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After coming back from Europe Haruhi came over a few times. She has been helping me, more than I thought she could. She is the reason I am writing to you. It's supposed to help, I'm skeptical but I'll try it. I miss you; she knows that, even after I asked her to go out with me. She knows I'm not ready but she is willing to work with me to get me to that point. Right now though I don't know if that day will come, everything seems to bring my thoughts to you. Who knows how this will work out, maybe I won't move on and maybe I will. I'll just have to try I guess.
Haruhi helped me do something I hadn't done for months, sleep on my bed. She was able to get me to sit and then lay on it again. She had come over and learned that I haven't touched it, that no one was allowed to touch it. I know I yelled at her at first but she bared it to get me to this point. I forgot how soft my bed was. I slept fairly well that night. While I was kept up from staring at your spot I was able to shut my eyes and sleep better than I had been on my couch. It took hours but it felt okay. I was able to let her fix the sheets and sit on the bed with me. I didn't want to touch it for fear of letting you go. I don't want to lose your voice and smile. I'm scared our memories will fade and I will forget everything about you. I don't want to question anything about you, about how you acted or what you looked like when something happens. Even so I feel as if I am moving on, I am moving on but I am scared to.
This is the first month we are going to see you, all of us. That's when you'll get these letters. Right now they are tied together, I think there are close to thirty here so that should keep you busy for an hour or so. I've decided that when I go see you with the others is I when will give you these. I know I see you from time to time but I don't want to give them to you then for some reason, a reason I am still trying to figure out. Writing may help but I want you to read them. After we visit you I'm taking Haruhi out for dinner. To thank her for being there for me even after I treated her like shit at times. I don't know if anything will become of this but if it should, know that your daughter will be taken care of. Well I'll talk to you soon. I'll never hear the end of it if I'm late.
Dinner went well; Haruhi seemed to have a good time. I start school tomorrow, my father is upset with me for never taking summer classes as he instructed but Europe was better. Thank you for that trip Tamaki. I don't believe I thanked you before. It was hard knowing that physically you weren't with us but we all know that you were there. It was nice to see your mother again, I am glad to hear that she is doing well. I need to call it a night, my father made me take a seven thirty class so I could take more in a day. This is going to be interesting.
I miss you I really need you today. I can't take my father anymore. Always comparing me to my brothers, dangling what I won't have in my face. I wish I could hide at your place, or that we could talk face to face, you're the only one I could talk to you about this. You would understand. Fate is still cruel for never giving us the chance to be together. I know, you're probably complaining about my attitude but deal with it. I think I'll go see you today, yes that sounds good. See you soon.
I asked Haruhi to be my girlfriend. I think that is the only way to truly move on from you. Maybe it won't be what I need to do but I still felt the need to try. Don't worry I have no intention of using her like I used to use the other girls. If this doesn't work I will let her go and accept that fact that I may never let go. Was this you're doing? Are you trying to get us together? Well it's working. Actually that wouldn't surprise me. Your spirit is as big of a pain in the ass as your physical being was. Why did I have to meet you and your personality? I bet you are sulking since I am being mean to you but tough shit. Mommy is putting her foot down on daddy because we all know that the mother runs the household that way. By speaking the truth and not sugar coating any of it, you can stop sulking now I'm done and was only kidding. Oh before I forget, she agreed to be with me. According to the twins she has had a crush on me for a while now, and you. Why and how she could fall for you is beyond me but that's Haruhi I guess.
Kyouya folded up his letters and stuck them in his coat pockets to meet the others. It sounded sick to think that they were happy to go to the cemetery every month. Maybe it was but this was how they became whole again. Their family wasn't broken since Tamaki got to be with them. Haruhi smiled as he met up with them. Seeing her smile he felt a warm feeling in his chest. Pulling the letters from his pockets he laid them on the stone for Tamaki. They all sat down to start talking. Haruhi made lunch for them again creating a sense of feeling of home amongst them.
I think I'm starting to fall in love with Haruhi. She is always on my mind. My father has told me he wants me to one day marry her. While I won't agree for his sake I can see myself asking for her hand. Do you think that is the right choice? Am I just not thinking clearly? On a lighter note I am sticking to my promise. While I can only make it up to one person I plan to do what I can. I am helping a girl go back to school and quit dancing in ways I know you wouldn't approve of. She told me the only reason she was working there for the money to pay for school because she couldn't ask her parents for the money. It isn't much but I don't know how to make it up to her. I am also moving her out her current apartment to something far from there in hopes that she can get a fresh start. She plans to become a doctor so who knows, maybe we will work together.
