Hi again, Spatze here. I've been writing this off and on when faced with writers block for The Fairy's Tail. Um, its a little dark and random. So be warned, there's blood, gore, character deaths, and little explanation. I just happened to finish it before my other story, so I'm putting it up here, and I hope people enjoy.
H*R - The Curse of the Brindled Cat
It was late, much to late for visitors. Strong Bad was the only one left awake from his siblings and The Cheat. He watched not-so-scary b movies on the scrambly tv through half slit eyes. Not that he didn't want to sleep, it was just that it wasn't coming yet. Usually chocolate syrup blood and blond women screaming helped with this.
"Hey Stwong Bad." Came a whispering voice behind him, making him jump. The toon wrestler turned sharply and looked up behind to the couch to the Homestar Runner, who gave a goofy half smile.
"What are you doing here, dorkwad?" He hoarsely hissed. "Its the middle of the night. Shouldn't you be sleeping, or harassing Marzipan?"
"Nah, I've done that alweady. I just wanted to dwop off youw gift." He held up a box for the smaller character, who just frowned. "Fow youw berwfday."
"Homestar it is not my birthday today, tommorow or within the next month. It was, however your girlfriend's birthday yesterday, which you forgot. Now go away, grandma's watching her soaps..."
"Here you go, Stwo-bwo." The athlete dropped the box next to him, completely ignoring what he was just said. "Happy Berwfday!"
Strong Bad just sighed and decided to follow suit and ignored him right back. Eventually he looked over his shoulder again and found Homestar gone. He shook his head before turning to the box. "Ok, let's see what ol' Ham-hock got his girlfriend before he mistook me for her... Again..."
Reaching over he tore open the top of the box and peered within. There, in the corrugated structure and folds of tissue paper, sat a small figurine. He pulled it out and looked it over boredly. "Its a cat."
Indeed it was a figure of a common housecat, outstretched playfully, but with nothing for it to play with. It seemed to be plated with gold, with semi detailed stripes carved into it. He smirked at it, despite its origins. "Hmph, it is kinda cute, lika Da' Cheat in a basket of fresh laundry." Gently he ran a gloved hand over its curved back, feeling the stripes through the leather. Then he sat it on top of the tv and sat back down on the couch.
Sleep eventually came over him and as he slept he forgot of the figure. The next days, months, and eventually a year went by before it was ever thought of again.
It was the night of Halloween, the brothers getting ready for fun they were going to have. Strong Sad was going to a poetry slam/ all one can eat buffet hosted by Marzipan and The King of Town. Strong Mad and The Cheat were going trick or treating. Strong Bad was going to follow his older brother and little buddy in suit to egg any house that didn't give them good stuff that he could steal later.
Just as they were all heading out Strong Bad stopped short. "One sec my on points. I forgot my chuckin--- I mean my staff of power." He ran downstairs for the lacross stick he was planning on catapulting the eggs from.
While looking for said sporting equipment he stopped and looked over to the golden cat. "Oh hey, kitty." He reached over and pet it again, then continued his search.
When he found it he wandered back towards the stairs, but stopped again. He decided to touch the gold figure one last time before he began his night of pranks. The stripes just felt so neat.
In a flash of light Strong Bad blinked and shook his head. When things came back into focus he found himself in lying in the middle of a road. He looked around slowly, confused at his new situation. "What the cra--Aaaaaaaahhhh!"
Unable to move he suddenly found himself staring down two high beams of a car. A giant car. There was an elongated blast of the horn and something pressed against his sides before everything blacked out.
With a groan Strong Bad slowly opened his eyes and flicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. His mouth was dry and his tongue tickled and scratched the top of his palate. He looked around hazily, seeing nothing but a sea of mussed blankets from his giant pillow perch. Slowly he stood and shakily found he could only crawl.
"Whoa, kitty, stay there!" Came a sweet female voice from above. Two large hands gently pressed him down. He looked up to see a human face staring down at him with pale eyes and long blonde hair. "You poor thing. stay down and rest." She looked over her shoulder. "Homestar, where's that water?"
Homestar? When did he get a non broom shaped girlfriend? Strong Bad looked the woman up and down. She was kinda pretty, with a generally small frame, except her dinosaur hips and apple bottom. It looked a little awkward for her. She brought up her knees and petted him across his back.
