This is just a little idea I had and can't get out. This is just meant to be humorous I don't own Twilight, the characters there of or the show 'Chopped' on Food network.

Read and review, please! don't just hit and miss! ( In others words, please don't just read and not tell me what you think of it )

On the set of 'Chopped--Vampire style' was Chef Edward, Chef Esme, Chef Tanya Denali and her sister Chef Kate.

Edward was up against his mother, the girl who wants to be his girlfriend and that girl's sister, well, this was just for fun, wasn't it?

Esme was just looking around and thinking:

'I do hope nobody gets hurt and tings don't get out of control'

Tanya was just standing there drooling. But she was trying to keep her mind on food. ( Yeah, that should be easy ).

Kate was standing there smiling because she knew her sister and didn't even have to be a mind reader like Edward.

The vampire covens of North America had decided to get together and have a food competition like the humans but only the vampires who actually cooked were in it.

There was a live audience, full of the covens of from all over…the Amazon coven which came just because of curiosity as most of them have. The rest of the Denali coven, the Egyptian coven decided not to come ( they didn't have a sense of humor ), the Irish Coven, the Romanian coven decided to come when they found out the Voultri were against this type of 'fun'.

Somehow Felix and Demetri got away and were in the audience. Carlisle was the host of this and he was a most handsome host in his dark blue suit. He walked out and said:

"My name is Carlisle Cullen and I am the host of 'Chopped—Vampire style' where we have 4 vampires that are going to show us their best cooking skills, First, I would like to introduce Chef Edward Cullen.

Just then some videos come on a large screen T.V. and it shows Edward in his kitchen at home and he says in a voice over as he cook different things—'My name is Edward Cullen, I'm a private chef to my daughter and some friends. I started out cooking for my wife before she was changed and I just love it. Just then the video shows him flipping eggs and he says-I started with just cooking eggs but I have since moved up. My style of cooking is simple, honest foods.'

Esme looks on proud then Carlisle says:

"Now, I would like to introduce Chef Esme Cullen, Wife, mother and chef extraordinaire
." She cuts him a look that says 'Cut it off now, laying it on to thick'

Another video comes on the screen to the large audience. And this one shows Esme in the same kitchen as Edward and she's cooking and placing her food on a elegant table and says:

'I'm Personal Chef Esme Cullen, I cook for my granddaughter and some very fine friends of ours. My food is clean and I lean toward the experimental. I don't get crazy in the kitchen but I do like to play with a lot of different things'

The wolves ( shape shifters ) and most of the audience growls, most being from Felix and Demetri but Sam stands up and angrily waves them away. Jake pulls him down and motions for him to listen to t he show.

Carlisle then says:

"Now, I'd like to introduce Chef Tanya Denali.'

Tanya shows up on the video and says:

"My name is Chef Tanya Denali and I cook for the humans we bring home. I cook with most of the fresh seafood and wonderful foods we have available here.'

She changes into a very, low cut seductive dress then says:

'Try it, you won't be disappointed'

Wolf and vampire whistles come from the mean without mates. Tanya smiles.

Kate just shakes her head then Carlisle says:

"Now is Chef Kate Denali"

A video of Kate comes on and she is wearing a white chef's jacket and she makes several poses with various skillets and Garrett hollers the loudest in the stand and Demetri pushes him back down to his seat. Garrett growls like a lion.

'My name is Chef Kate Denali and my cooking style varies but it is always clean and exciting. The judges won't know what's hitting them'

Carlisle then says:

"You will be judged on taste, creatively and execution of style' You will make whatever is in the basket, and you will be timed, if you do not make it in time, you will be chopped, first off-diced shrimp, whole wheat pasta, red onion and chocolate sauce-You have 20 minutes and your time starts…'

Everybody waits in anticipation, and then Carlisle says:


Esme, Edward and Kate get the ingredients out as does Tanya but she just stands there almost like frozen and the others run around to the pantry getting ingredients and then on a private video screen that only the audience can hear a see, Edward says:

"I know I'm a mind reader and I can hear people thoughts but Tanya was like…a blank, there was nothing to read!"

