Forgive Us Our Sins

The Beginning

Teen to Mature

Warnings: Religious Undertones, Depression, Death, Cutting

It used to be something she scoffed at. The tale tell signs of red lines running down a girl's arms as she tried to cover the fact up in gym as they changed for classes. Only attention whores would stoop so low as to be willing to draw a blade across their skin, marring it effectively for one and all to see.

It was the hidden scars that hurt the worst after all, the things people couldn't, or refused, to acknowledge that got them. Michiru Kaiou was the living image of perfection. Her mother knew from a young age that her daughter was a prodigy. Her scribbling at a young age showed a promising art future for their daughter and mother made sure that she was exposed to any form of the arts that her heart desired. At first Michiru struggled but after steady tutorage with her drawing classes and violin lessons she became the best preschool performer that her teachers had ever had. Michiru didn't like being forced into these classes when her friends got to go out and play, but soon realized disappointing her mother was not an option.

Then there was the notebook. It was a plan for Michiru's schooling. At first she would attend preschool and then the local elementary school. From there she would enroll in the private junior high for Mugean Gauken and then onto Mugean Gauken and from there they would decide which University to sit exams for. Currently Michiru was in the middle of her ninth year, her last at the junior high for Mugean school systems.

The bell rang, bringing all the students to their feet by their desks, waiting for a formal dismissal. Being Friday a wave of her hand was all they got as the students gathered their belongings, some leaving for the day while others went to their various clubs. Michiru gathered her things slowly, not wanting to hear or see the sympathetic gestures from her fellow classmates, internally groaning when her sensei approached her as the room trickled out.

" Kaiou-san how is everything going?" she asked, broaching the topic with some tact.

"As good as to be expected." Was Michiru's respectful however curt, reply.

"The apartment was paid for I assume?" her sensei asked, deviling her real reason for meddling in her student's affairs.

"Yes ma'am the apartment was paid for, my trust fund is more than enough to cover my bills and I can book some gigs and sell some of my art pieces to help cover senior high and whatever University I am accepted into." She said, moving her hair back from her shoulders, knowing her appearance mattered at the current time.

"Well you seem to be coping well with your parents deaths but if you need it the school is more than willing to set up a grief counselor as well as an academic advisor should you need them." This time her sensei was less than tactful as she spoke.

Michiru resisting the urge to let her real emotions show, remembering her mother raised her as a lady, forced a tight smile.

"I will be fine ma'am, now if you will excuse me I am needed at the art club meeting." She said, bowing before quickly exiting the room, walking quickly towards the stairs, seemingly eager to get to her art club meeting.

Five minutes later Michiru slipped into her art club meeting, quickly finding her seat at her easel and began work on the painting she had been commissioned to do for a friend of the Academy of Arts director, it was boring as it was like all her other ocean paintings, but it was tedious work and she had promised never to give less than one hundred percent of herself as she did her work, knowing that she would need the money from every commission she got through her art work and violin concerts.

As she painted she allowed her mind to travel to a somewhat happier time, not less stressful but happier and that was all that mattered now that every ounce of happiness had drained from her body.

Her mother smiled as she tickled her daughter on one of her rare days off.

"Stop okaa-san! Stop!" ten year old Michiru laughed, trying to fend off her mother who finally gave up her tickling assault on her beautiful daughter.

"You are the perfect daughter Michiru. I love you." Her mother said suddenly, causing Michiru to pause momentarily before she returned the tickling assault all the while thinking of what her mother said. Her ten year old mind coming up with the equation perfection equals love. To her mother perfection meant, in Michiru's mind, getting perfect grades, looking beautiful at all times, knowing just a little more than your competition, trying new things and doing well at them, and performing well at all tasks given her. Michiru knew even then something was off with how her mother thought but didn't contemplate it much.

Shaking herself from her thoughts Michiru continued to paint until six pm before being released from her art club. Thinking through her mountain of homework and practice time she'd need as well as her cram school that started at seven pm and ran until ten pm. The work wasn't that hard and she was caught up with her work so she could probably get her homework done during class if she was careful but right now she needed a cup of tea.

Michiru yawned, knowing that she could catch up on her sleep the next night. Only attending class two nights out of the week, leaving the other four days to be divided between swimming practice and violin practice and one day to catch up or tweak anything from all three categories. She knew she was stretched thin but she had a schedule and if she stuck to it she would survive, deviating was not in the plan.

