Borrowing Mrs. Meyer's characters to play with. No harm intended.
I have come to a few conclusions in my lifetime. One, I will never be a super model. I don't have the looks, height or the ability to walk in high heels with all the grace that is required to perform said task of walking down the run way without kissing the floor and ruining my hair and make-up. Secondly, I will never be the next woman race car driver because my father has me terrified of going over the speed limit. Not to mention terrified of drinking, drugs and Cigarettes, that includes 2'nd hand smoke. Yep, my Dad has covered all bases there. Thirdly, I will never be noticed by the likes of one bad boy that is the type my father has warned me about from the age of twelve.
Carlisle Cullen is my wet dream. He has blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, a sexy as hell smile and a leather jacket complete with a motorcycle that sounds bad ass. He's a senior this year and he has a brother and sister that are twins, Rosalie and Jasper. They all hang out with Edward Masen and Emmett McCarthy. I sit in my truck and watch them all ride in on their motorcycles every morning. They sit out in the parking lot and Smoke, talk and curse like sailors before class.
I sit in my truck and draw in my sketch pad picture after picture of Carlisle. I know every detail of his face and I've captured every expression that he's ever shown publicly. I have a beautiful profile drawing of him smoking his cigarette, holding it between his thumb and index finger while laughing at something his sister said. He's so handsome and in that moment his eyes twinkle and his laugh is heartfelt. In that moment I think that I can see the real him. The one he hides from the rest of the world. I don't see the bad boy side of him within that moment; he is the sensitive person that I dream of being with someday. I guess love can be blind and in moments like those I'm happy for that. I only know the person he displays for the world to see. I've seen from a distance the look in his eyes as they turn to pure icy cold and it sends shivers down my spine to even think of that expression. I wonder what made him so cold inside that it froze completely through from the inside out.
His brother Jasper has those same blue eyes but they show more sensitivity and understanding. He seems more laid back and hopeful that life has more to offer. Rosalie is Jasper's twin though she should have been Carlisle's twin instead. She has the same ice in her eyes. She has that same chip on her shoulder that says "If the world fucks with me I'll kick the shit out of it."
I don't know what makes them that way because no one knows anything much about their family. I hear they live on a farm that you have to drive like two miles off of the open road to get to. I also hear their mother passed away about seven years ago. I don't know how or why but I wonder if that has something to do with their attitudes towards others. I don't know anything for sure though because this small town is full of gossiping people and the Cullen's have only lived here for about five years now.
I've went to school for three years without any of them ever even noticing me. Maybe that's a good thing. I know Carlisle along with the rest of his family and friends are a pretty tough bunch of people. I know they have come to school at different times and you could tell they had been in fights. I hated seeing Carlisle with a black eye last year. It broke my heart to know that someone had hurt him. I actually went home and cried over that. Wasted tears for a man that doesn't even know I exist. But I felt the pain just the same.
I sit at the picnic table everyday during school and watch his friends smoke and laugh with him. I've watched him rough people up over little things like touching his bike. No one gets in their way and I wouldn't want to be on his bad side either or theirs for that matter. I need not worry though because Carlisle Cullen will never give me a second look. But I noticed him from day one. Pathetic I know, right? His senior year is all I have left then I don't know where he will go or what will happen to him. You would think as crazy about the boy as I am that I would at least try and talk to him or do something to get his attention, right? Wrong. I'm a coward because as much as I love even the thought of him he also scares the hell out of me.
My best friend Alice Brandon has the hots for his brother Jasper. He resembles Carlisle a lot other than he's built more slender than Carlisle is and has some different facial features that are close to Carlisle's but so very different at the same time. His temperament is deferent from his brother and sister which will make him perfect for Alice. She says that she is going to go for it this year with Jasper. She's a better woman than I am. She tells me to watch and learn. I hope she knows what she's doing.
"Bella look who all is standing in the parking lot." She lets out a little squeal as she appears at my rolled down window.
"Believe me Alice I have noticed. Can it be anymore possible for Carlisle to be better looking? Mmmmm, I groaned.
"Bella if by chance one of us does get their attention, then what? I mean you know they've probably got tons of experience with woman and we have exactly zero experience unless you count kissing our pillows." We both laughed at that.
"God you are so right, Alice." I giggled.
"Ok so how do I look, Bella?" she turned around to show me her outfit.
"Great" I nodded with my approval.
"I'm going for it right now before I lose my nerve," Alice stated and I watched as Alice walked across the parking lot and right up to Jasper and she just started talking to him like they were best friends or something. I just watched with my mouth opened as she had an actual conversation with Jasper. I am so fuckin' Jealous right now. The bell rang and I slowly slid out of my old truck and Alice scooted up beside me.
"Alice what happened, Details." I said shaking with excitement
"Well I walked up to Jasper and introduced myself. Then I told him that he had a bad ass bike and that I would love to take a ride one day with him. He said that was cool with him and I handed him my phone number. He said he'd call me later tonight. We both said later and here I am telling you everything." We both squealed and turned around to see them behind us. Jasper was smiling from ear to ear. So we huddled closer.
"Did Carlisle say anything while you were there?" I whispered
"No not really he was just puffing on his cigarette acting all casual. I did notice that they were Marlboro reds in a box though. But other than that I didn't notice much more, well unless you count that he has on a blue muscle shirt under his leather jacket today. Nice chest by the way." I gasped at the image in my mind.
"Oh man that sounds sexy. What did he smell like? I mean like aftershave or something?"
"Bella they all smell like cigarettes. Maybe you should go and check out how he smells personally sometime." She smiled while ducking into her first class.
She knows that I'll never do that although maybe I should get a couple of new outfits. Just to make myself feel better, yeah right. Who am I kidding I want to get Carlisle's attention. But I just don't know exactly how. He hasn't even noticed me in three years anyhow. I groaned out loud while taking my seat in class. I guess I should pay attention now. I'll save my dreaming and scheming for later.