Ally Note: The following EPOV Scenes were created for the readalong hosted by (at) aRedi on Sat 8th May.
I hope you enjoy them but please ensure you have read ch 1 – 13 of Guardian first.
Thank you for the overwhelming support for the Readalong. You have my grateful thanks. Xx
#readalong Guardian Ch2: Frozen EPOV Scene - Edward and Esme searching for Bella
"Oh dear God, where is she? Bella! Bella! Oh Edward, please don't tell me they got her!"
I was absolutely fucking horrified at the sight of the rapidly cooling bodies of Charlie and Renee laid out in their own blood but more than that, I was terrified. I had nearly vomited as fear gripped me, choking my throat. Only the frightened fluttering of my mother had reigned in my need to fucking lose it.
Fuck I wish Carlisle was here.
My father was away on one of his many court trials in Chicago where he had built up a small clientele base. He had often drummed into me the need to be the man of the family in his absence as my mothers' often frail sensibilities needed a strong rock from time to time. And now more than ever she needed my strength and not the fear that was welling up inside of me.
"Mother, she's here. Alice told us where to find her. Let's keep looking. We will find her. We have to find her," I told her determinedly, trying to calm her and possibly myself, with a confident tone I was far from feeling.
My little Bella. Fuck. Where was she? She had to be okay. Losing Charlie and Renee would kill my parents but losing Bella...fuck...that would kill me….Alice and Emmett too.
Bella...fuck I needed to hold back my tears...I hadn't even spoken to her since she had overheard me and Jess.
We couldn't lose her. She was family and that couldn't be the last thing she heard me say to her….
Calming my mother, we re- entered the Dressing Room where Alice had indicated they had often hidden as children.
Bella would need us.
"Alice said she would be in here. Let's look again".
There was no fucking way I would give up until she was safe with me again.
#readalong Guardian Ch3: Warmth EPOV Scene – Bella overhears Edward talking with Jessica
"Jess, she's a child. We are going to college soon and we'll have plenty of time for this. Bella is going to be left behind. She knows it, so she's just sad and being a little clingy. She's the baby of the family, don't let her bother you. I don't".
Jess could see the gleam in my eye as I lowered my mouth to her talented pink lips with the intention of wiping all thought of Bella from her mind.
Really Jess shouldn't waste time worrying about her. Bella was like a sister and she was here to stay. If Jess wanted to stick around she would just have to get used to it. But maybe just maybe Jess was right; Bella did have a little case of hero worship for me but that was it!
It was not like it was a serious crush or anything. She would eventually outgrow it!
Anyway we had way more important things to do with our time then bother about the little games Alice and Bella played.
To be honest, I couldn't be assed doing anything about them 'cos they were kind of funny. None of my girlfriends had survived their tricks unscathed and I had got a pretty good look at what they were really like when they I wasn't in the middle of fucking them.
Pretty good litmus test actually.
Just as I leaned in to deepen my kiss with Jess, I hear the patio door slam and the scurry of small feet.
Who the fuck was that?
Springing to my feet I jogged to the door, only to have my heart sink a little as I saw the brown hair of Bella whipping in the wind as she ran across the meadow.
Did she over hear us?
Guilt pooled inside of me at the thought of hurting my girl.
My little Bella. She definitely looked upset.
I didn't mean to hurt her. I would never want to hurt her.
I called out. She would be upset for the rest of the day. She was a sensitive kid and I didn't want to be the cause of tears.
"Bella! Bella! Come on Bella! Come back here please! Alice? What the hell?" Where the hell was Alice? May be she could help me smooth this over?
#readalong Guardian Ch4: Heat EPOV Scene - Edward and Alice discussion at the bar
"Keep me company will you Alice? I need a drink." I casually loped my arm over Alice's shoulder and headed back to the bar. If I didn't get out of here soon I was going to fucking deck James.
I really needed a drink and to simmer down before I totally lost it. He had his hands all over Bella. And it bothered me when it really shouldn't have.
Bella was eighteen, an adult, she could fuck any guy she wanted to...but it got to me. Seeing another man with his hands all over her!
What the fuck? Another man? What was I thinking?
I really needed to sort my shit out. It was probably the jet lag and the tiredness that was making me react like this.
Yup that was it...jet lag.
Feeling a little more in control, now knowing the source of these unfamiliar thoughts made me feel a hell of a lot better.
