All characters © Kubo Tite

Summary: It was when Yoruichi first learned to transform that Kisuke first learned of his horrific cat allergies.


Well, that was Unexpected

"Seven. Eight. Nine. Kisuke, are you trying to give yourself a hemorrhage?"

Urahara Kisuke surreptitiously wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve and continued stacking the boxes in his new shop as if he hadn't just broken into his umpteenth sneezing fit of the day. "I'm not trying to give myself anything, Yoruichi-san," he replied lightly, unloading a carton of mod-souls. Yoruichi didn't have to know his expressions better than most to see that he was annoyed by her constant nagging.

"It's just a temporary glitch in the gigai," Kisuke added, sniffing.

"The gigai retains all of your soul's original bodily functions," Yoruichi snapped. "The only difference is that the body can be seen by humans. You should know, since you're the one who created it."

Kisuke opened his mouth to answer, but all he could do was sneeze and sneeze. Yoruichi waited for him to finish. "Dust," he managed between sneezes.

"You can't keep pinning it on the dust," she said, her yellow eyes narrowing as she watched him recover and rub his nose. "You've never sneezed like this in the library of Seireitei or in the twelfth division's basement; in fact, you hardly ever sneeze at all." She had almost forgotten how his sneezes sounded like, for his sinuses were rarely disturbed. The sudden change was alarming, and certainly not from natural causes.

"There's something you're not telling me."

He sighed, a hand straightening the brim of a pinstriped hat that was as new as the shop. He was still getting used to the style, but it did wonders for keeping the sun out of his eyes. Today he was thankful to be wearing the hat, for it covered his pink and slightly watery eyes. And the look of guilt in them.

"If you must know, Yoruichi-san, it's a small allergy," Kisuke said, a little sheepishly. He had tried to avoid this discussion ever since the first prickle in his nose, but with Yoruichi as shrewd as she was of course she was apt to notice.

Yoruichi waited. "...to?"

Kisuke was silent, his reason being that the answer was quite obvious. After a moment Yoruichi's eyes widened. "No."

He smiled wanly before pinching the bridge of his nose in an effort to ward off another paroxysm of sneezes, unsuccessfully.

"Kisuke, no."

"Unfortunately," Kisuke nodded after six consecutive sneezes, grinning despite the fact that his nose was redder than his bloodmist shield and the ability to produce certain consonants in the Japanese alphabet had long since deserted him.

Yoruichi's ears flattened against her head. "Cats? Really, Kisuke?" Of all the idiocy...

"I chose this form because it was the easiest to hide my reiatsu from Soul Society," she said incredulously, her tail curling up beside her. "And yet...why did you not say anything, Kisuke?"

A sneeze and a shrug. "I hadn't known, otherwise I would have suggested a different option of disguise. And from my knowledge, cat allergies seem to be fairly common amongst human ailments."

"I don't believe this," Yoruichi scoffed. She paused, considering, as Kisuke sniffed pathetically and scrunched up his nose. "You know, in a few decades we are going to look back on this and laugh our spiritual asses off."

He snorted. "I don't think we'll have to wait that long, Yoruichi-san," he replied, a smile threatening to turn up the corners of his mouth. His amused expression dissolved a moment later as another sneezing fit overtook him, and he eventually caved and went to retrieve a tissue. He didn't think his sleeve to be the best option anymore. "Besides, I prefer your original for--form...ahh..."

And Yoruichi looked at Kisuke, with his streaming eyes, red nose, and wads of tissues, and couldn't help but give a yowl of laughter. "You're right," she snickered. "It's pretty funny right now."