Welcome to my new story LOVE BRINGS PAIN LOVE BRINGS JOY - yep I know the title is not the best but its all I've got right now!
I would like to thank my lovely Beta Miss JayJay for pouring over my story and doing the necessary tweaks to make it so much better - I have reposted it after she has done the tweaking (just incase you are thinking I've duplicated the story!)
Just to make sure you are all aware, I do not own Twilight or anything to do with it, especially the characters themselves, I have just kidnapped them for a while and I will be bending their will to my command - mmmmm, don't know if that sounds right! Anyway, I am gonna make them do what I want them to do!
I hope you enjoy my story and please remember and leave me a review - the more the merrier!
The first chapter is from Bella's POV and Edward has just left her in New Moon, alone and in the woods………..
Chapter One - Bella POV - Abandoned
I could not believe that he left me, what was I to do now? I am all alone; I cannot cope with this at all. Why did he tell me he loved me, why did he lie to me, he promised he would never leave me, he promised he would always be there for me.
The pain is too much, I can hardly breathe. His words hurt me so much, he said he no longer wanted me, that he was leaving this place and going far away and he promised to never return. He said that I would forget him; it would be as though he never truly existed! How can he say that after all he had said before about loving me?
Some 18th birthday party that was, oh yes it was memorable but for the wrong reasons! Okay, I did get attacked by a blood thirsty vampire but Edward managed to stop him before anything really happened. For god sakes, when Edward pushed me out of the way he hurt me more than anything else! I had gotten a paper-cut of all things! Then Jasper tried to get to me but as I said, Edward stopped him in time, it shouldn't have been such a dramatic incident but of course when I am involved, everything turns out to be worse than it should have been. I landed on top of all the fancy crystal and ended up slashing my arm, yes there was blood everywhere but at that point both Edward and Jasper were on another wavelength altogether, one where I could never reach them.
Yes, Edward was very protective of me and I applaud him for that but what I cannot understand is why he has discarded me so easily. I am so confused, I just cannot understand anything anymore, it was all so perfect but it took just a few short minutes to ruin.
He took me home that night after Carlisle stitched me up and repaired my cuts, Edward stayed with me that night too but grudgingly. I knew there was something else bothering him, but I was too frightened to ask what. He gathered me in his arms and hummed my lullaby to me while I slept but the next day, well what can I say, the next day he was so cold and distant towards me. It was as though I had caused all the damage deliberately, it was as though it was my fault that Jasper could not control his thirst, it was my fault that Edward had to push me out of the way and my fault again that I had a huge cut down my arm. The next morning I went to school as usual. Edward was there, again as usual but there was no Alice, Jasper, Rosalie or Emmett. That really confused me and I felt so guilty when I realised that I was the cause of the empty spaces at the Cullen table, I had driven the others out of school! Imagine my confusion once again when Edward asked me to meet him after school to go for a walk into the forest. I should have said "no" but I cannot refuse him anything, especially when he smiles that crooked smile at me! So I met him and we went for our short walk into the woods, it turned out our walk was just a few steps into the forest where I could still see the house and that is when he burst my bubble and left me like this, broken and wounded.
I hear you ask, what on earth did he say to you, well it's like this, he told me that he never really loved me, oh not in so many words but that was the idea! He told me that he and his family were moving on and that he did not want me to go with him. He was quite harsh in his methods, his aim reaching its target and crushing me to the extent that I do not feel that I can recover.
So, here I am, lying here in the woods. I am cold, lost and alone. I have run through the woods, tripping over tree roots and the like, falling and picking myself up and running again. My throat is burning with the sobs racking my body, my heart is definitely broken into a thousand pieces, my body aching from hitting off the ground and the trees so many times, my tears have since dried on my face and no doubt my eyes are red rimmed and puffy. I am so tired, I have no energy to fight anymore, and he has gone, he vanished without a single trace, as if he had never existed, just like he said. I feel myself slipping into an uneasy slumber and before long the darkness has claimed me.
I have no notion of how long I lay there but I feel the sensation of being lifted high in the air with two warm and strong arms holding me. My thoughts drift, "maybe he has returned, maybe he has found me but they are not cold, it is not him. I care not who has found me as my life is no longer worth living without him.