"Hey lady. That is unnecessary touching!" He growled at her. She pulled her hand back and smiled.
"Oh, I'm sorry. You're probably still sore from almost getting ran over." She said with a sweet tone. That was when it hit him. She had called him 'kitty', she was bigger than him, she pet him. He sat up and looked around for a mirror.
Finally he spotted his reflection in the headboard. He stared at the shabby tabby cat staring back with emerald eyes. He had the basic shape of the dark parts of his mask over his eyes, and the crystal shape light coloured over his head. His coat was a deep rusty red with black stripes and cream coloured belly and head mark. He frowned. He was a common house cat.
What's worse, he was a house cat who looked like the unholy love child of feline roadkill and a raccoon.
"Marzipan, are you sure we can't give him milk?" Strong Bad turned quickly to the lispy voice, sure it was Homestar. Instead he saw a lean guy with platinum blond hair and just as pale skin. Only his eyes were a shockingly dark colour. He had a tumbler of water in one hand and a small glass of milk in the other. It was human, but definitely Homestar.
"If you want him to get sick in your bed. Most cats are lactose intolerant, you know." She stood, taking to tumbler and sighed. "You couldn't find a small contain to put this in?" She shrugged non the less and went back to the bed, holding out the thick plastic cup of water for Strong Bad.
Homestar shrugged, drinking the milk himself. "Nah, his head should fit just fine."
Strong Bad couldn't help glaring at him before he cautiously placed his face close to the cup and began to tilt it down to drink the needed liquid down. All he did instead was get his face, and the pillow he was on, all wet. What was it cats did to drink? Right, lap. He shook himself a little before he tried again, lapping up the water instead.
Homestar chuckled. "He's pretty clumsy and stupid for a cat." This earned him a glare from both cat and girl.
Strong Bad sneezed. "Says the king of the idiots..."
"He's not stupid, Homestar, he's just disoriented. Give him some time, patience, and maybe a little a love." Marzipan reached over and sweetly placed some fingers between his ears, then stroked them along his back.
He looked up in surprise at her. Even if this wasn't the Marzipan he was use to he never expected her to show him one aota of kindness. He felt a rumbling vibration forming deep within himself. Soon it became a straight out purr.
"Aww he likes me. I think we should keep him and call him King Kitty-Kitty." Marzipan crooned. That name, though, wouldn't do. Strong Bad would not come to the name King Kitty- anything.
"We are so not naming him that." Homestar snuffed. "He's not really king of anything." He sat down and reached over, getting a low growl from the cat. "I think we should call him Strong Bad. Cause he acts just like him."
"That's more like it." Strong Bad stated, finally allowing the dork's fingers to dance along the top of his ears. Beyond that though, he wasn't going to let Homestar touch him.
Marzipan frowned. "That isn't very respectful, Homestar, naming a stray after the dead." She pouted, looking away from the both of them.
Strong Bad stopped focusing on avoiding Homestar's touch and looked over to her with wide eyes. He was dead? How was that possible, he was right there. He looked back to Homestar and reached over to push him, putting his paws on his red shirted chest. "Wait, I'm not dead, I'm right here man! Listen to me! I'm Strong Bad!"
Homestar leaned back, taking the cat with him and petting his face. "Aww, but I think he really wants that name. Stro-bro wouldn't mind, I'm sure of it." He smiled a dopey smirk while he stared into his deep green eyes. "Or I could just call him that. Stro-bro. My felis-bromine... That's who you are, right?"
"No, Homestar." Marzipan got up and quickly scooped up the cat, making him release a startled mer sound. "We are not naming him after Strong Bad, and that's final. Until you agree with me King and I are going to sleep on the couch."
"Hey! What the crap? I almost got through to him, woman!" Strong Bad moaned as he was plucked off of Homestar. He struggled under her grip, twisting one way, then the other.
"But Marzi-man! Look at his face!" Homestar stood and pointed at the wiggling cat. "He's got the same colored eyes too!"
Marzipan stopped short, putting the cat down before she made a shuttery sigh. Strong Bad looked up and saw her face red with the tears she was holding back. He looked away again, his ears flattening. Even if it was Marzi he hated seeing girls cry.
