Spoiler warning: Supernatural "Hammer of the Gods" and general situations to date in Season 5; possible vague spoilers for Stargate Atlantis "The Seer," "The Last Man," and "Enemy at the Gate," Stargate Universe "Air," and maybe Stargate: Extinction (if the stupid movie ever gets made). Also references to Supernatural "Tall Tales," "Mystery Spot," "Changing Channels," and "99 Problems" and an oblique reference to Stargate Atlantis "The Lost Tribe." (I figure SG-1's been off the air long enough that even Season 10 events are no longer considered spoilers.)

Setting: This story, part one of a trilogy, is AU for both Supernatural and Stargate SG-1, is set in April of 2010, and assumes that the events that supposedly make up the plot of Stargate: Extinction took place just before the events of the Supernatural Season 4 finale, "Lucifer Rising," in the spring of 2009. Atlantis has returned to the Pegasus Galaxy, and the castaways from Icarus Base are still stuck on the other side of the universe. I'm also assuming, for lack of readily available evidence to the contrary, that Stargate Ops and certain other SGC facilities remain at Cheyenne Mountain even though, as of SGU "Air," much of the Stargate program has apparently been moved to Homeworld Command at the Pentagon.

A/N: Well, somebody had to write it. (I began it before "Hammer of the Gods" actually aired, so some of the events are slightly out of order, but I did pull in some dialogue from the episode itself.) Because this part of the story is an AU of SPN "Hammer of the Gods," it's told primarily from the Winchesters' POV; but I promise that all four original members of SG-1 will appear eventually.

Many thanks to my lovely beta Ansostuff!


Snakeheads
By San Antonio Rose

Chapter 1
Through the Looking Glass

Sam and Dean Winchester had seen all manner of preternatural beasties in the quarter-century-plus they'd been a hunting family. Demons and low-level pagan gods were among them. And with the Apocalypse upon them, they knew better than to take this bizarrely nice hotel in Muncie at face value, especially since one of the guests was a dead ringer for Dr. Sexy but was clearly not an actor. Ditto the woman who looked exactly like Claudia Black but returned Dean's fanboy greeting with a cold stare and a flat denial that she was in show business. But it wasn't until they spotted a staff member with a tattoo on his forehead--a raised gold tattoo that looked to Sam like a hieroglyph--that they began to think that this case might be a bit out of their usual line.

The big vat of snaky things in the kitchen was odd, too, and Dean only just managed to slam the lid shut before one could jump out and bite him, but "more things in heaven and earth," right? Besides, there were more important problems at hand, like guests gone missing.

When the Chinese chef found them attempting to break said guests out of the freezer, his eyes glowed, and they found out the hard way what the purpose of his funky hand jewelry was--the energy was like Lilith's "ray gun," only it still worked on Sam, though he ducked almost in time and was merely clipped by the bolt. Dean's attempt to shoot the guy revealed that he was protected by a force field, only it shimmered when the bullet hit it (unlike angels' shields, which never became visible), but he was distracted long enough for Sam to make a break for it, and his departure in turn distracted the Chinese dude long enough for Dean to run.

"What was that thing?" Dean gasped when he caught up to Sam outside by their black 1967 Impala.

Sam shook his head. "I'm not sure, but that blast felt more like a taser than demon energy."

"Guys?" called an extremely puzzled and all-too-familiar tenor from behind them. "What... I mean... what are you doing here?"

The brothers turned in unison. "Gabriel?"

The archangel-turned-Trickster immediately threw up his hands in wide-eyed surrender. "It's not my fault this time, I swear. I was summoned, and I'm guessing not by you."

"You just got here?" Dean demanded.

"Scout's honor," Gabriel replied, complete with Boy Scout salute.

And he was the first to jump when a little grey alien popped out of nowhere and said in a reedy, monotone voice, "The summons was mine."

Sam and Dean had their guns trained on the alien before it could blink.

It looked at them impassively. "Your weapons will not avail you. I am speaking to you through a holographic projection."

