Quick notes:

Bearybeary: Appreciate the idea but I haven't seen the film. What with working 6 day shifts and Christmas shopping I won't have the time to either. sorry.

Celestial Rainstorm: Thanks for the support. I need time to dwell on wither to scarp it or not. If one more person showed interest...

Two stories this week. First from NeverLander852


What if the President was turned into an alien?

The crashed Gallaxhar ship lay in ruins. Fires had been put out but unknown chemicals had flooded the surrounding area. People in hazard suits were busy cleaning up the spillage, storing them in thick metal tanks.

However the public were still fearful that they were going to catch some sort of space radiation poisoning. People were hasty to leave the state or even the country.

The President knew he had to calm his people down, reassure them that the situation was under control and that the spaceship leakage was harmless.

And so the next day he held a press conference right next to the crashed alien vessel, without a hazard suit. The press weren't as confident as he was and were all wearing their own. Cameras and tape recorders all facing the President as he took his platform to address the people.

"My fellow Americans. We stand here today next to what can only be described as a victory of humanity over alien life. The enemy that tried to bring destruction to our world was beaten and this crashed ship is nothing more than its tombstone. I stand before you, in good faith, with no 'protection' that everyone feels is necessary when near this wreckage. Today, I call on all of you to not be afraid, to stay in your homes, to live your lives as you would any other day."

A member of the press raised her hand, her face barely visible through the visor.

"But Mr President, those chemicals that were seen leaking out of the wreckage certainly seemed harmful. And those men clearing it up seemed to be taking no chances in containing it!"

"Just a routine procedure, a spillage of any kind would be cleaned up in the same way. As I said, there is nothing to fear, it is perfectly safe!" he reassured them.

A group carrying a tank containing one of the chemicals walked behind the President's podium. Then one of them tripped over and the tank toppled over and crashed on the ground, its contents splashed over the President.

He shook it off and tried to calm down the press who were going hysterical, "It's okay, nothing to worry about. See, absolutely harmless!"

What he didn't know is that the alien chemicals had mutated him into a Gallaxhar lookalike; he looked like Gallaxhar but with hair and glasses for his four eyes.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, please remain in your seats!"

Fortunately General Monger, who had been overseeing the clean-up operation had seen the whole thing and quickly intervened, knocking the President out and having his men load him up and take him to Area 52. After that he asked the witnesses to focus on him, he put on some sunglasses and showed them a silver object the size and shape of a pen.

"Just look at the light would you please, Ladies and Gentlemen?" he asked them.

"Your memory eraser didn't work as well as I'd hoped, Doc." The General told Dr Cockroach.

"Did it not erase their memories?"

"Oh, it did. And everything else, they now think they're farm animals, they're now mooing, clucking and oinking all over Modesto and my men are trying to round them up again!"

"Oh, oh well, trial and error and all that…" said Dr Cockroach sheepishly.

"Well, on more important notes, what about the patient?"

"That was some mutation, Gallaxhar residual DNA must have been left n those chemicals used to make his clones. It's tricky but I think I can reverse the effects!"

"Well you'd better! We got him sedated for now but if he wakes up and finds out he's turned into an alien there will be chaos! The President must never find out he's become E.T.!"

"Right you are, sir!" said Dr Cockroach.

Dr Cockroach got to work, using different and complicated scientific methods to change the President back to human form. He used devices built for sucking up radiation, he used machines that changed objects at the molecular level, and he even considered plastic surgery…

A few days later General Monger returned to the lab where a tired and messy Dr Cockroach was cleaning up.

"Status, Doc?"

"It took sleepless nights and wakeless days but I've succeeded. Ta-Da!" he pulled back the curtain and there lying on the bed was the President, looking human again.

"Good job, Bug Man," said Monger, looking impressed, "How'd you do it?"

"A magician doesn't reveal his secrets." He said.

"So you used magic?"

"No, I mean a magician doesn't reveal how he did it and neither do I. No matter how much I feel like bragging about it."

"Well no we're out of danger you can wake him up now."

Dr Cockroach walked up to the bed and injected something to wake him up. The President stirred and then sat up, looking confused.