I have officially quit smoking. It was hard to do but so far it's been almost a month since I smoked. While I was trying to quit I chewed gum though, a lot of gum actually. The twins loved to bust me about it but of course it didn't get to me. Hikaru's black eye came from him moving away from a table and my fist just happened to be right there. I am still trying so stop drinking. Though it was never really my problem I decided to try. It's hard to believe you've been gone for six months already. It sure doesn't feel like it. Haruhi keeps calling me to go over there so I better get going. She is throwing an informal party for Christmas. Could be fun I guess.
Happy New Year! Tomorrow we are all heading to the shrines, it was Haruhi's idea. She has been thinking about you recently. While the words were never spoken directly I know she has. Everyone has you on their mind, that's probably why we agreed to go do this. I feel good and knowing we can still talk like this makes me feel as if things will be okay. The hole in my heart doesn't ache as much as it once did, though I can still feel it. Maybe it will never go away.
"Hi Kyouya, Haruhi." Kaoru yelled as the two walked over. "It's about time, mi' lord was getting impatient." At his words the wind around them picked up.
"Oh senpai relax we got stuck in traffic. But I still was able to give you something. I made it for you, hope you like it."
Haruhi knelt down to unwrap a birthday cake. In the middle was red gel reading 'Happy Birthday Tamaki' surrounded by red roses. Kyouya had her write on the side right under his name, 'idiot'. Around the rest of the cake was 'Love and their names'.
"Wow Haruhi, that looks really good."
"The writing took forever."
With the others sitting down around her the party got underway. Kyouya laid his letters down just as he did every month. Hikaru was going to ask what he always gave him but something told him it was personal. No one but Haruhi knew that they had been together on Tamaki's final days. Kyouya stopped trying to hide it but the others never asked. Hikaru was too obvious to realize it and he figured Mori and Mitsukuni already knew though they didn't say anything. Kaoru knew, he figured it out in Europe. When they were back in Japan he went over to talk to Kyouya. That conversation had been nice and he learned that Kaoru was very different from his brother, more mature.
I am sorry. I started smoking again. Not as heavy but your anniversary is this week and I couldn't help it. Haruhi is pissed at me but she understands which helps. I bought things to make gin and tonic but I only used it once. God why won't this pain in my heart go away?
Sorry Tamaki I'll finish this later.
The sentence above smudged as water from his eyes hit it.
I just want to die. I couldn't close my eyes last night. I've been dreading this day all week if not forever. For a year I've been without you, a full year. This morning my heart was ripped open and again and I just wanted to drown myself in its sorrow. I still do. God I hate knowing you're really gone. Knowing you died in my arms and I couldn't stop it. How could I not see past the lies? How could I not tell you were getting sick, that you were dying? You may have told me that you have forgiven me for how I felt but I can't forgive myself. I can't just look past all of my faults knowing you're not here from them. The pain in my heart is worse now than before. I don't know how much more I can take of this.
Haruhi was sitting at home with her father. They had plans to go see Tamaki today she tried to call Kyouya but he wasn't picking up. She had this feeling that today was hurting him in so many ways. All week he seemed to be having problems. She could tell his old wounds were reopening, he shouldn't be alone. He didn't have to be. Heading out the door her cell phone went off, it was Kyouya. She was caught off guard when the voice wasn't his and didn't sound like Fuyumi.
"Hello? Is this Haruhi?"
"Yes, who is this?" She couldn't keep the disgusted sound from voice.
"I am an old acquaintance of Kyouya. This might sound a little strange but Kyouya showed up here. He was drunk and passed out on my couch. I don't know who you are really I just called the first number in his recent calls list. Can you come and get him or should I call someone else?"
"I can probably get him but it may take me a while. What is your address?" After writing it down she called Yuzuru to see if he could lend her his driver for Kyouya.
"I feel bad about asking you sir."
"Nonsense it's fine, someone will be there shortly"
"Why didn't you just call Kyouya's father Haruhi?" Ranka looked over her shoulder as she hung up the phone.
"Because if his dad found out Kyouya would face his horrible wrath. He is jeopardizing his entire fortune right now dad. I can't let him get caught and ruin his life. I need to help him. Can you stay here and make a space for him?"
"Sure dear if that's what you want to do."
Haruhi ran the doorbell to the room on the seventh floor apartment. A thin blonde opened the door. Haruhi couldn't deny that she was stunning.
"You must be Haruhi, I am Cayla. Please come in, Kyouya is right in here."
The place was bright and spacious. She could see his feet over the arm of the couch passed out.
"Do you know why he came here?"
"My guess is for sex. But, I know he loves you and the desire was just because of the alcohol. He always talks about you when we talk. The only reason he is here is because a year ago he would use me for just that. I was his ticket to forgetting about his pain, he is the reason I am living here right now. It's all because he is trying to make it up to me; he said he promised someone he would. Please don't think I am trying to take him from you or that I was trying to tell you that I wanted him."
"It was nice to know he didn't get what he wanted from coming here."
