Disgruntled conversation

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.


"Huh? What…what the…"

"You know WHAT, Xander Harris, don't give me those stupid sleepy blinky eyes like you don't know exactly what you were doing!"

"Uh…but Faith, I DON'T know what I was doing. You mind filling me in?"

"How the hell do you not know?"

"Did you miss the part where I was asleep and you woke me up by socking me like Joe Louis, only harder, in the shoulder? Which by the way, is numb with pain now."

"You wuss, I barely touched you at all, that didn't hurt."

"Didn't hurt YOU maybe. You're a Slayer, your idea of "touching" someone could be an unleashing of a lethal force. If you'd hit me in the head I'd be comatose now."

"Hey, you can't take over on my territory, I'm the one who goes into the comas."

"True. Now you gonna tell me what you just assaulted me for?"

"You were snoring like a damn buzz saw! I never even saw a buzz saw before, but whatever it is, that's what you sounded like!"

"…is that all?"

"What do you mean, is that all? It's more than enough, Xander, I'm trying to fucking get some sleep here!"

"Plenty of people snore, Faith, it's not intended to piss you off specifically! They can't help it!"

"Well you damn well better help it if you think you're ever gonna stay the night with me after sex again!"

"Well I might be snoring, but you're hogging the covers! Look how much you took, this little piece here doesn't even cover my whole arm, Faith."

"I need the blankets to put over my head to drown out your snoring."

"Faith, you could hear a mouse breathe from five rooms away with your Slayer hearing. You're going to hear some kind of noise even if I'm not snoring. You do know that, right?"

"Well if you didn't breathe so much it would be fine."

"…did you just ask me to stop breathing?"

"Well if you don't think you can quit cold turkey on your own, I could find a way to help you out."

"Jeez, you're grumpy when you're sleep deprived- ow! Okay, sorry, sorry…didn't you get used to people snoring in prison though?"

"Yeah, Xander, and that's exactly why I'm not gonna anymore, because I don't have to. Got it?"

"Fine…I'll try to stop. Now can I go back to sleep…uh, please?"

"Whatever. You better."

(ten minutes later)


"You're fucking doing it again!"

"Damn, that hurt, Faith!"

"Good! Maybe this time you'll learn from it so I won't have to rip out whatever thing inside you makes that fucking irritating sound then!"

"I can't help it, Faith! I was trying not to!"

"Try harder!"

"I'm sleeping, what can I do to try harder? I'm not even conscious!"

"Oh, I bet I can do something to make you change your mind about trying…"

"Ow! Okay, okay…I'll lay on my side this time, okay?"

(less than five minutes later)



"What, because they might snore?"

"No, Xander, because I might beat them to death if they snore!"

"Faith, what exactly am I supposed to do here?"


"Well what if I can't?"

"Find a way where you can or get your ass out!"

"Fine then, fine, you know what? I just won't sleep, okay? I'll just stay up all night and not sleep, so I'll be sure I don't disturb you with my Richter scale snores. How about that, does that make you happy?"


"Fine then. That's what I'll do."


"Good. I will."


(fifteen minutes later)

"Uh, Faith?"

(thirty seconds later)

"Faith? Faith…"

(one minute later)

"Faith…you're snoring."

(twenty seconds later)