"Er, Warren, how'd I get here? Where IS here?" he asked.

"At the facility, Sir. You, er, fell off your podium and hit your head. You've been unconscious for a few days, nothing serious."

The President frowned at Dr Cockroach who was stone faced, then shrugged, "Meh, I'll ask Wilson to fire someone when I get back to the White House."

"Good idea, Mr President. Although reports from my men do suggest that the general population should stay 10 miles away from the crash site till they've cleared it up entirely. Just to be safe."

"Oh, very well, General. I gotta be heading back, gotta continent to run."

"Country." Monger corrected him

"Oh yes, that. Well, I'll be off, goodbye fellas."

As the President walked past them the General could see a patch of blue skin still on his neck. He looked at Dr Cockroach, "Doc?"

"Okay, so I wasn't able to get all of the radioactive chemicals out of his system. It's just a small blue mark on his neck, it's nothing serious!"

"Nothing serious? NOTHING SERIOUS? The President is a REPUBLICAN!"


Second from EDWARDNYGMA23.


What if Susan found a dinosaur egg?

The wreckage of Gallaxhar's crashed ship had only just been cleared away but the damage to the environment had been on-going. The open fields it had landed on had caused a burning crater, torching the grass and cracking the earth. Geologists reckoned it would take millions of years for it to restore naturally.

Susan was at the crater one day, one of the few people allowed to go near it because of its depth. She was left alone with her thoughts, what she had accomplished, what she was going to do…

Whilst she was day dreaming she lost her footing and slid down the steep slope, deeper into the bowl. Finally she rolled to a stop as she reached the bottom, she couched up dirt and brushed herself off.

As she looked around she could see a hole hidden amongst the rubble of boulders and dust. She flicked the rocks away to see what was inside, if anything, then suddenly something rolled out of the hole and bumped into her knee. It was an egg.

But unlike any egg she had seen before, it was the size of a football and was green with orange markings. She carefully picked it up and held in her hand, as the light of the sun shone through it she could just about see what was inside.

Her mouth dropped open as the image of what appeared to be some kind of lizard snuggled inside.

"That…that looks like a…"

It was a dinosaur. The ships collision with the ground must have revealed a forgotten chamber from the Cretaceous Period. From it the sole survivor from the great extinction. And it was still alive.

She had to show the others, delicately she held onto the egg with both hands as she carefully made her way back out of the crater.

Back at the facility her friends were fascinated by her discovery.

"Simply amazing, my dear!" said Dr Cockroach.

"Finally something older than me!" said Link.

"Fried or Scrambled?" asked B.O.B.

Susan held the egg to her chest, "Don't say that, B.O.B! We are not gonna…E.A.T it!"

B.O.B looked at Dr Cockroach, unable to spell, "She means you do not touch the egg, B.O.B." sighed Dr Cockroach.

"So what are you gonna do with it?" asked Link.

"Well I'm…I'm going to look after it." She said.

"You are going to look after a dinosaur? That's absurd!" said the fish-ape.

Butterflyosaurus butted in with a roar, "Present company excluded, buddy." He said.

"Well this poor thing doesn't have anyone else, no parents, no nothing. Sure, it's only the size of my thumb nail but I'll make sure it grows big and strong."

"Good for you, Susan." Said Dr Cockroach, "B.O.B, put down that whisk!"

"Awwwww," went the blob.

The days past and wherever Susan went she took the egg with her. Keeping it in her pocket, primarily to use her own body heat to keep it warm, secondly to keep B.O.B's mitts off it.

One day her friends were all watching TV, the egg still in her hand, never leaving her side. As Susan shifted in her seat she felt something twitch in her hand, she looked and saw the egg was moving on its own and a crack had emerged.

"Omigosh! Omigosh! It's hatching! IT'S HATCHING!" she panicked.

"I'll go get a spoon!"

"B.O.B, STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" she demanded.

The blob stay put as the others gather round her hands to see the egg crack more and more till finally the top came loose. Susan carefully pinched the top and lifted it up. Inside was a tiny green dinosaur with a duck-billed mouth. It looked up at Susan's face and squeaked.

