I wasn't sure whether to rate this T or M, but to be honest if you're a teenager, 'chances are you've heard talk like this all before.
Ages are as follows. Kai, Julia - 16. Takao, Max, Rei, the Professor, Hiromi, Emily, Mao - 15. Mathilda - 14. Daichi -12. Set just after G-rev.
My first attempt at a real humour fic. Failure awaits.
Hiromi Tachibana is cruel. Possibly evil. Definitely sadistic.
And does not understand Beyblade at all!
Well, so says Takao Kinomiya anyway.
"Hiromi! Give my Dragoon back!" Takao growled.
The cute brunette gave a sickly sweet smile. "Or else what?" She cooed.
Ten pairs of eyes watched Takao intently as he ground his teeth together in frustration. Boys don't hit girls, do they?
Hiromi smirked triumphantly. "Well, that's settled then! Come on, girls!"
"Hey, wait a minute," Max interrupted, halting the five girls before they left the dojo. "C'mon ladies. This isn't really fair."
"What's not fair?" Julia Fernadez of F-Dynasty asked with a raised eyebrow. "We're giving you the week off. I don't understand why you're complaining!"
"Yeah, but you can't just take our blades away!" Daichi stated in an aggressive tone as he stormed up to Hiromi who held Tyson's and his own beyblades tightly in her hands. "So give 'em back, old hag!"
A vein popped up on Hiromi's forehead and five or the six boys stepped back cautiously sensing an explosion waiting to happen. However, Hiromi somehow managed to cap her temper and took a few large breaths before she wagged her finger at Daichi.
"Listen up, monkey boy. You guys have been training far too hard. I know you guys are serious competitors and all that jazz; but you need a holiday," she explained. "And I knew very well that you weren't going to comply that easy, so the girls and I thought that by taking away your blades we could reach some sort of agreement, okay?"
Not okay. As soon as she finished, protests were heard all around.
"GIMMIE BACK MY BLADE, HAG!" Three guesses who that was.
"Mao, can you please talk some sense into them?" Rei interjected, his 'sorta-girlfriend' shaking her head with Rei's Driger beyblade clutched in her hand.
"Sorry Rei; Hiromi's right. You guys have been working too hard, you need a break." Mao smiled apologetically, but there was no use arguing with the pink-haired girl. Fiery tempered and stubborn to the end; she was just as head-strong as Hiromi.
Next was Max's turn as he turned on the puppy-dog eyes and shuffled closer to a nervous looking Mathilda who seemed slightly out of place next to the four other confident girls.
"Hey Mathilda, you're a sweet girl," Max said, tilting his head and blinking innocently, knowing the magic those huge blue eyes of his could work. "You don't wanna steal my blade, do you? Don't fall into the same rank as these - AHH! HEY!"
Mao roughly shoved Max away as Mathilda looked very close to giving in.
"Don't fall for the puppy-dog eyes, Mathilda," Mao advised, taking the green Draciel beyblade from the timid girl. "Max may look sweet but he's a conniving little crook at heart!"
Max laughed and rubbed the back of his head while smiling brightly, "looks like you've got me figured out!"
"MAXIE!" Takao howled, "Stop… FRATRINZING with the enemy!" The bluenette then tuned his frustration to the smallest member of the group. "HOW could you let them get our blades!?"
The Professor cowered under Takao's burning gaze.
"It wasn't my fault!" He cried, "Emily tricked me!"
"Well, it wasn't hard," the flaming haired girl remarked with a smug smirk.
"URGH!" Takao through his arms up in annoyance. "Kai! Aren't you going to say anything!?"
The sixth and oldest member of the boys had stayed completely silent since learning the girls had stolen their beyblades. Instead he had taken to glaring at Julia who tightly held his Dranzer blade. Most people would feel awkward and uncomfortable under his infamous glare, however Julia - matching him in age and almost in height - was not one to back down easily. Instead she used her gender to her advantage and taunted Kai by slipping his blade into her cleavage. Kai wasn't going to snatch it back and risk being accused of being a pervert and well - boys don't hit girls, do they?
Hiromi, Emily and Mao giggled at Julia's antics while Mathilda covered the amused smile on her face with her palm.
"Well boys, enjoy your week off!" Julia announced gleefully, and the five girls left the dojo victoriously.
Takao, Daichi, Rei, Max and Kai all rounded on the professor.
"Erm, Peace guys?" He gulped. No luck there, he stepped backwards as they closed in on him. "Aw, come on! How was I supposed to know what they were planning?"
Max sighed irritably.
"He's right, guys," he said in the Professors' defence. "Ever since those five have shared a room they've gotten out of hand."
"But they're just a bunch of girls! Daichi screamed.
"And if you remember correctly, Daichi; it only took one of those girls to keep you under control," Takao huffed as he crossed his arms. "And Rei would never defy his precious Mao. And now they can see through Max's sweet-talk!"
