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Amu's POV

I feel so lost. Everything, everything I cared about is now gone. I've never been this depressed in my whole life. Of course there were times that made me cry, but this has got to be the worst. I can't even cry anymore. The tears that had been trickling down my face had stopped. I probably looked a right mess. I knew my mascara and eyeliner had smudged. But that wasn't on my mind. Have you ever been betrayed by someone you love? If you have, you'd understand how I am feeling right now. It's been a few days since then, but I haven't forgotten at all what happened. After I ran out I didn't move from the same spot since I came there. I was still in Ikuto's garden. I wanted to move. I wanted to get away from here. But I couldn't, it was like my whole body had been paralysed. I had no idea how long I had been there. I didn't care. I don't know what I should feel anymore.

I loved him, I freaking loved him. Look what it's done. I feel shit and so worthless. My emotions overflowing. I think that if I cried and screamed it would make it better. But I couldn't even do that anymore. I couldn't get it out of me. That feeling was stuck inside, churning viciously. I was in a horrible state. I can't forget about what we had. Whatever happens, it will be hard to let him go. But I have to, I'm forced to forget about him. I can't be like this, I need to get over it. It's so hard. I wonder if he regrets anything? About what he did or being with me. I was shaking uncontrollably, it wasn't just from the cold. I had stood up slowly my hair falling to my shoulders. I won't forget, I can't forget. I don't know how too forget about us. But being there was just making it worse. I didn't want to see him again, I wouldn't be able to take it. So I walked away ever so slowly, not looking back for one second. I need to clear my mind. That's all I can do for now. My steps were so uncertain like I couldn't decide whether I should go. I knew I had too. I was so glad when I was far away from him, I felt better. Much better.

This is nearly like what happened back when Ikuto had misunderstood me. He never heard me out, I had to force him to listen. Although, I had given up by then. But it wasn't the end, not like now. That started are relationship, this ended it. Now I had to face my parents. I knew they were going to worry about me. But if I saw those looks on their faces, I'd feel more sad. When I arrived at my house I came around the side instead, so my parents wouldn't notice me come in. I climbed up the stairs taking off my shoes and smudging my make up even more. I reached my bedroom and collapsed on the floor as soon as I reached it. I curled up in a ball looking at the floor.

When we had gone on our date, Ikuto had taken the photos we had taken. But he let me keep one. That photo was sitting on my desk in a frame. I stared at it wishing for it to crash and fall. I can't have that here anymore. I stood up, picking up the photo frame, as I threw it to the floor and the glass shattered into pieces. The photo had been ripped in the impact. I took it wanting to shread it up, but I just couldn't. Staring at Ikuto's stupid smirking face as he kissed me on the cheek. I can't let go of it. I just can't. But that was the only way to forget about him. I walked out to the balcony and leaned over the side. I can do this, I won't keep holding onto it. As a firework exploded into the air, I let go of the photo as I watched it twirl and spin with the wind. This year is over.

But the new year has just begun.

I didn't want it to end. I wanted time to go back, maybe even all the way back to when I first met him. If I hadn't met him, this would never have happened. I would never be so heartbroken. Maybe, my love life would have been totally different, I would never have debuted as a singer. No, no matter what happens from now on I will not regret this past year. Even though everything had crumble, I was going to move and make this year better.

I was going to forget about Tsukiyomi Ikuto.

Celebrity Punishment

I can't believe I slept on the balcony again. How unbelievably stupid. I was freezing cold and felt so ill. I did that when I came here last time after the party. I left my dress on and all my smeared make up. The new year has already started off to a crappy start. Great, that's a lovely start. What makes it even better is that I was dreaming about him. Doesn't my mind understand that I want to clear him out of my head. I don't want to be dreaming about him. But if only the dream was true. It was what I wanted New Years Eve to be like. It was so unbelieveably perfect. Tadase had never come. I shook my head, stop thinking about it! From now on I have to forget, how many times do I have to remind myself that? I sighed as I walked back into my room. I was in my pajamas. Why was I out here anyway? Oh right, I was crying. I went into my bathroom and washed my face as I tore out of my pajamasand put on some black jeans and a red and dark pink checked shirt with a white plain top underneath. I redid my make up and brushed my hair to go back to normal. I looked at myself again. Even looking at myself in the mirror makes me more depressed. Nothing's helping me. I need to go out and have some fun. I want to get my mind off things. I sat on my bed, as right on cue, my phone started vibrating. I picked it up hoping it was Rima or Utau.

