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The Twilight Twenty-Five
Prompt #: 9
Pen name: ooza
Paring: Edward & Bella
Rating: M

Photos for prompts can be found here:

My phone chimes as I walk through my front door, indicating I have a new email. Please don't let it be work, I think as I pull it out of my pocket. What fun is leaving early on my birthday if I have to go right back to the office?

The email is from Nastygrrl69 with the subject "BJ for my BDay?" What the fuck? I open it and my jaw drops after reading the first line.

I'll spank you till your ass is raw birthday boy.

"Who the fuck is this?" I mutter aloud. As I scroll down there are a few suggestive innuendos of things this chick would like to do to me. I internally cringe at the visual my mind conjures up. There's a link to a craigslist posting at the bottom. I'm about to click on it when my phone chimes again.

Another email. Same subject. This time from babeejane.

i want ur giant cock in my tight pussy. can u host? the rents are home.

"What the fuck?" I hear two more chimes but I ignore them and click on the link. When I see the online listing I immediately start to panic. "Oh, no. No way. No fucking way."

seattle craigslist personals casual encounters

June 20 – BJ for my BDay? – 25 (pic)

It's my birthday and I need to release a load. I'm very skilled with my tongue and love licking pussy. I have plenty of stamina so you can ride my giant cock all night long. Anything goes but don't forget about my birthday spanking. I've been a very naughty boy. Email me: ecullen17[at]…

"My email? My fucking email?!" It gets worse as I scroll down the page. "That's not my dick! Oh my God, that's… that's a huge fucking dick."

Emmett. He's the only logical explanation to why a personal ad for me would be online. I scroll through my phonebook searching for Emmett's number as the emails continue coming in. He picks up on the second ring.

"Edward! Happy birthday, man. I didn't forget about you. I was just waiting until I knew you'd be home before I called. You want to grab a drink to– "

"Cut the crap, Emmett. Is this your idea of funny?" I seethe into the phone.

"Uhh, bro? I'm not even going to pretend I know what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb, jackass. You put a personal ad for me on craigslist. There's a picture of a huge motherfucking cock on there–"

This time Emmett interrupts me. "Whoa, man. I don't care to hear about the size of your man parts."

"It's not mine!" I exclaim.

"Then why do you think it's your personal ad?"

"Because my email address is in it," I hiss through clenched teeth.

"Maybe it's a typo."

"A typo," I mock. "A typo? Honestly, Emmett. I'm not buying it. Besides, you put the part about the birthday spanking in there." I don't know why I even bother to continue having this conversation with Emmett. He already knows what's in the listing.

"Birthday spanking!" he hoots through a fit of laughter. His reaction causes me to doubt my belief that he's the poster. Emmett isn't this good at acting. "Tell me, Edward. Were there any spelling errors in this thing?"

"No," I answer.

"Complete sentences? Good grammar?" he asks.


"Then it obviously wasn't done by moi."

Damn. The man makes a valid argument. "Jasper," I spit.

"So, drinks then?"

We agree on a time and place to meet before I call Jasper. He laughs as he answers the phone. "Edward, I've been waiting for you to call. Happy birthday."

"Whatever, ass. What's with the craigslist post?" I immediately accuse.

"Thought you'd benefit from a little birthday sex," Jasper says sincerely.

"I don't need your help, Jazz."

"Yeah, well, you're not doing so well on your own. You work too much, Edward. It's your birthday. Loosen up. Go have fun."

"Take it down, Jasper," I demand.

"I'll remove it tomorrow. Just wait and see what happens. You never know–" I hit the end button on my phone without letting him finish. I don't need his help getting laid. If I wanted to bang someone, I would be out doing just that. A personal listing is not the way –


Ding – Ding – Ding

"You've got to be kidding me," I tell my phone. My finger hovers over the power button. If I just turn it off until tomorrow maybe this whole ordeal will go away.

Or maybe Jasper is right. Reading the emails won't hurt anything. Who knows? One of these girls might turn out to be a lot of fun. Instead of turning the phone off I reopen my email and scan through quickly.


No thanks.

Tanyaxxx: You can fuck my ass if I can fuck yours.


: Looking for a man your age to make me feel young again. You can call me mama. I've got a drawer full of wooden spoons.

Fucking creepy.

WolfGirl: i want you to release your load all over my face




Bad idea. Very bad idea. If these emails don't stop when Jasper takes down the listing I swear to God I am going to change my email address. I might even change my name. I continue deleting emails throughout the afternoon. Some of the girls sound nice but most of them seem downright nuts. After a while I stop reading the messages entirely. At first, I feel bad for ignoring them, but there's no way I'm hooking up with someone because of a personal ad for myself that I didn't even post.

