Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Saïx x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU; mentions Xemnas x Saïx and Axel x Roxas.

Summary: Once upon a time, Axel and Saïx were whole as Isa and Lea; both secretly always admiring one another. Now as Nobodies, things have changed — Axel sees Saïx changing, but is it his fault? Axel doesn't know, nor does he know that he's still being admired by the azure haired male.


Laughter fills the air, foot steps following after the noise of glee, as a red head races down the stairs. Bright yellow eyes watched the flaming haired boy fight with a pair of shoes, the red head's green eyes narrowing as a few curses escape him. The azure haired male said nothing as he observed the other boy, curious yet silent.

Spiky red hair bounced as the owner popped up, grinning at his azure haired friend. He glanced over the other male's flawless face, his head tilting to one side. The silent boy just seemed to stare at the red head, never even blinking or motioning to speak. This probably would have been annoyed or slightly freaked out by this, but the red head was used to it.

Isa, the azure haired boy, was always so quiet and calm. Many found him too silent to be trusted, but the loud and out going Lea — the red head — couldn't help but find himself oddly attracted to Isa. Lea wouldn't call himself gay, but he wasn't exactly straight either — he didn't know about Isa. Isa never even bothered to give anyone, male or female, a second glance when Lea pointed out a 'hottie'.

"Isa," Lea grinned sheepishly. "You're early!"

Isa only nodded at the other boy, his yellow orbs remaining on him. He watched the emerald eyes glow for a moment with a mysterious emotion, one that Isa didn't understand. He had never really seen that emotion hidden in anyone's, besides Lea's, eyes. He didn't know whether to be amused or to be confused; he merely kept his eyes and expression blank.

"Lea!" A female voice shouted, "What's going on — Oh! Isa."

Eyes moved to the doorway to the living room, an older woman standing there with a small smile on her lips. The woman looked much like her son, Lea, yet instead of emerald eyes hers were blue. Lea had gotten those beautiful emeralds from his father, Isa knew that for a fact — after all Lea's father was the one who left him in.

Lea waved, "Yo, mom."

Isa waved and a small nod to the woman, though it didn't seem to bother her. Everyone knew that the boy was quiet, Lea's mother was no different. Though unlike everyone else, she didn't find it odd that her son and the quiet boy were best friends. Of course not, actually, she was thankful — Lea seemed to settle a bit in the presence of the boy.

"Where are you two off to today?" She smiled and eyed the two boys, "Nothing too bad, I hope."

"Agh, mom!" Lea whined, earning a glare from Isa. "We're just gonna go chill, nothing bad. Besides, Isa's coming along to keep me outta trouble."

Isa tensed as he felt his best friend's arm draping over his shoulders, he didn't relax either. Though it didn't seem like Lea was going to remove his arm either, but Isa couldn't help smiling mentally. Though it was awkward for the golden eyed male, not to mention somewhat annoying, he felt at ease with the red head so closed to him.

"Alright alright." Lea's mother laughed softly at her son, "I get it."


"Not so fast Lea," she placed a hand on her hip. "Do you two need some money?"

Isa parted his lips to speak, to tell the woman a simple 'no'. Obviously, he didn't get the chance to, even though he hated impose on the family. Not to mention, if he did, and his family found out, there would be hell to pay — a hell that Isa wasn't fond of.

"Well duh," Lea grinned before Isa could say a thing. He ignored the glances from the red head as he continued, "We're gonna need some money for awesome stuff!"

"Like ice cream?" The woman giggled before turning on her heels, "I'll be right back boys, don't go anywhere."

Isa looked away from the woman, who was now entering the kitchen area. He felt guilt raging in his stomach, his eyes narrowing at the wall. He hated this, having Lea's mother give the two money — Isa's family never offered such things. Then again, Lea never went over to Isa's, which the young azure haired boy was thrilled about.

The sound of footsteps brought Isa's attention back to the kitchen area. The female entered with a smile, ignoring her son's out stretched hand. She winked at the azure boy and held out a small envelope, her smile only widening at the normal look of confusion on the boys' faces. "Here, Isa."

"Oh," Isa commented quietly and took the envelope from his friend's parent. "I will be sure to return the change, Mrs."

"That's my boy," She smiled and turned to Lea, ruffling his spikes. "Now you two run along, and don't be too late getting back. I'll have dinner done by then."

Lea grinned and nodded, bidding his mother farewell before grabbing Isa's arm. Isa waved slightly before he was dragging out of the house by the red head. The two could hear the faint laughter of Lea's mother as the door closed and they walked down the stairs, Lea releasing his friend's arm once they hit the streets.

"Come on, Isa!"

Isa only nodded and followed his friend down the street, shoving the envelope into one of his many pockets. The normal uneasy feeling in his stomach disappeared as Lea glanced over his shoulder, grinning happily at him. A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, his head tilting to one side — he quietly, but happily, followed his best friend.

Pale eyelids lifted to reveal almost animal-like yellow eyes. A light groan escaped the blue haired nobody as he pushed himself up, now sitting up straight on his bed — his hands resting on the mattress to keep him up. The sheets that once covered his frame slid down, revealing his scarred form, as his chest heaved angrily for oxygen.