I hear voices around me, panicking voices, voices that sound relieved, mumblings of others with concern in their voices but I no longer care of what they think and I do not care who they are. I need him but he is no longer here.
All I know now is that I am safe, although I do not want to be wherever this is, but I am safe and I am warm. Inside I am broken and in pain. It is a pity that my surroundings do not reflect my inside turmoil.
Nearly six months later...............
I am sitting here in this filthy attic; I have become nothing but a monster, to all intents and purposes, my true calling! I laugh to myself, this is what I deserve. I have hurt her so much, I have lied to her so what else should I expect? I came here six months ago, as far away as I could get, away from her, away from my family. I deserve to hurt for what I have done, I deserve to suffer, I do not deserve the love she gave me.
I truly hope that I have done the right thing. I hope against hope that she has moved on and met someone else who will make her happy. Someone who will be able to be with her, love her and care for her, someone who will not be a threat to her and keep her safe. Someone who is certainly NOT like me! What was I thinking in the first place? Why did I kid myself into thinking that I could form a relationship with a human, I was stupid to think it would all turn out the way I had hoped. I was an ignorant fool to even think I could play human alongside her.
I look around me in this filthy place; the rats are squirming around the place foraging for something to eat. There are bats in here too! I am sitting in the roof of an old derelict building somewhere in Brazil. I came here in the hope that no-one, not even Alice, could find me although I know that Alice will always know where I am. Alice is like that, always thinking of others and looking out for them, not like me.
I miss my Bella, although it is nothing more than I deserve. I also miss my family; I could not spread my doom and gloom on their existence. It would be too much for them to bear. I need to suffer this torment on my own.
I do not know how long I have sat here, but it must have been a long time, perhaps days or weeks even. I have seen the sun come up many times and go down again. I have lost count of the number of days and nights I have been here, it must be at least 182 at least which would mean it was nearly 6 months. How time passes!
I try and contact my family every few weeks to let them know that I still exist. I know they worry so I do not wish to cause them any further distress. I have asked Alice not to look for my Bella as it would not be fair to either Bella or Alice. Bella needs to get on with her human life and does not need "us" contaminating it. So far Alice has complied with my request and I hope that she continues to do so.
I have a compulsion to check on Bella, to make sure she is happy and to make sure she is safe and well. I cannot however afford to give in to this compulsion because if I do I will go back to her and I am not strong enough to resist her.
Oh well, another day of sitting here watching the rats run around, counting how many black ones there are and how many brown ones, so far I have counted five hundred and thirty brown and two hundred and seventy six black – strange how there are more brown! I am busy counting when my cell phone rings. I remove it from my pocket and clip it open. "Ha! Twenty three missed calls from Rosalie! Why Rosalie?" I am very confused, why on earth would Rosalie of all people be calling me? I mean, Carlisle or Alice, yes, even Esme, but Rosalie! We had not spoken since I left Bella, I was too angry to speak to her and she too self-righteous to speak to me, it was a case of "I told you so". So, we had decided that we would not make contact with one another, just to be on the safe side!
I decided that I was not going to answer it, why on earth should I, twenty four missed calls would not be any different to twenty three! I replaced my cell back into my pocket. No sooner had I done that when the damn thing rang again, I ignored it. The only problem thereafter was that it started to ring every five minutes or so. I had taken enough when the caller had decided to continue calling every five minutes, bringing the missed call total to forty nine altogether! In a fit of anger I pulled the cell from my pocket once again and checked the caller display. I was surprised to see that, yes I had around thirty missed calls from Rosalie but the remainder were from Alice! I was confused and concerned at this. Why would both of them be calling me, unless there was something wrong with one of my family! I froze at the thought of that and felt so guilty then for not answering in the first place. Many thoughts ran through my head, the main one being "Esme, my mother, there must be something wrong with Esme" I immediately pressed re-dial and called Alice who answered straight away....
"Edward, thank God," she breathed.
"Alice, what's wrong, I have a lot of missed calls on my phone from both you and Rosalie is everyone all right?" I said nervously.
Alice spoke quickly, ""Edward, why didn't you answer your cell, both Rose and I have been trying to get you for ages, and to answer your question, everyone is okay here".
I was so relieved that all was okay, especially Esme. I could not forgive myself if anything had happened and I was not there to help. I felt guilty all over again abandoning my family.
