"Don't you just hate it when Voldemort steals your Quidditch contract?"

"What was that Padfoot?"

"Don't you just hate it when Voldemort-"

"Yes, I got that, Padfoot," James replied, grinning, "But I was simply wondering what in the name of Merlin's saggy left testicle you were on about."

"Thought I'd lighten the mood a little," said Sirius, "But if you find my entertainment less than pleasing, I can take it elsewhere."

"That would be much appreciated, thank you Padfoot," said James.

"I was joking," said Sirius, "I'm planning to stay here until you get up off your fat arse and stop bloody procrastinating!"

"I am not procrastinating!" said James, before standing up and examining his arse, "And my arse is NOT fat."

Sirius sniggered.

"What was that!" James shouted.

"I was just laughing at your extreme denial, my dear Prongs, because, you see, you have the largest derriere I've ever seen in my life."

"I DO NOT!" said James, looking positively livid with his friend.

"Really?" said Sirius, "Ask Moony."

"Moony is my arse fat?" James whined to his friend, who was lounging on his bed reading a book entitled The Werewolf Effect.

"Fattest arse I've ever seen in my life," said Remus boredly, without even looking up from his book.

James sank down onto the bed, "Maybe that's why Lily hates me," he said glumly.

"Or maybe its because you're a teensie bit big-headed, Prongs?" said Remus, "Just throwing that out thereā€¦ you know, casually."

James stuck his tongue out at Remus, before standing up and going to examine himself in the mirror, "My arse is not fat." he pouted.

"Far from it Prongs," said Sirius, "Your arse is so unbelievably stunning I can hardly keep my eyes off it!"








"Whoa!" said Sirius dramatically, "You go too far."

"Slytherin, Slytherin, Slytherin-" James danced around Sirius singing.

"Fat-arse, Fat-arse, Fat-arse," Sirius sang back.


"Sorry Moony," they replied in unison before falling silent for several moments.

"My arse is not fat."

"For the love of Merlin Prongs, we KNOW!"