"Catch you later Bella." I managed a tempered and controlled goodbye without giving into to the temptation of looking my fill of her, even nodding once at that tool James.
I waited barely two minutes before all the questions burning inside of me burst out. "Who the fuck is that guy Alice?"
Alice looked at me non-plussed. "Oh...James?" An innocent smile covered her face. She was teasing and I was in no mood for games.
"Don't piss with me Alice. Yes James or whatever the fuckers name is! Who the hell is he and what is he to Bella?" My rage at James increased with every word. I could feel jealousy rise in my throat like bile but I couldn't for the life of me work out why.
I could see Alice a little taken aback by the vehemence in my tone but I was helpless to stop myself. "Alice! Who is he?"
"Damn it Edward cool down!" I might have been angry but Alice could hold her own. "This...um...older brother crap is not gonna work with Bella anymore Edward. As you can see, she's all grown up now and that," she pointed towards my girl "that there is Bella's soon to be boyfriend. They have been seeing each other for about a month and tonight is the night!" Alice squealed with delight but my blood ran cold.
She didn't mean what I thought she did, did she? I drew in a deep breath of air in a pitiful attempt to mask my fury.
"What do you mean Alice?" Now my blood boiled, he better not be planning what I think he was.
Alice being her normal carried on with little regard for my out of sorts display. "Well tonight is the night that Bella is going to let James sleep with her! About time too if you ask me, after all the hard work he has put in! Boy, she has really made him work for it! " She trilled.
I had to get out of here before I did something unforgivable like hit the fucker.
"What the fuck Alice?" I exploded, not holding back my incandescent rage. Part of me just wanted to run back to the dance floor and seize her but that unfamiliar possessiveness was so fucking mixed up. I didn't know which way was up.
I was tired and pissed off. I had travelled all this way home to find Bella about to throw herself onto on some pimply college kid.
No fucking way!
I needed to get out of here before I did something bloody stupid. I needed to sort out this mess in my head.
But god, I needed a drink first.
#readalong Guardian Ch 5: Flicker EPOV Scene – Edward after he rejects Bella
"For fuck's sake, cover yourself up." I growled at her, shame and guilt eating me up. What the hell had I just done? What the fuck was I doing? I needed to be whipped!
She was practically a baby sister for all intents and purposes and I had fucking mauled her like a mad man. I felt suddenly sick. I should be shot for doing this to do this to my beautiful girl. What the hell was I thinking?
"Edward?" Her lips made soundless words. "Please?"
Fuck! If Esme found out about this she would be so disappointed in me. But damn, Bella was so irresistible and I couldn't help myself. I just wanted her. Whether it was just a physical reaction to seeing her after so long or something more… no…I just couldn't deal with that.
I just wanted her. Bad.
I needed to get her out of the room before I totally lost it.
"Get. Get. Out." I was cruel but I had no time for sensitivity, my resistance was crumbling and any moment now I would be begging her to let me have her, our families be damned.
I had to look away as she reached out her hand, silently begging me to take it. She was my weakness, always my Achilles heel. I could never deny her anything.
I steeled a hard, assessing gaze over my face desperate for her to understand that this….we…were a mistake.
"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here. Bella." The anger in my own voice rang in my ears, stabbing my heart with every word I hurt her with.
But I had to! This was wrong, we were just……wrong.
It should never have happened. It could never happen. Our families, the age difference, where we were in our lives.
No matter how much I wanted it to.
#readalong Guardian Ch6: Flight EPOV Scene – Edward on seeing Bella for the first time in 4 months
"Bella." A wry smile spread across my face, as I spied her wearing my graduation gift. Maybe I hadn't completely alienated her? "You're looking well." I paused soaking in the view before continuing, because truthfully the sight of her after four months of lonely silence overwhelmed me.
She really was stunning inside and out. Having her finally in front of me; cool and collected shook me to the core.
She had obviously thrived in the last four months while I had been struggling to keep my mind on the case and off her. Part of me resented her calm demeanour. I had spent months wanting to pick up the phone, to apologise for the way I treated her but she just stood there like none of it mattered.
Did she have any idea how she affected me? My need for her bubbling away unsatisfied? Torturing myself with thoughts of her and some guy at school taking what was mine.
Fuck, I needed to shake her up...to know that she had found the last months as hard as I had. That she had thought of me, even once.
