I just feel like writing another Yui-Nakago one-shot so don't ask why I wrote this. Haha. I know I've been neglecting updates but I really try to squeeze uploading chappies in-between work. This one's better than Let Go and Let Me. Hope you like this one-shot! Do please leave reviews!
Disclaimer: FY is not mine.
Under the Star Painted Skies
My fingers were trembling and my stomach was filled, not just with butterflies, but probably with all insects in the arachnid class. To say that I'm nervous was an understatement. I've repeated the line in my head, trying to say it out without trembling, but everything in me continued shook violently.
"Don't get jitters Yui, pass this and you're all ready for college," Ayaka said and I nodded, looking up to meet hazel eyes. The train passed by, bringing cold air in the subway. I shivered again.
"I've never done this before," I squeaked, my resolve vanishing as the chill seeped through my skin.
"Let's give Yui another dare," a familiar voice butted in and Miaka's big brown eyes looked at me with concern. I heaved a sigh, relieved that at least someone was unsure like me.
"Come on, you heard what the college girls said during the career orientation," Ayaka said matter-of-factly. "College boys will want to get inside your skirt so you have to be prepared. If you haven't done this before, you're bound to get harassed."
"But this is insane—I don't want to lose my virginity to some random guy in the subway," I finally said out.
Days before, we met some girls during the orientation and they advised us to get boyfriends before leaving high school. I don't have a boyfriend and getting one in less than a month was not easy. They said university was going to be different; we have to be mentally and physically prepared. They even advised us to lose our virginities before stepping into university—it's supposed to open our eyes to the real world. Makes us more aware and open to the various fields of knowledge, they say.
Losing their first night was easy for Ayaka and Miaka—they have boyfriends. For me, it was an ordeal—I was almost raped for Seiryuu's sake. Kissing a guy even makes me feel disgusted sometimes. Hey, I'm not undergoing a personality crisis but I admit to getting peer pressured.
"Yui, you just agreed to do this! But it's not like I'm forcing you or anything. Just—make up your mind, we've been here for two hours!" Ayaka said, evidently annoyed. "My cousin said a one-night stand should solve all that shyness. She also said that single college girls just do it with anyone anytime. In short, this is totally normal."
I sighed and looked around. If we delay this further, the college guys will all disappear and I'll be left with the high school boys and the much older ones. I'm supposed to lose it with a college guy so he won't expect anything back. I don't want to ruin the plan. "Fine, but don't tell anyone I agreed to do this—it'll ruin my reputation," I said and Ayaka squealed.
"Don't worry, I'll just choose a safe-looking guy," I told her and the latter sighed, giving up.
"If you say so, but Yui, if you don't call me in an hour, I'll you wherever you are or whoever you're with." She sighed and looked around. "I wonder if safe-looking college boys exist…"
"Look no more because I have found the perfect guy!" Ayaka wrapped an arm around our shoulders and turned us toward one of the benches. A few feet away, a lanky long-haired guy was standing, reading a thick book.
I blinked and frowned. If a nerd can be defined as safe-looking then I guess he fitted the part perfectly well. Thick spectacles were on the bridge of his nose and a shoulder-length hair was tied in a messy low ponytail, fringes covering his face. A sling bag was on his shoulders and he was too absorbed in the book that he had lost consciousness of the train.
"He looks dirty," I noted, earning a nod from Miaka.
"Nah, his nails are clean."
"What?" I asked, looking at my friend strangely. Ayaka rolled her eyes.
"Saki said you can find out if a person is clean or not if he or she tends the nails well," she said and Miaka and I looked at our nails. "Besides, he looks just like an artiste, the quiet brooding painter or whatever."
"The crouching form scares me a little," I said point-blank. My dark-haired friend shook her head.
"I think he's sexy when he's naked." I flushed and she pushed me toward the guy. "Now, you have to find that out, ne Yui?" I gulped and nodded slowly. "We've discussed the precautionary measures. Do you remember them?" she asked and I sighed, nodding.
"Yeah. Do it in a love hotel, not in his place to make sure there are no cameras. Know where the phone is and keep the door key nearby," I recited. "Don't drink anything and wake up early and leave."
"Yui, you forgot the most important one," Miaka said and I sighed again. We said the most important reminder in hushed voices, all at the same time. "Make sure he wears a condom."
"Great! You're ready," Ayaka said excitedly and she turned me toward the guy. I sighed again; I would do anything to be in anyone's position right now. She pushed me slightly and I nervously walked toward him. "Don't forget to smile, it'll hide the nervousness. And he won't resist when you do."