"He told me, about what happened to your friend. I'm sorry."
"I don't get it; he seemed to be moving on from it. I know he was hurting from the anniversary but he never contacted me. I should have been there for him."
"Don't take it personally Haruhi I know he was. He probably didn't want to involve you in, maybe he thought you wouldn't understand."
"But I would have and he knows that. Today is our friends' anniversary and I could tell he was in pain. How did I not see him slipping?" She walked over to see his face pink from drinking too much. He was still sleeping soundly on the couch.
"I guess I should move him."
"Here let me give you a hand." Cayla walked over to her and lifted him her arms. Haruhi was surprised to see how strong she was. Her muscles must have been hidden in the long sleeve she was wearing.
Haruhi sat next to Kyouya in the room he was sleeping in.
"Haruhi? Uh why is it so bright?" His eyes opened to wince as the light hit them. "Ugh my head." Holding his head he sat up.
"It's called being hung over and that's what you get for trying to drink your problems away."
"Not so loud."
Slowly the memories of what he did earlier came back. If he had gone to Cayla's so then how did he get to Haruhi's?"
"Cayla called me, you passed out there right after she told you she wasn't going to have sex with you."
"Kyouya, look, I know today is a bad day for you but know I'm here. I've always been here for you."
I screwed up by hurting Haruhi the other day. I can't believe I messed up as badly as I did. I thought I was stronger than this. I need to make it up to her. She was nice enough to let me stay at her place until I felt better. My father never found out thanks to her. Maybe I can salvage the relationship since I know she is pissed at me.
I know I haven't written to you in a while. Things have gotten hectic. My father has needed me at the office for the past two weeks, surprisingly it was for things my brothers usually do. Haruhi isn't mad at me anymore, apparently she wasn't really pissed at me she was mad at herself for not forcing herself to be there when I was having problems.
I surpassed my brothers! I just got out of school and he wanted me to take a spot he was offering Akito. I'm taking Haruhi out to celebrate so I'll talk to you later.
The gang met up for the day on the date they reserved. Kyouya noticed how his letter stack had gotten thinner these past months. He knew he was writing close to once a week now and he decided not to write Tamaki about what he would see anyway.
"So are the rumors true Haruhi, did Kyouya really propose to you?" Hikaru and Kaoru walked around her eyeing her, waiting for her to crack.
"Fine you can see it, god you guys are horrible." She stuck her hand out for them to see it. Kyouya, being exactly who he was got a ring that shinned from any light and could be seen on her finger without being right on top of her.
"I was looking into something last night, did you know that we have been coming here for four years now."
"Four years, already? Has it really been that long?" Haruhi was surprised by that, she knew it had been years but not four. Time was flying past them.
My wedding is tomorrow. A year and a half of planning. Well Haruhi's planning; I just nodded with her choices, all for tomorrow. You would have liked to be involved I'm sure. I tried to but it's not my thing at all. I just need her and I'm happy. I'm a little worried about it. Marriage is a big thing, one I didn't believe I would do a few years ago. I can handle it though, I love Haruhi and I want us to be side by side for the rest of our lives.
I'm going to be a father. Haruhi just told me and I had to tell you. I'm excited but scared. I don't know if I'm ready to be a father. My goal is to be nothing like my father, if I can do that then hopefully I will be great.
Aside from Haruhi's mood swings which are worse than yours ever were and almost scary food cravings everything is great. We have a nursery all arranged and earlier I felt the baby move, my child. We don't know the gender; she doesn't want to know so we decided to wait.
"Haruhi-chan are you sure it's okay to be here? I'm sure Tama-chan would understand."
"Its fine, the doctor says I still have three weeks left, sadly."
"You sure Haruhi, you look about ready to…"
"Don't say it ass." Haruhi shot Hikaru the death stare before Kyouya helped her sit in the chair they brought. He had to agree with Hunny it didn't seem like the best idea but Haruhi insisted.
I'm a father! Nina Ootori was born at four thirty this morning at seven pounds six ounces. She is beautiful in every way. She has Haruhi's eyes and lips and my hair and nose. This feeling is unreal Tamaki. I can't even explain it. You know it's something when I'm at a loss. Tamaki, thank you for being there for me all of these years. I love you Tamaki, your still in my heart, the pain has been gone for years though. It was filled with our memories. I think this may be the last time I write. I have a feeling I won't have much time to. I want to always be there for Nina. While this may be the last letter you'll receive from me I know we'll still talk and see each other. Thank you Tamaki for helping me heal and move on. Thank you for listening all these years. I'll always love you, see you one day I'm sure. Hopefully that won't be for a long time but we still see each other. Good-bye. I love you.
The last chapter! Sorry this took forever to finish please forgive me. Hope you liked this chapter. Please review.