As he slid his body back against the headboard — shaped like the Nobodies' symbol — his yellow eyes scanned the room. He cringed a bit at the white metal-like walls, the dim moonlight reflecting brightly against them. With a light grunt in his throat, he hung his head a bit and turned his gaze out the window near the body he slept in.

His animal-like orbs stared up at the heart shaped moon, the beautiful Kingdom Hearts. An odd, an not even noticed, looking look echoed through his normally empty and hallow eyes. That dream — no, that was a memory — had been haunting him for the past weeks. He tried to push it away, along with the others that seemed to echo through his skull, to keep them from bothering him.

He could see everything so perfectly, those blissful days before becoming the monster he was now. Everything hadn't been extremely easy, but at least things weren't as difficult as they were now. Everyday now was a struggle, not to mention, he was losing him. That red head who was so close to him back then, back when everything was perfect — now he was slipping through Saïx's fingers.

Lea — no, his name is Axel now — had been his backbone back then. Everything that he did was because of him, he gave him the power to continue living everyday. He wasn't never sure of himself unless Lea — Axel — was around, it was a trait that still ran through Saïx's blood. But things weren't simple now, he doubted they would never be simple again.

A long time ago, 'Lea' was the reason 'Isa' crawled out of bed to live life. Now Axel was the reason Saïx wanted to help build Kingdom Hearts, for their hearts to be return. Not for himself, but for Axel. Saïx had always doubted that he deserved such things as life or a heart; Axel had always deserved it. The boy was an angel, Saïx always thought that, an angel sent to rescue him from the depths of his own self loathing.

He brought one of his hands up to the bridge of his nose, using his thumb and pointer finger to pinch it lightly in frustration. Why was all of this happening now? He had to stop this nonsense. The past was the past, there was no going back in time. He had to begin to ignore these dreams, these memories of the past. There was no other choice for him, but he couldn't figure out how to exactly ignore them — how to forget. Everything seemed so difficult.


Saïx's eyes snapped over to the door as it flung open. A lanky frame dragged itself into his room, red spikes bouncing upon a pale head. A black glove rubbed the sleep out bright green eyes, before the arm fell to the red head's side. Saïx couldn't help but place on the cold-evil-mask he normally wore, his eyes blank as he stared. His voice spoke coldly, "What is it, Axel?"

"Demyx is at it again," Axel whined. Saïx almost wanted to grin, but fought it back as Axel continued. "Playing that damn sitar this late! Doesn't he realize that some of us have missions tomorrow? The dude needs to stop with all that loud noise."

Saïx frowned, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Scare 'im." Axel answered, "Ya know, with that growl thing you do. The one that makes him run through the portals. To get him to go on his missions. That's one, do it."

Saïx growled, "Go away."


Saïx just glared at the red head. He really didn't want to put up with this right now; hell, Axel was the last person he wanted to see right now. It was Axel's fault that these dreams were showing up. Yes, Saïx was blaming Axel but with good reason. Axel was the one who would normally bring up their past. It was Axel's somebody that showed up in the dreams. If he wanted to ignore or forget those memories, Axel would have to go — he only reminded Saïx of the past.

Axel muttered, "You changed a lot, Saïx…"

Saïx broke his glare to blink. Even though he knew what Axel meant by it, he didn't really know what else to do. Did it really bother Axel that Saïx didn't pretend like everyone else? He mentally shook the thought from his head, turning his gaze out the window. He commented quietly to himself that Axel too had changed, not realizing that he spoke it aloud.

Axel blinked, "What'd you say?"

"Leave me alone." Saïx snapped and glared, "Do whatever you want about Demyx. Don't you dare come in here again without permission."

Axel merely jumped at the snapping beast. He shook his head lightly and turned on his heels, not wanting to anger Saïx anymore then he had somehow done already. He quickly exited the room and shut the door quietly. He stood outside of the door for a moment, glancing at the floor in thought, before heading down the hall. He moved towards his own room, thinking of what exactly could have set his old friend off — maybe, just maybe he was having the same dreams he was. No, that couldn't be it.

When the door had closed, Saïx tilted his head back, his animal-like orbs focused on the ceiling in thought. Why didn't he pretend like everyone else around the castle? But then again, what was the point of trying to pretend? There was no one here, besides Axel, that actually knew Saïx before he lost his heart. They only knew he was alive when he was giving missions, or speaking to the superior during meetings. Was Saïx lonely?

No. He couldn't be lonely, being lonely would mean he was feeling something. He couldn't feel a damn thing, being just an empty shell prevented him from emotions. He didn't have the rights to feel. He had lost those rights, but why? What had happened that made him lose his heart? He couldn't remember anymore — it had been so long.

He mumbled something under his breath, shifting his weight on the bed and laying back down. He rolled over, his back to the door as he inhaled sharply. He needed to stop this, he needed to become what everyone thought he was. Pale eyelids slid over his eyes, he forced his mind to blank out as he slowly began to drift off. He tugged the sheet upward to cover his frame, drifting into a restless slumber.

A/N: Hello, I'm not sure how long this will be. It's going to follow a bit of the storyline of Days, and might slide into KH2. I'm just not sure yet. Let me know what you think of the idea. ^^