My head was telling me over and over that it was wrong, that no one really knew if those girls were lying, that sleeping with a guy with no emotional involvement was not the best way to lose my innocence. I waged a war when I thought I lost it and now… I'm just throwing it before some unknown guy. But there was no turning back, each step was bringing me closer to the fated outcome of tonight: losing my virginity.
I stood facing him, a few feet away, but he didn't bulge. I ran my fingers through my long hair, smiling to get his attention. But he didn't turn. Whatever was in that damn book was more worthy of his attention than me, obviously. I cleared my throat but still didn't get any response. The insects in my stomach were disappearing and I realized for awhile that this was probably not a bad idea. He was obviously safe-looking but it was hard to get his attention. Does this guy even know how to have sex?
"Excuse me," I voiced out, all nervousness fading in my system. For awhile, I felt confident and determined. This was probably what a hooker felt for every customer. I didn't like this feeling. I knew Miaka and Ayaka were watching and it'll hurt my pride if I failed. "Hello…?"
He jolted up and turned to me, surprised. Blonde brows creased and he pushed his thick glasses back. I saw clear blue eyes. "Can I help you?" he asked in a deep voice and I blinked, slightly taken aback. There was something familiar about his voice and his hair and his eyes… "Miss, do you need anything?" he asked again and I laughed lightly to hide my spacing out.
"Well…I was thinking…" I bit my lip and he stared in a serious deadpan expression. "Let's get a room," I said out at the same time the siren buzzed, signaling the arrival of the next train. I was unsure whether he heard it or not. I sighed out of relief. I missed my chance, I'll never have the courage to say it out again. I hope Ayaka and Miaka would not bring it against my backing out of the dare.
A smirk left his face and he pulled his glasses off, showing a handsome breathtaking AND familiar face. I gasped. "Sure." Cold wind brushed through me as the train passed and I felt like a bucket of iced water was poured over my head. All the insects returned, not just in my stomach but in every part of my body. My head buzzed, my heart beat loud, I was shivering. "Let's do it in my place."
The couch door opened and a swarm of people walked out, taking me by surprise. A hand grabbed me and pulled me inside the train. Once the door closed, I found myself in his arms, strong and muscular and all too familiar. I can't believe how the shirt had hid it. His spectacles were back on his face but it cannot hide the person I saw in him when he took it off. I berated myself in my head but the words disappeared when I looked up and met his gaze.
An arm was extended up, holding the book with a big hand while clinging to a bar for support as the train hovered, taking me into a whirlwind of unexplainable nervousness. The other hand was wrapped around my waist, sturdy and unmoving. We were literally snuggling and I was well-protected from the throng of the subway rush. I swallowed hard, sweat crawled on my back, making me cold and warm and everything in-between.
"I was just joking…" I squeaked as we swayed with the train. Miaka and Ayaka were running after us but the doors had long been closed.
"You were not."
Walking behind him as he pulled my hand, I saw a strong man, not the nerdy one we initially thought he was. He walked in a confident manly swagger and he no longer looked safe. Mixed emotions filled me and I tried pulling my hand back to get his attention. He turned around with an expressionless face, pushing his glasses back and immediately making me flush.
"We should get a room, in a love hotel—"
"I don't have money with me," he pointed out and I blinked. How was it possible that I ended up with a handsome but poor poor man? What kind of place was he supposed to have? Can he even buy a condom? "Besides," he said as he opened the door of his apartment. "If we do it here, you'll know where to find me next time."
He pulled me inside and I stumbled on a pile of papers before he turned on the lights. I winced as my legs got filled with papercuts, small bleeding wounds that throbbed. I looked around and was disappointed; every part of the studio type apartment was flooded with papers. A simple and barren futon was laid out in the middle of the room, next to an ashtray filled with burned out cigarettes and emptied candy wrappers and cans of soda. The place was worse than the garbage and I was supposed to lose my virginity here?
The blonde bishounen turned to me and slipped the jacket off my shoulders before I can protest. A soft warm mouth landed on mine and his arms pulled me to the futon, tugging at my shirt. My skin crawled and I made a sound as we fell down on the thin slab of bed. Frustration crept through my system but I tried to enjoy the kiss and the feel of his skin. I wanted to focus on him and our bodies. I wanted to enjoy my first night with a man.