She suddenly turned on Homestar, nearly stomping on Strong Bad's tail. He quickly backed off as her foot came down. "No, Homestar!" She suddenly cried out at him. "This isn't Strong Bad! He's not coming back, he's gone!"
With tears in her eyes she continued. "Strong Bad is not a cloud, he's not some bird. He not playing live from the local station. Its been a year, and he wasn't even really your friend to begin with. He used you, and otherwise he hated you. Its been a year since he went missing, and its been six months since they concluded he was dead. Get over it Homestar, he's not coming back."
"Shows what you know, lady..." Homestar stomped his foot too, frowning as he held back his own tears. "I saved him tonight." He motioned to the cat. "He has to be Strong Bad, cause he said so!"
"So you talk to cats now?" Marzipan took another shaky breath. "Ok, live in your delusions. If you need me, I mean really need me, you can call me over at Bubs' place..." She turned, going for the door. She slipped on her heavy hikers barefooted and grabbed her coat. Then she was gone.
Homestar slipped down into the door frame and hid his face against his knees, wrapping his arms around his head.
Strong Bad watched Homestar for a moment as the guy remained still and hidden within himself. Then the cat noticed another open door. He wandered over and looked within.
The room contained all his stuff. He stepped within cautiously, looking around at teen girl squad on the walls, his old computers, or what was left of them, and his fun machine and tv. He saw more papers on a bookshelf next to his couch. How Homestar got all of his things was beyond him, as he was last person he'd want to have his junk.
At first he was a bit angry to see all his things owned by the loser in the other room, but as he sat on the couch he thought about some of times he had fun with him. He sighed. "He seems to believe I am Strong Bad, so maybe, just maybe, Dorkster is the only one right now who can help me get back to me."
He looked back to the bookshelf before he jumped up and started knocking over papers. If there was one thing he could think that could confirm to Homestar he was right, it was a certain picture.
When he found the drawing of the one legged puppy who could do it on his own he pulled it back over to Homestar. The pale human was still hiding his face in his arms. "Hey, Homestar, I want to show you something."
There was no response, making him grumble a little before he thought on something else to do. Finally he rest the paper against his head and called out a loud maouwing moan. Homestar slowly looked over, hearing his new cat making a sound of pain. He looked surprise to see the tabby holding up the picture of lil' brudder and calling to him.
"Mauw, mer, meerow roawm mar." Strong Bad purposely tried to make his cat calls sound like he was saying, 'I can make it on my own'. Slowly he looked up over the paper, letting it fall on the ground between them.
"Oh, kitty..." Homestar picked him up and rested him on his lap. "I don't know what to do with myself. They think I'm goin cwazy... I'm starting to think you really are Strong Bad, and you've come back to tell us what happened to you a year ago."
"Yeah... Though I'm not sure what's going on either." Strong Bad conceded, rolling his front paws under himself and resting his head against the human's chest. "One moment I'm getting ready for egging your place, next I'm a cat."
"See it was Halloween," Homestar quietly continued, petting Strong Bad's medium length fur along his spine. "And I was helping ol' Marzi there with her party. That's when lots of people came over and we had a great time. Then later that night I was drawing on some stuff while she was cleaning up and Strong Sad called. I was curious, so I listened to the conversation and she said he hadn't seen you, cause she hadn't. I don't remember much else."
Strong Bad reached up and stretched his claws into Homestar's red shirt. He gave him a 'get on with it' look, as best as he could. Of course with the face of a cat all Homestar saw was a tired look.
"Anyways no one was really worried at first. Not even me. Then the next week when I wanted to borrow your computer box. You didn't come out and yell at me, so I figured it was ok." Strong Bad growled a low sound.
"So that's how you got all my stuff. Why didn't my brothers or the Cheat stop you? I swear sometimes..." He was stopped by a hand on his face, much to his displeasure. Fortunately his claws rolling into Homestar's stomach made the man stop the head grabbing and pick him up to readjust him.
"Ow... Your claws hurt. Stop it." He put him down beside him. Strong Bad frowned and jumped onto Homestar's shoulder, pawing his face.
"No, man, come on... I need to know what happened next." He nudged his pad deep into the human's cheek, making him make a funny face. Homestar smiled and laughed a little, wiping his eyes before scratching Strong Bad's ears with one hand.