My face fell when I saw the number. I let it ring as I stared at it. Why is he trying to call me? I was definitely not going to answer. It kept on ringing as I waited for him to give up. It was along time before he hung up. I don't want to talk to him. I have nothing to say to him anymore. Well maybe I do, but it's only a bunch of swear words. I'd probably end up crying again. Oh and now it's ringing again. Just give up! I picked the phone up in my hands noticing this time it wasn't from him. Joy. I'm so freaking glad. Why am I acting sarcastic? I don't know maybe I wanted him to run after me. Maybe I wanted him to get down on his knees and beg me not to go. But he did no such a thing. Of course, he did try to persuade me. But how can I trust him again. I wouldn't know whether he was doing it for his debt or not. I was leaving the phone to ring again and it wasn't even Ikuto. It was Rima. I should be picking up right now. I need a shoulder to cry on. Or a voice to cry too, more like.

"Hello," I haven't talked for ages so my voice sounded cracked.

"Amu, oh god are you ok?" Rima's worried voice rang through my ears.

It's so good to have a best friend.

"I'm Ok," I assured her.

That was a lie, I couldn't let her worry about me. I didn't want her too.

"What happened between you and Ikuto?" she asked.

Do I have to really go through all that happened? I would break down if I did. I could put how I felt in simple words.

"We're through. Ikuto and I, we're done."

It was a silent on the other end. Rima was probably trying to think of something to make me feel better. That's what I needed the most.

"I'm so sorry, Amu. Do you wanna come out with us," she paused, "Y'know, to get it off your mind."

"Yeah, sure," I said.

This was the best way. Rima told me that her and Utau were going shopping soon. I liked the idea and thought being with them would be great. They were going to meet me in town in half an hour. I grabbed my IPOD, checking it was charged and put on my high top pink converse. I told my parents I was going out and without another word I was out of the house. They hadn't asked me about what happened last night. I was glad they hadn't. But they didn't seem to suspect anything either. I looked like I normally did, cheerful. That's how I was trying to be. It seems I do have some acting skills after all. I catched the bus just before it was about to go. I was lucky, I guess. If I was a few seconds later, I would have surely missed it. The ride to the town didn't take long and I was happy that I was more concentrating on my music than on my affairs. We stopped at my destination as I walked off of the bus where Utau and Rima were waiting for me. It seemed that Kukai was there too. They all smiled at me already warming my heart. Kukai had come as well because apparently Utau had made him. He didn't have a choice in the matter. He was there just in case Utau couldn't carry all her bags. It was strange how she treated her boyfriend. But the love was surely there. I could see it in her eyes and in his smile. There was no doubt about what they felt about each other.

"Oh my god, you have to see this dress. It's amazing!" Utau squealed bursting with excitement.

Rima rolled her eyes, "Yeah, but it's so expensive. You can't even afford that Utau."

Utau sighed going into a sulk, "I know that, you don't need to remind me."

I laughed a little as we walked into the first shop. Utau ran straight to where the dress was and she was right about it being amazing. Shame it was so much money though. If I was super rich I'd definitely buy it. It was a lovely fabric as well. Utau was now looking at the tops and Rima at the skirts. I was still staring at the dress, Kukai behind me. Great, even if I can't see his face I can still tell which expression is on it. He's worried for me. I can't ever get away from it can I? He stood beside me looking at the clothes.