Gabriel attempted to touch the apparition and was startled when his hand not only met air but caused the image to pixelate around it. Sam and Dean exchanged a look and lowered their guns.

"My name is Baldur," the hologram stated. "I am Asgard."

Sam's eyebrows threatened to disappear into his hairline. "Baldur? The Norse god of light?"

"We allowed the humans under our protection to consider us gods," Baldur conceded. "But we came to Earth from--how did O'Neill put it--'a galaxy far, far away.'"

Dean's eyebrows had climbed as high as Sam's. So, for that matter, had Gabriel's.

"Well, that explains a lot about Scandinavia," Gabriel finally snarked.

"Please," Baldur... pleaded? It was hard to tell with a voice so inflectionless. "Odin and I are being held prisoner by the Goa'uld on the top floor of this hotel. This hologram generator is almost out of power, and we cannot use it to reach our allies here on Earth."

While Gabriel scanned the hotel, Dean shot Sam a look that said I can't believe I'm about to ask this, then turned back to the hologram and pulled out his cell phone. "You got a phone number?"

Baldur's eyes narrowed briefly as if in thought, or maybe annoyance, and then, to everyone's very great surprise, he came up with one. Dean repeated it back to him as he dialed, and Baldur confirmed it. "Ask for Jack O'Neill."

"Found 'em," Gabriel announced and snapped Baldur and Odin outside as Dean pressed Send.

Sam handed the aliens a flask of holy water, and they reacted to neither the silver nor the water. Odin just looked curiously at the flask when he handed it back.

The phone was answered on the third ring. "Homeworld Command. General O'Neill's office."

Dean rolled his eyes, unsure whether "Homeworld Command" was a genuine federal agency. "Yes, this is Agent Dolenz, FBI. I need to speak to General O'Neill. It's an emergency," he added with a sidelong glance at Baldur, who nodded once.

"With reference to what, sir?" came the bored reply.

"We found two Asgard," Dean said, still looking at Baldur, who nodded again.

Apparently the alien hadn't been lying about the "allies" part, since Dean hadn't heard that kind of swearing from a Fed since the last time he called Quantico to taunt Henricksen.

"O'Neill," said a sharp male voice on the other end, and for a moment Dean could have sworn he was talking to MacGyver. Of course, with Gabriel involved, anything was possible.

"Sir, this is Agent Dolenz, FBI. We've got a couple of friends of yours here; one says his name is Baldur."

A beat passed. "Baldur's alive?"

"Apparently." And that had not been the reaction Dean expected. Questioning the creature's existence, yes. Sounding like Ellen had when she found out Dean was back from the Pit, no. "He claims they were being held by someone called a... Goa'uld?" He pronounced the last word as carefully as possible, since it sounded so much like ghoul and that definitely was not what the Chinese chef was, guests in the freezer notwithstanding.

O'Neill's voice took on a note of urgent concern, and it sounded like he was running into some kind of command center. "Where are you, Agent Dolenz?"

Dean hesitated--the last thing they needed was to end up in federal custody again--but given O'Neill's reactions, he probably understood what was going on better than the Winchesters or the angel did, and Gabriel could bust them out anyway. So he answered honestly.

"Hold on," said O'Neill. There was some discussion in the background before he asked, "You're outside the hotel?"

"Yes."

"Are there five of you?"

Dean frowned and looked around. No one else was in the parking lot, and the street was deserted... how could O'Neill know that?

"Are there five of you?" O'Neill repeated, in the tone Dad used to demand information. Only the voice wasn't Dad's, it was MacGyver's still.

"Yes, sir," Dean responded instinctively.

"Hold on," O'Neill said again.

And with a soft chime, the world dissolved in a flash of white sparkles and resolved into a grey steel conference room. Sam, Gabriel, and the two aliens were still with Dean, though Sam and Gabriel looked considerably more confused than Odin and Baldur.

"Where the hell are we?" Dean asked of no one in particular.