"Oh, man Strong Bad. Are you trying to beat me up?" He laughed lightly before sighing. "Just like old times. I sure missed you." Slowly he stood, pulling Strong Bad's paws down on either side so he looked a little like a breathing fur stole. Strong Bad just snuffed, but for the moment let himself down with his belly resting against the back of his neck. If he wasn't a cat right now he'd be both enraged and embarrassed by this.
"Are you hungry, Strong-Cat?" Homestar asked as he wandered over to the kitchen, looking into those bright green eyes. "I bet you are, cause I sure am. Running in front of speeding cars is hard..."
Running? Strong Bad remembered the car's headlights, and Marzipan mentioned something about him nearly getting ran over. He wondered if that meant Homestar saved his life. Well his temporary feline life anyways. He was placed on the kitchen counter, where he sat and watched Homestar.
The athletic man smiled before sticking his head in the fridge. "Now what can I feed a cat?" He mused out loud.
"Meat, I hope. Or pudding. I wouldn't mind some pudding right now." Strong Bad mused with him, despite already well aware the dork didn't understand a word he was saying. "But none of that tofu crap."
"Hot dog!" Homestar pulled out a container of left over tofu dogs. They were obviously oven roasted, all shriveled with little burnt ends. Strong Bad licked his lips and moved out of Homestar's way as he got out two plates. He put a single wiener on one plate and placed it in front of the cat before he proceeded to get out a bun and heat up his own meat free sausage.
Strong Bad frowned, padding at the tube of cold meatlessness before him. "Hey, man that's cheap. I'm not eating this!" He growled low again.
"Hmm?" Homestar looked down at the dog. "Oh right, you're mouth is so tiny." He put down his hot dog and pulled out a knife. He cut it into small peices and placed it in front of him again. Then Homestar thought about it again. "And maybe I should make it a little warm for you..." He nuked it for a few seconds and again placed it before the cat.
Strong Bad was about to eat when he saw Homestar pull out a ketchup bottle and put some of the bright red condiment on his dinner. With a glare he moaned at the pale idiot. "Hey, I want some of that too. Give it over."
Homestar looked over and just stared at the cat for a moment. Then he looked down to the bottle. Then back to the cat. "What's your problem now, Strong Bad? You want some of this?"
The tabby rolled his eyes. "Duh." He watched as Homestar put some on his plate, then took the knife and mixed it all around.
"Ok, I hope you'll eat it now." He smiled seeing, with only a little reluctance, Strong Bad began to eat. He finished his own dinner before pulling out a bag of marshmallows. He stopped before popping on in his mouth. "I suppose you want one of these too, huh?"
Strong Bad gave him a quick unimpressed glance before he continued his counter top dinner. Homestar just shrugged and walked off towards the living room.
After he finished eating, Strong Bad looked up again. Only Homestar's head could be seen from his vantage point. "Hey, dorkwad, get your skinny white butt over here and help me down!" He called over to him, but the tv was pretty loud. He sighed and looked down at the floor. "Ok, I'm a cat. I can do this. Look's like I'm going to have to jumped!" He took a leap for the floor. He landing with only a bit of grace, his pads slipping slightly on the tile.
"Ok, I'm going to have to practice that..." He looked back up on the counter, half tempted to jump back up and try it again. Then with a shrug he decided against it and padded over to living room.
He stopped in the walkway a moment and looked up at the tv. Homestar was watching some sports thing. He looked over to the human and grinned his cattish grin. The remote was just sitting there beside him, on the arm rest. He prepped his back legs before leaping for couch, landing beside the remote. He had to scramble a little to get his back legs all the way, but once beside the clicker he pressed down on the channel up button.
"Hey!" Homestar looked over and caught the cat red handed, with his front paw hovering over the clicker. "I was watching that, Strong Bad."
"So?" He pushed it again, until he found something he wanted to watch. Then he laid down on the remote. "I want to watch this."
"Strong Bad... Seriously..." Homestar stopped himself. If this was really Strong Bad, as he thought he was, then of course he was going to be bossy and selfish. Beside, he pondered, the guy probably hadn't watched his 'soaps' for a year. "Well alright... Just this once."
He settled back and started to watch the tv again.