Author's note: A de-anon from the LiveJournal kink meme. The main prompt was 'a cute bunny Prussia trying to run away from an overprotective Germany scared of predators of any kind'.

Down the Awesome Bunny Trail: Chapter 13

The thoughts of the rabbit on sex

Are seldom, if ever, complex;

For a rabbit in need

Is a rabbit indeed,

And does just as a person expects.

- Anonymous -

It was time to get up.

He groaned as he rubbed his bleary eyes. He closed them again as he yawned and stretched a little before he rolled on one side. Then he discovered that he had just spent the last three months lying on a lump in his mattress.


Someone (really, really brave) had once asked him why bears were generally in a foul temper when they emerged from hibernation. He had smiled and in reply, asked the brave soul how he felt when he got up on Monday morning. Pretty awful, yes? Good, good! Now multiply that awful feeling by roughly a hundred days and you would feel like ripping a few things with your bare hands yourself, yes?

"Ooof," he went as he rolled out of bed and landed awkwardly on his behind, which did little to improve his temper. He reached an arm in the direction of his nightstand and groped around for something to rip to shreds; his sister usually checked up on his condition a week or two before it was time for him to awaken and normally left an old cushion or anything similar there for him to tear apart. It was a routine she had established since he was a young cub, as it was far cheaper for him to rip old cushions meant for the bin rather then getting new bedclothes – or even a new bed.

His hand grasped something soft; probably an old blanket or pillow, he thought. He had pulled the unfortunate object into his lap and was about to start a therapeutic round of shredding when more bits of his brain came fully awake.

He blinked.

Staring at him with the most doleful expression on its face due to a shift in its stuffing, was a rather decrepit-looking stuffed bunny.

Those bits of his brain that were recently roused out of their slumber ran around screaming patriotic slogans for the working class, waking up other bits which in return ran around and screamed some more, thus sparking off a chain reaction which resulted in precisely three seconds' worth of gaping at the stuffed toy in his hands before all the mental activity reached its pinnacle with the panicked uttering of a single syllable:


Ivan jumped to his feet, while the now-forgotten stuffed bunny was sent flying to a corner of the bedroom in his excitement. Oh, it was springtime, yes? That meant he could now go visit a real, cute bunny of his own instead of tearing an old stuffed one apart! Now that his hibernation was over, he could go on – oh , what was the name of that fruit again – ah yes, dates with Gilbert!

Should he call Gilbert straight away to let the bunny know that he was now wide awake? Gilbert's little (but physically bigger) brother had made him install a phone in the house for that reason, as well as to let the overprotective canine know of impending visits. Not that Ivan really blamed him for being a restrictive and somewhat paranoid sibling; he would be afraid to let Gilbert out of the house too, with those cute fuzzy ears and tail. At any rate, he was quite glad that Stuffy Stern Dog was keeping Gilbert safe while he was in hibernation.

No, he could phone later, Ivan decided. He would call Gilbert after a nice, warm shower. A very long and thorough shower, for three months' worth of sleeping was not exactly clean nor hygienic. Humming a tune, he headed for the bathroom.

Ivan checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror; he did not look too bad. Taking Gilbert home had given him time and opportunity to bulk up for his long sleep, and he did not wake up the thin and haggard-looking bear he had imagined he would have looked if the bunny stayed with him.

It was about fifteen minutes later that Ivan first encountered the problem with phones everyone else faced: why must the stupid thing ring only when he was busy shampooing his hair, forcing him to turn off the water and dash out of the bathroom to answer the call, dripping water and suds all over the carpet?


"Oh. You're finally awake."

Ivan blinked. Ah yes, it was Stuffy Stern Dog. "Yes, I am," he said.

"About time," the Schäferhund replied. Then there was a soft click as the canine hung up.

Ivan stared at the receiver and shook his head. If it were not for his cute bunny brother, Ivan would have torn off that Stuffy Stern Dog's ears for that snappy tone.

Oh well. He would just have to be patient and put up with it for Gilbert's sake, yes?


Done with cooking some sausages and stew, Ivan was just about to have his first meal of spring when someone knocked on the door. He snorted in irritation. First it was that stupid telephone call, and now an uninvited visitor.

Whoever could it be? His sisters had the sense not to come during the first few days of spring, fully aware of his foul temper during that period. Well then, whoever it was, he or she had better be ready for a good pounding, yes?

He flung open the door and was about to give a demonstration of a bear's ill temper in full force when a familiar voice greeted him.

"Hey!" Gilbert said with that superior (yet adorable) smirk, even though he looked rather silly hanging from his brother's outstretched arm, the canine holding him by the back of his collar.

"Gilbert!" Ivan said with undisguised enthusiasm as all homicidal intent disappeared. "Oh. And stuffy younger brother," he added, with the appropriate decrease in level of spirits.

Said stuffy younger brother glared at him, but at the same time shoved a backpack at Ivan, forcing the bear to take it. "His clothes and things," he said, before shoving Gilbert into Ivan's arms, "and him. I'll pick him up in two days."

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to go to your house!" Ivan exclaimed. In pleasant surprise, of course; he was not making a complaint. Far from it.

"He wouldn't shut up about how it was spring and that you should be awake by now," Ludwig said in exasperation. "Two days," he repeated, "and if any harm comes to him, I'll rip your throat out." With that last snarled threat, the Schäferhund left, grumbling to himself.

"Did you miss me?" Gilbert asked, grinning.

Ivan nodded, beaming as he led Gilbert inside. "Very much!"

"Good," Gilbert replied and put his arms around the bear's neck. Suddenly, the bunny pulled away. "Hang on."