"Welcome aboard the Hammond," answered a female voice from behind him. The Winchesters turned to face a uniformed blonde with big blue eyes and a warm smile, bearing herself with an air of command that quashed any thought Dean might have had of doing more than flirting with her. She entered the room and handed everyone but the aliens a clipboard. "I'm Colonel Samantha Carter, United States Air Force; I'm with Homeworld Command. Before we begin, I'll have to ask you to sign these non-disclosure agreements. We do need your help, but the situation you've stumbled onto is highly classified."

"Story of my life," Dean said under his breath as he skimmed the paper, noting key phrases like "Stargate program" that would probably be explained later, and signed it "G. M. Dolenz."

Gabriel frowned at the paper and signed. Sam read his quickly but carefully, and Dean was slightly gratified to see him sign with "P. H. Thorkelson." The Monkees might not be as obscure as some of the bands he usually chose for aliases, but at least you had to be a real fan to know Micky and Peter's full names. And Gabriel's? Dean just managed to catch a glimpse before he handed it back: "R. M. Nishwash."

If Dean hadn't already known the extent of the Trickster's addiction to TV, that would have given it away right there.

Carter gestured for them to be seated. Only when she herself sat down did she notice the odd looks the aliens were giving her. "So, Odin, Baldur. What brings you to Earth?"

"Colonel Carter," one of them--Baldur, Dean thought, since he seemed to be the spokes-whatever--said with unusual stress on the title. "It seems there are more differences between our realities than we had thought. The Samantha Carter we knew died as a major ten years ago, in battle with the Replicators over Orilla."

Sam and Dean exchanged a puzzled frown. Roswell-type aliens impersonating Norse gods were bad enough, but alternate realities?

"And in this reality, the Othalla Galaxy Asgard committed mass suicide about three years ago because the genetic degradation from the cloning process became irreparable," Carter replied. "How did you get here?"

"There appears to be a quantum mirror at the hotel."

Carter turned to the Winchesters. "Quantum mirrors act as gateways between realities," she explained. "I assume that's also how the Goa'uld got there, since we and our offworld allies have defeated all but the most minor ones in this reality."

"Yes, they did come through the mirror," Baldur confirmed. "A great number of our System Lords and their First Primes are there: Ganesh, Zao Shen, Camulus, Qetesh, Bastet, Morrigan...."

"Whoa, wait," Sam interrupted. "What do you mean, System Lords? Those are gods."

"Were gods," Gabriel corrected flatly. "Most of 'em died about ten thousand years ago. Coyote never did figure out how or why, but all of a sudden almost all of the major gods were gone and a bunch of impostors with funky voices were running around demanding worship and making humans disappear. And then about the time I had that mission to Galilee, even the fake gods had vanished."

"So that's how you managed to go undercover as Loki," Dean observed.

"Yep," Gabriel said, popping the p, and conjured himself a handful of Jolly Ranchers.

Carter frowned at them in confusion. "No, those 'impostors,' as you call them, were aliens called Goa'uld, and Loki... Loki was an Asgard. And a rogue Asgard at that--he abducted human subjects for experimentation. Thor only managed to stop him for good six years ago."

Gabriel chuckled. "See, guys? I knew that abduction thing was a good trick."

Sam and Dean rolled their eyes in unison. Gabriel tossed them each a Jolly Rancher, popped one in his own mouth, and stuck the rest in his pocket. The brothers pocketed theirs.

Carter's frown deepened, and she leaned forward to get a better look at Gabriel. "Excuse me, but... who are you?"

"The archangel Gabriel," Dean replied before Gabriel could say anything.

"Dean!" Gabriel objected.

"Archangel?" Carter's expression was frankly disbelieving.

"Wings and all," Dean nodded. "He's been hiding out here on Earth disguised as a Trickster to stay out of the crossfire between his brothers, never mind that there's an Apocalypse we need to stop."

Now it was Gabriel's turn for an eye roll. "Please. You make me sound like a coward."

"On this? Yeah, you are a coward."

"Wait, what?" Carter cried.

Gabriel ignored her. "And I don't suppose you want the good colonel to know that you're Dean Winchester, monster hunter extraordinaire, Vessel of Michael and alleged thrice-dead serial killer? Or that Sam here's your baby brother, partner in crime, Vessel of Lucifer and ex-demon blood junkie? Or that he's got demon blood in his veins?"

