Not that kid anymore
Post 5.22, so spoiler alert!
Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural (sign)
Sam wanted to stand there longer, wanted to watch Dean keep his promise, wanted to watch him live the life that his brother truly deserved. He wanted to be happy for him, he really did but there was this part of him that was just felt so sad, not because his brother was getting to live the apple pie life that he had once wanted but because he couldn't be a part of his brother's life anymore. He couldn't do that to Dean anymore. Everyone around him dies! He has to stay away, for his brother's sake.
After he jumped into the cage, all that he remembered was this unbearable pain, anguish, fear and heat. He had lost all semblance of time, he doesn't remember how long it had been when he first opened his eyes and found himself lying in a graveyard. It was dark, he got up slowly, tried to calm his breathing and looked around. He seemed to be alive! And it was the same graveyard! He was in Lawrence again. But how? Did Dean do this? Oh my God Dean! Where's Dean. He had to find Dean. He needed Dean! He started walking.
As soon as he reached the city, he hot wired a car and that's when it all came crashing down on him. His first thought was to drive to Bobby's place when he remembered, he had killed Bobby, and Castiel too. A tremor went through him. But Dean had to be alive, he saw him. His was the last sane and conscious memory he had before he jumped.
Dean had to have kept his promise. Even before he could process the thought completely he started driving towards Lisa's place.
Once he was on the road, he heard his brother's voice over and over in his head, "its okay Sammy, I'm here. I'm here. I'm not leaving you." The power of the unconventional love behind those words and looking at the impala, Sam's two constants in life, his sources of strength, he was hit by a wave of the happiest memories of his life. Lucifer had worked so hard on Sam's insecurities and fears ignoring his strengths that he didn't see this coming and lost control of the mind.
They both had lost so much, Dean even more so. All the sacrifices he'd made throughout his life, and all for Sam. Now that the war is over, Dean can finally get a chance to have a life of his own. Sam, driving at a break neck speed earlier, was slowing down now. He had to decide. Could he make this one last sacrifice for Dean?
Sam pulled into the street late evening, his heart leaped at the sight of impala parked outside Lisa's house. He parked a few houses down to stay out of sight. He just had to see Dean once to make up his mind, to be sure of what he must do. He quietly walked upto the house and stood outside the window. And he could see! He could see why Dean was so upset when he saw Sam's thanksgiving memory in heaven! Dean is his family, has always been. And to see him with them, sharing a family moment with somebody other than him! Its just....its just Dean is his family, his big brother. But Sam loved him enough to not take it away from him. He stood there long enough untill he couldn't and slowly with tears in his eyes started to walk away!
Its been four months since that day! Dean was sitting alone in his study having a drink late at night while Lisa and Ben slept upstairs.
Dean thought this is what he wanted, this is what his ideal world was suppose to look like. Wife, kid, a house...the whole nine yards. And yet with each breathing moment all he can think about is the kind of pain and torture his brother must be going through. He can't do this much longer, can't keep pretending that he's okay. He loves Lisa and Ben, God knows he does. But its...just so hard! Every-time he looks at Ben now he sees his little brother. Its not about the looks, its just that the only kid Dean's ever known is Sammy, and Ben can't fill the hole that Sam's absence has left in him. Everytime he tucks Ben into bed he thinks of all those times he'd had to tucked Sammy into bed. Or everytime he has to clean his scrapped knees. He can't take it anymore. He has to do something, he has to find God. God has to give him his due.
And that's when he hears it. The all too familiar flutter of the wings. Dean turns around and there he is, Castiel! Again up close and personal.
"CAS! What are you doing here?" Dean exclaims, taking a step back.
"I owe this to you Dean" Castiel replied with a deadpan expression, eyes piercing into Dean.
"Owe me what?" spat Dean. He didn't know why he was being snappy but he could care less.
"Sam is alive, has been for almost four months now." Castiel said softly.
I just saw the finale and the thought of a four month wait to watch the next episode is already killing me...So i thought I'd write my own version of episode one of season 6 because waiting for it till September is just too much!
I know its a very short chapter...Will update soon..bear with me..
Please r n r!