DISCLAIMER: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

a/n: This is a continuation of Dirty Dog, a one-shot I did a while ago and was looking for something to continue it with. The Damsel challenge on Dokuga_LJ just fit! You don't need to read the original piece to get the idea, but hey, if you want to, I'm not going to stop you.

Step One: Reintroduce yourself and declare your attentions straightforwardly.

Dirty Dog In Tokyo

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Kagome stared in open-mouthed astonishment at the now two-armed daiyoukai standing in the doorway of the well house. Granted he didn't look exactly the same, but there was no mistaking him for who he was. Even without the armor and double swords, he was still imposing as hell. "What are you doing here?" she shrieked at last.

"My jockey stick has yet to ride your camel toe, miko," Sesshoumaru replied, as if she should have known why he would be there. And really, she should have. Hadn't she just left him back in the Feudal Era not even a minute ago?

Kagome contemplated going back through the well once more, but Sesshoumaru from then was bound to still be there, too. Which would be worse? A closet pervert who'd just had his mouth filled with soap or a closet pervert who'd been waiting five-hundred years for a lay?

Deciding that perhaps the less-angry-but-probably-more-sexual-frustrated daiyoukai would be easier to handle, Kagome swung her other leg over the edge of the well but remained seated just in case a quick retreat was in order. Sesshoumaru smirked at her obviousness. "This one would advise you not to return to the Feudal Era at this moment in time, miko."

Kagome knew very well why she shouldn't go back, but she couldn't stop herself from giving a very unwise, "Oh?"

Sesshoumaru then held up something that looked frighteningly familiar and Kagome felt her stomach sink as she recognized the soap she had shoved in Sesshoumaru's mouth not but a few minutes before. It was a little…aged…to say the least, but she could still make out faint reminders of his fang markings. "Yes, miko. This one would not be gentle on you if you fell underneath my claws…then."

"And you're going to be gentle with me now?" Kagome asked, her voice liberally laced with skepticism.

"Contrary to popular belief, old dogs can learn new tricks."

She folded her arms across her chest, sensing his eyes were laying there. "Really? I'm just finding it a little hard to believe that right now, Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru moved forward, his imposing figure seeming to fill the space between them. "Yes, miko. This one has come to learn that you are not a burlap sister and the imposing size of my throbbing meat hook may have made you a bit skittish. When this one slams your sugar basin and fills with it my love liquor, I shall be most gentle. This I promise you."

Kami, his speech hasn't improved one little bit! "Did the thought ever cross your mind, in all these years, that I didn't want to do anything like that with you, Sesshoumaru?"

"I have pleased my pisser for long enough, miko," Sesshoumaru replied, just a hint of irritation in his tone now. "You are a woman of your word, are you not?"

Kagome gulped. While she had, in a very technical way, agreed to Sesshoumaru's offer, she hadn't meant it! "You promised this one a taste of your Sarlac the Sand Pit," he continued, moving even closer to her. "And I believe you should go down for a whomp, as well, since you made this one…wait…so long for fulfillment. A game of hoop snake is in order, this one believes."

"Eewww!" It seemed Sesshoumaru had seen Star Wars since last they'd met and, of course, the dirty dog had found something sexual in it. "Haven't you learned anything about the female of the human species in the last five hundred years? We don't like our…parts…referenced like that. Or I don't. And I most definitely do not want to whomp the who-what with a hoop-ti-do, either!"

Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to reply, but Kagome was saved—or perhaps even more lost—when her mother rounded the corner of the well house, a smile on her face when she saw her. "Kagome! I thought I heard your voice." Then her mother's eyes slid to the right where Sesshoumaru was standing. "And you've brought a friend with you, I see." Her mother gave Sesshoumaru a low bow. "Welcome to our home."

Kagome groaned internally as she sunk into despair. This was definitely going down as one of the worst days of her life.


Surprisingly, Sesshoumaru was more than cordial to her mother, nodding his head in return to her greeting and allowing the older woman to lead him inside their home for tea. Kagome followed slightly behind, hugging her newly returned bag to her chest as if it might save her from a life-time of mental therapy. Too late for that! she thought to herself as she sat down in the living room across from Sesshoumaru.

They stayed there in silence, the daiyoukai's eyes never leaving her, until her mother returned with the tea. After serving Sesshoumaru first, her mother sat down next to her. "So you are Inuyasha's older brother?"

"Half," she and Sesshoumaru said at the same time.

"Ah," her mother replied, realizing that perhaps Inuyasha was not a subject to be brought up at the moment. "And what brings you here, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

Sesshoumaru laid the bar of soap down on the table between them, giving Kagome a meaningful look. "This one wishes to use my 100% all-beef thermometer to properly chastise your daughter's fur burger."

