You set yourself up for happiness or you set yourself up for sadness. Either way, it's your doing. - Girls' Poker Night
Miley stared at her reflection in her mirror and sighed. All of her emotions were clearly visible on her pale face, sadness, confusion, guilt, fear, loneliness. She couldn't hide any of it. And it was the result of her admittance to Lilly that afternoon and Lilly's own response.
…I love you too Miley, I promise I do. I don't want to lose you.
She had had a lucky escape when Jackson had appeared wanting to know why Miley wasn't in the hospital cafeteria waiting for him and she had been more than happy to use the excuse to flee from Lilly's pleading and questioning eyes. But she knew that it wasn't over, not in Lilly's opinion anyway.
Carefully she began applying her make-up. Foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, eyebrow pencil, lip liner, lipstick, lip-gloss, blusher. It was amazing what a difference it all made, bringing her face to life, making her blue eyes shine and her skin glow. None of it was real though. None of it improved her mood.
A brisk knock on her door caused her to jump, shoot a distracted glance at the clock and pull her dressing gown more tightly around her.
He was early.
Rushing to the door she opened it with a reproach.
"You're early! Why are you early? I haven't even started my hair yet.."
"So I see."
The color drained from Miley's face as she realized that her date had not arrived early. Instead Lilly was standing on her doorstep looking sexily disheveled and more than a little agitated. Without another word she stepped past Miley into the apartment.
"Lilly, what are you doing here?" She asked closing the door.
"What do you think? You ran out on me twice today, once when we were in the middle of something. You're not running out on me a third time." Turning to face her, the blonde tried to get closer but Miley quickly slipped away, running into her bedroom and slamming the door shut before locking it.
"Why don't you just go home to your husband?" she asked unhappily as she began to pace the room. Shaking her head Lilly tried the door and finding it locked she snapped.
"You know, don't you?" You know that Travis wants to have baby. That's what this is all about. You think you're doing what's right for Travis! Well what about what's right for you and me, huh? What about that?"
A small gasp escaped from Miley's lips as she dropped onto the bed, her legs suddenly becoming useless. So she knew. But what next?
"Miley please, listen to me. It's not like I'm pregnant yet. Please open the door so we can discuss. I want to be with you Miley. I know this is a difficult situation Miles... but we'll handle it…together…you and me." Her voice was quieter now but more intent as she leaned against the closed door, resting her head against the wood.
"No, Lilly. You and Travis are married… he has no idea. He trusted us and look what we've done with that." Miley replied with difficulty struggling not to cry. Damn, why had she put mascara on?
"I'm going to be with you!" Lilly's voice was getting more and more emotional with every word but unlike Miley, she did not even try to stop her tears from falling.
For several minutes there was no response from the other side of the door until without warning it opened and Miley reappeared dressed in a pale gold strapless dress, matching shoes and diamonds glittering in her ears. Allowing herself to get close to Lilly she whispered gently.
"No, Lilly. You'll do the right thing. For everyone." Taking hold of her hand Lilly was about to speak when a knock on the door interrupted her.
"Who's that?" She asked noticing for the first time how dressed up Miley was.
"That would be my date." It was the last thing that Lilly had wanted or expected to hear.
Arriving back at her house, Lilly paused in front of the back door. She was wreck. And if Travis saw her she would know immediately that something was wrong and would want to know what it was. And in the mood she was in, she might just tell him. She might just explain to him that she was upset because she had had a fight with her girlfriend, his best friend and she was jealous because Miley was going out on a date with some guy. She might just tell him that she wasn't in love with him anymore, that she wasn't sure that she had ever been in love with him. She was in love with Miley. She was all she thought about, all she wanted, all she needed. She might just ask him for a divorce.
She had waited in her car outside Miley's building, waited until she had come out fifteen minutes later with that guy.
She had watched as he held his coat over both their heads to shelter them from the rain as they ran to his car. Miley had laughed at something he said and squealed, as her feet got wet in her flimsy sandals. The man had held the car door open for her being careful to make sure that she didn't get wet and then jogged round the back of the car to get in beside her. He had even helped her with her seat-belt as if she was a child. BASTARD!
When they had driven away, Lilly had seriously contemplated following them to the restaurant or wherever it was that he was taking her, she had even gone so far as to start up the car and brush her sleeve across the fogged up side window. But then she had stopped. Realized what she was doing.
And instead she had driven home.
"Home." Lilly laughed menacingly to herself, she no longer felt that this was her home. Sure it was filled with her stuff, her computer, her sports equipment, her piano, photographs of her family, clothes, C.D's, souvenirs from her travels. But it was also the place where her husband lived. It was the place where she had to pretend the most, pretend to be someone else. It was becoming her prison more and more each day.
If she told him everything… if she left Travis, Miley would feel guilty. So would she.
Despite what they were doing, they were good people.
She didn't think she could stand it though, living the rest of her days with Travis, seeing Miley be with someone else. Watching as she moved on with her life, dated other people, got married, and had children of her own. Maybe with that man she was already out with. Maybe they were getting closer now, in the backseat of his car, undressing each other, having sex..
Just the thought of it sent chills down her spine, made her palms sweat and her throat go dry. She felt her heart beat faster and faster and her head begin to pound.
That wasn't how it was supposed to be. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, "SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WITH ME!" But she couldn't. All she could do was try to sort herself out and go inside and act as if everything was normal. She had to try to ignore the images that refused to leave her head and the feeling that she was going to explode any second.