Okay, hopefully this is a quickie. This popped into my head before I could stop it, and it was so good that I was going to make a lemony oneshot out of it. And then I started writing, found that I couldn't stop, and now it's a chapter thing.

Stuff You Need To Know-
1. Jiraiya is Naruto's rich uncle.
2. Naruto is in college in California.
3. Naruto's secretly in love with Hinata.
4. Hinata has a huge secret.
5. This is written in first person Naruto POV.
6. Yes, the last real chapter is purely Naru/Hina sex.

Now we can begin.

Emi Lovelace - Chapter 1 - My Uncle's Deal

My uncle kinda has a thing for porn.

And when I say 'a thing for', I mean 'an obsession with'.

Aside from writing it himself, he literally has a bookcase full of 'erotica novels'. They're even alphebetized. He says it's for 'inspiration'. I believe that. That is, if inspiration involves wrapping your hand around your dick.

How does this involve me?

Glad you asked.

See, none of this ever would have happened if my Uncle Jiraiya wasn't such a pervert. I never thought I'd one day be thanking him for it.

It started with this conversation.

"Naruto!" Uncle Jiraiya called me from my room at his huge house in LA. I really lived in a dorm at UC Berkeley, but I came to visit him on my vacations and I'd even drive out on long weekends once in a while. It was a really long trip, but I felt compelled to check up on him sometimes, after all he'd done for me. Even if he did try to fix me up with his type of girl most times I went to see him.

I shut my laptop. My physics report wasn't due until next week anyway.

"Yeah..." I answered as I shuffled down the stairs and into the living room. I knew it was trouble as soon as I saw him. His wild white hair was combed back neatly and he was dressed in a black suit.

"We're going to dinner."

"Who's 'we'?" I asked, skeptically. I really wasn't in the mood for making small talk with any half-dressed blondes right now.

"Me and you." He clarified.

"That's all?"

"Yes. Although there were many great offers from some charming ladies that would love to spend the evening with m- us, I had to decline."

"To spend time with me...?" I raised an eyebrow at him as I scanned my memory for anything I could have done to get me in trouble since last time I'd seen him. Cause if he was taking me somewhere alone, it was serious.

"Yes. Now go get dressed. Formally. No orange suit, either. It makes you look like a creamsicle."

I was already halfway up the stairs by the time he added "And not the kind that the ladies want to lick!"

I sighed at his crude remark and continued into my room. I looked though my (Thanks to my uncle) overflowing closet, before deciding on black dress pants, an orange button-down shirt and a white tie. I knew form experience not to dress better than my uncle. He got annoyed if he thought I looked better than him. (Keywords being 'he thought'. I thought I looked better than him all the time.)

I got ready pretty quickly and hurried down the stairs. I still couldn't think of what I'd done.

Went to a couple parties, but nothing that had made the news. Got drunk, yeah, but not totally wasted. Not to the point where I'd done something I regretted. Hadn't slept with any girls since... The summer before freshman year. And that had been Sakura, a girl from my high school. And just once. God, she was a whore... Anyway... Wasn't failing any classes. I was making a C in my calculus class, but that was nothing to worry about...

"Ready, Naruto?" He asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah." I said, and we walked out of the house.

He didn't say much on the way there, instead he just let me blast my album of choice (3OH!3's Want) on his ridiculously huge speakers. (Not that I was complaining.) Apparently, he was saving whatever it was until some right moment... Maybe something else happened. As in, I didn't do anything, he was just going to tell me something. 'God, I hope it's a good thing...'

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting at our usual table at one of his favorite restaurants, waiting on our food to come.

"So... made any progress with that girl? Um, Hinami? Hanika?"

"Hinata?" I answered. I knew I shouldn't take offense to how he couldn't remember her name. After all, there were more important girls for him to think about. But it still bothered me a little.

"Yes, that one."

"Not really. She's so shy. And when I finally get her to talk to me, I never know what to say."

"Come on now. I taught you better than that."

"I know but... It's so hard to remember what I'm supposed to do. When I see her, I can't think of anything else."

"But we practiced with that."

"Uncle Jiraiya, it's not like she's just any girl. She's nothing like the girls you set me up with. And I'm not trying to get her to sleep with me, either. I want her to genuinely like me."

He sighed and shook his head as if I was the one in the wrong with my love life. "Some things I will just never understand." He said.

The waiter showed up with our food and set it in front of us. I cut into my steak, not knowing what to say to that.

"You know..." Uncle Jiraiya started "If you reeally like her..."

I looked up, hopefully. "Which I do."

"I might be able to do a little something for you."

"Like what?" I asked. Anything that could get me closer to Hinata was a good thing. Even if it was set up by my uncle.

"Well, let's just say I've got a plan that is too great to fail."

"What is it?" I asked excitedly. It was too great to fail. Which was all I'd been doing lately when it came to Hinata.

"I'll tell you. That is, if you're willing to do something for me in return. Just a... small favor."

"If this ends up like last time..."

"It won't! There's no dresses or cell phones or peanut butter involved this time."

"How 'bout swimming pools?"


"Alright then. Shoot."

"There's a writer. Her name is Emi Lovelace."

"You want me to get her number."


"You want me to convince her to give you the first copy of some new book."


"You want me to read what she wrote."

"Not necessarily. Though she is a literary genius, and it would highly benefit you."

"Okay. But that's not it."

"No. She's having her one and only book signing and Q&A on Saturday."

"And you want me to go with you."

"No. I want you to go alone."

"What? Why?"

"Because I've got a very important meeting on that day in regards to my latest and greatest in the Make-Out Paradise series."

"All day?"

"Most of the day. And the book signing is ten minutes away from Berkeley, in a tiny little bookstore. It'd only take you a minute."


"Yes, Naruto?"

"What does she write?"



"Oh, she's a pretty new writer. She's only got two books, to date, but they're very long... And descriptive. The first, which is my favorite of the two, is called 'Close And Personal', the second is 'School of Love', and a third one will be making it's debut on Saturday. 'A Forbidden Passion'."

"So it's..."



"The differences are debatable."

"So not only do you want me to buy you a new book of smut, you want me to get it signed?"

"Yeah, basically."

"What if someone sees me there?"

"Tell them it's for me."

"Yeah, cause they're gonna believe that one."

"You wanna date this girl or not?"

"Well, yeah."

"You want my help?"

"Your failproof plan?"



"Then that's what you gotta do."

I sighed. "Fine."

Update in one week or less. That's a promise.