-Note- Yikes. A lot of warnings. First of all, psychological I tend to make things confusing. I'll try to explain it in a note afterwards. Second of all, IzayaxSelf. Yes… And lastly, very AU at the end. Oneshot.
I try not to think about what ifs of the past. Such as, if I did something else instead of what I really chose to do before, would I be different today?
In the usual room, I would roughly tilt the table to the side, watching everything that had been in place for as long as I could remember, into shambles. Then I would repeat with the bookshelf, bed, drawer, the closet, until everything was one huge mess on the ground. The door behind me was locked, and I drowned out the pounding on its surface, the voices asking me if everything was okay.
Yes, everything is fine. I smiled peacefully, but the dark window depicted foreign red eyes. Cold, crimson orbs, swirling, icy and lost in a different world; it was curving into a thin smile… Wow, what a creep, what is he so happy about?
He was still smiling back at me, the expression growing wilder and more frightening. He laughed, and I could feel it vibrate through my own ears, my own throat, and I was watching this indignantly, wondering if he had lost his mind. He clutched his stomach in mirth, supporting himself as he continued to let his laughter ring and echo across the dark room. I clutched my stomach in nausea, unable to remove my eyes from his.
As sudden as the boy opened his mouth, he closed it and in place left me with a soft buzzing. An undertone to the echoes, the sound of accelerating heartbeat. The boy placed both hands behind his head, watching me nonchalantly, as I covered both ears in agony. Someone, please…stop, the pounding. But my heart continued to beat, faster than I wanted. Faster than I should have it.
I reached out my hand hoping he would grasp it. He reached his hand out to slap it away. The rings on our first finger hung loose, but it slipped off easily, clattering on the floor.
When I crouched down to retrieve it, our gazes broke apart and for an instant, I felt free again. For an instant, I was myself. Only…myself. Alone. All alone in this world.
Gasping, short and unsteady breaths created a frenzied tempo, and I found myself scrambling up against the wall, glaring at the scenery outside the window. My breath created white smoke over the glass, the white sheen retreating to the core and instantly expanding again after each puff. Where are you, where are you, where are you…
I shook my head in misery, closing my eyes. On the count of three, I'd open them again, hoping you are still watching me. And I see, see the crimson eyes starting to appear again. The owner smiled slyly, and replaced the ring over my index finger. I placed his over his own. I realize then that his fingers are cold, that there is still the glass against our palms. Your hand fits perfectly against mine, and I could feel the same sad smile that you have carving against my own face.
He's not real.
He is me.
I am him.
I looked over my hands and found that on either index finger was the identical silver ring, and I looked back at the window. He was not there anymore. He was gone…
But…but…he can't be.
I'm not a boy.
Back in tune with the real world, I could hear my parents calling. "Kanra, Kanra, dear, please open the door…!"
Theme was multiple personality disorder. And just because I really like the name Kanra.
This one is a oneshot because I really need to work on other things, but I am planning on coming back and trying to explain this better.
Thank you for reading.