Tears of a Tiger; Life without Andy
I wasn't expecting it. From what I knew it seemed Andy was getting better. Figures. Shows just how much I knew. I miss Andy. I mean, we all do. But it was always like this, Rob, Andy, me, then B.J. When we lost Rob, it was pretty hard. Not a day went by when I wouldn't wake without thinking of Rob. Now it's Andy and Rob. I guess Andy thought it was his fault for the accident and Rob's death. I see it differently though.
It couldn't be his fault; we were all drunk, except B.J. of course. Rob would've never been stuck in the car if he hadn't of had his feet resting on the dashboard. The car would've exploded no matter what. However, his legs jammed through the window pinned him. I forgave myself for what happened, and I forgave Andy, too. But did he forgive himself? Probably not, if he killed himself.
I wonder how his little brother feels about this. It must be awfully hard on the little guy. I would'nt blame him either. I still don't understand how Andy could hurt all of us and do that to himself.
When the police came over to ask about Andy, I hadn't even heard the news yet. I remember one of the police officers saying: " Son, we are afraid to inform that Andrew Jackson has commited suicide. We understand you were involved in the car crash on November 7th. We'd like to ask you a few questions."
Just like that. My jaw literally dropped, and I couldn't help it. I burst into tears. My family was sympathetic, but the police meant business. I told them the same story I had told the original police that had been sent down to obtain information about the crash the day after. I keep thinking to myself: why didn't he say something? I could've helped him.
The case was this: Andy became depressed about what had happened to Rob and blamed himself. Eventually he just couldn't take it anymore. What the police told us was this: he'd put a gun to his head.
I can't imagine Andy doing that. Not Andy that I admired for being one of the best basketball players on our team (second to Rob). Not Andy that I'd known so well. It wasn't him.
But it was him. His death. His funeral. Him in the newspaper. I forgive him constantly though. I always will. Afterall, he had been driving the car, but God intended for whatever to come to happen... I hope God forgives Andy too. I loved him...
Speaking of which, things between me and Rhonda have heated up. The news about Andy shook us both, but it made us stronger. Our relationship is going great. We go steady now. Everyday I think of her.
I remember the first time we kissed. Boy, that girl is something special. And you know what? I think I love her.
Since it's only me and B.J. left, we've become pretty tight. We only have each other. People try to help, but only B.J. really understands how I feel because he went through it himself. We've got to be strong for Andy. And Rob.
Andy, if you're up there listening, I want you to know this. You don't have to be sorry for what you've done. I know now you were going through a hard time. I forgive you. We all do, me, Rhonda, B.J., and Keisha. Just so you know, I love you man. I hope you're where you need to be.