OK; this is just a tester. If I get good feedback on this chapter I will write another.

Please tell me how it is because this has been running around in my mind for ages now. BTW it's set after Grave doubts but before seventh heaven.


I woke up with a massive yawn.

What a dream. It was amazing. Jesse and I became JesseandI.

We started off kissing, and then a little more, and a little more than that. And then bam! We were together.

I stretched out, arching my back, with smile in my face. Suddenly I realised something... I was slightly... bare. bare naked. My dream started to get a little more vivid.

"Sushannah" I heard a familiar voice call.

I looked over and saw Jesse standing there with his 1800 style outfit on. He was so sexy, it was overwhelming.

"Morning Jesse" I felt a slight blush creep to my cheeks in memory of my dream.

Jesse moved slightly and his shirt moved which gave me a flash f his abs. This caused a raunchy memory of last night to strike me and make my knees feel weak.

It was very detailed for a dream.

"I'm sorry Sushannah! It was my fault! All my fault!" Jesse practically wailed. Whoa. Something must've been wrong if level-headed Jesse was wailing.

I suddenly remembered my dream and that I was naked. I put two and two together.


"Jesse, did we.. errr, you know" my voice record levels of squeeky.

"Make Love? Yes" the poor guy looked so ashamed. "I'm sorry, I'I took advantage of you! My intentions really were honourable at first... but then... then I lost control. I'm so so sorry! It was a mistake"


That is so not what a girl wants to hear the morning after she loses her virginity.

"A mistake?" I whisper-yell at him. "Is that what I am to you?"

I felt a mixture of red hot anger and overwhelling embaressment. I got out of the room before I smacked him back into the middle of last centery. I grabbed my dressing gown, shoved my arms into it and stomped into the bathroom.

A mistake! He thought last night was a mistake.

I yanked my robe off and turned the shower on.

What a jerk! I thought last night, which was even better than my best dreams, was it. I thought it was Jesse showing me, finally, that he really loved me.

I guess I was wrong.

I tilted my face up towards the shower, letting the water cleanse my face.

Thank God it was a Saturday. I don't have to worry about facing Jesse. I'll just ask CeeCee if I can crash at her place tonight.

I sighed and got out of the shower. I realised I didn't have any clothes with me. Luckily I stashed an outfit in the back of my cupboard in case I ever had this problem... well not the 'I just slept with Jesse and he regrets it' problem but a normal 'I forgot to bring my clothes into the bathroom' problem.

It was a simple pair of Jeans and a singlet top.

I left the bathroom and went back to my bedroom crossing my fingers that Jesse wasn't there. Luckily the morning after fairies favoured me and Jesse was nowhere in sight. I dumped my things in my room and went down stairs.

While going down stairs I realised something. I couldn't walk propely. I bit my lip, squeezed my muscles together and continued walking down the stairs relatively normally.

When I got down there I saw Brad eating breakfast.

He grunted at me in acknowledgement.


"Why are you walking so funny?" realisation dawned on him. His eyes narrowed at me. "You're sstill sneaking that Jesse guy into your bedroom at night aren't ya Suze"

"What are you talking about?" I asked him, pretending not to know.

I grabbed an energy bar and picked up the phone before Brad could say anything. I dialed CeeCee's number.


"Hey Cee, do you want to meet over at the coffee clutch?" I asked sort of urgently.

"OK, when?"

"Ok, I'll see you soon, bye"

I hung up and hopped into the car with the keys. I began to drive to the Coffee Clutch when something ghostly appeared next to me.

"Sushannah" Jesse said making me jump. "Where are you going"

"Jeez Jesse! Way to give a girl a heart attack. Besides, why would you care where I'm going"

"Because I worry about you Sushannah. You're a dear friend of mine. My only friend."

A dear freaking friend. Is that all I was to him? Fan-fucking-tstic.

"OK BFF" I spat at him. asshole. "I'm going to go out with my friends. You know, the ones that breathe!"

Jesse flinched and disappeared.

Why did I say that? That was just low, even for me.

As much as I hated it i felt a wave of guilt wash over me. "I'm sorry Jesse" I whispered out loud. Then suddenly I felt rage. white hot rage at him for making me feel so guilty.

Surprising me, I felt myself begin to cry. I was a mess. I was crying with hurt from Jesse using me, and also because of anger I directed at myself for loving Jesse so much that I could never b truly angry at him. That I could never truly hate him down to my gut.

I hated that knowledge, but never would I hate him.