I loved you.
I was sure the sun shined from your eyes, and my future lay somewhere in those green depths. I didn't know much about the world yet, and we were both still young apprentices, but from the moment I met you, I knew we were forever. And I may have been naive, but I knew that wherever the world took us, we'd be together.
Other cats purred with amusement at our apprentice love. They didn't seem to understand how we could love each other in the unconditional way we could love. It's alright, my sunshine; they will never understand, and we could run away together if we wanted to.
I was like your shadow in those days. I flanked you, always a step behind, the dark fur and sneer to your witty tongue. We made a good team, love; we made such a wonderful team.
Those were the simple days. Do you remember them?
They were the days before you met him, and the days before you loved him the way you were supposed to love me. You didn't apologize.
He's a kittypet, I would sneer at you, in hopes perhaps you'd realize your mistake and come back to me. Because I loved you even when his paws were guided towards Spottedleaf, whom he walked in his dreams with. I knew he would hurt you. I didn't think that you wouldn't come back.
There were simpler days, my love. There were days that we challenged the world with our love, and now there are these dark days, and the ones to come, in which we are strangers. When I pass you, our fur doesn't touch the slightest, and your green eyes don't look at me. It's as if the sun has died.
I want to press my nose into your fur and beg you to take me back. You are a cold one, dear sunshine of mine, and I know it. He knows it. The whole world knows it, and yet I want you. I want you so much it hurts to breathe.
The world suffocates me, but there are times I can breathe underwater when I'm with you. I wish you'd smile the way you used to. You had such a beautiful smile.
Do you remember the simple, innocent days, before the flame-pelted kittypet came into our den?
I hope you do.
- - -
She isn't you. She loves me, and she's a wonderful mother, and she's beautiful as the sun is bright. But you are the sun to me, and she is but a fake replacement until you come back.
She wants to be with me. I love her, but not the same way I love you. You are everything, the moon and the stars, the reason I live and breathe. I wish you'd understand, but all you do is gaze lovingly at him, and stay by his side even when he doesn't deserve it.
I wanted to wail my grief when you had his kits, and I wanted to hurt him and love you, and there were so many things I wanted to do but could not out of fear. I wanted to hold you and smile at you. I wanted you to gaze at me with your sunny eyes.
You are beautiful. You have always been so beautiful to me.
I resent him, these days. He has you, and he stole the sun from me, and I must live like I'm in love with the wrong world.
You are my world, and it's wrong. You are the sunlight and love. You are Sandstorm, and I am Dustpelt, and I miss you.
(Do you remember those days before he came into our den? Do you remember loving me?)
(Memories aren't a two-way mirror.)