"Gabriel," Sam groaned.

"Yeah, well, it's never been about what I want anyway," Dean shot back.

"Thrice-dead?" Carter repeated, clearly struggling to keep up.

"Depends on how you count it," Sam replied wearily. "The first two don't count. One was a shape-shifter; one was a cover story from a friendly Fed. But Gabriel stuck us in a time loop once and killed Dean about a hundred times--"

"I was only trying to help," Gabriel objected, but not as forcefully as Dean thought he might. "And I did let you fix Wednesday."

"--before a deal Dean made to bring me back from the dead came due and he died for real. But the angels brought him back. I've died twice since then, and then a couple weeks ago we were both murdered and sent back."

There was a baffled pause before Odin spoke for the first time. "I believe that tale may surpass the many deaths of Daniel Jackson. That is most impressive, considering that there was no sarcophagus involved."

And Dean threw back his head and laughed helplessly at the absurdity of the entire conversation. Especially given that Sam had once complained about missing the days when conversations didn't begin with So, this killer truck. Right now, they both wished killer trucks were their biggest problem.

Gabriel unwrapped another Jolly Rancher and threw it at him. Dean caught it in his mouth--blue raspberry. "Thanks, man," he said with a wink as he shifted the candy to his cheek, ignoring the Dude, really? look Sam sent his way.

"I can confirm Gabriel's identity," Baldur stated. "One of our Goa'uld captors has a book containing summoning rituals; the art that humans call magic is crude and often ineffective, but knowing we were in another reality, Odin thought it might be worth trying, as we had not been able to bring more than a damaged hologram projector. We overheard enough to believe that Gabriel might be likely to assist us, so I summoned him when we were left alone."

"Which may be what they intended you to do," Sam observed dryly. "That's too convenient not to be a set-up."

"That doesn't make sense," Carter noted. "Goa'uld are snakelike parasites that give long life to the human hosts they take, but they steal technology and use it to rule planets as if they were gods. Most of them spent time on Earth and adopted the identities of actual pagan gods. So why all of a sudden is there a System Lord summit being held on Earth, with Goa'uld from another reality, no less? And why would they want Gabriel there, even if they do think he's a Trickster? Most Goa'uld won't accept that any being could possibly be more powerful than they are, especially without technology."

Dean started to ask about the snaky things in the hotel kitchen, but Gabriel was quicker to answer Carter's question. "Maybe someone's trying to stage Ragnarok. Only they summoned the wrong gods."

Carter stared at him. "Ragnarok. As in the Apocalypse."

Gabriel smirked. "Oh, the Apocalypse proper started about a year ago, thanks to these two muttonheads. Ragnarok is the last stand of the gods--the Norse ones, anyway."

"Wait. The Apocalypse has started?"

"I believe that's what I just said." Gabriel held the colonel's gaze for a moment and apparently read her mind before he spoke again. "Guess you had your hands full getting Atlantis back to Pegasus, so you missed the giant explosion when Sammy here offed Lilith and busted my damned brother out of jail."

Dean decided not even to try to work out what that meant.

Carter scowled. "How do you know about Atlantis?"

Gabriel's smirk widened. "Hellooo? Archangel!"

Carter shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I can't accept that. Sokar, the Goa'uld who claimed to be the devil, is dead--has been for ten years. My team and our allies, the Tok'ra, destroyed the moon he had turned into his version of Hell, and his ship was caught in the explosion."

Dean couldn't restrain a bitter laugh. "Ma'am, due respect, but what you blew up wasn't Hell."

"I know that," Carter began, but then she stopped short and looked, really looked, at Dean, and her expression changed from annoyance to confusion to empathy. "You've been there, haven't you? The real Hell. You really did die."

Dean blinked--he didn't think he was that easy to read. "What, you believe us now?"

"Not completely. I'm a scientist, and a lot of the supposedly supernatural things I've seen were simply alien technology. But I know what I saw on Ne'tu and what the Tok'ra Jolinar went through before she escaped. And I know what I see in your eyes."