Exiting the doors of her junior high Michiru crossed the street swiftly walking at a brisk pace knowing her time was limited to sit and actually enjoy her tea for the day. She had maybe forty minutes at best and she wanted time to actually write in her journal for the day. Her aura seemed to exude confidence even when she battled inner demons she hid from the world. However much confidence oozed from her body people seemed to know she commanded the space she was in, going out of their way to make sure no one touched the young goddess among their mists.

The smell of coffee being roasted and tea brewing calmed the beast that was within her soul, threatening to rise out. She opened the door and walked briskly to a booth in the back, nodding at the waitress who was already preparing her tea. Sliding into her booth she pulled out her workbook for her juku class and began reading over the lessons that would be covered tonight. Skimming through the objectives for each section so she would have a clue as to what to highlight in her book gave her something concrete to do. Concrete was the key these days that had passed since her parents deaths. It was all that kept her going in the weeks that she had ghosted through. A known routine. A schedule for school and swim practice and meets, for violin practice. All the concerts she could fit into her schedule and her juku classes two days out of the week. It was all planned to keep the anxiety at bay that wanted to build in her.

Makayla approached her, placing her tea down in front of the young girl before bowing a shallow bow and leaving her in peace, knowing this patron did not like to be disturbed by idle chit chat when she was studying. Michiru barely acknowledged Makayla, not out of rudeness but out of a desire for solitude. Her days were running together but she hardly noticed, she just knew she couldn't break her routine or everything she and her mother had worked so hard to achieve would be gone and she couldn't allow that. After about thirty minutes of review she put away her juku book and pulled out a red leather bound journal. It was her lifeline, it contained her schedule, a miniature version of the plan, phone numbers and email addresses she might need as well as a small section in the back dedicated to her dreams. Or rather dream. Every night it was almost the same dream but sometimes it would deviate, throwing Michiru for a loop and making her lose what little sleep she did manage to get.

An hour later found Michiru sitting in another desk, marking important things in her workbook as her teacher explained a basic science principle. Knowing she had more aptitude at the arts Michiru forced herself to excel at academics as well, learning what needed the most time; knowing to do that first and what would need the least, leaving that to last. The amount of homework from this class alone was always a staggering amount on top of her regular course work and practice sessions. Thankfully they let out at nine, an hour earlier than usual. Covering a yawn the fourteen year old packed up her workbooks and slipped out of the class quietly, slowly making her way to the subway that would take her home, giving a sad smile as other students from her juku class slipped into cars, their parents waiting for them and the end of a very busy work day. Her mother used to pick her up from class without fail every day, but that was in the past now and there was no use worrying about the past, you couldn't change it no matter how hard you thought about it or tired.

The subway ride home was uneventful, allowing her to read some of her Japanese Literature assignment in piece, taking notes in the margins of the text book. Her key entered the apartment door at nine thirty, locking behind her as she kicked her shoes off before walking across the carpeted floor and into the kitchen. Glancing into the small refrigerator she estimated that she had enough bento boxes made to last her through her school lunches for the week, which meant she had some shopping to do tomorrow either before she went to her swim practice or after it let out. Closing her fridge Michiru crossed over to the hallway and entered her bedroom, laying her book bag on her desk, knowing she would have to start on her homework her again soon but first she needed a shower and then a nice relaxing bath. The young aquamarine haired woman pulled out a man's long sleeved shirt and a pair of shorts before going across the hallway into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her, knowing it was silly as no one else was in the house. Stripping herself of her school uniform she placed it in the dirty hamper before turning on the shower spray. Testing the temperature with her fingers she slipped under the warm spray, allowing it to wash away her day's anger and fears as she scrubbed harshly at her body trying to wash herself free of her sins. Her tears flowed freely in the privacy of her own home as she tormented her body trying to scrub her skin off. Setting down the lofa Michiru applied a liberal amount of shampoo to her head before washing her beautiful tresses, scrubbing loss the dirt of the day, rinsing the product before repeating the process with conditioner. Once satisfied her body was clean she turned off the shower before allowing the tub to fill up, slipping into the relaxing water letting her mind slip from herself as her turmoil stilled itself , if only for a moment.

Authoress Note: word count 1,985 yes I made it clear her schedule was full, I did so on purpose as you will understand later on in the fiction as to why. Please be respectful in your reviews and if there is a problem with my spelling/grammer I would prefer that you PM me instead of leave it in a review, also if you feel like you need to point something out like that in a review I would respectfully ask that you please comment on something about the plot, if not it sounds like the person is nagging which I would assume is not the case. ^_^ Thank you.