"I feel like I've let you down," he sighed.

What? Kukai let me down? He did nothing wrong. So why was he saying this? The one who did let me down was Ikuto. Again, I am thinking about him. Damn, I can't get him out of my mind.

"You haven't," I reassured him.

He shook his head, "No. Didn't I say that if anything happens I'd be there for you?"

My eyes widened. Oh yeah. I'd forgetten all about that. He did say that. But it's still not his fault. I don't understand why he is so worked up about this. He doesn't need to be.

"It's fine. Please, I'm ok. I don't want anybody else feeling down about this," I insisted.

He nodded solemnly seeming to agree with me. Rima came racing over with a very flowery skirt in hand. She was smiling all over and didn't seem to notice the depressed aura surrounding Kukai and I.

"I going to go buy this, so I'll meet you two outside ok?"she asked.

We nodded as we watched her walk hastily to the till. Utau was now standing next to Kukai, she had bought something already. She smiled and gave the bag to Kukai.

"Here," she smiled sweetly.

That smile would have definitely made any person melt. But Kukai didn't seem in the mood to being her personal slave.

"It's only one bag, Utau you can carry it," he nudged the bag back to Utau as she sighed.

We walked out of the shop and waited for Rima outside as she finally came out. Then we went to a variety of different shops as the time sped by so quickly. When we came to realising what time it is, it was already late. Kukai, in the end, was now carrying a bunch of bags. Utau had bought a lot. It was quarter to 7. I waved goodbye as they all went home together. Now I'm on my own again. This day was alright. I thought it would be horrible and I'd be upset all day. But they really kept my mind off things. Although, it was always at the back of my head. It's only the first day, I can't forget about him that quickly. It will be a matter of time until he's left my mind. In the end I had bought some flower clips, a few accesories and two tops. I had that after shopping affect. That sounds silly, oh well.

I turned a corner where an alley was of either side of me. The bus wasn't too far now and I couldn't wait to get on that bus and go home. I took another step as I felt someone grab my arm and pull me towards the alleyway on the left. I mentally screamed. But not out loud, I couldn't seem to get anything out. What the freak was happening? Was I being kidnapped? Oh great, this just makes the start of my year so much better. My back hit a wall as I felt a body lean over me. I was closing my eyes the whole time so I didn't know who it was or exactly what was happening.

"Amu."

Shit, the weird kidnapper knows my name!

Wait, how does he know my name?

My eyes burst open as I looked straight into all too familiar sapphire ones. One arm was beside my head and the other on my arm stopping me from moving. Why was he here? I stared at him, if only I could fricking move!

"Let me go, Ikuto!" I demanded.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, it was Ikuto. But you've probably already guessed that. I was freaking out inside my head and getting a huge headache. This was not helping. If I wanted to forget him the objective would be to not see him ever again. But now he's here, right in front of me. I can't even move. He didn't seem like he was going to let me go anytime soon.

"Not until you listen," he demanded.

I really didn't want to listen. But I didn't have a choice. I gritted my teeth.

"You have to understand that I love you, I always have, Amu," he pleaded.

I narrowed my eyes, "So what Tadase was saying was a lie?"

He didn't say anything. Damn, this is so like him. He never said what he meant. He looked away from me, I could tell from his distant eyes that Tadase wasn't lying. So why was he begging me to understand his feelings. If this was a normal time and I had never learnt about his stupid damn secret I would have blushed when he said 'I love you'. But not this time.

"As I thought. You can't deny that you were using me? I can't trust you anymore," I tried to wretch his hand away from my arm but it still wasn't working.

Ikuto stood over me, clenching his fists. Then he looked at me. I was breaking down right then and there. I had never seen him look at me like that before. I was so stunned and hypnotised by those eyes. I couldn't look away and as I delved deeper into them I realised how close our faces were to each other. I stopped as his arms wrapped around me. I stayed there, my arms were shaking now as they clinged onto him. I can't do it. I can't forget him. I just can't. No matter how hard I try. It's impossible.

