"I hate you."
"Hate you too."
"Hope you burn in hell."
"Right back at you, fucker."
Ash Ketchum and Misty Waterflower sat on the stone cold floor miserably. With the door locked, they were doomed to the giggles of crazy Pokeshipping fans outside. Every now and then a voice would drift through the door.
"Do you think they kissed yet???"
"Maybe, I can't tell!"
"Oh, don't worry! They love each other too much not to at least be on the floor by now! I wonder if Ash is feeling her up yet…"
Ash glared at the door. "What the fuck…"
Misty, on the other hand, sat with her arms crossed in anger. "I wonder if they realize I'm in a relationship with Drew."
Ash sighed. "Damn shippers…I don't love you, for God's sake!!! I still hate you right now!"
Misty leaned over and whispered to him softly so as to keep her voice from the others. "Ash, I don't think they're buying this "I hate you and want you to die" stuff."
Ash lowered his cap over his eyes. "Damn…I'm in love with someone else, though…but if those shippers found out, they'd KILL me. And press you and me together even harder."
Misty found this rather interesting. She smirked. "Alright, lover-boy, who's the girl?"
Ash took a deep breath, trying to whisper as quietly as possible. He knew that if the shippers heard, all hell would break loose.
And he was half right. Frantic pounding on the door began, and Ash and Misty both flinched from obnoxiously loud noises out there.
"ASH KETCHUM, YOU STUPID FUCKER! YOU HATE DAWN! YOU HATE HER!!!"
"DAMN YOU ASH! KISS MISTY, KILL DAWN!!!"
"FUCK THIS! WE'LL KILL HER TO SAVE POKESHIPPING!"
"YES! DIE FOR OUR SHIP, DAWN!!!"
Ash sighed. "Wow. Never heard so many people get worked up over a stupid idea that we'll get together."
"I HEARD THAT, ASH KETCHUM-"
Ash had had enough. He glared harshly and angrily at the door. "YEAH, WELL GOOD! FUCK YOU THEN!!!"
Misty leaned back against the wall. "As if Dawn wasn't hated enough to begin with for being…well, just being Dawn."
Ash pulled his hair in frustration. "I can't take it anymore! I have to get out of here!"
Misty rolled her eyes. "But the window's locked, and the door is shut tight-"
Misty was startled by the sound of shattering glass. She looked to see Ash's shoe fly through the window, leaving shards of jagged glass perched on the windowsill and frame. She clapped jokingly.
"Thank God. Much more of that and I would've thrown up. I wonder if Drew's…oh God…"
Ash looked at her, confused. "What?"
Misty leapt to her feet. "Drew and May are probably being held like this too by crazy Contestshippers…and…Oh God, you have to get to Dawn!"
A look of worry bounded across Ash's face. "What's wrong with Dawn? Is she okay???"
Misty shook Ash's shoulders. "No! The Ikarishippers will EAT HER ALIVE! Do you KNOW the kind of stuff they can make Paul do?"
Ash's eyes went wide with fear. He dashed out the window, running as fast as his slightly athletic legs could carry him. "DAWN! I'M COMING FOR YOU!"
Misty followed suit, running in the opposite direction. "I'll get Drew and May! See you later, okay?"
Ash nodded to her. "Good luck!"
The girl knocked on the door again. "It's quiet in there. TOO quiet."
Another girl nodded. "Ash and Misty are really quiet in there. Do you think they're…Oh man…"
Everyone turned to her. "What, Melissa?"
Melissa looked ready to go into shock. "What if they're doing…IT???"
Everyone went dead silent, but the room, filled with about 30-40 girls and maybe 10 boys, erupted in cheering.
"ABOUT FREAKING TIME!" One boy shouted.
Another girl hugged herself. "Oh, they're gonna have the cutest babies!"
Melissa shook her head. "We should be witnessing this glorious moment. I don't care if it's voyeurism. I must see the beautiful looks of true loving passion on their faces."
Melissa gently slid the key into the lock on the doorknob and turned it softly. The door creaked open, and everyone gasped at the sight that awaited them: no Ash, no Misty, no anything.
No Pokeshipping in sight.
Ash finally came to it, looking up in awe. It couldn't have been more than a big black square-shaped room on the outside or inside: it just looked like a box-shaped building.
And yet, there it stood on the door, in big red letters. Ikarishipping. Plain to see, couldn't miss it. It even LOOKED like a prison.
Ash fumbled with the complex-seeming door handle before stumbling into the room. As he did, the whole crowd turned, mouths agape. Again, around 30-40 girls and at least 10 boys. A black door stood at the end of the small room. That had to be where Dawn was.
But then his mind began to address the problem at hand. He was Ash Ketchum, the rival of all Ikarishipping. Forbidden by Ikarishippers to so much as breath the same air as Dawn. Paul had no one who would really love him, in their minds, so that made Ash public enemy numero uno.
Ash did the quickest thinking he could. "Hey! Why aren't you guys in your costumes?"
Everyone looked around the room, thrown off by Ash's question. One boy stepped forward. "What in God's name are you talking about?"
Ash threw his hands up in fake excitement. "It's national cosplay-your-most-hated-person-ever day! And guess who I am? Just wanted to show all you Ikarishippers!"
In his head, he was rolling his eyes. Is this even slightly believable…?
The boy put his hands on his hips. "Hmm. Why wasn't I told about this…I would've dressed like you too!"
And soon the whole crowd was agreeing they'd dress like Ash. Except for the occasional stupid fucker who yelled "The Appliance Direct Guy!" or "Barack Obama!"
