title belongs to Explosions in the Sky. first time writing Sweeney Todd and writing in second person! let me know your thoughts, please!

first breath after coma

You push him out of your mind, after a while. He's in the past, the whole sorry mess is in the past, and you don't have time to be thinking of barbers and their sweet songs when you've got a bakery to run.

Never mind that no one ever comes, no one but the rats, and you find yourself slipping into a blurry haze of apathy and lethargy. It's rather nice this way, you think sometimes, rather like you've had too much brandy and your senses are dulled and nothing really matters anymore. It must be how she feels, her mind weakened by arsenic and grief.

And you're a respectable Christian woman, so you wait for a pang of guilt to come after these thoughts, but nothing ever does. You don't feel anything anymore, and it's not so much a curse as it is a blessing, to stop caring, and to gradually forget.

But then the man comes into your bakery, which is a surprise by itself because no one ever comes, but something about this man's eyes makes your heart quicken in a way it hasn't in years. You have to fight to keep yourself from caring, when before you never had to work at it. And you tell him the story (the only story that ever matters) and if you stretch the truth a little, it's just because you don't want this man to think poorly of you, and it has nothing to do with the feeling that's in your chest, the feeling that you're coming awake after a very long sleep. You tell yourself that, and you almost believe it.

And then you find out it really is him, and there's no use pretending anymore. Your heart stops, and after an instant, it starts again, pumping new life into your body. You're back, and you'd almost rather be back in your safe haze, where pain and hurt don't exist, but it's too late now, and there's nothing to do but start living again.