-- NO SLASH!--
We got him to Bobby's and inside. The task was as difficult as I had anticipated. Cas still didn't want Sam or anyone else touching him. And he wouldn't let me go.
He was so scared of, well, everything. The sun, any noise that didn't come from either of us, everything. Not that I blamed in. He looked like he'd been through Hell these past few weeks. Pure and utter Hell. I could tell by the look in his blood-shot eyes. He resembled what I thought a prisoner of war might look like, shaking, scared and wishing to God it could be over with.
I lied him down in a bed upstairs, covering him up in attempt to give him some dignity and warmth. He held onto my hand, his eyes closed, whimpering in pain.
Some of the worst wounds I had ever seen in my life covered his body from top to bottom. No surface had been left untouched. There was what looked like a nasty gash on his chest, right on his sternum, that had been scarred over. Whatever it was, it definitely hurt. It hurt just looking at it. I touched it gently.
Cas screamed, a dry, strangled sound. He shook his head, hard, his eyes pleading with me to stop. I jerked my hand away as quick as I could.
"I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry!" I said urgently, rubbing his forehead. "I'm gonna take care of you, alright? You're gonna be okay. And you'll heal, right?"
Fresh sobs broke from the angel's throat as he shook his head, turning his face away in shame.
"You won't?" He shook his head again. "Why…what's..?" I looked at that wound on his chest again. "Cas, did they…did they take your Grace out?" He sobbed heavily into the pillow, his eyes closed. No wonder he looked so lost. It made sense now why he was so battered. He was human now. I rubbed his forehead again in attempt to soothe him.
This wasn't right. They tortured him like this when he had no idea of his vulnerabilities or how to handle the emotions that came with it. It wasn't fair.
"It's okay. It's alright, shh… You're not alone anymore, Cas. No one's gonna hurt you anymore. You're gonna be alright," I assured. The door opened and he jumped, whimpering and scared to death. Sam came up next to me, handing me a glass of water, Tylenol and a first aid kit.
"I don't know if this'll work or not," Sam said quietly. "I can go get more pills if-"
"No, two's fine," I said quietly. I looked up at my confused brother. "He's human, Sammy." His eyes grew and he looked at the wounded man in front of me.
"Workin' on it." I gently lifted Castiel's head, tilting the glass of water into his mouth. I'd never seen anyone drink something so desperately before. "Shh…it's okay, Cas. It's okay. Shh…"
"Dean," he rasped, finally able to speak, "It hurts."
"I know, I know, Cas. What the hell happened to you?"
The story I told Dean wasn't very long. It might've been because I made it short because it still hurt like hell to talk.
I told him how I made myself and the other angels disappear. I told him how they ended up back in Heaven while I was cast down to that hole. The hole full of demons who knew who I was because of who I was helping.
I told him they tortured me, only giving details when he asked for them. Of how much I screamed for him and Sam to save me. He looked saddened after I said that. I started crying part of the way through for reasons I am unsure of. The memories hurt to think about. They made me shudder and not want to say anything anymore.
But I kept going. I kept going until my sobs almost made me incoherent and Sam took my hand, telling me it was alright.
I cried against Dean's chest when he hugged me, feeling pathetic for my own tears.
"It's okay, Cas. We're gonna clean you up, alright?"
I wasn't fully aware of what that entailed. I cried harder. The liquid in the brown bottle stung terribly and I grew scared every time Dean poured more onto the bloody rag.
Sam took the ones that were too soaked away and brought new ones. I wasn't sure when the nightmare would end, but I hoped it would be soon.
"D-Dean, please," I begged. "N-no more. It h-hurts…" I couldn't talk anymore. It hurt too badly to talk.
"Shhshh, almost done, Cas. Almost done." I shut my eyes and tried to remember a time when I wasn't in pain. I couldn't.
I felt like I was drifting away. My eyes felt heavy and closed against my will. I opened them every time, wondering what was happening and if it was a bad thing or not.
"Cas, Cas, hey, you alright?" Dean asked, touching my face.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "My eyes want to close."
"Sleep, Cas," he said. Sleep…that's what it was. "Go ahead and let your eyes close, it's okay." I had never slept before. It was a strange thing to do now. But soon I was covered in darkness, my weary and pained body finally resting.
He had a fever. I figured that out pretty quick. He was shivering almost violently under the comforter, his face contorted in discomfort. I piled blankets on top of him, leaving his face exposed to cool air.
Dean was downstairs talking to Bobby about what had happened, and if there was any way to turn him back to normal.
I dabbed Castiel's fevered face with a wet washcloth, wincing when he cringed and whimpered.
"Shh, it's okay, Cas. It's alright."
"Help…" The former angel croaked, jerking away from the rag. "N-no…don't hurt me…please…"
"Shh, you're safe, Cas. No one's going to hurt you. You're alright, shh, wake up, wake up, Cas." I gently rubbed his forehead, trying to save him from his nightmare. "Shh, wake up, wake up!"
His eyes opened and he gasped, trying to sit up.
"N-no, please! Please!" He begged.
"Shh…it's okay. It's alright, lay down, lay down, it's alright." I carefully tried coaxed him back down. He looked around the room wildly, crying in fear and shrinking into himself.
"No! NO! Not the dark, not the dark, PLEASE!" He sobbed. I flicked on the lamp as quickly as I could, trying to calm his fear.
He fell back against the pillows, shaking and crying. "It's okay, Cas. Everything's gonna be alright. Shh…"
"N-not the dark, S-Sam. I c-can't take the d-dark an-anymore. P-please no mohore…" He looked so helpless, so scared, so alone.
"Hey, hey, Cas," I leaned down and hugged him, trying not to hurt him. "It's alright, it's okay, you're gonna be alright."
"I d-don't know wh-what to do, S-S-Sam," he whimpered, crying into my shoulder. " I d-don't know how t-to be hu-human. I d-don't know… Pl-please, Sam, h-help m-me."
"I will, Cas," I nodded, giving him an assuring smile. "We will. Me and Dean, we'll…we'll help you, okay? We'll help you figure this out. It's alright, it's alright, shh…"
"Y-you and Dean ar-are the closest th-thing I have to br-brothers," he trembled. I looked over my shoulder at my big brother, who looked just as lost and upset as I did.
"You're our brother too, Cas," I said truthfully. "We'll get you through this, alright?"
Despite the pain, despite the torture, despite the fear, I'd never felt more safe than right now. Heaven didn't even offer this kind of comfort.
I knew I'd be alright. I knew Sam and Dean would help me. Why that thought made me cry harder, I don't know.