He moved away slowly, pulling his shirt off and exposing a beautifully chiseled chest. His lips crashed down on mine again and I let out a moan as he forcedly explored my mouth. Ayaka was right, he was sexy and passionate underneath the unpleasant clothes. A smile crept from my lips and I was beginning to enjoy the moment until I opened my eyes and the piles of paper filled my view. By then, his mouth was trailing my neck hungrily and I would have melted if only the smell of ink didn't fill my nostrils.
"Turn off the lights," I whispered.
"No, I want to see every part of you," he answered as he unbuttoned my shirt, a little too desperately. My hand accidentally swished over the futon and it hit the ashtray, creating a loud sound as gray ash spilled over the floor. The tin cans made sounds as they fell down one by one. "It's okay, I'll just clean it up later."
Frustration filled me and I angrily pushed him away. "Stop!" I sat up and moved away, annoyingly buttoning my shirt.
"Why?" he asked, pushing his hair back. It had been free of being tied and fell messily over his shoulders. The glasses were taken off and he looked every bit like the man I tried to imagine I was losing my innocence to: Nakago.
Yes, I tried to imagine him as the blonde shogun so my heart would race, so my body will feel warm all over, so I won't shiver with every touch or every kiss. But it was futile, he might look like him but he was different. Neither do I want to be fucked in a rat's hole. I knew it, this was a bad idea.
"Why?" I breathed out, my voice rising. "Because this is so unromantic! I went to the salon, I had a spa, I had a foot massage—I even took a long bath before—this!" I stood up and put on my jacket. "I never dreamed of losing my virginity in a place like this!" I stormed toward the door but an arm stretched across the door, stopping me from stepping out. My eyes were misty when I looked at him.
I was angry. I was frustrated. I was disappointed. I was feeling all the emotions I never thought I'd feel tonight. I thought it was going to be perfect, giving myself to a man who bore Nakago's face, spending the night in his arms just like the old times. But it didn't turn out that way. I expected too much.
"Let's turn off the lights," he said softly. A tear fell from my eye and I wiped it like a kid.
"Would it change anything?" I asked and a thin smile left him.
"Let's find out," he whispered. He reached for the switch and darkness filled the room. The full moon outlined the things inside and somehow, I felt better. The dark had always blanketed me in a comfortable sheet after the incidents in the book. It always hid the things I never wanted to see. A smile spread on my face as I wiped the tears that built in my eyes. "Better?" he asked and I laughed lightly.
Our eyes met. I saw him and he saw me. Half of us were hidden in the shadows, concealing a part of us that we were not ready to share tonight or probably not ever. And who was I to deny him of what I wanted as well? I slowly took off my jacket and let it fall. My fingers unbuttoned my shirt, not in a rush, not too slow.
His arms wrapped around my waist and he softly kissed my lips when I looked up. My breath caught and my heart raced as a familiar warmth spread through my body, in the areas where our skins touched. His mouth slowly trailed my jaw and I turned to the side, giving him the signal to fully explore my neck.
Tonight, he was Nakago and I was Yui. He was a man and I, a woman. Cool wind brushed through our sweat-streaked skins but it was not enough to dispel the heat created by our bodies. I felt myself burn like the countless cigarettes lying on the floor, waiting to be dusted off, melting slowly, dying in the wondrous sensation of being in his mouth.
"Stars…" I moaned as his big hands trailed the most sensitive parts of my body, the parts I never thought existed for pleasure's sake. "I'm seeing stars…" I stammered, as if drugged. He gently met my eyes and watched the reactions on my face.
"I painted them a few years ago. My ceiling's filled with them, glow-in-the-dark painted stars," he explained in a deep husky voice. He kissed my jaw again as a finger slid inside my opened legs, preparing me for the bigger package. I moaned as he slid it in and out, crooking it every now and then. "You like it?" he whispered, turning his attention to my ears.
"Uh-huh…" I answered in a heavy voice, my breath hitching. I don't know which he was referring to but I liked it both—the ceiling and his fingers. "I like it…" I moaned as he slowly moved between my legs, parting it more for his penetration. "I like it very much…"
I was in a daze, my body never felt so alive. He smiled, control evidently vanishing over his handsome flawless face. A wide smile formed and I thought something glimmered in his right ear. But it must be stars, reflecting in him. I had completely forgotten the piles of paper and the dirt on the floor. The stench of ink vanished in the smell of our bodies, in the scent of his skin, his hair. The moon's rays made his hair shine, making him appear like a god before my heavy-lidded eyes.