Daichi scowled. "So what about you and Kai then!" He snapped, jabbing his thumb in Kai's direction.
"I don't hit girls," Kai said indifferently.
Takao scowled at the eldest teen.
"Well then, since Kai's use of violence is off the list -" At this Kai glared at him "- It looks like I am left. And I happen to have a rather ingenious plan!"
Noticing that he had everyone's undivided attention, Takao beckoned them all to come closer. Huddled together in a circle, he whispered to them a short and not-very-detailed analyses of his plan. And he was met with five rather horrified are-you-crazy-or-is-your-cap-on-too-tight states.
Why can't boys hit girls?!
"Takao, you're mad!" Rei hissed from the hallway as the loud bluenette barged into the room the girls were sharing. Of course, they weren't in there at the time - come on - he may have fought evil bit-beasts and saved the world several times, but even Takao's not that brave. No, currently the girls were out shopping by Julia's command. Apparently it had been a matter of emergency.
"They're not here, Rei!" Takao said loudly as Max, Daichi and the Professor all crept into the room as though expecting it to by booby-trapped. Outside the room, Rei and Kai glanced at each other before Kai shrugged and marched into the room as well. Rei followed unsurely.
"Okay team," Takao said, "Operation Underwear Drawer: Commence!"
Rei rubbed his hand over his face. "This is not going to work." He mumbled.
"Believe me, Ray" Takao assured, "if a girl wants to hide something; she puts it in her underwear drawer. Fact of life."
Takao and Daichi went straight to work, opening drawers and peering inside. Max and the Professor were slightly more hesitant but eventually began pulling at the drawers. Kai stood vacantly in the centre of the room, arms crossed with his eyes roaming over the decoration of posters and, more noticeably, the piles of dirty clothes spewed across certain parts of the floor. Rei came and stood next to him; rummaging through a ladies room was just completely inappropriate in his books.
"AHA!" Came a glorious roar.
The boys swivelled around on the spot.
"Did you find them?" Max asked excitedly as Daichi stood with his hands in an open drawer.
"No, but look!" Daichi cackled madly, jumping around with a - !
Shook washed over the group as Daichi waved the pink, lacy garment around in the air. Kai face-palmed.
"Daichi!" Rei hissed, "Put. It. Back!"
Daichi just laughed as he stretched it out and eyed the cups.
"Who do you think it belongs to!?" He hooted, "It's pretty big -" to make his point more known, Daichi placed one of the cups on his head. Max and Takao couldn't help but laugh. But Rei and the Professor looked appalled.
"I don't think it's Mathilda's or Emily's… Or the old Hag's," Daichi said as played with the straps, the cup still on his head. He smirked mischievously. "But Julia and Mariah have big boobies!"
"DAI - chi - !"
The room suddenly went silent as they heard a door slam downstairs, followed by voice. Girl's voices. Kai slowly removed his hand from his face and mentally groaned. He did not want to be caught in a girls room. He had a reputation Goddamn-it!
"Uh oh," Max breathed. He didn't want to be caught either. Hell hath no fury like a woman … uh…catching men going through her personals…
"Quick!" Tyson whispered frantically. "In here!"
He pointed at the huge built-in, sliding-door wardrobe. Daichi and the Professor shot at it quicker than blinking, where as Max need a bit of a shove from Takao. Rei and Kai, however, did not move. Takao panicked as the voices became louder and footsteps were heard pounding up the stairs.
"Do you want Mao to find you in her room with all the drawers open?" Takao asked Rei in a hushed voice to which Rei shook his head fearfully. Takao rounded on Kai. "And do you want them to find you in here alone? They've wanted to put make-up on you for ages, y'know?"
Kai's eyes widened considerably at the thought. And boys don't hit girls, do they?
Kai and Rei followed Takao into the wardrobe, tripping over the other pairs of feet clumsily before one of them blindly grasped the door and slid it shut. Just in time too, because only seconds later the five girls came into the room, talking and laughing.
The wardrobe wasn't completely solid and had small designs carved right through the wood which allowed light to pass inside the darkened space. Each of the boys had their own small gap to peer through. Back in the room Julia was emptying the contents of a plastic bag onto the double bed. The boys couldn't see what though.
"Here you are, Mathilda!" Julia said brightly, picking up a colourful, slightly rectangular box - just about big enough to fit an apple or orange inside. She chucked it over to Mathilda who caught it and looked at the it nervously.
"I - I'm not sure Julia, I've never used them before," Mathilda stammered, as she opened the box and pulled out a leaflet.
"Don't push her into using them, Julia," Emily interjected, "I don't like using them either."
A confused look was shared between most the boys currently occupying the wardrobe.
"Really?" Julia asked sounding surprised. "Wow, I don't know how you can use sanitary towels. They're so uncomfortable!"