I purposely provoked, desperate for a reaction. "Beautiful in fact. More beautiful every day. I am guessing that you are agreeing with Dartmouth, as it certainly appears to agree with you."
Her gorgeous face crumpled as hidden emotions flashed across it. For one brief moment I regretted my apparent disregard in hurting her that night but I needed to know that I meant something to her.
Knowing my girl, her temper would appear shortly and all restraint would be gone.
"Dartmouth." She choked out, disbelief and anger steaming from her. "Dartmouth? Effing Dartmouth, is that what you fucking want to talk about? After four months?" Without waiting for a reply, she turned her back on me, making ready to leave the room.
Yes! There she was.
There was no fucking way my fiery beauty was getting away from me. Not after the four long months of tormenting myself with the taste and smell of her.
Four long months of not knowing how she felt or how much damage I had done to us.
Her response left me with a glimmer of hope.
She was mine.
I reached out for her.
#readalong Guardian Ch 7: Evade EPOV Scene – Edward and Carlisle discuss Tanya
"Exactly what the hell is going on between you and Bella?"
Carlisle was not pleased.
"And when are you going to tell her about Tanya?"
"What?" I was surprised at his question. "What do you mean dad?"
"Come on Edward, I know you were seeing Tanya Denali when you were in Chicago. She's a gorgeous young lady, bright too. You could do a lot worse and if we end up getting this deal though then…it would be per..."
"Whoa. Stop there…Yes! I was seeing her. Yes, she is very nice but I am not interested...So get that out of your head ok?"
A calculating look came over my father's face. Damn it! I hated it when he did that. And then he spoke. "Why? "
"Why what?" I was purposely being evasive. I hadn't meant to kiss Bella when I saw her today but after months of torturing myself with thoughts of her…of us… I couldn't help myself. I wanted her...I couldn't deny that. The physical attraction between us was overwhelming but I wanted to be free to find out where this was going.
"Edward. Come on... this is because of Bella isn't it?" A rare frustration was beginning to show in my father's voice.
"What do you mean?" I pushed.
"Damn it Edward. I know about you and Bella. I know you have feelings for her, even if you won't admit it son! But I can't say I think it's wise. There are too many factors to consider; the age gap, god some people even think of you as brother and sister and I won't even tell you what that will do the firms image!"
"That's unfair and you know it…" I yelled at my father, frustration at his sharp observations rattling me.
"Well, come on Edward; use that fine brain of yours." He taunted." What do you think is really going to happen with you and Bella? At her age?" He scoffed, pinpointing one of my deepest concerns at starting anything with her. "She's way too young for you, she's got her whole life to explore and are you really going to trap her here with you? Come on! And let's just say that she feels the same way about you, what happens then?" He shot me a pointed look but continued without waiting for an answer. "She goes to school, you get married…..you work at the firm…is it enough for her when she has never known anything else? And what happens to this firm if it all falls apart? Come one man, think with your brain!"
My stomach churned with the black and white facts my father laid out in words. It mixed with my lingering pain at surprising her today.
"At least with Tanya you could get a prenup. We could protect the firm."
No! Clinical words I didn't want to hear or acknowledge.
What I felt for Bella I couldn't name. My need for her was powerful and building with every contact. All guilt at feeling this way for someone so young; someone I had known since childhood was fast being swept away.
I was struggling and failing to deny it, but nothing would stop me from being with her.
No matter the cost.
Not unless she ordered me away.
My father's words rang hollow in my ears. All thought of anything except Bella in pain at what had happened this morning wiped clean.
I needed to go to her.
#readalong Guardian Ch 8: Turn EPOV Scene – Edward calling Alice
Having stood my ground with Carlisle, I left his office to hastily tap out Bella's cell number. I waited patiently as the number rang….out! To my surprise the call went through to her unfamiliar voicemail.
"Hi you have reached Bella Swan. I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message and I will return your call shortly."
I hung up. Fuck where was she? She always picked up when she saw my number. A little alarm and guilt spiralled through me. She had been so upset when she left the office; I needed to make sure she was okay.
With a greater sense of urgency, I redialled her cell.
Ring. Ring Ring Ring. Ring. Ring…. "Hi you have." I slammed the phone shut. Where the hell was she that she wasn't picking up?
Damn it. I knew I shouldn't have let her leave. She had been upset and angry after the discussion this morning and I really should have gone with her.
