just gawked at him while laughing.
"You know, I should feel sorry for you. The way that you were raised made you this way."
"Hey, it's not my fault that my parents were killed in front of me."
"It's not that. It's your blood line. You all are thieves, and the sad part about it is you're too weak to stop being one."
"No, I'm not weak."
"Yes you are. Say it. 'I Sly Cooper am weak!'"
"Well, then you say 'I Carmelita Fox am just like all the other cops out there; stuck up, arrogant, pigs!'"
"Well 'I Sly Cooper am just like all the other thieves out there. I lie, I steal, and I break the hearts of women who only wanted love!'"
"And 'I Carmelita Fox am afraid to love. So the only way I could get a guy to love me, was to lie to his face!'"
"'I Sly Cooper, faked amnesia!'"
"'And I Carmelita……………..had a boy friend who cheated on me."
There was a dreadful silence that filled the room. Carmelita's face, which was once filled with anger, was now filled in sadness. How could she be so mean? She hurt him, a lot. The look on his face told it all. Sly had been defeated. He just saw the error in his ways, and he could have ended it sooner, before anyone got their feelings crushed. But he didn't and was now going to live with this guilt the rest of his life. He slowly moved over to the couch. He still had a limp in his stride. When he flopped down the couch, he started to rub his forehead, realizing all of his wrong doing.
"Oh my god." He sighed. He was disgusted at himself. "The first chance I get, I sleep with a waitress."
Carmelita sat there, flicking her eyes between Sly, and her thumbs which she was currently twiddling. Part of her wanted to be up in his face, screaming, "Damn right you screwed up." The other part of her, felt guilty for herself. She was no better than Cooper. Slowly, but surly, she sat down beside Cooper on the couch.
"The first chance I get, I sleep with…Randy." She replied. When she said the word Randy, it sounded like she was spewing bile from her mouth.
They just sat there; staring at open space. They saw the chaos that they did to the room. Broken glass and broken dreams filled the atmosphere. They thought about their relationship, their lives, and realize how useless it really was.
"We're pathetic." Sly said.
"We hate ourselves." Carmelita said.
It's easy to be in love when you're running through the sprinklers together while your girlfriend's tits are showing. But real love, that's where it really counts. And real love is hard. Real love comes when the two are sitting on the couch, thinking about how they've not only ruin each other, but how they've ruin themselves in the process.
"Okay," Sly stated boldly. "The smart thing to do, the adult thing to do is to end this right now."
A silence filled the air.
"You're right." Carmelita replied.
"So we're done."
"I'm never doing this again."
That's when they noticed that while they were talking, their hand uncontrollably intertwined. Both of their faces met. And they just sat there, getting lost in each other's eyes. They felt something they had felt before, longing. It was like they were staring into mirror images of what they wanted to be, of who they wanted to be, of who they wanted to be with. So this is true love, Sly thought.
He had to say it. The words were weighing down on his soul day by day. They were caught on his throat, mainly because he feared rejection. But he wanted to know.
"Will…Will…w-w-Will…..will you marry me?" Sly asked scared.
Carmelita's eyes welded with tears as she embraced her lover tightly. She wanted nothing more. Ever since she started chasing him when he was just a crook, She realized that she could quit at any time. But she didn't want to. She loved Sly's presence. She loved Sly's flirting. She loved the way he looked, the way he acted, the quirks in his system, and mainly, Sly himself. She wanted nothing more, than just to spend her entire life with him.
Thieves cannot live with Happiness. We can't have our cake and eat it too. But I am an exceptional thieve. For no matter how perfect me and Carmelita's lives get, I can sit back and relax. For, at one time in our lives, we cheated on each other. And no one can take that away from us.
We'll get married in two more months. We no longer owned a phone, but I've purchased one hell of a sturdy table if you know what I mean.
First Sly cooper Fan fic. New chapters will be added. Comments, reviews? No flames please.
Next chapter. Titus episode: Red asphalt.
And in case if you're wondering which Sly character represents which Titus character....
And Ken Titus=a new character I'll create. It will be Carmelita's dad and Sly's father in law.