In the chaos, Ash slipped himself over to the door. He managed to swipe the key out of a girl's pocket, and implanted it perfectly into the door without making a sound. He then slid himself in. Once it shut behind him, there was no one to hear him.
"DAWN!" he exclaimed, gazing with relief at the young girl on the ground, about seven playing cards in her hand.
"Got any threes?" Paul asked her calmly.
"No, Go Fi-ASH!" She threw her cards down when she saw the boy who had come to her rescue. She ran up and hugged him. Ash blushed at the attention. Paul stood up as well.
"Alright then, lovebirds, how do we get out of here?"
"Hopefully without anyone seeing us…I will get so brutally murdered if anyone sees me in the same room as Dawn right now."
Dawn hugged him tighter as pounding on the door began. "PAUL! DAWN! What's taking so lo-oh shit…no fucking way…We've been deceived by a traitor!!!"
Paul winced, facepalming. "Shit. I forgot about that."
Ash and Dawn turned. "What, Paul?"
Paul pointed to a corner near the ceiling. "Cameras. They bugged the room. And you know what they just caught on video visible to all 50 of them out there? You two hugging. FIFTY IKARISHIPPERS just saw Ash Ketchum hug Dawn. They are going to come in here and KILL you, Ash. You might wanna run."
Ash sighed. "Hold on, I have another shoe."
He took off his shoe, but his heart sped up when he realized something. The window wasn't on the wall, but rather the ceiling. He growled in frustration, but still threw his shoe as hard as he could. It shattered the window, and Ash threw himself over Dawn as shards of glassed rained down onto them.
From outside the door, someone was shouting. "He's getting away! They all are! Paul and Dawn too! Hey, where's the fucking key???"
Ash snickered, pulling the key out of his pocket, letting it fall to the floor. Paul smirked. "At least that worked out well. Lover-boy's good for something."
While the argument over the key proceeded outside, Ash turned to Paul. "Listen. I need you to get me up on your shoulders, and from there I'll get Dawn out on my shoulders."
Dawn's look was one of worry and concern. "But Ash, if they see you, they'll kill you. Literally and figuratively at the same time. You should go first. Why are you so worried about me?"
Ash lifted one of Dawn's hands, kissing it softly. "Because…Dawn…I…Aw God, I can't say it."
Paul smirked again. "What's wrong, afraid to tell her?"
Ash shook his head. "I was actually really in the moment and about to, but this story isn't serious enough to have actual Pearlshipping in it. The hints and hugs here and there were enough."
Dawn groaned. "Way to break the fourth wall, lover-boy."
Ash was frustrated. "I swear to God, if one more person calls me that-"
"WHOA!" Ash was thrown off by Paul picking him up and putting him on his shoulders. "Alright. The ceiling isn't that high. Dawn next."
Dawn clambered up the two boys, not weighing them down much. She was surprisingly light for her age. Paul gasped when he realized something.
"SHIT! Wait, you KISSED HER???"
Ash froze too. "J-Just on her h-hand…oh shit, I hate forgetting things…"
And soon enough, the frantic pounding on the door began, followed by heavy screaming from Ikarishippers. "NO!!! KILL THE BOY! KILL HIM NOW!!!!" and whoever the retard was that screamed "Darn you meddling kids! I'll get you someday!!!"
Ash pushed Dawn up as quickly as he could. "Shit shit shit shit shiiiiiiiiit….."
Dawn managed to get herself out. Thanks to being on a ceiling, the jagged glass was easy to get around. Once she was on the roof, she leaned in to pull Ash up. And from there, Dawn held onto Ash's feet as he leaned almost all the way back in to pull Paul out. All of them collapsed on the roof, exasperated.
Ash smiled at Dawn. "For a girl your age and size, you're stronger than some guys I know."
Dawn blushed. "Hey, since we're up here and relatively out of harm's way for now, wanna go piss off the Ikarishippers?"
Ash blushed. "You mean…"
Dawn smiled, leaning in to kiss Ash. Just as their lips were inches from each other, he stopped.
"Damn it, author person, stop with that! No Pearlshipping in a parody story!"
Dawn laughed. "Stop breaking the fourth wall for God's sake."
Ash jumped down off the roof. Paul tossed the key down to him. "Picked it up on the way out."
Ash nodded in response, quickly locking the complicated doorknob. He wondered how long it would be before someone tried to get out and noticed. Misty was probably doing the same thing to the Contestshipping building right now.
Looking over, as if right on cue, Drew, May, and Misty walked towards him. Misty waved, calling to him. "I see it went over well?"
"Well relatively well. They have a camera, and I'm the number one public enemy of Ikarishipping, so…"
Misty winced, imagining what had probably just gone down in there. "Ouch."
Dawn gestured to Ash. "And lover-boy over here broke the fourth wall over 9000 times."
Ash sighed. "This story is on crack. Who writes something like this?"
Misty smirked. "Make that 9001."
May turned to Paul, running towards him in a gesture that just screamed "Insert Chariots Of Fire Here". Paul mirrored her movement until both of them collided in a fierce hug.
Drew put his hands on his hips. "Wow, Outcryshippy much?"
And just to join the weirdness, Brock trudged sadly over to the gang. Ash noticed his depression.
"What's wrong, Brock?"
He hung his head sadly. "I was the only one not locked in a building."
Ash was right. This fic WAS cracky. I didn't put in any ACTUAL Pearlshipping just so no one got pissed or anything. Sorry Pearlshippers! But there is little hints of MayxPaul and MistyxDrew in here.