I am intent on not having anything to do with these girls so it takes me by surprise when I find myself staring at a particular name on the screen.


Bella. I wonder if that's her name or if she's referring to herself as beautiful. By the year on her email address we are probably close in age. Unless that's the year she graduated, in which case she's a little too old for me. I groan and shake my head. It doesn't matter what her email address means; I'm not getting involved. I press delete but when the confirmation pops up I hit cancel and open the email.

Happy birthday. I hope it's been a good one so far. Would you like to chat?

Without making a conscious decision my fingers start typing a reply.

Hello beautiful! Thank you for the birthday wishes. My day has recently become better. I would love to chat with you. What is your name?

I hit send and anxiously wait for a response. The familiar chime fills the room after a couple of minutes.

Great! My name is Bella, what's yours? Have you made plans for the evening?

Her name is Bella. My palms are sweating and my heart beats erratically as I continue to type.

No plans for the evening. Would you like to hang out? I'm Edward.

What the hell am I doing? I just asked a complete stranger if she wants to get together for the evening. Someone who answered a personal ad which was obviously sexual in nature. This has recipe-for-disaster written all over it.

I would love to hang out. No offense, but is that picture really you?

Now things get tricky. If I tell her the truth now, she'll bail. If I lie to her and – God willing – we end up in bed, she's going to find out on her own and then I'm fucked… or in this case possibly not fucked. I should just bail now before I'm in too deep. Besides, I don't want to disappoint the girl if she spent all day prowling the internet for giant mutant cocks.

No it's not. Sorry to disappoint.

I set my phone down with a sigh. How did I go from thinking this was a ridiculous idea to being disappointed that my dick isn't the size of a Guinness can? Another chime pulls me out of my self-loathing and I quickly swipe my phone off the coffee table.

Thank God! That thing is terrifying. Can I have a real pic?

Bella wants a real picture?

Of my cock?

Yes. :)

All right. I can do this. Deep breaths Edward. She was terrified by Cockenstein so there's nothing to be ashamed of. I undo my fly before pulling my dick out of my pants. I'm already aroused from the emails from Bella so it only takes a few strokes before I am fully hard. Grabbing my phone I take a few photos, experimenting with different angles before deciding on the picture that suits me best. I send the photo and wait nervously for her to reply. Damn, why didn't I ask for a picture in return? Fifteen minutes pass before she sends another email.

What's your addy?

I call Emmett to cancel our plans for the evening then pace around the living room waiting for Bella to arrive. I'm not sure if I'm up for this. Perhaps I can convince her to settle for dinner and a movie instead. Long after I expect her to arrive, I find myself standing in front of the window, perking up every time a car drives down the street. Just as I'm about to give up waiting for her and call Emmett back, a car pulls into the driveway.

I watch in fascination as the car door opens. A small brunette gets out of the driver's seat and slowly approaches the house. Not wanting to appear to eager, I step to the side and peek out from behind the curtain. When she reaches the door she hesitates and wrings her hands together before knocking.

Taking deep breaths to calm myself, I count to ten before opening the door. The girl is beautiful – long dark hair, eyes the color of chocolate, a tiny frame accentuated by a tight shirt and low-rise jeans. She fidgets nervously as her eyes dart around behind me. I realize that I'm gawking at her like an idiot.

"Bella?" Way to go Captain Obvious.

She nods and shyly says, "Hi."

"I'm sorry. Please, come in." I move out of the way and she steps through the threshold. This is awkward. Do we shake hands? Hug? The sound of the door closing causes her to jump. "Are you all right? Would you like a drink?"

"No. I'm fine, thank you," she answers quickly. "Look, there's something I need to tell you."

Oh boy. I knew this was too good to be true. Please don't be a man, please don't be a man. "Okay."

"My friends dared me to answer a personal ad and they picked yours and I was supposed to stand you up but I felt bad becauseyouseemlikeaniceguyandit'syourbirthday," she spills out before taking a deep breath. "Is it really your birthday?" she asks hesitantly. Her confession leaves me speechless and I nod as I struggle to collect my thoughts. "I just wanted to let you know. Sorry I wasted your time. Happy birthday, Edward."

Bella makes for the door but I grab her arm before she can reach the handle. "Wait," I plead. "Don't go." She turns to face me with a curious expression. I can't let her leave thinking she was the only one being deceitful. "I didn't place that ad. My friend did as a joke. I'm not that guy, I swear. You are the only person I responded to. I just liked your email. I thought you sounded nice," I ramble.

"So… you're not looking for someone to… spank you?"

"No! God no!" It dawns on me that neither of us are interested in some crazy one-night stand. "Do you want to go to dinner? Maybe see a movie or something after?"

An ear-to-ear grin spreads across Bella's beautiful face. "I'd love to!"

The End