Degrassi; not mine.
Author's Note : I've only started watching Degrassi recently, so please forgive me for my lack of knowledge and possible OOC-ness.
Summary: His eyes, after all, were black holes than chewed up and spit out a thousand suns. Clare/KC/Jenna.
. . .
"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star..." - - e.e. cummings.
. . .
To say that I still had feelings for him was an understatement, but I knew him well enough to let him go. It had hurt like a million raw paper cuts, and I doubt if that hurt would go away, but I loved him enough to let him go. And this was the paradox; love. It never made sense, science couldn't explain it well enough and yet…it seemed as if love is the only thing right in this world. Call it a cliché, but in the end, weren't clichés what we all dreamed of? Even the harshest of cynics can't help but have a perfect little daydream of the 'could-bes' and 'what-ifs' once in a while. It's that beautiful, untouchable object that we want but we won't admit to wanting – that's what clichés are. After all, Shakespeare said so himself – 'All that glistens is not gold.'
And as much as I'd love to shove the shattered memories of KC back into the depths of mind, the aftermath of letting go still stalks me like a too-persistent shadow. It's not as if I couldn't move on…I just…wouldn't. Part of me still wanted to write that part where the girl gets the guy back, and another side of me wanted to sever all threads and distract myself instead. Needless to say, the former of the two was the more dominant thought.
"Clare!" It was gravity at work. Alli was the only person strong enough to pull my head from the clouds. She was the only one who could remind me that there is still life after KC; sure, she knew I'd recoil and return to my shell, but it was better than nothing.
"Clare!" She shouted again, almost running towards me, "Did you forget about the English project?"
"Of course not," I then reached into my bag and handed her an extra-stuffed manila envelope.
"I see the old Clare's back," Alli nudged me as her eyes began scanning the reports.
"She never left," I mumbled, 'Old Clare was only hiding from the truth.'
. . .
But, besides from my carefully-hidden breakdown, everything else remained the same at Degrassi. Declan and Holly J. were still going strong; the Miss Degrassi part of me felt saddened at that fact, but Declan was just a crush. He would fade over time. But KC, I wasn't sure he'd ever fade. When he quote-and-quote 'apologized' to me during the game, he just made the void inside me emptier. In class, being near him was like choking to death, but it was better than seeing him with Jenna. When they were together, it was as if they swallowed the sun and the moon and the stars went dancing around them. It was a heartbreakingly beautiful sight, and I often wish I was the one eating the galaxy with him.
"You said you were over him, Clare," It was Alli again. She handed me a tray of cafeteria food; today, it was a hamburger and a bowl of mac and cheese. I looked at the food, avoiding her all-knowing gaze. When I was like this, both she and I felt that time was so irregular.
"And you believed me?" Yes, I was aware I sounded like a whiny two-year-old who didn't get a toy from a Happy Meal. I knew I wasn't desperate; and a part of me already gave KC to Jenna…But Alli, she makes me doubt my feelings.
"You were very convincing, I agree, but I always knew you could never get over him," I nodded, then sighed; a small cloud of breath formed in front of my face. She was right; Alli always was.
"He's the sun, I suppose," I toyed with my food, very unwilling to talk about this matter any further, "And my whole solar system revolved around him."
"Then hell came and the sun froze over," Alli continued my statement, getting all the metaphors perfectly. She then subtly gestured to a certain cheerleader, who was chatting and giggling with the rest of her sunlit nymph buddies. When KC began rushing to her and her band of pretties, I averted my gaze from the group; more of a subconscious act than anything else.
"The apocalypse came much too quickly."