Ivan did not even bother to hide his surprise and disappointment. "Eh?"

"Did you brush your teeth?" Gilbert asked, wrinkling his nose a little.

Ivan was a little hurt, but he could see Gilbert's position; three months' worth of morning breath was not how he would have wanted to start off the day with either. He nodded. "And I used mouthwash and flossed too!" he added quickly.

"Good," Gilbert said as he moved to push Ivan down on the couch, a rather mischievous glint in his eye.

Ivan knew that look. "Can I at least have some breakfast first?" Ivan pleaded.

"Eating later. Mating now."

For the second time in his life, Ivan squeaked.


The little yellow bird had fled from its usual perch on his owner's head when said owner had pushed that bear down on the couch. Confused, the bird had flown away unnoticed and then chose to land on the mantelpiece with an annoyed chirp.

Ever since it was sent away from the pet shop, it had been spoilt rotten by its owner for weeks. The choicest seeds, the most comfortable nest of shredded paper and cotton wool; it was everything a young avian could ask for.

"Piyo!" it chirped as it hopped angrily on the mantelpiece, but its owner and that bear failed to hear its soft cry of protest.

After all that lavish attention and now for its owner to ignore him like that – well, really!

Wait... just what exactly was its owner doing? The little thing's eyes widened. Then it wobbled about in shock, for the ongoing action on the couch was just too much for its young, innocent and pure mind.

"Piyo..." it chirped weakly as it covered its traumatised eyes with its wings, then shuddered.


Ludwig let out one very long sigh of relief once he was a good distance away from Ivan's home. Feliciano was waiting in the car; the Italian greyhound's little hatchback was not suited for the dirt trail that led to Ivan's house and thus his friend had to wait at a near service station located at the main road. Under normal circumstances, Ludwig would not have let the Italian greyhound drive, but he needed to get to Ivan's quick; say whatever you want about Italian greyhounds, but they knew how to get to places in the fastest (and hair-raising) manner.

Besides, whenever Feliciano drove, Gilbert would behave and stay glued in his seat out of sheer terror. (Ludwig had done the very same thing but at least he hid his fear better than Gilbert did and managed to maintain a calm façade throughout the whole journey, even though he gripped his seat a tad too hard and had probably ruined the leather.)

Speaking of good behaviour, getting Gilbert that little chick weeks ago was indeed a stroke of (turtle-inspired) genius; his brother's love for cute things had kept him occupied with his new pet. Gilbert took great care of it, always attentive to its needs, even holding conversations with the little yellow bird. The bird seemed to enjoy the attention Gilbert lavished on it; the two seemed inseparable, with the little chick happy to sit atop Gilbert's head most of the time.

More importantly, it kept Gilbert amused and content. As a result, the bunny did not sulk as much, nor did he sink into one of those foul moods that were so frequent before the arrival of that little bird Ludwig had purchased from the local pet shop. It made waiting for winter to be over much more bearable for both brothers.

Nevertheless, Gilbert had been excited when signs of springtime started to show. He had tried to call Ivan and although he did his best to hide it, the bunny was disappointed when no one answered his call. Ludwig had tried to placate him, saying that it would probably just be a few more days before the bear emerged from hibernation, but that was not good enough for Gilbert, who went back to either sulking like a spoiled brat or swearing like a trooper.

It was then Ludwig who called at precisely nine-thirty in the morning everyday while Gilbert was still asleep in bed, hoping that he would have good news for his brother when the bunny woke up. As much as Ludwig disliked the bear, he disliked Gilbert moping or grumbling even more, so it was a great relief for Ludwig when that morning Ivan finally answered the phone.

"About time," he had uttered. Ludwig had already packed Gilbert's things and Feliciano was on standby with his car – the little Italian greyhound had been excited over the prospects of taking a "wonderful springtime drive, ve!" – and had readily agreed when Ludwig asked if he would volunteer to drive all the way to Ivan's.

At any rate, the weeks spent waiting for spring had allowed Ludwig to think things over. Sure, Ivan was a bear, but Gilbert was partial to him all the same. Ivan also had a steady job and seemed to genuinely care for his brother, for Gilbert had been adamant that the bear had treated him well. Ludwig admitted that he still disliked the whole thing about his bunny brother going out with a bear, but he would try and tolerate the situation.

Anyway, it would be good for both him and Gilbert if the bunny were away at Ivan's for a day or two. He would finally get to clean the house, which was an absolute mess thanks to Gilbert's uncertain moods, while Gilbert would finally get to do – Ludwig's cheeks burned with embarrassment – whatever bunnies usually did.

He supposed it can't be helped. It was springtime, after all. Sure, the wind here was still more than just a little chilly, but the sun was warm; greenery had appeared, when before the treeline was just barren and brown. Feliciano had babbled some romantic nonsense about how spring was the time for love in the car, but the noisy revving and the screeching tyres had drowned out most of the Italian greyhound's words.

Ludwig shook his head, then sighed.

Oh well. He would just have to put up with it for his brother's sake, Ludwig thought, unaware that earlier this morning a similar line of thinking had also occurred to a certain bear his brother was so fond of. And if not for Gilbert's sake, then for his own sanity. Not to mention toes.

His eyes narrowed.

He would still rip out Ivan's throat if anything happened to Gilbert though. Very, very slowly and painfully.

His mood considerably improved, the Schäferhund whistled as he walked down the trail.

- The End -

Additional notes:

Thanks for all the reviews, favourites, PMs and fanart - and I suppose you should thank the anon who requested this on the meme as well. Hope you enjoyed reading this.

(I can't believe I wrote UsaGil-tan orz)