Heaven Help My Heart

Rating: T

Notes: Written for maybeCreddie aka Ramsey :D

Summary: Carly watches a series of video diaries.


Carly Shay woke with a start, jerking upright and scattering dozens of DVD cases over the floor. They instantly reminded her of why she hadn't left her room except to sit in the shower for 3 hours at a time.. Sam was fast asleep next to her. As Carly laid her head on the pillow again, her tears falling all over again as the memory of how she came to possess those cases came rushing back.

A light tapping on the door was followed by the voice of Spencer dull over the sounds of rushing water, "Carls, someone's here to see you. I'll be waiting downstairs with Sam." The water had run cold an hour ago, and Carly shivered as she left the shower, toweled herself dry and put on a fresh pair of pyjamas.

As she walked down the stairs she heard the end of a whispered conversation with Spencer. Then she saw who the other party was Mrs. Benson.

Memories and pain flooding back into Carly's fragile frame, threatening to engulf her again only for Spencer to walk over and reach out to her. "Carly, Mrs. Benson has something she wants to give you."

"The only thing I want is Freddie back!" And with that, the pain and tears swept over her once more. Spencer pulled her into a hug.

When Mrs. Benson came back over to comfort her, Carly pushed herself out of the hug. For some reason, perhaps her work as a nurse, his death didn't appear to Carly to be affecting her at all. Of course, it wasn't true, as grief runs it's course differently for each person.

It was appearances that mattered to Carly though, "You don't even care! It should've been you!" Carly screamed, "You made him go to the store. Freddie was supposed to be with me! I was going to tell him I loved him and he went to the store for you, and the robbers shot him. They shot him for nothing. He's gone forever because of you!"

Sam took over from Spencer now, taking her friends shoulder on hers, holding Carly as the anger and sobbing was replaced with the noiseless desolation in her soul.

Spencer looked at Mrs. Benson, without a sound they both agreed that it was still too early to be talking to each other, and she left in silence, leaving only the box on the table. Hours later, Spencer walked up to the room, to talk with Carly, and to give her the box.

Carly, I found these in Fredward's bedroom. I put one in the computer and it started playing a video diary, I think he'd want you to see them.


Sitting back up again, Carly flipped her laptop open again. 'If it wasn't for the date and time in the corner, I wouldn't even know what day it was,' she thought to herself. She clicked on the last entry. It was the night before, Freddie looked like he'd just come out of the shower, wearing a striped yellow polo shirt.

"Personal Log, 15th October, 2010." He always started off with a Galaxy Wars inspired reading of the date and time.

'Cukey.' Carly couldn't help but smile, her pain fading away. She knew what came next by heart, but it didn't matter. All she wanted was to hear his voice.

"Only a short one today, I have to study. Carly wants to talk to me before we rehearse tomorrow. Alone. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to tell that we should finally do a tech-time with Freddie segment. This could be really great, or really bad."

"It was going to be great Freddie. It really was." Carly whispered, not wanting to wake Sam up.

Freddie contemplated for a moment, then smiled, "But I think it's going to be great. I know it's going to be great. The hero worship is gone, and I can feel that connection is still there every time we talk. She kissed me on the cheek again. I mean, that's a good sign right? Okay... I'm ready to admit it. I'm in love with Carly. Not that I'm going to tell her so soon." Freddie laughed, then continued, "Ugh, I need to study. I'll be back tomorrow. I'll either be completely heartbroken or the happiest guy on earth. Sayonara."

The last word caused Carly to chuckle. Every video had Freddie saying goodbye in a different way. A different language. A different phrase.

The video froze as the player stopped. That was the last tangible evidence she had of Freddie before his death.

Unbeknown to Carly, Sam had stirred during the video, and she placed her hand on Carly's shoulder supportively.

"He's gone Sam. He's never coming back. What am I going to do?"

"There's nothing we can do, except remember him and live our lives."

"But I'm not happy Sam, I never will be again." Carly turned and buried herself in her best friend's shoulder.

"You will. Slowly but surely. We'll be happy again. I'll be here with you the whole time. The only thing the dork ever cared about was making you the happiest girl in the world, so that's what he'll want to happen."

"If he wanted me to be happy he shouldn't have died Sam. He could be here. I could be with him, I could make him as happy as he wanted to make me. I miss him Sam."

"You can't make him happy any more, not where he is now." Sam didn't especially believe in heaven, God and all that. Carly was raised that way by her father, and though Spencer didn't really bother to continue it after Steven left, maybe it might give some comfort to Carly.

"I miss him more than my father Sam." That didn't really surprise her, considering how much Carly had come to rely on Freddie for help, guidance and friendship. And his unconditional love.

"We all miss him Carls. How about we watch another video?"

Carly sniffled and nodded. Sam switched the discs, and navigated to one from years before.

Freddie, young, barely 11 years old, came onto the screen. Even though time changes everyone, sometimes things stay the same. He was wearing a striped yellow polo shirt.

"Hi," Freddie waved to the camera, "I haven't made a video for a while, because we moved! I'm in Seattle now. Mom said we had to move away from Dad. I don't really know why though." Carly and Sam both laughed, the high squeaking child on these clips vastly different to the man who made the most recent ones.

"I spent almost the whole day unpacking. But I met a new friend. I was coming back inside after taking some rubbish down, and I saw the people next door. There was this really tall guy, and a girl my age. Mom says it's time I started to talk to girls, so I said hello to her. Her name is Carly. She's really pretty and funny and..."

Carly watched the video, suppressing a giggle when he described being thrown outside by 'a crazy blonde girl he didn't know' then felt a reassuring squeeze on her shoulders when it ended. Sam swapped the discs again, to one from the night of the Girl's Choice dance, and Carly thought that maybe today, her showers wouldn't be 3 hours long.


AN: So that was pretty dark. Yeah. I got another idea similar to this, but I don't know if it'll be up any time soon. I'll be working on BTPM and *shock* a Jalex one-shot next.