Soul Phones

Disclaimer: Don't own BLEACH, Tite Kubo and other relevant media do.

Summary: True businessman to the core, follow Urahara Kisuke's ventures in marketing his newest product, SoulPhoneTM, to the other humans, shinigamis, and vaizards alike.

A/N: Following 'Easy Access', I was intrigued to make some humor story about Urahara developing and marketing his product, the newest hollow-detector cell phones known as SoulPhoneTM, hahaha. It will mostly be drabbles though, since I don't have any intention to make long story with two of my main stories still in progress. Same realm as 'Alive'.


Yoruichi found Urahara busying himself in his hidden lab just behind his room.

She had no idea either what he was busy with or why. She didn't really want to know.

However, the merry tune her apparent lover had been humming for quite some time somehow intrigued her to no end. Kisuke was in a super-happy-mode, it seemed. Not that he was usually unhappy on the other days, but still, there was something …different today.

Curiosity kills the cat, old men say, but Yoruichi simply didn't care. She tiptoed behind Urahara and peeked over his shoulder. But right before she had a chance to get a glimpse of whatever the stubble-adorned man had been working at; Urahara spun around on his chair and grinned widely at her.

"Yoruichi honey, I know you're curious of whatever I have been busy with all this time." He smirked mischievously. "Do you miss me so much?"

Yoruichi harrumphed. "There's no way I miss your lazy ass around."

Urahara chuckled.

"You know, if you're so curious, all you have to do is ask."

"I'm not curious. I just pass by your room. That's all."

"Ah, ah, ah, no need to be so testy about it." Urahara chided playfully. He grabbed a leaflet from his desk and shoved it to her face. "Here, take a look at this."

Yoruichi took the offending paper and peered closely. It was an advertisement or more likely a catalogue of cell phones; very unordinary cell phones at that, considering the lists of function beside the display—one of them was being a boomerang… somehow. Yoruichi knew that it was another type of hollow-detector phones Urahara had invented before.

"It's cell phones' catalogue." She said simply.

Urahara chuckled. "Why yes, it's true. But it's not an ordinary cell phone, my dear."

"It's hollow-detector cell phone, like the ones you gave Rukia and Hitsugaya's team back then."

Urahara tsk-ed her. "You may be right, honey, but this one is different. Completely different. It's super ordinary, mega grande, sparklingly awesome invention! This phone is the road to the future, our bright future, that is." Urahara exclaimed proudly.

Yoruichi rolled her eyes at her lover's absurd rambling. It was just cell phones for cry out loud. Everyone had seen and had their own cell phones nowadays. What was there about invention anyway??

"Kisuke, it's just a cell phone. A weird multi function cell phone, but still, it's a cell phone nonetheless."

Urahara pouted childishly. "If you say so, then it's fine. I will test this phone on several volunteering-customers, by the way."

The behatted shopkeeper rose from his seat and pulled out a thick notebook containing the names and addresses of each of his costumers from his overcoat. He flipped from page to page, humming merrily as he searched for his destination.

Yoruichi only stared at his back and promptly she went back to scan the leaflet. She still didn't find any peculiar feature the cell phone seemingly offered. Its shape was like any other candy-bar shaped cell phone; slim, sleek, with average-width screen and necessary buttons. It had camera, too. And FM radio, MP3 player, etc. Yoruichi raised one of her elegant brows. Kisuke could be so fashionable sometimes.

"Ah-hah! Let's begin with Kurosaki-kun first." Urahara beamed cheerfully. "Say it's our late present for his assignment as 5th division taichou last time."

"Kisuke, you and Isshin have thrown a party for him, right in this humble, little shop. You want to give him any more present?"

"Why, of course, since I'm a generous man."

Yoruichi shook her head and promptly left the room while her lover busied himself by scribbling down Kurosaki Ichigo's name, address, and postal code on the surface of an empty box.

The last thing she saw was Urahara putting one of his prided cell phones—it was red—within the box, complete with the leaflet, manual book, battery charger, some smaller packages and a note.

So??? So??? How do you think?? Please R&R and feel free to suggest an idea for Urahara's next victims, ehehehe...

As for the first, second, and third victims, I have already had candidates to torture... so you can give me ideas of whose next for fourth, fifth, and so forth victims.