Dean snorted. "Did this Jolinar's soul get literally torn apart every day for thirty years, only to be put back together again just so they could start all over the next day?"

Carter winced. "You were in Hell for thirty years?"

"Forty. I broke." Please don't ask me for any more details.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, and he could tell she meant it.

Sam cleared his throat and ended the chick flick moment. "Sokar may be dead, but that doesn't change the fact that Lucifer, the real Lucifer, is not just alive, but loose on Earth. And if Gabriel's right, he's headed for the Elysian Fields Hotel in Muncie, Indiana."

"Which gives us at least three problems," Carter sighed, "because a traditional part of a Goa'uld summit is a feast in which the System Lords devour other symbiotes. That means that there's a barrel of Goa'uld somewhere in that hotel that someone like the Trust could easily steal and unleash on unsuspecting civilians."

"It's in the kitchen," Dean reported. "One of 'em tried to jump me."

"They've also got a ton of guests locked in the freezer," Sam added. "Real pagan gods feed on human flesh, but if most of the 'gods' are Goa'uld...."

"They've been captured to be taken as hosts," Carter concluded. "Happened to my team on our first mission. It'll be a little different from the ceremony on Chulak, but...."

Dean swore.

Carter nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. And if the System Lords form an alliance with Lucifer, Earth's really in trouble."

Gabriel shook his head. "Lucifer won't have any use for the Goa'uld in the long run if their only power is in their technology. But he might try to use them to terrorize Earth in the short term, do some kind of end run around Michael or blackmail Sam. If he thinks he can control them. Otherwise, he'll turn 'em into finger-paint--which, come to think of it, might be a good diversion for a genuine god trying to get off Lucifer's radar."

"You think one of the gods is a real god planning on selling out the others to Lucifer?" Sam asked.

Gabriel shrugged. "Possibly. He might want extra firepower for taking Luci on, but if I'm reading Col. Carter here right, that's not gonna fly with the snakeheads. Maybe he just wants to talk to Luci and wants backup; maybe he struck some kind of deal."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, well, we know how those turn out."

"So he used a quantum mirror to bring back dead System Lords from another reality?" Carter frowned. "Why would he grab Baldur and Odin, then?"

Dean shrugged. "Like Gabriel said, wrong gods."

"It might also be due to the fact that we had been captured by Qetesh just a few days before," Baldur noted--somewhat sheepishly, Dean thought. "I believe she brought us with her."

A flicker of concern crossed Carter's face but passed as she shook her head. "Vala's still off on the Odyssey," she said, mostly to herself. When she noticed the confused looks she was getting, she explained, "A former member of my team was the host of Qetesh in this reality until the Tok'ra removed the symbiote. I was worried that she might be affected by entropic cascade failure if she were still on Earth... ah, it's an effect of having two versions of the same person in the same place for more than a day. But she's in another part of the galaxy, so it's okay."

Sam, Dean, and Gabriel exchanged a look. "That's... good," Dean ventured.

"Are you sure it's a god, though, Gabriel?" Carter asked, getting back on topic.

"That kind of summoning spell would take a lot more mojo than anyone from the Trust would have, if that's your question," Gabriel replied. "And I know that because I've pulled some tricks on those geeks. I couldn't tell you who's in Muncie, but it's definitely a god."

"So," said Dean, leaning back in his chair. "How do we gank these freaks so we can get back to worrying about how to kill the devil?"

Carter thought for a moment, then bit her lip and looked Dean in the eye.

Dean suddenly felt uneasy. "What?"

"I have a really terrible idea."


A/N: The aliases: "G. M. Dolenz" is Micky Dolenz; "P. H. Thorkelson" is Peter Tork; and "R. M. Nishwash" is Mike Nesmith, using a mispronunciation that occurs at least in "Monkee Mayor" (and maybe also in "I've Got a Little Song Here," but I don't remember for sure). "D. T. Jones" might be a bit obvious, even to someone who didn't know that Davy Jones' middle name is Thomas.