Frowns appeared on the boys faces… did they just hear what they thought they heard?
"Agreed." Hiromi added.
"I don't know," Mao said slowly, as she took the leaflet from Mathilda and glanced through it briefly. "I don't like towels either, but I tried using tampons once and -" she chuckled to herself "- and I couldn't get it up!"
Julia laughed, "how?"
"I don't know," Mao giggled, "it actually hurt and I just… I - I -" she broke into a fit of laughter again.
"Mao! You can't not tell us now!"
Mao wiped her eyes. "Sorry." She gasped, "It's just that I got… I got it like, halfway in and I thought that I'd done it. But then I was training with Rei and it just sort-of popped out into my underwear!"
The girls burst out laughing. However, a rather cold breeze seemed to sweep over the boys. Takao's lips were actually curving downwards with every word he heard, while Max and the Professor shared a deeply disturbed look with each other. And Rei looked horrified as he remembered the day a few months ago when Mao had suddenly froze in the middle of a bey-battle before sprinting back to their home village without even collecting her beyblade. She had never told him why… and now he was quite thankful she hadn't. That would have been a very awkward moment.
"Needless to say I haven't tried to use them again!" Mao finished as the laughter died down.
"Honestly, rub a bit of Vaseline over the tube and they just slip right in!" Hiromi said, only Mao started laughing again.
"Eww, Hirmoi. Vaseline? I'm not some dried-up old lady!"
Bad thoughts, bad bad thought. Rei stuck his fingers into his ears.
"Well you should try it!" Julia mentioned, then nodding to Mathilda and Emily, "all of you. Believe me they work better and are more comfortable than sanitary towels."
"I don't know, Julia," Mathilda squeaked nervously as she pulled out one of the brightly wrapped tampons. "I mean, we're all different. I've heard they hurt the first times you use them."
Julia threw herself down on the bed and sighed.
"They can do," Julia said eventually, "but it's way better than walking around with a great, big mattress between your legs!"
Hiromi spluttered uncontrollably at that comment. Takao gagged.
"Plus, you need some practise," Julia continued with a smirk, "because one day something much bigger is gonna' be going up there! Right, Mao?"
Mao went red in the face. "Why are you singling me out?"
"You and Rei of course! When are you going to get down and dirty!?"
Rei could have lit up the wardrobe with all the colour that swam to his face. Takao suppressed a snicker as he nudged Rei in the ribs playfully.
Hiromi laughed out loud.
"I wouldn't laugh if I were you, missy!" Julia mocked, her eyes glistening. "What about you and Takao, hmm?"
Hiromi stopped laughing abruptly and Takao froze. Rei smirked.
"What do you mean!?" Hiromi exclaimed, he pitch of her voice rising a few notes.
"Well, you've been dancing around each other for a while now," Julia stated innocently. Hiromi spluttered incoherently, very red in the face. Julia bit her lip as she forced herself not to laugh. "But anyway, enough of that. Mathilda, I'll show you how to use a tampon!"
"Oh HELL NO!"
The five girls shrieked as the wardrobe door flew open and Tyson and Max flew out, closely followed by Rei and the Professor.
"What on earth were you guys doing!" Emily stormed once her heart stopped hammering against her ribs.
Mao gasped as she saw Rei who was just as red as she was.
"Were you in there the whole time?" She asked, horrified.
Max grasped Rei's arm and began to pull him from the room. "Yes, unfortunately we were!" He laughed nervously, passing Mathilda who had also turned a bright red colour in the face. Rei sent Mao an apologetic look and a promise that they would speak later before being dragged from the room.
The girls glanced over the remaining boys, notably Kai who had not made himself fully visible until now. Julia's eyes sparkled when she saw him, her hand automatically reaching for her make-up bag. However, Kai - being as guarded as he was - picked up on this and automatically began to walk for the door.
"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" She shouted. Kai froze at the door and glared at her.
"To pour bleach into my ears," he snapped before exiting swiftly.
Emily smirked, "I think we just made the Great Kai Hiwatari feel uncomfortable!" She announced loudly enough for him to hear.
The Professor impatiently shoved Takao towards the door since he had been staring at Hiromi so intently it was beginning to get creepy.
"Well, that was interesting…" Mathilda commented as soon as they were out the room.
"I don't get it!"
The girls shrieked again as a voice spoke from the wardrobe.
It would appear Daichi had been left behind. Seeing as though he stood surrounded by their clothes, a confused scowl settled on his face and… a bra on his head; which Julia recognised as her own.
"Old Hag! What are tampons?" Daichi asked rudely.
Instead of getting angry about the 'Old hag' comment; Hiromi sent a cruel smirk to her girlfriends which was instantly returned. Emily closed the door as the other closed in on the red-haired boy.
"Well, Daichi, we're going to tell you a little about the birds and the bees."
Cheers for reading. Please leave a review!