Kagome watched, mortified, as her mother's eyes grew large in her head. Then a look of confusion came over her face and Kagome found herself both strangely relieved and strangely frightened by the fact that her mother had NO idea what in the world Sesshoumaru was talking about. "Well, that sounds…nice."

"Mom!" Kagome wailed, sure a blush was rising on her face.

Receiving a sharp look from her mother for her raised voice, Kagome bowed her head in apology. Thankfully the phone rang, taking her mother away from them for a few moments. Sesshoumaru smirked at her expression. "You are such a virgin, miko."

"Yeah. Got a problem with it?"

"No. This one finds your lack of dancing the beast with two backs very stimulating and I am quite eager to throw out the first pitch."

Kagome acted on reflex. She launched herself across the space separating them and shut the perverted daiyoukai up by putting her hand over his mouth. "I should have used a bigger bar of soap," she muttered to herself. Underneath her hand she could feel Sesshoumaru's lips curving into a smile as his hands came up to rest on her hips, once more scooting back towards her hind end. "Who in the hell taught you to speak like this, Sesshoumaru?" Kagome demanded to know as she tried to wiggle her butt further away from his groping fingers while staying close enough to cover his mouth.

She didn't expect an answer and was surprised when he removed her hand from his lips, lightly kissing the palm as he did. The gesture was strangely sweet and entirely at odds with what had been spewing out of his mouth. "My Great and Terrible father," he replied, as if she should have known all along.

"And he scored with those lines?" she couldn't help but ask. Then, after a very pointed look from Sesshoumaru, Kagome remembered him and Inuyasha were products of such a union. "Oh. I guess he did… But just because your parents do something," she continued, taking on a lecturing tone. "Doesn't make it right, Sesshoumaru. Women deserve to be treated with respect and love and…and admiration." Hearing her mother returning, Kagome lowered her voice for the end of her speech to a whispered, "We are not sex toys!"

His eyebrows rose at her comment and Kagome could just see the little dirty wheels turning in his lecherous mind. Needing to get away for a minute…or twenty…or maybe even more…Kagome excused herself politely when her mother returned, praying Sesshoumaru controlled himself while she took a much needed bath. Kami, she hadn't said a naughty thing and yet she felt so…dirty.


Kagome finally decided that if she stayed in the bath any longer she would melt into nothing like potatoes left to boil too long. Her fingers and toes were pruned beyond recognition and she'd washed her hair so many times she was sure she'd striped it of all nutrients.

Begrudging her human body for not turning into a mermaid and letting her live in the water forever, Kagome climbed out of her bath and went to her room. As she went down the hallway, her ears strained for the sound of Sesshoumaru's deep timbre but there was only blessed silence below. What had happened? Had he propositioned her mother?

The idea of Sesshoumaru turning his lustful advances on to someone else—especially her seeming-to-be-entirely-too-innocent mother—made Kagome rush to finish drying off and change into clean clothing. Choosing something entirely covering and loose to wear, she barely combed her hair before returning back downstairs.

To find the living room empty…and Sesshoumaru nowhere in sight.

Going into the kitchen, she found her oddly wholesome mother preparing the afternoon meal. "Um, mom?" she said from the doorway.

Her mother turned and flashed her a smile before going back to cleaning the vegetables in front of her. "I'm sorry, dear, but your friend had to leave. You really shouldn't have kept your guest waiting so long. It's terribly rude."

How in the world would she explain the perverted dog and his desires to play hide the salami to her mother to make her understand WHY Kagome had purposefully tried to avoid him? Some things, Kagome decided, were just better left unsaid. "Yes, momma," Kagome answered, contritely.

"He did leave you a note, though, dear. I left it on the table by the door for you."

A note? Kagome groaned to herself and went to retrieve the piece of paper before someone, like her younger brother, stumbled upon it. Or maybe even Jiji… Kagome shuddered as she thought of her grandfather reading something Sesshoumaru had left her and understanding his meanings. Surely he wasn't as naïve as her mother was and that was the last conversation she wished to have.

Sesshoumaru's note was sitting exactly where her mother had said it would be. Kagome picked it up, her hand shaking with trepidation. There, in very elegant handwriting, was her name followed with a briefly structured 'I shall hold you to your word'. He'd signed his name and that was it.

What a rip-off! Kagome thought with some disgust. And then she became sickened all over again because she realized she'd actually been looking forward to hearing what naughty euphemism Sesshoumaru would have used.

The world was a screwed-up place, yes, but hers seemed even doubly more so. Why did all the weird stuff seem to happen to her?

To be continued…