Down Beside Her

A/N: This is one possible sequel to "Along Came a Spider". It picks up immediately after that story ends – but suppose after inadvertently revealing too much of himself in a moment of heated argument – Wilson's fears come forth?

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"I'm answering your question, Wilson: Yes."

"So what are you saying, House?"

"God Wilson, are you really this thick? I just thought you were repressed. I never realized you were blind and deaf too. Or maybe you no longer comprehend English. I know several other languages. Spanish? French? Mandarin, perhaps? Or maybe I should try signing it instead . . . no wait – that doesn't work either. I've been trying that for years."

"I'm not repressed! I just happen to be familiar with your head games. You've been manipulating me for years, House. I'm the one who had to resort to signs and gestures. Yet I'm the only one who has stood by you through everything . . . "

"Except after I risked my life to try to save the one you chose over me … again . . . "

"Leave Amber out of this, House. I know I shouldn't expect you to understand what it's like to lose someone you love, because you've never loved anyone."

"Wilson, you're not only blind and deaf, you're insane."

"I can't undo mistakes of the past, House . . ."

"No, you can only repeat them."

". . . But I can learn from them."

"Quite apparently not."

"I caught up to Sam after we left the restaurant. It took some effort, but I managed to get her to listen to me. I told her what you did with Nora . . . "

"Did you tell her what you did?"

"I told her that you think you're looking out for me. I told her that you do care about me . . . in your twisted obsessive way, and that you -"

"You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?"

"What? Of course I do! I'm telling you-"

"What? You're telling me what, exactly? Because I can't tell anymore. Guess I'm still expecting English to come out of your mouth. What are you telling me? Why did you buy this loft? Why did you crash my date with Nora and propose to me in front of at least twenty-five people? What's up with the organ? And this ring?"

"House, I . . . "

"You love me! Admit it Wilson, for God's sake won't you just admit it?"

" . . . "

"And I love you-"

"Of . . . Of course I love you. You're my best friend. We have two decades of history . . . "

"We're not 'just friends' Wilson. You love me. I know you feel the same way I do. Can't you just let yourself recognize what you feel?"

"No, House. You're just afraid of losing me. You think you have to control every aspect of my life or you'll somehow . . . cease to exist or something. I can have relationships with other people without it threatening your place in the world."

"I don't give a damn about my place in the world. I only care about my place in your world."

"And you have a place in my world. I told you you're my best friend. That isn't going to change just because-"

"Because what?"

". . ."

"Because what, Wilson? Because you're hell-bent on going back down that road that nearly destroyed you . . . how many times now?"

"No-"

"Because you're afraid? That's it, isn't it?"

"I'm not afraid! Afraid of what?"

"I have no idea. Of being yourself perhaps? Dr. James Wilson . . . Oncologist extraordinaire. Who just happens to be in love with-"

"Stop it House! You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh I think I do, Wilson. You said it yourself. The loft, the organ, the proposal, the ring . . ."

"I told you! You're my friend. I want to be supportive of you. I've tried to help you-"

"Help me what, Wilson? Help me fall in love with you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, House. You're not gay. And neither am I! I've been married three times-"

"See any patterns there, Sherlock? Divorced three times too. I'm the only relationship you've managed to maintain in your whole life. I'm the one who is always here, waiting to dust you off after you fall in the muck you've made out of every socially-correct pseudo-relationship by proxy you've ever -"

"I'm not gay!"

"Neither am I! I'm not any rigid culturally or religiously imposed stereotype of what a man is supposed to be. I'm Gregory House. I'm a man. I'm a doctor. A damn good one. I'm a human being. I love who I love. I don't give a damn what's on the outside of the package or what anyone else has to say about it. I. LOVE. YOU."

". . ."

"God, Wilson!"

". . ."

"Say something!"

"You don't believe in God."

"Wilson are you in there?"

". . ."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid!"

"You are! What is it? Your precious image? Your reputation? Your-"

"No! It's not . . . House! Just stop this! You don't know what you're saying. You don't mean any of this. You're just trying to control me like you think you have to do . . . like you always have . . ."

"Is it me? Is it me that you're afraid of?"

". . ."

"Wilson-"

"Yes!"

". . ."

"Just . . . stop! I want a life, House. I want a normal life! I want friends and fun and … space and freedom to find out what my life can be . . ."

"So who's stopping you? You're the one who's locking yourself in a little box and denying who you really are. James . . . you have to be yourself some day. Life is too short . . ."

"I'm sorry if this hurts you, House, but I'm not in love with you. I can't be. I'm not gay. If I did something to give you the wrong impression . . . if I lead you on somehow . . ."

"Lead me on? Did something to . . . Wilson are you serious? Have you even been listening to yourself? Did you not just tell me you 'needed to be loved'? Did you not just say again that you'd asked me to marry you?"

"House, I want you to move out."

". . ."

"I've been thinking it over, and it's time."

"Wilson-"

"I mean it, House. This was never meant to be a permanent thing. You weren't ready to live alone, but you've made progress. It's time. You need-"

"I need! Oh that's great Wilson. Tell me what I need! Why don't you think about what you need?"

"Alright! I need to breathe!"

". . ."

'I need . . . to know. I need to . . . I have to find out . . . House this might be my last chance! I've got to try to see if I can make it work."

". . ."

"I'm going to . . . try to have a normal life."

". . ."

"I've been talking to Sam for weeks. She's changed. I've changed. We've decided . . . Sam is moving here, House."

"How convenient."

"I mean here, House. She's moving in to the loft. So I want you to move out."

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