He swipes his hand down in a quick motion then says:

"All I could think was whole wheat pasta? I was like come on, even the humans I know didn't know what to do with this stuff so I decided to put the pasta on to boil and while the water was getting hot, I broke the pasta down into bite size shape, I really don't know why but I did that, and with the rest? I decided to make a dip. I took the diced shrimp, diced up the red onion and I went and got some cream cheese…softened it to make it workable and remembered walking around the pantry and I saw some horseradish so I went and got it and shaved a good bit off but you have to be careful because it can be overpowering"

Then he runs around the kitchen doing this and that. Putting things together, getting the blender out and beating the cream cheese and dicing the onion.

Esme walks around the kitchen calm and the video of hers says:

"I'm thinking, shrimp, whole wheat pasta, red onion and chocolate sauce? I'm doing some thinking and I'm thinking about this time I went to a garden party that I went to at the hospital where my husband works and I got it! I got flour, butter, some herbs and a few spices…I don't want anything overpowering, I go back to my station and I make a light roux, I'm thinking something like a soup but not a soup….I'm not really sure what I'm thinking but I know what I want and it will be good"

Down stage, the wolves and the Cullen's roar with clap and hoots and hollers, especially Emmett.

Tanya starts moving slowly even at vampire speed and she goes to get some flour and butter also and she gets some Italian spices and she says in her video:

"I'm thinking Italian ,I'm not sure where I'm going but I got a vision, put my pasta on to boil and from there…I don't know"

She just laughs and goes on to cooking.

Kate already has her ingredients together at her station and she says in her video:

"I know what I want, I want something clean, something elegant that will wow the judges so I put my pasta on, I don't want it boiled to death, just el dente so I watch it and the diced shrimp is already cooked so I put that so the side, just work on my rest. I'm like the rest of the guys really, I don't know what to do with the chocolate sauce but I will deal with that."

Kate goes to working on something.

Carlisle then says:

"Here are our judges….Gianna Alvonnti, secretary of the Voultri…Jacob Black who has joined us on stage is a student at Forks high and a shape shifter…"

Boos start coming from the audience and Sam stands up and Leah and Bella try to force him to sit down.

Then Carlisle continues:

"And another worker of the Voultri, Marina Depansti…um, there's something I would like to say, whole wheat pasta? I'm like Edward in this, not many people eat that particular type of pasta, do you foresee a problem?"

Gianna says:

"Not so much with the pasta, I have had that type of pasta before and it's how you cook it but really, Mamma Mia! It's all of them combined!"

Jacob says:

"I agree, shrimp, whole wheat pasta, red onion and chocolate sauce?"

Marina says:

"I have confidence in these four vampires, I think they can accomplish it"

Carlisle cocks his head and says:

"We'll see"

He turns and sees Tanya slicing the red onion and she slices her fingers. Carlisle notices and says:

"It seems as if Tanya had a accident"

Jacob looks and says:

"Yeah, we'll see what she does"

Edward takes a quick glance at Tanya and goes on to his cooking. Then Carlisle says:

"I think Edward wants to do something"

Jacob smiles and he says:

"Edward wants be the gentleman but he knows also if he helps her, it will take away from his time"

Gianna asks:

"What's coming out is not blood is it?"

Carlisle smiles and says:

"No but she should still be careful, it's not blood or venom but still…"

Marina looks over and asks:

"What is she doing?"

They all look over and see she is just wiping her hand with a dish towel and wiping her cut off then going back to work with the onions and they all look disgusted.

Jacob asks:

"What's Esme doing?"

Carlisle looks over and says:

"She is taking the bulk out of that onion and making it like a bowl"

All the look at each other in amazement and Carlisle says:

"She's dicing the rest"

Carlisle leaves the judges and goes over and asks them one by one starting with Edward:

"What are you making Edward?"

Edward gives a small smile and says:

"What I'm making is well, pasta shrimp dip"

Carlisle looks surprised then says:


Edward nods his head and says:

"Is still got to put it all together and in a bowl so excuse me"

Carlisle says:

"You're excused"

Carlisle goes over to Tanya and asks her gently:

"Are you okay?"

Tanya smiles at Carlisle then says simply:

"I won't bleed to death"

Carlisle smiles and asks her:

"You don't think you should put something on it?"

She looks around her station and says:

"I'm okay"

He nods his head then asks:

"What are you making?"