"Congrats, Suz, it's a dino duck." Said Link.

"An Edmontosaurus, Link. A herbivore, plant-eater. Died out about 65 million years ago…"

"And absolutely adorable!" squeaked Susan.

"That was going to be my next point." Coughed Dr Cockroach.

The dinosaur rolled out of its egg and fell onto its back, legs in the air. Susan used her other hand to tickle the dinosaur's tummy with her fore and middle finger, "Goochie-Goo!"

"Seems to have taken a liking to Susan." Said Link.

"Just like with birds, the descendants of dinosaurs, when hatched the first being they come into contact with they believe is the mother. So…"

"It thinks Susan's its mommy?" exclaimed Link.

"She, Link, it's a girl."

"I'm not gonna even ask how you knew that just by looking at i…her."

General Monger allowed Susan to keep the baby dinosaur as long as she remained under her supervision and didn't cause any problems to which Susan promised there wouldn't.

That promise proved a little harder to keep. Particularly with B.O.B. He kept thinking the dinosaur was a duck and continued throwing bread crumbs at her, this led to her chasing him all over the facility. Then there were times when she would get really hungry and ended up finding the facilities supply of toilet paper, the staff were not too happy with finding loo roll all over the place, down the halls, all over the floor, wrapped around Butterflyosaurus' legs whilst she had been sleeping. But once she had learnt to eat on plants provided for her she stopped causing problems and began behaving, almost.

Soon after Susan had a bed made next to hers for her 'baby' which she had named Krystal.

"Krystal? Where are you girl?" she called.

Krystal skipped into the room and sniffed the bed. She looked at her 'mom' and chirped in happiness.

"See, nice and comfy. Wait, what's that in your mouth?"

She placed her hand under Krystal's mouth and she dropped something round into her mouth. On closer inspection Susan discovered it was B.O.B's eye.

She tisked at Krystal, "You shouldn't have taken this, Krystal. B.O.B is going to be looking for this,"

Krystal tilted her head.

"You know what I mean."

A loud crash and bang from outside followed by a yelp from B.O.B told her he was trying to search for his missing eye and was now crashing into everything.

"You go to beddy-byes and I'll give this back to Uncle B.O.B." she told her.

Krystal wagged her tail and hopped into the soft bedding made for her. She spun round and round on the spot in order to get comfy till finally she was in a position that she could sleep.

When Susan returned she found Krystal fast asleep. Her stomach rising and falling as she snored softly. Susan smiled and got into the bed next to hers. She switched off the lights and the pair were soon fast asleep.

Two years later and Krystal was nearing adult size. She was now 40 feet long and weighed about 4 tons.

She stretched as she climbed out of her bed. Then she climbed onto Susan's bed and began licking her face, Susan stirred before finally opening a sleepy eye.

"Alright, girl, up already?" she asked.

Krystal called in response. Susan smiled, she knew that it was Saturday, their weekly trip to the park.

Many kids gathered around the Modesto park on Saturday to see 'The Big Lady and the Dinosaur'. Susan would put a handful of them on Krystal's back and she would give them a ride around the park. As a reward Susan would give her a branch to snack on.

Once the kids had all had their rides Susan and Krystal would go have some fun by themselves. Susan would throw a ball and Krystal would ecstatically retrieve it. They would play tug-o-war with a fallen log, to which Krystal would usually end up eating it.

Then by the end of the day they would sit on a small hill and watch the sun slowly edge towards the horizon. Krystal was leaning against her 'mom' as she rested her head in her lap. She licked Susan's hand and she tickled her chin in response.

"I'm really lucky I met you. You know that right?" she asked her.

Krystal let out a slight grunt in response.

"Yeah, I love you two."

The two cuddled. Unaware that underneath Krystal's foot was B.O.B, she had stepped on him before leaving the facility and didn't even know he was there.

"Well," he grunted, "This really extincts!"


So sorry for that last line. It was ED's idea! Honest!

The What-If Series is now closed for Christmas so please hold ideas till next year. I shall finish the ones I already have as soon as possible.