"At the start, I admit I was using you. But I began to realise how amazing and beautiful you are. I fell in love with you Amu, it's not a lie. I regret ever thinking that you'd be my ticket to getting out of Easter and finding my parents. So, I'm sorry. I'm so freaking sorry. I don't want to let you go, Amu," he held onto me tighter, true to his words.

I pushed him away, my confidence disappearing. Here we go again. God freaking damn it. I don't know what to do! Shit, nothing makes sense any more. I want to trust his words, I want to be with him forever. But I just don't know. I don't want my heart broken like that ever again. I want to be able to trust him and believe what he said. But there's something stopping me.

"I'm sorry too, but I can't trust you any more,"

I turned around ready to walk away from him forever. But he didn't seem to want that happen. He grabbed my hand spinning me back around.

"Listen to me!" he was close to shouting, "That day I sang a song to with Easter. I've wrote another one. This one is about you."

Oh god now he was going to sing? He really didn't get it. I didn't stop him though. I guess I was interested to hear what he was going to sing. He's written so many, some were about me, but this one was a little difference. He was pleading with me in this song.

Contagious by Boys Like Girls

I'm flying down the fast lane,
Doing ninety-five, ninety things on my brain.
Don't know where the hell I'm going,
But, I'm going after you.

I'm jumping on the last train,
With the crazy kind of feeling that I can't explain.
Don't know where the hell I'm going,
But, I'm going after you.

And I know you think I'm crazy,
And I dress up like I'm poor,
I don't do dinner and movies,
But, if I showed up at your door.

Would you give me one more minute,
The story's far from finished,
We could fill in all the pages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

Just wanna say I miss you,
I caught it when I kissed you,
And I've been through all the stages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

It was raining on a Wednesday,
Doing ninety-five, ninety things left to say.
Told myself to keep on driving,
'Cause I left my heart with you.

I never thought that I could walk away,
Every second I'm regrettin' that I didn't stay.
How could I just keep on driving,
When I left my heart with you.

You think all my friends are crazy,
And I know you hate my car.
But, while I don't drive a Mercedes,
Would it be that hard?

To just give me one more minute,
The story's far from finished,
We could fill in all the pages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

Just wanna say I miss you,
I caught it when I kissed you,
And I've been through all the stages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

How can I get a second chance?
I don't want you slippin' out my hands,
Maybe the words will come out right,
They sound alright.

S-S-S-So Contagious!

Just hear me out before I go,
Things that I wanted you to know.
Just let me in tonight,
And I won't let you go.

S-S-S-So Contagious!

Would you give me one more minute,
The story's far from finished,
We could fill in all the pages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

Just wanna say I miss you,
I caught it when I kissed you,
And I've been through all the stages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

Would you give me one more minute,
The story's far from finished,
We could fill in all the pages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

Just wanna say I miss you,
I caught it when I kissed you,
And I've been through all the stages.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.
I'm feeling sick,
Girl, you're so contagious.

I couldn't say anything after that. I was kind of stunned with my mouth gaping open. I've never ever sing that good. He made my heart flutter. I was even more confused now. He was trying to persuade me to trust him. That song was so close to making me fall in love with him even more. He grinned at me waiting for my reaction. I'm such an idiot. I thought that forgetting him would be the best way. I thought I would be better off without him. But that was a lie. I can't help it. I go insane everytime he looks at me. I love him, that's one thing I know for sure. I punched him slightly.

"You're the one who's contagious. You're so annoyingly addictive. I can't let go of you," I rested my head against his chest.

He smirked, the smirk I've been dying to see. He stroked my hair playfully.

"For always, forever," he muttered.

I looked up at him as he leaned down and kissed me. It was like our first kiss all over again. My shattered heart that had been broke was fixed again. I believed in what he said and knew that his words were right. We were going to be together.

For always, forever.

End Of Chapter

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