She barely looks at him and says:

"I really don't know but I will"

He goes over to Esme and asks:

"What are you making?"

She looks at him and says:

"Leave me alone and we'll find out"

He raises his hand in defeat then goes over to Kate and asks:

"What are you making?"

Kate says:

"I think Edward and I are making something close to the same thing"

Carlisle smiles and says:

"We'll see who does it better"

He goes back and looks at the clock and says:

"Five minutes vampires, five minutes"

Edward goes to get four scalloped bowls and gets his pot and carefully dips out the four bowls and gets the pieces of pasta out and starts plating them around.

Esme begins to mix all her food together and putting them into her onion that she has placed on a round white plate.

Tanya's still running around like the farmers say-'Like a chicken with her head cut off" and she races to the pantry and gets large bowls and plates and puts them down.

She puts her 'Soup' in pretty quickly and she wipes this and that off.

Kate goes and jus gets plates and carefully plates her chocolate sauce, puts down long lines of the pasta with carefully spooned out bits of shrimp with the onion on. She stands back and smiles and Carlisle says:

"Five, four, three, two, one! Everybody stop what you're doing! Stand back and what you have plated is what you will be judged on, please go up to the judges table"

The four go up front and Carlisle says:

"Chef Edward, what did you make?"

Edward clears his throat then says:

"What I have made for you is a pasta shrimp dip….there's some pasta in the dip with shrimp and diced red onion and some horseradish….I got some large seashell pasta for you to dip in….please enjoy"

Each one of the judges eats then leaves a comment and Gianna is first:

"This is wonderful! I like the way you combined everything, clean presentation and it's a cute idea to use the seashell pasta as chips"

Edward beams then Jacob asks:

"Is cream cheese in this chef Edward?"

Edward nods his head then says:


Jacob nods his head in approval then Marina says:

"I think you can see by the way I'm eating this, this is wonderful"

Edward nods his head then Carlisle says:

"Chef Esme?"

She takes a deep breath then says:

"This is what I hope is shrimp gazpacho that I have placed in a onion bowl, each one has three pieces of pasta in it, mostly for decoration"

Marina asks:

"Is there chocolate sauce in here?"

Esme says:

"At the bottom"

Gianna says:

"I have tasted it"

Jacob laughs and says:

"You devoured it!"

Gianna laughs and says:

"I don't see you not eating all of it"

A few minutes later, Tanya's dish is put down….a sloppy soup, some chocolate on the plate, large red onions sliced in the bowl and pasta just placed lazily in, the shrimp just peeking out and Jacob asks:

"What are we supposed to do with this?"

Tanya nervously smiles and says:

"Eat it"

Carlisle says trying to bring some semblance of peace then asks
"What is it?"

Tanya says:

"A chocolate pasta soup"

Kate nervously shifts her feet while waiting for the next then Carlisle says:

"You cut yourself over there"

Tanya says:

"Yes but's it's okay, I don't think any got in"

Jacob asks:

"You don't think?"

Gianna says:

"We know it's not blood but what is it Carlisle?"

He adjusts his tie and says:

"It's definitely not blood but it's not really venom, only a minute amount is in it"

Jacob says:

"I cannot eat this with the possibility of venom in it"

Tanya says:

"It's not venom"

Gianna says:

"That was a stupid thing Tanya, a human would put a band aid on it to prevent it, yes, it's not blood but it's still a stupid thing to do"

Marina says:

"It's also incredibly sloppy"

After a uncomfortable amount of minutes, Carlisle asks:

"Chef Kate, what did you make?"

She smiles and says:

"It's lines of chocolate sauce with chocolate pasta with shrimp and diced red onion on top"

They eagerly it all then Gianna says:

"I really don't see a problem with it at all"

Jacob says:

"Maybe a little less onion"

Marina says:

"That was one of the ingredients"

Carlisle says:

"Now that the judges have all tasted you dishes, please go into the other room while they debate"

The four vampires go in the other room and Gianna looks at the other two then says:

"There is no decision for me, I know"

Jacob says:

'I know also"

Marina shakes her head and the cooks come back in and stand before and Carlisle lifts the lid on the plate and nobody is surprised.

A/N—I made up the 'blood cutting' or 'venom cutting' for purposes of the story. Marina is my character.

I want at least one review before a entrée course comes out.