Alice spoke again, "Edward, Edward, are you there?"
"Yes Alice I am here, now what do you want to speak to me about?" I asked.
"Edward we want you to come home, we need you to come home, as soon as possible, please?" She replied.
I did not answer immediately, I thought of what she said for a few seconds and then said,
""Alice you know how I feel about coming back to be with the family, you know why I left, I cannot, I am sorry!"
"Oh Edward, I wish you would reconsider, for Esme at least, please?" she pleaded.
"No Alice, my mind is made up, I am not coming back" I said with a note of finality in my voice.
"Well then Edward, you leave me no alternative!" declared Alice in a determined voice.
It was at that moment that I realised that I was not going to win this argument, Alice had something up her sleeve and I think it was something that I was not going to like, not at all.
"Alice..." I said warningly, ""What are you talking about?"
"Okay, it's like this, er........well its Bella........" she mumbled.
"Bella, what about Bella? Please Alice tell me you did not look for her, please tell me?" I implored of her as my anger started to rise at the thought of Alice seeing Bella when I said not to!
"Edward I did not do it deliberately, you know I would not do that, you know how my visions work, sometimes I cannot help it as they come to me, I'm so sorry Edward, I really did not want to be the one......." she trailed off.
By this time I was frantic with worry, obviously there was something wrong with Bella. No matter how I felt or what I have done to her, if she needed me for anything, if she was hurt then I would go to her, there was no question of this. How she would cope afterwards or indeed how I would cope after is not something I would consider now.
"Alice, tell me, please?" I demanded.
""Bella is....well she is really ill, she has been ill since you left......Charlie has tried to be there for her, he has tried to care for her but it has been too hard, so she is in the hospital now......."
Before she could finish I was already standing up pacing and shouting down the phone at her.
"What do you mean she is in the hospital and she has been ill since I left, what is wrong with her?" I shouted and some of the rats scuttle away from me, startled at the sudden uproar.
"Edward, calm down and I will tell you. Shouting at me won't do any good and it certainly won't help Bella. Yes, she is in hospital, she has had a breakdown. She has not left her room since we left; Charlie has gotten doctor after doctor in to see her all to no avail. She has been totally unresponsive since then and she is catatonic now. She is in a Psychiatric Hospital Edward. They don't know if she will recover from this. Edward, we need to go to her, we cannot leave her like this, please Edward, she is my friend too"
Alice was almost sobbing now, not that vampires can sob or cry but I know she loves Bella as much as I do and she is heartbroken about this.
"Yes Alice, we will go to her, I will get the first flight that I can get from Rio and let you know when my plane lands. We will help her get better and be there for her" I vow as it's the least I can do for Bella.
I could almost hear the relief pouring down the phone from Alice.
""Thank you Edward, thank you, phone me and let me know what time your flight arrives and I will pick you up at the airport. I will go and tell Carlisle and Esme that you are coming back. I will also go tell Charlie if that's okay?" . Alice asks tentatively
I was not sure about Charlie; after all I caused all of this so I did not think I would be the most welcome person in his daughter's life.
""Yes Alice, tell Esme and Carlisle however I am not sure about Charlie at all...." I reply.
"Don't worry about Charlie, Edward. I told him I was going to call you and he was all for you coming back to see if you could help her, yes he is angry but he also understands that his daughter comes first and if you are what she needs he will accept that" explains Alice.
I was stunned to say the least! ""Okay then, I will see you soon then!"
I terminated the call and sat back for a moment to think. I will soon be seeing my Bella, my love. To think of her in such a place is beyond belief and to think that this is all my fault is a heart breaking thought indeed. I have hurt her so much that I wonder if she can ever forgive me. That remains to be seen as I am not sure yet if she can recover from this much less forgive me for how I have treated her!
I stand up and go to prepare for my journey "home".
Well, all I can say now is REVIEW – I would also appreciate if you would give some time to my other stories, ie PORTFOLIO; IZZY AND THE BUTTONS; MY STUPID TWILIGHT and my one shot – TO HAVE AND TO HOLD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD!
I don't tend to get many reviews at all – I get annoyed at this especially as I review every story I read and review every chapter too so feel that it is not much to repay the compliment.
PLEASE PLEASE READ AND REVIEW – I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!