It was my last memory of him before everything melted completely—Nakago surrounded by the Western night sky.
Nothing those girls said came true when I stepped into university. College boys talked to me or even openly flirted but they were not the perverted monsters I've created in my head. Every once in awhile, I remembered that night and the morning after. Looking back, I realized I never followed Ayaka's advice.
We didn't go to a love hotel, I never knew where the phone was or the door key. I never checked if a video camera existed nor did we used a condom, not even in the succeeding ones before he walked me to the train.
He drew for me the way to his house, at the back of draft papers, precise and complete. But I had long lost the sheet in the stressful first weeks of college, of moving to my own apartment, of enlisting in various general subjects. Everything about that incident felt like a dream, leaving me wistful and nostalgic. I wanted to resurrect it and bring each piece back to life, but it remained hazy, floating somewhere in the current reality I was in.
I didn't even get his name.
The bell rung and I straightened from the seat. Miaka, Ayaka, and I went to the same university but took different courses. The first term of our sophomore year had just begun and I was in the best mood to study literature. Those college girls were right in one thing after all, the world looked different after that first night. It somehow had more life.
The professor stepped in but I was busy browsing through my textbook. "Good morning, Prof. Kitamura has an emergency to attend to. I will be taking over his subject in the next two weeks," he said and I looked up, recognizing the voice. My eyes widened when the familiar lanky figure appeared before me.
Thick spectacles, messily tied long blonde hair, slouched shoulders, and a large shirt. He looked exactly the same since I last saw him; hiding behind a look that never suited him to conceal the wonderful man underneath. Our eyes met and I saw the surprise in his eyes. He cleared his throat, unsure on how to greet me. Should he acknowledge me, his student, as one of his casual one-night stands?
"I am Prof. Kitamura's research assistant. My name is Ueno Nakago and I will be teaching you World Literature," he said as if directing it for me. My eyes misted and I looked down before the tears fell. I focused my attention on the textbook, browsed through the outline of lectures he passed around class, listened to his voice and let it linger in my head. I took down notes, avoided raising my hand for questions, and kept silent in my seat.
When class ended, I took time arranging my things and only approached him when the students have all disappeared. He looked nerdy and unclean and the female students refused to get near him. Only I knew how clean his nails were, knew what he kept behind the unkempt tresses.
"Excuse me," I called softly and he turned just as slowly. Aware but unsure, unlike the first time. "Professor… I…" He looked through my face and I did the same. I missed him.
"Hmmm…?" he asked as I moved closer, staring into his eyes. "Do you need anything…?"
"I was thinking…" I bit my lip. I wanted to laugh at the familiarity of our situation but it was improper. To begin with, approaching him to remind him of what happened a year ago was very unbecoming. But what could I do? Something in me wanted to be near him and it controlled the actions of my body. "Well…I got confused over your discussion on poetry," I whispered out, the silence of the room made it come out clear and loud. "Would you kindly…tell me more about Voltaire…" I was lost in his eyes. They were still as lovely. "…under the stars…?"
"It's still too early to see the stars…" he whispered and disappointment hit me. I nodded vigorously, getting the idea. He doesn't want me anymore. It had been a year, of course his preferences changed. And it was improper. I was his student.
"I see…" A tear fell from my eye but before it could reach half my cheek, he thumbed it and pulled me into his arms, lips crashing down for a desperate kiss. My things fell on the floor and I grabbed his shirt, standing on my toes to answer the eager movements of his mouth.
"Damn, of course—" he said in-between kisses. "I'll color my room black just so you can see the stars—" We kissed again and he placed me on the table, my legs wrapped around his waist, unmindful of the papers flying down to the floor. "Yui—why? Why didn't you come back?" he asked, cupping my face. My lipstick was smudged on his lips and if someone walked in and saw us, we'll end up getting kicked out of the university.
"I'm sorry—I lost…" I shook my head and looked at him intently. "Don't let me go again…" It was enough to make us kiss again but before we got exposed, we left and treaded the familiar path to his home.
I dropped the subject and moved to his apartment. Every night, we watched the stars, leaving our pretenses aside and getting bare in the dark. Because in the shadows, with very little light, we become real people. No priestess, no shogun, no mark, no god, nothing. It was just him and me.
I saw him and he saw me. Under the star-painted skies we were one.
A/N: I wanted to title this as Entrance Exams but I already have too many E stories. Haha. It also became serious, though I intended it as something light and playful. Hope you liked this one. I realize I write better in first person POV, ne?