With a firmer resolve, this time I called Alice. Those two were as thick as thieves and she would know what was going on.
She picked up on the first ring.
"Alice, where's Bella?" The fearful words tumbled from my lips. I had hurt my girl and I desperately needed to make it right.
#readalong Guardian Ch9: Fracture EPOV Scene – Edward waiting downstairs for Bella
I paced nervously down stairs. Fuck what a mess. I had let my need for Bella drive everything from my mind.
Disgust at myself roiled through me.
I felt sick thinking about how I had treated her. In the library that night and now. I really should have fucking known better!
She deserved better than being mauled like an animal for the first time. Especially by me. Someone she trusted. Someone who had loved her throughout her whole life,
Damn, I needed to sit down, my knees shaky at what I had almost done to her. I had nearly taken her in primal need with no thought to her virginal state.
Fuck if I had known that… I would have …..Yeah what would I have done?
God! I roamed the room trying to make sense of my conflicted emotions.
I had no right to do this…did I?
But I couldn't let anyone else have her though...not now!
A few minutes later the sound of footsteps on the stairs snapped me out of my battle between self loathing and a desperate need to claim her. My heart screeched to a halt as I observed her standing on the stairs, defiant and beautiful.
I had really messed this up.
#readalong Guardian Ch10: Favour EPOV Scene – Edward explaining the relationship with Tanya
"Tell me Edward, please."
Damn she was pleading with me. I wanted to tell her but the fear of losing her was too great.
But we would never have a chance if I didn't come clean.
Reluctantly I provided my answer. "Did I sleep with her? No. Did I kiss her? Yes." I was desperate to explain fully, to stop her getting the wrong idea about Tanya and me. "But it was only the once and it was before you Bella. I'm not interested. Not in her...not in any way."
Fuck. I could see the pain on her face. I warred within myself. For fucks sake, I was 9 years older than her, of course I had been with other women, kissed other women…but not… but not since her…..
Her lifeless, flat tone destroyed my hope. For a moment.
"Please Edward, I need to be alone. I can't deal with this. Not now. Not with everything going on."
She didn't believe me. And the irony of it all was I couldn't want anyone else…not anymore.
"Bella." My plaintive whisper hung between us even as I sensed the hurt coming off her in waves.
I couldn't lose her. I wouldn't lose her. Not now!
I needed to give her time…..but that was all that I would give her.
#readalong Guardian Ch11: Plight EPOV Scene: Edward waiting for Bella to return home
Skipping through the doors, she threw her handbag on the bed and bent to sweep off her heels when she suddenly spied me.
Lurking. Waiting. Wanting.
I had certainly startled her but damn it! No more running. No more missed calls and evasive manoeuvres.
I was going to make her pay for the torture of the last few days. To stay away from her, to give her the space as she had requested was killing me.
She was so young and yet she held me in the palm of her hand.
"Edward!" Her hand clutched her throat in surprise.
Yes, this was going to be fun. I was here with her now and I was going to enjoy every single minute of it.
"What are you doing here?"
I needed to smell her, taste her and touch her. Three days had been three days too many.
I moved towards her.
Ready to claim her again.
#readalong Guardian Ch12: Resolve EPOV Scene: Edwards thoughts about the Denalis counteroffer
"Well Edward," Carlisle prompted, glancing from Bella to me with a curiously pleased tone to his voice. "Do you agree to the terms?"
It was impossible to rip my tear laden eyes away from her, both of us trapped in each other's responses, unaware of any other presence in the room.
Right now I wish to god my father and his obsessive need to expand the firm would disappear.
Fuck. All I could feel was rage and fear.
I was angry.
Angry at her for concocting this plan with that fucker Volturi. Angry at her for not talking to me.
Angry at myself for all the same reasons.
She was right. I was still treating her like a child and it had driven her to extreme actions. I had no one to blame but myself.
And now I was afraid I was going to lose her.
Damn it. I hated feeling like this.
It was pretty clear what was more important to her….The firm…but maybe this would make things easier between us? I would be in Chicago but it was closer to her school. We could perhaps see more of each other…?
Fuck…what was I thinking? I needed to sort out that fucker Volturi first. He had to go. There was no way I was letting that family around Bella, not after what had happened with Alice.
Ally Note: Hope you enjoyed this peek into Jealouswards mind. Would love to hear your thoughts..not quite the bastard hey?