RECORDING # 1938-398-5

DATE: (4)998-990.M41

SECURITY LEVEL: Journal, Personal. (OFFICER – Passkey phrase: "Do I really need this?")

DICTATION SOURCE: Commissar E. Enoch, 526th Kreig Siege Regiment.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Why the hell do I need a passkey, for, anyway?"

SCRIBE: GEN #004017-0006

H- I did it again, didn't I?

[pause]

Hoo boy. And I thought I had gotten it right this time. Looks like you'll need another look over, don't you? Or is it just me, I wonder.

[pause]

Meh, not that it matters.

[pause]

We'll get around to taking you apart afterwards.

[pause]

I'll just be finishing this journal first. Where did I leave off last time? Oh yes, picking up that Leman Russ. What a little adventure that turned out to be. I've got a ton of paperwork to do now, thanks to that.

[pause]

We went out with four Centaurs, three Chimera, two platoons of Kreiger Korpsmen, and a Leman Russ crew. Plus one Commissar and three other hangers-on: Troopers #45, #68 and #83, since they seemed kind of sad that I was leaving them behind. Let it not be said that Commissar Enoch – that is, me – never allowed his troops to get too bored. A Commissar's job is to keep up morale, and if their morale was raised by going along on a bumpy road in an armored crate, then that was their problem.

[pause]

Then again, it is within regulations that I get a few assistants, right? An aide and bodyguard... I'll have to look that up.

[pause]

Which reminds me; about low morale and how to raise it.

[pause]

They fight better when they know that there's something tangible to fight for. Serving the Emperor is good and all, but fighting so that you can at the end of your duties sleep on a soft bed - maybe even one that is not your own – isn't too bad, either.

[pause]

Although I'd rather not see what Cain was meaning by that. A lot of the beds I've seen around in the hives were rather... uncomfortable.

[pause]

Oh, and while we're still talking about these Emperor-forsaken rubes, I've finally become impressed by the PDF.

[pause]

They are absolutely incredible: No other human can get Leman Russ tanks stuck more thoroughly than a PDF trained driver! The frak-brained fool actually tried to make his own way out; dug himself in deeper, instead.

[pause]

Guess who had to dig them out?

[pause]

When we got there, I had half a mind to laugh at the stupidity of it. In the end, though, I just looked at it sternly as we hooked up the Centaurs. Normally, I'd have used proper tank-recovery vehicles, but we were rather short on those at the moment; they had all been taken out to the front lines, they were needed more out on the main continent with the heavy tank-assault regiments rather than in an infantry-heavy garrison unit like the Kreiger 526th.

[pause]

We weren't supposed to even have Leman Russes, let alone have to dig them out. And wasn't like we would have needed them, either, until the PDF came along and got a Leman Russ stuck in the AT ditch.

[pause]

Let me tell you: when a Kreiger tells you that one of the most agile main battle tanks ever fielded by the Imperium can get stuck in that ditch, he isn't kidding. The tank will get stuck. Quite honestly, I don't think these guys are even capable of kidding around. It scares me, sometimes, but for a fearless Commissar that isn't acceptable. I just have to live with it, and hope that nobody finds Mr. Fluffles.

[pause]

I said that out loud, didn't I? Erase. Delete. Whatever makes you scribble that out. Honestly, do you have a command for that? What's your name, anyway? Ah, there's a label. GEN #004017-0006. Well, nice to finally know you, GEN.

[pause]

Now I know what to write in the 'Name' heading on your disposal form.

[ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! ERROR!]

Hey! What do you think you're doing? Stop leaking ink! Dammit, #83, get me a cloth, double time! The frakking autoscriber sprung a leak!

[Entering SAFE Mode. Shutting down...]

=[COMMAND: REBOOT]=

RECORDING # 1938-398-6

DATE: (4)998-990.M41

SECURITY LEVEL: Journal, Personal. (OFFICER – Passkey phrase: "Boot, dammit.")

DICTATION SOURCE: Commissar E. Enoch, 526th Kreig Siege Regiment.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Or thou shall meet mine. That's the command? Is it back on now?"

SCRIBE: GEN #004017-0006

Hello? Hey, GEN's back online. And I've messed up with the Thought for the Day. Again.

[pause]

Oh, so the command was reboot? I see. Thank you for that, #83. Dismissed. If there's any more paperwork, leave it until I'm done.

[pause]

Well, anyway. Back to the tank.

[pause]

It was where #4 Platoon had told us where it would be; they came across it while out on patrol, reported it in and left a squad there while they dragged the Russ' crew back to base. We went out, and did the usual recovery operation. Engineseer Vincenzo came along with us, too, just to make sure we didn't anger the poor Russ' Machine Spirit when we dragged it out of its ditch.

[pause]

Quite honestly, I'm not sure how anything we did could anger it any more.

[pause]

After all, those PDF frakkers decided to drive it into a ditch, spin its tracks until they dug themselves about half a mee into the ground, and then don't have the sense to call the Guard firebase just half a kee out.

[pause]

Incense, blessed oils and a lot of swearing later, the cogboy went off and told us to gun the engine. The Russ was well and truly stuck. We had hooked up all four Centaurs to it, and it was still in the ditch. Vincenzo told us to hook on the Chimeras as well. We almost got it out, but it slipped back down.

[pause]

Though it was frustrating, the look on Vincenzo's face was quite worth it. Heheheheh... Although I think he may have sprung a leak just after that.

[pause]

I don't think I've ever seen a Cogboy get quite that... worked up before. Now that I think about it, I have, but they haven't quite been as... violent. I don't think those PDF crewmen will ever look at a sonic screwdriver in quite the same way ever again. Or a servo wrench. Or... well, you get the idea, right?

[pause]

Good thing that the Techpriests are outside of my jurisdiction. I'll still have to file an incident report about that, though.

[pause]

Emperor above, I hate paperwork!

[pause]

While the good Techpriest was applying his tools in new and interesting and almost certainly I think techno-heretical ways, #68 came up with a good idea. Dig it out. I think I should have seen that coming; these Kreigers like digging. They're pretty much molerats, except their digging projects have a parapet and firing step.

[pause]

And maybe a grenade ditch, and I've seen a few that have little shrines and things built on the inside of the firing steps.

[pause]

There were only about ten entrenching tools, so in the end, we drew lots. #68 was automatically in, since she had the bright idea, then we had fireteams B and C also joining in. The rest got to rotate in and out by fifteen minute intervals. Got the whole thing done in under an hour, everyone was as happy as Kreigers could be. Except the PDF, of course.

[pause]

I find it... odd. They enjoy digging. It's like... being in their element. Like making themselves a home. I don't know why, but... well, I know how to keep them happy. Should start listing trenchwork digging as a reward duty. I think we can have the earthworks done in half the time. Maybe some competition...

[pause]

Well, it took us almost an hour of digging, but we got the whole thing out. Vincenzo was pretty happy, until he saw what was under the maintenance hatches. We sent one of the Centaurs off with the crewmen to tell their bosses that the Guard were requisitioning their Leman Russ by order of the Departmento Munitorium (me) and would be sending a few crewmen down for the rest.

[pause]

Now that got Vincenzo happy again. I worry about him. Guy swings moods faster than... than... something really fast that swings back and forth. A... hmm... how about a pendulum? Yeah, let's go with that. And its time for dusk inspection. Time to go.

[Transcript Ends]