I was listening to Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades by Brand New, and it hit me how applicable the song was to what I felt the Doctor felt as Amy came onto him. "Die young and save yourself" rang particularly loudly to me. Save yourself from a life of pain, like the eleven he has already lived. In the line "He whispers that he loves her" I intended for that to be interpretted in a million ways. He loves her as Amelia, the little girl who saved him from himself. He loves her as Amy, the friend who he has come to trust. He loves her as more? It's up to you to decide.
Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades
He can't look at her as they return to her childhood bedroom. You don't recover from a night like this, it's just not possible. She almost died, it's understandable that she is afraid. He remembers the first night she came into the TARDIS, as if it was only moments ago, and how she took his hand and ran around pressing buttons like the mad, impossible girl she was, is, always will be. His hearts quickened then, and he didn't know why. Now he does.
He stares at her, as she speaks, his mind not really understanding what Amy Pond is saying to him. "In one, simple word even you can understand--" And she kisses him. He is afraid. "You're Amy! You're getting married in the morning!" He yells. She smiles at him and continues to move onto him, kissing him hard. Her hand moves for his zipper, and he hears his own voice in his mind, "This is so messed up."
He keeps his hands low, his hearts are racing and he doesn't want to blow this. As she lies seductively on her bed, he shakes his head and grips the end of the bed, but he can feel himself going crazy on the inside. She is there, so willing, and he is here, so afraid. Despite everything he's learned in the past, he doesn't feel very prepared for this. He kissed Rose to save her. The MetaCrisis Doctor kissed her because he loved her. He kissed Martha, so she would confuse the Judoon. Sure, Donna kissed him, but that was just to shock the poison out of him. But never has someone come onto him like Amelia Pond is.
He shakes his head, pushes her away, and suddenly realizes that everything is about her-- her and Rory and their wedding and June 26th. He grabs her, and shoves her into the TARDIS. "Ohh Doctor." As they enter, she kisses him again, and he tries again to resist. Die young, Amy Pond. Save yourself. He can't do this. She will experience so much pain, why can't she just live a happy life without him? This doesn't seem quite fair, it really doesn't.
"This is the first and last time," he says. She smiles--or does she?-- and presses her hips into his, all the fire in her eyes. He keeps his hands down, holding back from telling her exactly what her body feels like against his, holding back from pressing her against the doors. She is engaged. She's Amelia. She's Amy. He tells himself. He can't convince himself.
She is the slaughter. She's pulling him in, and he can't resist for much longer. He says a hundred things, trying to remind her of Rory, of her wedding, that he is 907 years old and this can never, ever work. But she smiles and reminds him that she's not looking for anything that long term. Inside his mind, he whispers that he loves her, but she's only looking for...
There is so much that Rory will give her, that he, the Doctor, never can. A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship, something that he has proven time and time again he cannot give to anyone he loves. She presses herself against him, and he waits for the aching in his gut to subside as she pulls him deeper and deeper.
You don't recover from a night like this.